Love Notes

Chapter 35-Charlie



Where I used to look forward to going to school, it now takes everything in me, just to get out of bed and make myself look presentable. I try to put on a smile for Tori, just to save face. She's not stupid and I don't doubt for a second that she's knows, but she never pushes me. It's one of the reasons I love her.

So here I go again, it’s almost like reliving the same day over and over, kind of like the movie Ground Hog Day. Same shit, every day. Same people whispering, ugh.

As I am pulling into the parking lot, I look over and see a section of the parking lot completely bogged down with people. It’s like a huge swarm of bees. I’m not sure what’s going on, but I do see Tori leaning up against her car waiting for me. As soon as I catch her eye I smile and give her a crazy look right before I pull in beside her. I’m not getting any reaction out of her. Hmm, very strange. I wonder who pissed in her corn flakes this morning. I thought I was the one with the 'tude.

I hop out and slam the door shut. Trying to put her in a better mood, I walk over to her and feel the need to throw my arm around her shoulders and say in a baby voice, “What’s wrong someone wake up on the wrong side of the bed?” She’s probably thinking I’m loco, considering my behavior of late. She looks like she needs a little TLC, Lord knows she's been giving it to me lately, so it's the least I can do in return. She’s just staring at me with this look of concern all over her face. “What is it Tori, you’re kinda scaring me?” That's when it hits me. Like a slap in the face. The swarm, the bees. He’s here. My heart is beating like a freight train and I swear she can hear it. “Yep,” she says, “He’s here.”

All Tori can do is nod. As if sensing her conformation, all of a sudden it's like the parting of the red sea and everyone in the swarm spreads apart. One end goes one way, the other end goes the other. And there, in the middle, I see Maverick leaning against a car with a pair of crutches and one of the “bitches” on either side of him. He turns and looks at me and our eyes catch. We stare at each other, but only for a moment before he looks away. He’s not moving, he’s just standing there.

I can't help but think, “He looked away…” The ‘bitches’ are smirking and completely enjoying the show. Well I won’t give them what they want. I can’t stand here. I need to go. I see Will in the group surrounding Maverick and he turns and looks at us. I see Will start walking toward us. I feel the urge to throw up, but I sure as hell can’t do that. I would never hear the end of it if I did. I hold it down and keep my head up. I will not let them see a reaction out of me. Tori links her arms through mine just as Will reaches us and helps me walk away.

I don’t even remember the walk to the bathroom. I just know we get there and then Tori is asking if I’m okay, before I go in. Next thing I know I’m staring at my reflection in the mirror. Of course, crazy stupid thoughts are running through my mind. I’m ugly and fat and why would he want to be with me when he could be with either Ashley or Miranda? I am nothing, that's what my dad says and goodness knows my mom must believe it. She’s never spoken up, so she must. I’m completely putting myself down, when I feel a hand on my shoulder. I didn’t even hear Tori come in. I’m too consumed in my own pity and trying desperately not to cry.

“You had better quit the shit that I know you're doing right now.” Tori says.

I attempt the stupid look as if to ask what's she's talking about, but she knows me all too well. “Don’t play stupid with me. I can see that pity party just playing in your head. You wear your expressions very well. First off, you know damn well that Maverick is just having his own issues he needs to deal with and it has nothing to do with you, even though he’s too proud and stupid to fix it right now. He thinks pushing you away will be better for you. We all know that’s not true, he just needs to work that out. The only thing I can gather, is that he sees himself as less than perfect for himself and for you. I have an idea that he is well aware of what he’s done, but that he just doesn't know how to fix it.”

I can’t help but turn to her and give her a “You're crazy look.”

“You are out of your mind Tori.” As I am saying this, she’s shaking her head. Nope I know this to be true and I’m the smart one, remember.”

With a small chuckle I say, “Yep, you're crazy I knew it Tori.”

“Hey, I know there are things going on that you don't want to talk about. I see it every day. You’ve lost weight, you rarely laugh and you try to act normal. She uses her two fingers to do bunny ears. I can't take offense, because she's right. I know it and she knows it. I’ve tried to hide it. Even the first time we met, she knew I was desperate for a friend. I don't want her to think I am ungrateful and don't appreciate her, because I do. I’m just not prepared to share some parts of my life. Not yet.

“Thanks Tori for being here and being you. I will be out in a few. I just need a little time to collect myself before I face that,” as I swing my arm to the door indicating the outside world.

“You got it babe and I will stand guard by the door for you, while you do.”

She walks out the door and once again I’m by myself with my thoughts running rampant through my head. For whatever reason, the memory of him asking me out on our first date, not the time he came for dinner, but our first official date, comes to mind.

It was the following Monday at school after meeting his parents. He leaned into me and had asked me to go out with him on a “real” date for the next Saturday. All I could do was nod my head yes. I also remember very clearly him saying, “Also Charlie ,on Friday night, I want you cheering me on. I need to see “my” girl in the stands watching me play. Do you mind doing this for me?” I remember wanting to tease him, because he had looked so earnest and hell bent on wanting me there. It made me happy and feel special.

“Well Mav, we are going to have a problem with that. You see, I really hate football and I don’t think I could handle watching a whole game.” I thought his mouth was going to hit the ground. “What?” I couldn’t even continue the charade, the look on his face was completely priceless. I couldn’t keep myself from laughing. Next thing I knew, I was being swung around with strong arms wrapped around me. I was laughing so hard and he was calling me a big booger. I kept thinking, of all the things to call me, he calls me a big booger and that made me laugh even harder.

He finally put me down and we were both breathless from laughing so hard. I felt dizzy from being swung around and I remember having to grab back onto his shoulders for support. The laughing ceased immediately, then it was suddenly serious. Lord, I loved being in his arms. Safest place in the whole wide world.

Have you ever felt the need to convey all of your feelings and wants into a single kiss? I whispered, “Yes Mav, I will be there at every single game, even the away ones.” He just smiled at me. I didn’t do what he thought I was going to do. Instead I whispered, “Come here.” He completely misread my intentions. He moved his lips down, but it wasn’t his lips I wanted. Oh, well actually I did want his lips, but not just yet. I was going to drag this out for just a little bit longer. I kissed his forehead and then his temples. I kissed every place on his face all except his lips. I got close, but never full on the lips. I gave every place on his face my full attention. Maverick quietly said to me, “You missed a spot Charlie.”

“I’m pretty sure I didn’t,” I replied.

“No Charlie, you did and I’m not waiting anymore for you to give it the attention that it so desperately deserves.” He wagged his eyebrows at me and I couldn’t help it, I giggled and while I was giggling like a moron he attacked my mouth. Well that shut me up real quickly. Before I knew it, I was giving his lips the much needed attention, he said they needed. Kissing Maverick is like being home. I knew he was “it” for me and this is where I always wanted to be.

I shake my head to clear the memory away and take a deep breath. I walk out of the bathroom knowing History class is going to be here before I know it. I need to get over this and deal and know that I can’t hide in a bathroom forever.