Trying Not To Love You

Trying Not To Love You - By Megan Smith

"Mom, I'm home!" I called out when I opened the front door.

"Hi, baby girl. How was school?" I walked over to my mom and gave her a hug. We shuffled off to the kitchen as we did every day when I got home to make me a snack.

When we walked into the kitchen, my older brothers Mason and Cooper, who are twins and Jackson were sitting at the table doing homework with the most handsome boy I had ever seen.

"Kenzie, close your mouth." Jackson said, laughing.

I was standing there staring at him; I couldn't pry my eyes off of him. "Shut up!" I said to Jackson just as the boy looked up to see me staring at him. He smiled at me.

I quickly looked over to Mom. She had a giant smile on her face. "What would you like to eat?"

"I'm not hungry." No way could I eat in front of him. He was causing butterflies in my belly. "Is it okay if Hailey comes over?"

I heard Mason groan and mumble, "Not again."

"Of course she can," Mom said while pouring sweet tea into glasses.

I reached for the cordless phone on the kitchen island, called Hailey and asked her to come over.

She walked into the kitchen like she owned the place but stopped dead in her tracks when she noticed who was sitting at the table. I giggled and ran off to my room with Hailey close on my heels. Once she shut my bedroom door, she turned around and asked, "Umm Kenzie, who is that at the table?"

"I have no idea; he is cute though, isn't he?"

"You can say that again. We need to go ask your mom." Hailey was always brave like that. She does not hold back.

"No way." I said bashfully and sat down on the chair in front of my vanity.

"He must have just moved here." Hailey picked up a brush from my vanity to brush my hair. "I've never seen him around school."

Someone knocked on my door. "Come in."

"I thought I heard you girls up here. Here is your drink sweetie. Hello Hailey, would you like something to drink?"

"No thanks, Mrs. C. Who is that downstairs, sitting next to Mason?" Leave it to Hailey to come right out and ask.

Mom looked over at me and smiled, "That's Hunter. He just moved here with his mom and sister Jaylinn."

"How old is he?" Hailey asked while braiding my hair.

"Oh, he's thirteen, the same age as the twins."

Even at thirteen, Hunter had all the girls crazy over him at school. His dark brown hair was almost black. His bright blue eyes and the cute little dimple on his right cheek when he smiled had all the girls swooning.

From that day on, I felt drawn to Hunter, and I had a feeling I always would be.



Our families took summer vacations together ever since Hunter's family moved here. We were camping this year in Virginia Beach. There was a hurricane passing off the coast, so that meant we needed to stay inside the tents or RV because of all the rain and wind. The parents all hung out in the RV. The boys' tent was bigger than the girls' tent, so that is where the parents set us up with a bunch of different games. No one wanted to play those silly kids games. Jaylinn and Hailey voted for us to play truth or dare. Hailey chose me to go first, of course.

"Truth or Dare?" Hailey asked me.

I looked at her and smiled, knowing that trouble would find me with either answer. It did not matter which one I picked, Hunter would be involved. Hailey was the only person that knew I had a crush on Hunter. Jaylinn might have figured it out, but I had never flat out told her I liked her brother.

"Dare."

Smirking at me, she said, "Go outside with Hunter and kiss him in the rain."

All three of my brothers growled in unison. Hunter looked at me with wide eyes while both Hailey and Jaylinn started laughing and giving each other high-fives. I did not expect that from her, especially since my brothers were within striking distance.

"No way. Not happening." Mason said.

Hailey, who was still laughing, looked at Mason and said, "A dare is a dare."

Hunter reached out for my hand and helped me off the air mattress. Jaylinn open the tent flap for us so we could get out.

The rain was starting to slow down to just a drizzle. Hunter and I walked out, hands held together, and turned to face each other.

"Ready?" He asked. When I nodded my head, he said, "On the count of three. One." He took a step closer. "Two." I took the last step, our bodies just barely touching. "Three."

Our lips connected, and it felt as if someone shocked me and stole my breath. It was sweet and intoxicating, and I did not want it to end. I felt like my brothers had barely let our lips touch before they started making a giant fuss about it.

"Alright man, that's enough." Jackson said.

"Dude, that's my sister. Don't ever let me see your lips on her again." Mason said.

"Yeah or we're gonna have problems." Cooper said.

I would remember that kiss always, my first kiss. It might not have meant anything to Hunter, but it meant the world to me.



My teenage hormones were in overdrive and Hunter was a massive problem, screwing with them. Only problem was, I was not on his radar, or at least I did not think I was. Hunter was going out with girls from our school, and I hated every second of it. I wanted to be the girl that he made out with at the movies. I wanted to be the girl that he took to prom this year. I wanted to be Hunter's girlfriend.

"You ready to go?" Hailey walked into my room without even knocking, disturbing me from my pity party.

"Yeah, just have to do my makeup." I grabbed the bag of make-up off my vanity that Mom and I had just bought yesterday.

"You are not wearing makeup Kenzie. You don't need that shit." Cooper said as he stood in the doorway of my room.

"Get out." I stalked over to the door and tried to shut it, but he blocked it with his foot.

"Dude, what are you doing?" I had heard Hunter's voice before I had even seen him.

I opened the door and crossed my arms. "I'm trying to shut my door, but jackass here won't move."

Cooper glared at me. "Give me the makeup Kenz and I'll leave."

"No." I yelled. "Get out."

"What the hell is all the yelling about?" Mason asked, standing behind Cooper and Hunter.

"She thinks she's going out with Hailey dressed like that, and wearing that shit on her face." Cooper answered Mason's question.

I threw my hands up in the air, walked over to my closet and grabbed my sandals. I didn't dressed any differently than I was any other day. I had on a tight fitting tank top and skinny jeans, my normal every day clothes.

Hunter put his hand on Cooper's shoulder, "Just leave her alone. Come on. Let's go down to the baseball field." Hunter was once again on my side, trying to deflect the problem.

"Nah, not until she gives me that shit."

"Oh my God, would you guys knock it off? We're only going to the movies. What's the freaking deal?" Hailey asked them.

Mason eyed Hailey, then me and said, "Fine, but we are going with you." Then he walked away and Cooper followed him.

Hunter looked at the bag of makeup and then eyed me. "You don't need that shit. You're beautiful just the way you are."

My breath caught; I didn't know what to say, so I didn't say anything. Hunter tipped his head and followed Cooper and Mason. He had never called me that before. I didn't think I was beautiful, average, sure. I was shorter than most of the kids in my school, and even at fifteen, I was curvier than most of the girls. I had long, dark chocolate hair that cascaded down my back, eyes the color of the blue sky and pale skin dotted with freckles due to my Irish blood.

"Not on his radar, my ass." Hailey said, laughing at me. I am sure I was bright red.



At the end of that summer, Hunter was leaving for Old Dominion University in Norfolk, Virginia. The day Hunter left was awful; all I did was cry all day long. Hunter stopped over and said goodbye to me before he left, which only made me cry more. I was going to miss seeing him every day, and secretly, I think he was going to miss me too.



When Hunter came back from school that year, I realized how smitten of him I had become. The day he came home for summer break, I was standing in the kitchen at my parents shore house, making a sandwich. Hunter walked through the door, and I nearly cut my fingers off when I caught sight of him. He was...so sexy. He seemed to have grown taller, and obviously, he worked out more. His shirt stretched tight across his broad shoulders, his sleeves pulled tight around his biceps. His hair was slightly longer than normal, and it had that sexy just rolled out of bed look.

He walked in and reached over my head, grabbing a glass out of the cabinet. I glanced over just as his shirt rode up slightly, revealing some kind of script tattoo. There was a star on his right elbow and skulls with flames covered his left arm.

After he grabbed the glass and filled it with water from the fridge, he came over and kissed the side of my head. "Hey CC."

"Those tats look good on you." I said, trying to keep my voice mild and even.

He grabbed a few chips from the bag I had left open on the counter. "I have more." He put the chips in his mouth then pulled his shirt over his head and tossed it on the counter. I almost fainted. His tan, muscular abs begged me to reach out and touch them. On his left side, starting under his arm, down his ribs and ending on his hip, in script read Live Today As If You'll Die Tomorrow. On his lower stomach, stretching from hip to hip, in the same script read No Regrets. I lifted my eyebrows and smirked at him; he smiled, shrugged his shoulders and turned around to show me a Celtic cross that took up most of his back.

"A friend of mine is working as an apprentice at a tattoo shop down by my house at school." Hunter explained.

"I like them." I padded over and grabbed my towel that was on the back of the kitchen chair. "I'll talk to you later; I'm going down to the beach." It was getting hot in here; I needed to stay away from him before I started pawing him.

Later that night, everyone was getting ready to go out to eat, but I did not want to go. I wanted to spend some alone time with Hunter. After talking to Hailey for a while, I decided I was finally going to tell him how I felt; I had to see if he had any feelings for me. I could not keep torturing myself like this.

I told my mom that I was going to stay home because I had an upset stomach. Hunter, always so quick to look out for me, told her he would stay home and would make sure I was okay. He did exactly as I thought he would do.

After everyone had left, I went upstairs into my room. I was lying on my bed when Hunter walked in, carrying a glass of ginger ale and some crackers.

"You should try to eat and drink this." He walked around my bed and put the stuff on the nightstand next to my bed.

"There's nothing wrong with me. I just didn't feel like going." I patted the bed next to me for him to come and sit. He didn't come over at first. He just stared at me, contemplating what he should do.

"It's probably not a good idea that I'm in here with you." Hunter said this as he sat down.

"Probably not, but no one is here." I sat up so my body was facing him, my knee touching his hip. He had a peevish look on his face. I reached over and slightly pushed his shoulder back to angle his body towards mine. I drifted closer to him, like a moth drawn to light and planted my lips on his.

When our lips melted together, I swear fireworks were going off somewhere in the distance. Hunter reached up with his left hand, and put it behind my neck, bringing me a little closer to him. He moved his right hand to my hip and started to lay me back on the bed. He hovered over the top half of my body. Then suddenly, it was as if someone pulled him off me. He was up pacing the room and raking his hand threw his hair.

Shocked by the sudden change, I asked, "What's the matter?"

He stopped pacing and had a sorrowful look on his face. He started pacing again, and then he finally said, "That shouldn't have happened."

"Hunter, you've known I've had feelings for you all these years. Why is it such a big deal?"

"You're brothers would freak the f*ck out. Don't you remember how they acted the last time we kissed?" He made it sound as if that should answer all my questions.

I got up off the bed, straightened my shirt and walked in front of him, causing him to look at me. "Well, they'll just have to get over it." I took a deep breath--here goes nothing. "I want you Hunter."

His eyes went wide, "What! F*ck!" He was shaking his head back and forth. "No, this isn't happening. You can't. You f*cking can't. You deserve someone better than me."

Well this was not going exactly as I had planned.

"I have to go." He announced and then, he was gone. When he walked away from me that day, a piece of my heart went with him. At least now, I had my answer even if it crushed me.



After that night in my room, Hunter acted as if it never happened. He was back to flirting with me but made sure we were never alone together. I was still hurt with the way things went down, but I guess I had to take what I could get from him.

When Hailey, Jaylinn and I went back to school that year, I started dating Dominic, whom I have known since kindergarten. Dominic was the exact opposite of Hunter; he was exactly what I needed, a distraction. He was shorter than Hunter, with a thin frame, shaggy blonde hair and honey brown eyes. He was always sweet, caring, and lovable, everything I wanted in a boyfriend. Dominic was the quarterback on our football team at school. All the girls wanted him, but he only had eyes for me.

When my brothers and Hunter came home for Thanksgiving weekend, they met Dominic since I had invited him for dinner. Dominic stood up to my brothers when they threatened him about dating me. Dominic never backed down from their threats though, as most guys would have.

Hunter hated Dominic. Anytime he saw us together, he would glare at Dominic and leave the room. When Dominic was not around, Hunter would flirt like crazy with me. I loved those times, but all Hunter would give me was just flirting. That is why I chose to stay with Dominic.