Only Love (The Atonement Series)

CHAPTER Thirteen





Drake didn’t approach me about what happened at the time of my conversation with Caitlyn and to be honest, a part of me actually rejoiced.

The next few weeks were pure bliss between the two of us and I while the tension between Colin and I was almost more than I could bear to handle.

It turned out he had started an affair with another woman and for those few weeks, I was oblivious to who this mystery woman might be. I was in that hormonal bliss that happened right before a relationship was consummated.

I was back to normal after my miscarriage and Drake was nothing but a gentleman. We often met at Rouge and had dinner there on his nights off or when he was working, we would spend his lunch break together. He would sip on a San Pellegrino or a Perrier while I nursed a glass of wine or one of the many imported champagnes the restaurant featured.

While I didn’t realize Colin’s choice of women was too close for comfort, I was still reeling from my first meeting with Drake’s ex that had taken place approximately a month after I returned to work. I had just ended my shift at Ground Beans and as usual, I drove over to Rouge and had my vehicle valet parked before I walked in and took a seat at the bar.

Drake joined me several minutes later and kissed my cheek before he wrapped his arms around me. “You look gorgeous as always. Busy day at work?”

I smiled as the bartender, Brice, poured me a new pink Dom Perignon champagne they’d just received and I took it with flourish before I slid over a fifty dollar bill.

“Always but it’s refreshing and easy work. How about you? What have you been up to?”

He gave me a shy smile while those gorgeous aquamarine eyes of his twinkled dangerously. “Actually, I have been a good boy and on my best behavior. The lady boss has arrived and she will frown on the two of us being seen together.”

Drake barely had the words out of his mouth before an incredibly tacky and obviously newly rich woman stalked over in a tacky leather, gold and turquoise Versace suit. The skirt barely skimmed her ass and her gold Tribute sandals clashed with all the gold jewelry she wore from a choker to gold bangles and gold rings which decorated several fingers on each hand.

Her hair was dyed white blonde and it was obvious she had a head full of extensions because her hair reached mid-back in thick, luxurious waves while there were several well-hidden, much shorter pieces of hair blended perfectly. She had a perfectly golden tan and it only emphasized her ice blue eyes, sharp Slavic cheekbones and collagen enhanced, scarlet-stained lips.

“Mr. O’Connell, shouldn’t you be working?” she inquired with an heir of authority while talon-length, French manicured nails clicked on the marble counter of the bar.

“Actually, I am on my lunch break, Ms. Shevchenko,” he responded in a business-like tone and continued to sip from his Perrier.

“And who is this person you are seated next to? I’ve seen you in here quite often. I am surprised we haven’t received a lawsuit from you due to your unfortunate incident five weeks ago,” she said though her eyes stayed pinned to Drake.

I waited for her to make eye contact and held her gaze. “I have no intention of suing the restaurant. It’s nice to make your acquaintance. You must be Mikayla Shevchenko. My name is Deirdre Bardot.”

Mikayla seemed taken aback by my forwardness but she quickly gathered her composure. “Mr. O’Connell is one of the best chefs alive and we are thrilled to have him here at Rouge. It’s hard because during your lunch break, clients complain and they won’t order until you return to the kitchen. You are costing us business.”

I raised a perfectly manicured eyebrow before I stared at Drake again. “I guess I better let you get back to work then. I wouldn’t want you to get into any more trouble than it seems like you already are in. You better run back to the kitchen before you really get into hot water, so to speak.”

He smiled though it did not reach his pale greenish blue eyes and quickly kissed me on the lips. “I’ll see you when I get off in a couple of hours.”

“Do you want me to wait or meet you back at your place?”

“Meet me back at my place.” He caressed the side of my face with a gentle left hand before he stood and walked back into the kitchen without acknowledging his business partner.

Mikayla took his spot and ordered a dirty Martini with Belvedere vodka. She glared my way again though she continued to do nothing other than click her fake fingernails on the counter.

Brice delivered the drink and said nothing before he waltzed off to get started on other patron’s drink orders.

“So, you’re the one who has been keeping our Drake occupied and the reason why he is no longer dedicated to the job?” she inquired in a dry California accent.

“I wouldn’t say that,” I responded before I sipped from my champagne. “Drake is very much dedicated to his job and my presence wouldn’t lessen that. I suppose before I came into the picture his life wasn’t as varied as it is now—”

“That has got to be the understatement of the year,” she interrupted rudely. “I had a chef dedicated to his job and now that you have gone and gotten him all p-ssy-whipped, he can’t concentrate worth a damn.”

I wanted to mention to her that Drake and I had yet to make love but seriously, who was it going to help? Perhaps he had allowed her to draw her own conclusions and hadn’t contradicted her either.

Mikayla pursed scarlet-covered lips. “Well, is it or isn’t it true, Ms. Bardot? I’m dying to know whether or not it is fair your reputation precedes you.”

“I honestly don’t think it’s any of your business so I refuse to answer any questions about my relationship with Drake,” I replied as I turned to stare at her with a look so frosty, she almost choked on her dirty martini.

“Don’t be too sure. You’re assuming a lot in this situation and one of those assumptions is that you are the only woman lusting after Drake. He’s been popular with the ladies for quite a while and has left his share of heartbroken females in his wake, myself included. I would give anything just to have another chance with him but that’s not the kind of person he is. Once he’s made up his mind, he doesn’t go back.”

I physically turned my body towards hers, “What does this have to do with me?”

“I’m just saying…he’s not the type of guy who believes in second chances. He’s stubborn as hell and lives life by his own rules. If you care about him then you wouldn’t dare do anything to put what you two have at risk,” she explained in a quiet voice.

I finished the rest of my champagne before I stood and grabbed my simple and black Birkin leather handbag. “Thanks for the advice but I have been over twenty-one for quite a while and I can take care of myself.”

I didn’t wait for her to reply before I walked out of the restaurant and directly to the valet where I handed him the slip to my car so he could bring it around.

At least I knew where I stood and I was convinced now more than ever that if I didn’t make a move, and soon, with Drake that he might be lost to me forever.





Although we had agreed to meet back at his condo after he got off work, I had a few hours to kill and it was about time Colin and I sat down for a real talk. To me, whatever we had between us was over and there would be no happy ending. I hated the thought he might believe I was leading him on and keeping him around just in case the situation between Drake and I didn’t work out.

This was not the case at all. Whether we got together or not, I wouldn’t be going back either and as far as I was concerned, the love I possessed for Colin was nothing more than platonic. This wasn’t me slowly convincing myself of the inevitable but something that had occurred organically. Our relationship simply was not meant to be and I could accept that but would he?

I pulled up to the house he’d purchased in La Jolla which was a modern, art-deco nightmare with an ocean view. He wasted so much money and if his high-rise condo in Seattle was an “investment” then the house in La Jolla was also one because it had cost him a little over one million dollars.

Secretly, I had hoped he would have grown tired of California by then and high-tailed it back to Seattle but it seemed the temperate weather and hot women suited him. Colin had become a bad rash I couldn’t get rid of unfortunately and there was nothing I could do about it.

A lyric from Rihanna’s “Stupid in Love” suddenly appeared in my mind as I pushed the doorbell. I couldn’t do it. I refused to be another hopeless case where all I did was break up to make up with a certain person and our life was nothing but never-ending drama. It wasn’t even part of my DNA and I refused to make it a situation in my life now.

The double doors flew open and I faced Cassie. This wouldn’t normally be an issue because who she shared her love life with was none of my business. However, the co-owner of my business and a law suit I could ill-afford flashed through my thoughts and I had to wonder if Colin had lost his mind.

“Deirdre—sorry, I mean Ms. Bardot!” She crossed her arms against her breasts in a defensive stance. “What are you doing here?”

“I could ask you the same question especially since you are an employee of Ground Beans,” I replied without a trace of humor in my voice.

“Uh…I uh…had to talk to Colin about something job related and he invited me over but nothing has happened. Our relationship is strictly professional,” she answered a bit too quickly.

She was as terrible of a liar as her age naturally reflected.

A f*cking college student, Colin? How original…but then again you’re a man so when are your kind ever different?

“Of course,” I said in a cold tone. “Can you please fetch Colin for me, dear?”

“Won’t you please come in?”

“No, thank you. I would rather wait out here.”

I paced back and forth as she closed the door and waited impatiently for Colin. Moments later, he appeared in a pair of ripped blue jeans and a white wife-beater. He looked like the same man I’d fallen in love with so easily not knowing the whole story. If I had known what he’d done to my family, I was sure it never would have happened but life was nothing if not full of surprises.

“Won’t you come in? We are both adults, Deirdre.”

His right hand reached out for my left arm and I stepped back. “Don’t you dare touch me when you have been f*cking that little skank! Business my ass—what does she think? I wasn’t born yesterday, Colin. I know what is going on between the two of you and don’t you dare deny it.”

“I wouldn’t do that anyway because why should I be embarrassed? You’ve been sleeping with Drake and I haven’t said anything. You can have as much freedom as you need. Just know that eventually we will end up back together. Cassie is nothing but a really bad substitute until you come to your senses and realize we need one another.”

I glared into his crystal blue eyes. “That’s what I came over about. I don’t think that is going to happen any time soon.”

“What are you talking about?” he inquired in a playful manner.

The tears came and before I knew it I was balling like a baby. I found a package of Kleenex in my bag and began wipe them. “Listen, there is no you and me and there never will be again. I think if you plan to stay here then you should try to find a woman who makes you happy and not just ‘filler’ or a substitute until we get back together. The truth of the matter is I don’t see that happening now or any time in the near future.”

Colin slipped an arm around my shoulders and I didn’t shrug away from his touch this time. “Listen, I understand Drake is a lot better than someone like Cassie. He’s an adult and he can handle himself. He is intellectual and incredibly seductive and intelligent. But he can’t possibly love you when he is still in love with another. He’s never gotten over Gisele, his French lover. Why do you think he never talks about her? You may think you are better than that but at the end of the day, he only views you as ‘filler’ until he can get the one person he truly wants.”

I shook my head sadly and felt sorry for him because it was obvious he’d gone off the deep end and was living in Cloud Cuckoo land. “You don’t know anything about him.”

“I know he took you to Baja California to pick up drugs for the Shevchenko family.” Colin’s face changed from arrogant to crestfallen. “Oh, you had no idea? Did you think it was just a romantic trip? Unfortunately for you, he owes them big time and therefore even if he doesn’t end up with the French woman he wants, he’ll probably end up with Mikayla just to stop all the favors they keep calling him in to do.”

My heart pounded in my chest and I didn’t want to believe a word he said but I had to know how he would have known about our trip to Ensenada. “How do you know he’s doing favors for the Shevchenko family?”

“I have my ways of finding out. What makes you think I would play fair when it comes to the woman I love? I don’t want you to end up in his arms so I am willing to pay for information. Especially on the player you happen to be sleeping with—

“We have yet to consummate our relationship.” I bit my lower lip. “All this could be the truth but I’m not willing to risk a future with him over rumors that may or may not be true. I will ask him myself. If he did take me there and he was picking up a package then I am sure he has a valid reason for not telling me.”

“And what would that be, huh, Deirdre? If you were stopped by the U.S. Border Patrol or an agent working for Homeland Security, he was carrying enough cocaine and heroin to bury you both under the jail cells. What would have been your excuse? I’m afraid the ‘Babe in the Woods’ routine wouldn’t have worked very well with Drug Enforcement Agents but then again, what do I know?”

I stared at the ground before I began to back away from him. “I don’t know what’s true and what isn’t, Colin. All I know is that you can’t keep trying to sabotage every romantic relationship that doesn’t consist of you and I. We are no longer a couple and the sooner you realize that, the better off you will be in the long run.”

“You can’t mean that, Deirdre. We were supposed to get married. We were expecting a baby together—”

“A baby that belonged to Liam, not you, so don’t you dare play the sympathy card yet again.”

Colin grabbed me by the shoulders and shook me “Yes, I know but that doesn’t change anything. The child would have belonged to you and I because we were going to raise him together.”

“Yeah but from where I am standing whatever existed between you and me is never going to happen again.” I looked towards his front door. “Have a nice life with Cassie. And by the way, tell her she’s fired. It’s a conflict of interest—your romantic relationship with her—pure and simple. She can be your lover all she wants but she cannot work for Ground Beans and f*ck you at the same time so good luck to her future employment but it won’t be with my company.”

“Don’t you mean our company?”

“What ever. It’s not okay and you of all people ought to know that. I don’t want to see her at work again.”

“Don’t you walk away from me!” Colin yelled in anger.

“Goodbye, and have a nice evening. Drake is waiting for me.”

I turned my back on him and walked toward my vehicle. I’d said my piece and I was ready to move on with my life.