If You Only Knew

If You Only Knew By Dixie Lee Brown


A TRUST NO ONE NOVEL



Prologue



* * *





Kalispell, Montana

6 Weeks Ago


“YOU’RE A THOUSAND miles away. You okay?”

Rayna turned when she felt his hand on her arm and looked into Ty’s sparkling green eyes. His obvious good humor made her smile in spite of the sadness that weighed her down, but she sensed immediately that he’d said something she’d missed.

She studied his familiar face. It was strong, yet folded naturally into a smile more often than not. His slightly crooked nose, high cheekbones, and perpetually stubbled cheeks, together with his tall, muscled build gave him the appearance of a tough guy—a bad boy. Technically he was, but not to her.

His grin faded and concern took its place. “Hey, what is it?” He swept her hair behind her ear and cradled her chin in his fingers.

Rayna breathed deeply and stepped back enough to pull free of his touch before she met his gaze again. “I need to talk to you.”

“I’m listening.”

She glanced around. “Not here.”

She’d just finished a workout in the bunker that served as their gym on the compound where Joe Reynolds’s band of mercenaries lived and trained. She and Ty were both members of the team, and as such, each took their training quite seriously as was fitting for measures that might possibly save one’s life. If only they’d stuck to their training and not let things get personal.

Ty took a quick look over his shoulder, as well, and then caught her arm and pulled her around the side of the gym where a group of trees provided shade and created an atmosphere of privacy.

“How’s this?” His crooked grin alerted her to his mischief just before his hands circled her waist and he pushed her against the building.

Soft, warm lips met hers gently, sipping and coaxing until she opened for him in spite of her resolve. Good Lord. Didn’t she have any control? She braced her arms against his chest and shoved until he raised his head.

Concern again furrowed his brow. “Okay. Talk to me.”

This wasn’t the scenario she’d had in mind, but if she didn’t get this out it was going to kill her. The direct approach was all she had. “I’m leaving day after tomorrow.”

He kissed her forehead. “Yeah? When will you be back?”

She tensed and hesitated for a second. “I’m not coming back.”

Ty stopped and took a step away, his puzzled gaze seeking hers. “What?”

Rayna ducked under his arm and put some distance between them so she could think more clearly. “I’m returning to school, and I won’t be coming back.”

This was harder than she’d imagined. In her private moments, she’d been able to convince herself he wouldn’t be hurt by her leaving—that he wasn’t all that attached. What they’d shared was mostly friendship… until recently anyway. Shoot, they hadn’t even slept together, although that was her idea, not his. At least now she wouldn’t have to find the words to tell him she was the world’s only living dinosaur—a twenty-three-year-old virgin.

Ty swung around and hooked his thumbs in his pockets. “It’s been almost a year since your brother was killed. You have to let him go, Rayna.”

Trust him to cut right to the heart of the matter. He was always so kind and patient. How would she ever survive without him? That was the reason she had to leave. She had to get away from him. Somehow fall out of love with him. That way, if something happened… if he was tortured and killed in the same hideous fashion her brother Charlie had been, losing him wouldn’t be the end of her world. But it might already be too late to stop loving him.

“I did let Charlie go. Now, I have to get on with my life. He gave up a lot so I could afford an education. I need to honor his wishes.” Tears prickled behind her eyelids. She couldn’t let them fall—not while Ty watched.

Not daring to look away as his eyes darkened with the emotions that slid unmasked over his face, she swallowed hard and tried to keep her hands from trembling.

A muscle in his jaw flexed. “Am I missing something? What about us?”

“You’ve been a great friend, Ty. I’ll never forget you, but there’s no us beyond that.”

“Where did this come from?” The disbelief in his voice stung her. “How many missions have we been on together? You love it… and you love me too. I see it in your eyes.”

She shook her head. “This life was what I needed after Charlie died. The discipline. The danger. But that’s not what I want for the rest of my life. I have to get out before I’m stuck with his life—with your life. If you care about me at all, you won’t ask me to stay.”

Rayna couldn’t let him know her fear was for him. If he knew, he’d pull out all the stops to change her mind. The only way to convince him was to make him believe she didn’t want him anymore, or the dangerous life they both lived. Charlie would have understood and forgiven her for using him and the schooling he’d wanted for her as an excuse.

Unfortunately, she hadn’t counted on the sheen of moisture in Ty’s eyes that wrenched at her heart.

“You asked me to wait… to give you time to grieve for Charlie. I waited. You asked me to slow down, so I put our friendship ahead of how I feel about you. I’ve done everything you’ve ever asked me to do.” He paused, looked away, and drew a deep breath. “Why would today be any different?” With that, he strode toward the front of the building, turned the corner, and disappeared.