If You Only Knew

Chapter Six



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AS SOON AS he entered her room, Ty spotted her empty bed. Water ran somewhere nearby and drew his gaze to the closed bathroom door. What the hell was she doing? She wasn’t steady enough on her feet yet. He should have known she wouldn’t wait for his help. She never had before.

Nate came up behind him, and Ty motioned toward the bathroom door as he shoved his gun in the back of his jeans.

He strode to the door and knocked. “Rayna? Are you all right?” He tried the knob. Locked. “Rayna?” Rapping his knuckles on the door, he called louder, then reared back to kick it in. Nate grabbed his arm and pushed in front of him. A second later, the lock gave way to the credit card his partner wielded, and he stepped back so Ty could go through.

Cool air struck Ty’s face as soon as he opened the door. Still in her torn black dress, Rayna knelt in the bottom of the tub, shivering. The shower rod and curtain lay half-in and half-out of the bath with one of Rayna’s hands still fisted in the fabric.

He turned off the cold water, grabbed a towel, and threw it around her shoulders.

“Must have slipped…” She squinted over her shoulder at him. Her lips bore a tinge of blue, and she shook with cold.

“Everything okay?” Nate stood just outside the door.

“She’ll be fine. I just need to get her dried off and warmed up.” Ty pulled her to her feet, slid his hands around her waist, and lifted her from the tub before using the towel to dry her hair and exposed skin.

“It’s really cold. I don’t think there’s any hot water.” She stood still and bore his ministrations, which was the first clue she wasn’t entirely herself.

“I’m sure there’s plenty of hot water. If you had let me help…” No sense hammering on that. She’d never wanted his help before. Why would she want it now?

“I will next time.” Luminescent blue eyes stared into his.

His breath caught for a moment, and he had to remind himself what he was supposed to be doing. He was fighting a losing battle as long as she had that wet dress on. She wasn’t going to like it, but he had to get her out of it and into something dry.

“Hey, Nate. Do you mind going out and picking up some burgers? Oh, and some jeans and a shirt for Rayna—size six—and shoes—size eight.”

“Nine.” Rayna smiled and cocked her head to the side.

“Nine. Got it.” Nate disappeared and closed the door to their room as he left.

Ty turned her away from him and unzipped the dress. “Can you get out of that by yourself?” He stood ready with another towel to drape around her.

“Of course I can. I’ve been dressing and undressing myself for a long time now.” She reached for the bottom of her dress. “Turn around.”

“Not even. I don’t want to pick you up off the floor again. I won’t look, and if I do, I promise not to enjoy myself.” Ty tried to keep his lips from twitching.

One finger prodded his chest. “See that you don’t.” Rayna pulled her dress up until it was halfway over her head before it stuck.

Stifling his laughter wasn’t entirely successful as he threw the towel over his shoulder and, in one motion, whipped the dress off over her head.

She emitted a startled gasp, and a crimson stain stole into her cheeks. “You did that on purpose!”

“Yes, and this too.” Before she could protest, he caught the elastic of her wet bikini panties with his thumbs and drew them down her legs. “Hold on to me and step out of them.”

“What do you think you’re doing?” Her words challenged, but her cold hands on his shoulders shook.

Ty straightened. “Do you need help with that?” He gestured toward her bra.

“No, I do not need your help.” She removed the indicated article of clothing as her cheeks colored a little more.

He draped the towel around her shoulders, and she pulled it tightly closed while he dug up another dry towel. “A cold shower, Rayna? You should have said something.” His attempt at humor fell flat. Hell, he’d need a cold shower in about thirty seconds. Clearly he wasn’t thinking when he started on this little maneuver.

With quick movements, he finished patting her dry, then removed his shirt, unwrapped the towel from around her as he threaded her arms into the sleeves, and turned her so he could button it. It barely covered her nicely rounded ass. He hardened at the enticing display, and a groan rumbled free.

Her gaze met his, and anguish shone from her eyes. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

She leaned against him, and he enclosed her in his arms, hoping she wouldn’t notice his obvious state of arousal. Wearing nothing but his shirt, she left little to his imagination. Swallowing hard, he did his best to focus on the way her hair curled over her ears and the way she snuggled against him, her arms wound tightly around his waist. Unfortunately, his best wasn’t nearly good enough.

“Well, let’s see… you’ve been kidnapped, beat up, tied up, and drugged. Not to mention you’ve had to endure Nate’s dismal driving, and you’ve had to put up with me, someone you never planned to see again. You’ve got every right to be a little off your game. If you’re not feeling better after you eat something, it’s the hospital for you. No argument. Now, let’s get you warmed up.”

He slipped one arm under her knees, swept her up, and carried her to the bed, kicking off his shoes as he walked. Laying her gently in the center, he followed her in, drew the covers over them, and folded himself around her. She was an ice cube, her back shockingly cool against his chest. Even so, her cold little derriere didn’t faze his desire one bit. Grabbing her hips and grinding against her would be totally inappropriate, but the thought did cross his mind. His blood heated as his hands rubbed up and down her arms and torso.

“Hey. Are you groping me?” Her voice held a hint of amusement.

“That’s exactly what I’m doing, and it’d be a lot more gratifying if you didn’t have my shirt on.” Ty strove for light and humorous but didn’t quite carry it off.

She sighed. “In your dreams.”

“Plenty of times, sweetheart.” He whispered the words in her ear, then dropped a kiss on her cheek and nuzzled her earlobe teasingly.

She shivered and, instead of pulling away like he expected, she melted against him. He didn’t think it was possible to get any more turned on, but clearly he hadn’t thought this through all the way. She shimmied around in his arms until she faced him. One of her perfect legs went over his thigh. As though with a mind of its own, his hand slid to her bottom and pulled her naked softness into direct contact with his jean-clad arousal.


Her soft, warm lips sipped at his invitingly. When she pulled back, her eyes searched his, a flickering ember glowing in their depths.

“This is going… to take us somewhere… you don’t want… to go.” He exhaled the words between the sweet kisses she landed on his mouth. Her gentle touch and the willingness with which she pressed herself against him made him forget any objections he might have voiced. Hunger for her engulfed him like a tidal wave, sweeping his logic, his sense of fair play, and his last ounce of self-control right out to sea.

“How do you know I don’t want to go there?” She traced his lips with her tongue while his mouth hovered a breath away from hers.

“Just a gut feeling—based on our last conversation and a year’s worth of celibacy.” He groaned and pulled her closer, needing to feel her with every inch of his body. In the next breath, however, the sad reality of their situation bombarded him with how wrong this was—how foolish.

She’d admitted she wasn’t herself. If she was, she wouldn’t be throwing herself at him. That wasn’t her. As much as he welcomed her seductive game, it was just a game. Some pathetic stab at gratefulness. It didn’t mean anything to her, and when she came to her senses, she’d regret it… probably even resent him for it. In the meantime, it would mean something to him, and he’d have to start all over again trying to forget. This was a bad idea.

One long, hot, bold kiss was all it took for her to break through his flimsy resistance. She tasted minty and clean as she alternately nibbled and sipped, sliding her tongue in and out of his mouth, exploring, teasing. His good intentions shattered, he caressed her satiny smooth skin from her hips to her shoulders and back again, pulling her against him until all he could think about was being inside her soft warmth. He covered her mouth, and his tongue caressed hers in long strokes that sent heat raging through his body.

Her arms locked around his neck, and he worked one hand beneath the shirt to cup her breast and flick his thumb over the nub that hardened and swelled at his touch. She twitched and shuddered, arching into him. He trembled with need when he laid her back on the bed and slid partway on top of her.

If only the nagging voice in his head would shut up. He knew all of the arguments by heart. She wasn’t his, and even if she’d reconsidered, she wasn’t in any condition to be making life-changing decisions at the moment. He was still that man she’d walked out on because she wanted something he couldn’t give her. Sleeping with her wouldn’t win her back. It would only make things awkward between them.

That was the argument that finally got his attention. As a couple, maybe they were finished before they even really got started. As friends, he could still check on her and make sure she was safe. She meant more to him than just a roll in the hay for old times’ sake.

He gripped her arms and peeled her away from him, then rose up on his elbow beside her and brushed a strand of hair back from her face.

Her eyes were clouded with lust, or maybe it was Andre’s drug, or shock, or simply fatigue. She blinked, uncertainty in her expression, probably wondering why he stopped. Hell, he was wondering that himself.

Torn between desire and guilt, he traced her jaw with his thumb. The woman he’d wanted for the better part of the last year offered herself to him and he didn’t jump at the chance. Was he nuts?

Possibly, but that didn’t change the fact he’d be lower than dirt if he took what she was offering now, after everything she’d been through. She needed time and rest. She needed his protection, any comfort he could offer, and above all, she needed to feel safe. Later, after she got her head on straight again, they’d have a conversation about this… but the likelihood of there being another opportunity was pretty slim.

The bottom line was, nothing had changed between them. All of the reasons she gave for dumping him were still valid. She wanted a different life from the path he’d chosen. She wanted to be a doctor and save lives. He respected that. Sometimes his profession required he take a life in order to save one. How could he make love to her now and walk away from her the day after tomorrow? No—that wasn’t part of his plan. He didn’t want a one-night stand.

“What’s wrong?” Rayna propped herself on her elbow and studied him.

He breathed deeply of her rose-scented skin before he rolled onto his back and drew her against his side. “Lousy timing, sweetheart. After the day we’ve had, I’m not sure either one of us is up to it.” He pressed a kiss to her forehead. “I’ll take a raincheck, if there’s one available.” Of course, there wouldn’t be. By the light of the new day, she’d see her mistake and quickly correct it. He just couldn’t bring himself to give up, so he held out hope he was wrong.

Disappointment flitted over her features, and humiliation shone from her eyes. She tugged the shirttail down as far as it would go. “I’m sorry. I’m so embarrassed.” She pushed herself until she sat with her legs folded beneath her.

Ty pulled the covers around her shoulders and tucked them beneath her legs. Afraid the despair in her eyes would cause her to flee, he took her hand in his. “I’m confused, Rayna. Why don’t you tell me what’s going on in there.” He tapped his index finger on her forehead.

She laughed scornfully. “I know. I’m acting like a fool, trying to seduce you when I don’t have the first clue.”

He held her hand securely when she tried to pull away. “Well, you’re wrong about that. You were doing a bang-up job, but we’ll come back to it. Why are you trying to seduce me? Didn’t we call it quits six weeks… and two days ago?” He smiled at her quizzical expression. “I’ve got the hours, too, if you want them.”

A faint smile lit her eyes. “You really don’t know why?”

He shook his head, hope stirring within him but needing to hear her say the words.

She sniffed and shrugged. “Me either.”

“Oh no. You’re not getting off that easy.” He lifted her toward him and rolled until she was on her back on the bed and he was astride her. He ran his fingers across her ribs and down her hips, and she contorted into a helpless giggling mass of writhing arms and legs.

“Talk!” He stopped to give her a breather.

“Okay. Jeesh—you bully. Are you going to get off of me?”

Ty swung his leg over and lay beside her, again threading his fingers together with hers, and tucking the covers around her. She turned her head away and then rolled to her side so she faced away from him. He moved closer and cradled her back against his front while he waited.

“I’m sorry for so many things, I don’t know where to start. I guess the biggest mistake I made was breaking up with you. I hurt you, and you didn’t deserve it. And I shouldn’t have left. This list could go on all night.” She leaned back and looked over her shoulder. “I was trying to convince you to give me another chance.”

“By seducing me?” Ty fought the grin that refused to be controlled and tried to keep his excitement in check. Although she appeared clear-headed and with it now, she hadn’t passed the test of time yet. His pain would be too great if she changed her mind again.

“Don’t laugh. I didn’t know it was going to be so difficult.” She turned away again, sounding on the verge of either laughing or crying.


Ty leaned over her and kissed her ear and her neck. “All you have to do is look at me, sweetheart. One glance from those big blue eyes and I’m yours. You have no idea how much I wanted you.”

“Then why didn’t you…” She shrugged and evidently gave up trying to find the right word.

“Let me ask you something. We’ve known each other a year, and this is the closest we’ve ever come to making love. Why now, Rayna? Don’t you wonder? You’ve had a hell of a weekend. Shock and stress do strange things to the human brain. Trust me… there’s nothing I’d like more than to make love to you right now, but until we know you’re out from under the influence of drugs, and you’re back to acting like the Rayna Dugan we all know and love, that wouldn’t be fair. I don’t want you to regret being with me. You have to admit, this is about a hundred-and-eighty-degree flip from where we left off. Given what you’ve been through in the last forty-eight hours, maybe you’re not quite yourself. I’m just sayin’, it won’t hurt to sleep on it.” He stroked her cheek and smiled when she glanced at him.

“Well, I think I’m very much myself… and you just blew the offer of your life,” Rayna huffed.

“Now that sounds like you. Just my luck.” He tugged her onto her back and traced her lip gently where it was still swollen. “Did Andre hurt you anywhere else?”

Rayna shook her head. “A few bruises, but mostly from being tied up.”

“They broke into your apartment?”

“I opened the door for Andre. His two buddies crashed.” Anger slipped into her voice.

“Why’d you let Andre in?”

“He said he lived in the building, and I recognized him from seeing him in the parking lot, so when he asked if I’d give his car a jump, I figured… why not. Anyway, he had such a sexy accent.”

Her sheepish grin drew Ty’s gaze to her mouth. “Wish I’d known you were into accents. We could have done some role-playing.” He fought to keep a straight face.

“Funny, Whitlock.” She jabbed him in the ribs, then snickered as he jerked away.

Ty corralled her hand again, reveling in her clear, honest laughter. He’d missed that for too long. He tightened his arm around her protectively and pressed another kiss to the top of her head.

When the door in the other room opened and closed, he placed a finger on her lips and they both went still.

“Dinner’s here. Did you get her warmed up yet?” Nate hollered from just inside his room.

Rayna laughed softly, her gaze on Ty as he dragged the blanket over their heads to muffle their sounds. He brushed a kiss on her forehead. “You are a few degrees warmer. We must have done something right. Stay here. I’ll get you some clothes.” He threw back the covers and stood just as Nate peered into their room.

He tossed a bundle at Ty. “I got underwear and PJs, too, and a toothbrush. Make a list. We’ll stop tomorrow and get anything else she needs until Joe picks her up.”

“Thanks, Nate.” Rayna sat up and grinned, almost like her old self.

Ty’s heart swelled with longing. It was all he could do to keep from crawling back under the covers with her. How was he going to survive if she didn’t feel the same when this was over? Every minute he spent with her chiseled away at the wall he’d built around his heart. What would he do if he had to take his duffel and find a new home—alone?

He was being a fool, thinking this could end in anything but disaster. Their differences still separated them. He scowled as he dropped the clothes on the bed beside her. “Put something on so you can eat.” The growl came from deep in his chest, and he could tell by the way her grin disappeared that she picked up on his frustration and anger. He was angry with himself, but she wouldn’t know that. It was just as well. Maybe she’d realize how wide the chasm was that separated them. Lord knew he seemed incapable of rational thought when it came to her.

An icy silence followed as he left the room.



RAYNA SLIPPED ON the multicolored lounge pants and purple tank top Nate had bought her. The pants trailed on the floor, but after she rolled the legs up, the PJs fit perfectly. It was considerate of him to think of her comfort. Was that what made Ty suddenly so angry?

He could just get over it. She wasn’t going to let it bother her. Apparently, a huge dose of hormones had done what sleeping for hours hadn’t touched. She was almost back to normal. No nausea. No wisps of fog cluttered her brain. Just a dull ache behind her eyes. She could smell those French fries from here, and she was going to savor every one of them. Later she’d figure out what was up with Ty.

Two sets of eyes focused on her as she passed through the doorway and, too late, she realized her recently sensitized nipples strained against the knit fabric of her tank top. Her cheeks grew hot, but she forced a smile.

Ty’s stony expression hardened, if that was possible, as he shook out a clean T-shirt from his bag and yanked it over his head. Then he pulled out a long-sleeved cotton shirt and approached her.

“You’re looking a little cold.” He held the shirt in front of her, and his eyes flashed dangerously as he waited for her to slip it on.

She glanced at Nate, and he concentrated on his food, looking as though he’d like to be anywhere but there.

What had gotten into Ty? He’d never acted like this. The man was positively infuriating. Her grand entrance was just as much his fault as hers. A new influx of heat reached her cheeks as she relived his lips on hers and his hands caressing her. Definitely not cold, she slid her arms into the shirt, and he dropped it over her shoulders, then circled the table to pull a chair out for her.

For the count of two, she didn’t move, trying to decide if she should bite her tongue or ask him what his problem was. But it wouldn’t be fair to put Nate in the middle of an angry confrontation between Ty and her. It could wait. With a curt shrug, she forced a smile and perched on the edge of the chair he held for her.

She dove into the meal in front of her, surprised by her voracious appetite. “Oh… these fries are so good, and this cheeseburger is fantastic.”

“You must be feeling better. I’ve never seen anyone eat fast food with such enthusiasm.” Nate winked at her.

“She always eats like that.” Some of the gruffness was gone from Ty’s voice.

Rayna made a face at him, but what he said was true. She ate like any other member of Joe’s team. Back then, she worked out hard every day and ran several miles, so she needed all those calories. She’d had to watch it when all she did was walk between buildings on campus, but that was about to change.

She took a bite of her burger and studied Ty from beneath lowered lashes before she broached the subject that had been bothering her for a while now. “How do you plan to find this Bree Knight?”

What Rayna really wanted to know was what the relationship between Bree and Ty had been that made it necessary for him to protect her, even though it meant the end of his law enforcement career. In exasperation, she recognized the first stirrings of jealousy.

“That’s Joe’s job. He’s pulling some strings to find her, and I’m sure by now he knows exactly where she is. All I need is a phone number and I’m betting I can convince her to come to me.” Ty finished his burger, crumpled the paper, and tossed it into the garbage.

“Are you going to let Nate go with you?” Rayna braced for the hard glare she expected him to turn on her and was surprised when he didn’t.


“That depends…”

“On whether I come up with a plan to take Andre down that doesn’t involve capital punishment for Ty.” Nate addressed the reply to her while looking at his partner.

Ty nodded. “We’ve got twenty-four to forty-eight hours to come up with that plan.”

Nate appeared almost as surprised by his response as she was.

Ty leaned back in his chair. “What? I’ve still got a little bit of common sense.”

“I want to go too.” Rayna stopped, her cheeseburger halfway to her mouth.

“Hell, no.” The words echoed from both men in unison.

Angry and humiliated by their offhand dismissal, Rayna fumed and fell silent. She’d been on assignments with Ty before, and he knew she could handle herself. Why was he treating her like a delicate piece of china all of a sudden?

She choked down the rest of her cheeseburger and picked at the fries. Her appetite had disappeared along with the closeness she’d shared with Ty a few minutes ago. Both men ignored her as they discussed alternate routes from Redding to Portland.

Finally, she shoved her chair back and stood. “I’m going to lie down.” She didn’t wait for a response and closed the dividing door behind her. Pummeling her pillows into a wedge, she threw herself onto the bed and stabbed the power button on the TV remote. I Love Lucy filled the screen and blared its familiar theme song. She turned it down to a more reasonable level and thumbed through the channels until she found an old episode of Criminal Minds.

Why had Ty gone from hot to cold on her earlier? Shameful memories of their conversation the day she broke up with him crowded into her mind. A better question would be, why did he have anything to do with her at all? If you hurt someone bad enough, an apology couldn’t fix it. Come to think of it, he hadn’t responded when she’d asked if he’d give her another chance. Was he humoring her because he thought she was mentally impaired for the time being?

Maybe she was.

She whipped her pillow over and punched it twice, then plopped her head down. She would not cry… much.

An hour later, Ty knocked and opened her door. “Still want that shower?” He raised a quizzical brow as he headed for the bathroom.

Rayna tried to ignore the clanging noises that emanated from the tiny room. She curled into a ball, turned her back to the sounds, and concentrated on the television show… for all of thirty seconds. With a heavy sigh, she threw the covers back, swung her feet to the floor, and padded softly into the bathroom.

Ty stood with his back to her, his arms outstretched to position the curtain rod. The muscles across his back and shoulders flexed beneath his shirt. Suddenly, Rayna longed to have his strong arms around her again. His warm lips covering hers. Even if it was just for tonight. Just a few hours of comfort and companionship.

She’d already been down that road, and Ty had put her off. She took a step closer. “Can I help?”

“I’ll just be a second.” Ty twisted the right side of the rod and then stepped back, leaving the shower curtain firmly mounted on the wall once again. He dropped his arms and turned to her. The smile left his face and made it clear he’d noticed her red-rimmed eyes.

“I don’t want… I can’t do this.” She shook her head, not knowing what to do with her hands and finally folded them in front of her.

He started to reach for her but stopped. “Do what?”

“I need you, Ty. You… you can’t be mad at me right now.” Everything was wrong between them, and her heart ached with missing him.

Some emotion she couldn’t read darkened his eyes, and he covered the distance between them. His hands circled her waist, and he picked her up, pulling her against his body. “I’m not mad at you, Rayna… never mad.”

She wrapped her arms and legs around him, unable to get close enough. A tremulous breath left her as she molded herself against this man who meant everything to her. She laid her forehead against his and soaked in the contentment, the safety, the absolute knowledge she was where she was supposed to be.

This was what she’d been missing for the last six weeks. It didn’t matter what happened tomorrow or the next day. He was here with her now, and that was all she cared about. She needed him like she needed air to breathe, and she refused to believe he didn’t feel something for her too. It wasn’t in her nature to give up. She’d make him remember if it was the last thing she did.

His gaze burned into hers, holding hesitation, caution, and finally, resignation as he brushed a wayward curl off her lips. “You’ve got me, sweetheart, for as long as you need me.”

She’d need him for forever, but she understood his hesitation. He’d be there for her out of a sense of loyalty or guilt, based on a friendship that was dying because she’d made the wrong decision. Even so, his deer-in-the-headlights expression made it clear he didn’t intend to get attached again.

He didn’t know she was lost without him. She had to find a way to convince him, but he wouldn’t believe her now—not while there was a possibility of some residual drug flowing in her veins. Tomorrow or the next day, she’d make him understand.

She wouldn’t let him go again—not without a fight.

She curled her arms around his neck and raised her lips to meet his. Her tongue slipped through his open mouth and sparred with his as he returned her kiss, cautiously at first, and then with a growing urgency that kindled the small flame within her into a raging fire. A groan escaped him, and she clung to him, happiness flooding her at this power she somehow possessed to make him want her. The heat of his lips on hers and his hands stroking her back with quiet strength made her feel safe and protected. His familiar clean scent with a hint of clove surrounded her, and she breathed deeply of it, lulled by a comforting sense of home.

The chirp of a telephone startled her. Rayna jumped, but Ty didn’t let her go right away. His eyes, dark green and smoldering with intensity, opened slowly, and a wickedly appealing smile held her in place for one more kiss.