If You Only Knew

Chapter Ten



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RAYNA SLEPT FITFULLY, waking periodically and reaching out to assure herself of Ty’s presence beside her. If she couldn’t touch him, she’d listen for the sound of his voice, or his movements, or his breathing—anything that would tell her he hadn’t left.

Once she’d awakened and heard the final moments of a conversation she’d assumed was with Nate.

“Joe’s on his way. Hopefully, he’ll have information on Bree by the time he gets here.” Ty no longer sat beside her, but he was somewhere nearby, speaking low, probably in an effort not to wake her.

The mention of Bree brought her further awake.

“No. I’m not going to tell her. There’s no reason to bring it up. It’s over—ancient history. Don’t make me sorry I told you, buddy.” Ty chuckled as though sharing an inside joke.

Rayna was suddenly wide awake, an ache starting deep in her chest. Was he keeping his ancient history from Bree—or from her? It was possible he’d been talking about their relationship. Ancient history.

Or he could have meant there was more to his relationship with Bree than he’d mentioned and didn’t intend to elaborate because it was over a long time ago. Except, if it was really over, why would he lie about what they’d had?

“Stay safe and give me a call when you get home. You’ve got my number… I’ll let you know when Joe picks us up… Thanks, Nate. See you later.”

Ty didn’t move for a moment. Then Rayna heard the swish of denim rubbing together as he walked, and footsteps approached the bed. The next instant, Ty knelt in front of her and swept his gaze from her face to her feet, buried beneath the comforter.


“You didn’t sleep very long. Feel okay?” His handsome face crinkled in concern.

“Much better. Thanks.”

The smile she loved flooded his features. He looked happy. If the prospect of connecting with Bree was the cause—so be it. Rayna wanted him to be happy and sadly acknowledged the fact she’d done little to bring him joy.

Honesty was the best policy, right? Well, she’d asked him for another chance, a request he’d completely ignored. What more did she need to know? Did she care enough about him to step aside and let him find contentment with Bree or someone else? Lord, it would hurt like hell, but she could be a friend if he needed one.

The tears caught her by surprise, and she turned her face to the pillow. Too late.

“Hey, what’s this? Why are you crying?” His voice was so gentle and caring it was all she could do to keep from going into his arms. No sense making it worse than it was.

“I don’t know.” She wiped futilely at her eyes.

“It’s not the end of the world if you cry, you know? It could have something to do with the fact that the last couple of days have been the worst ever.”

“No. Not the worst. That would be the day Charlie died.” Rayna bit her lip hard to keep fresh tears from welling in her eyes. Would she ever stop grieving for her brother?

“I know.” Ty leaned against the bed and kissed her forehead.

She inhaled slowly and, momentarily anyway, got the waterworks under control. He’d always understood her emotions where her brother was concerned… and waited patiently while she tried to get a handle on them. She’d never told him how much that meant to her. If she was going to be honest with him, didn’t she owe him at least that much?

Rayna reached for his hand. “I thought I’d die when Charlie did—I wanted to. If I hadn’t found you at Joe’s, I don’t know what I’d have done. It sounds melodramatic, but you really did save my life. But then I realized I could lose you the same way I lost him. I didn’t know if I could survive it again. So, I had to leave before I loved you so much I couldn’t say good-bye.” She breathed hard with the effort it took to bare her soul. Even if he didn’t feel the same way, she wanted him to know.

“I got that, sweetheart.” His hand tightened around hers, and the kindness in his voice caressed her.

“I was miserable without you, and I hurt you in the process. I’m so sorry, Ty. You deserve so much better than that. If you’ll let me, I’ll make it up to you.” She groaned as soon as the words slipped out. He already knew what she wanted. The ball was in his court. She’d told herself she wasn’t going to push—that she’d be a friend first if he’d let her. So much for that plan.

“You don’t owe me anything, and besides, you were right. I’m a risky choice for a long-term relationship. I should have known you’d come to your senses sooner or later. You understand the risk better than most, and I’m sure Charlie would have agreed with your decision. I know damn well he wouldn’t want you to give up on your education. It’s too important.” He stroked the top of her hand with his thumb.

She tensed. “I’m not going back to school. I meant it.” Even to her ears, she sounded defensive, and Ty straightened.

She should have waited instead of rushing right in to defend her decision. The timing was wrong. He didn’t think she was serious, and there were enough problems to worry about at the moment.

Ty pushed to his feet and threaded his fingers through his hair, his back to her. “If that’s your decision, I think that’s great. I’m not sure where I’ll end up.”

The finality of his words knocked the breath from her. “You won’t consider going back to Joe’s? It’s home for both of us.” She reached to touch his leg, then let her hand drop, uncomfortable with the turn the conversation had taken and slightly sickened by the tone of pleading in her voice.

He stepped away from the bed and turned. “Why would I go back, Rayna? You already gave up on us once. That’s what confused me. You’ve always been a fighter, but you weren’t willing to fight for us at all.” He moved to the foot of the bed before he looked at her again. “Charlie was my friend. I miss him too. He died a terrible death—I get that—but it doesn’t mean I will too. I understand how much you loved him and how lost you were without him. I’ve tried to be patient and foolishly believed I could fill part of the void he left, but every time we turn around, there he is between us. You’re not willing to let him go, and I’m getting a little tired of competing with the guy. Until you’re ready to get on with your life, there’s nothing back there for me.”

“Where does that leave us, then?” She reeled with the force of his words. Anger boiled just below her surface. Was he blaming her brother for their problems?

He looked away and a muscle flexed in his jaw. “Exactly where we were when you walked out on me.” He turned, strode to the bathroom, and closed the door.

If Ty had some warped idea of a competition between him and Charlie, that was his problem. It didn’t come from her—it couldn’t have. And where did he get off saying she hadn’t fought for their relationship? He had no idea the silent battles she’d fought. As for getting on with her life, she was doing that, and it would be the life she wanted… not the one Charlie wanted for her. Charlie… Was Ty right? Had she thrown away a chance at happiness with Ty because she couldn’t let Charlie rest in peace?

Convincing Ty to give her another chance had been a long shot anyway, especially after she’d started bawling. As a general rule, guys didn’t deal well with tears.

His touch, his kiss, and the heat in his eyes told her he felt the same attraction she did. She was sure he still loved her, but now she knew he wanted something from her she wasn’t sure she could give. He’d been hurt, and he simply wasn’t willing to chance it again. She could understand those feelings. After all, she felt the same way after Charlie died.

Humiliation set her blood pounding, and a hot flush crept up her neck into her cheeks. His rejection stung like hell, even though she’d deserved it. He’d moved on, which was what she’d asked him to do. Now, all she had to do was hold up her end. God, life sucked sometimes.

Scooting to the far side of the bed, she jerked the covers over herself when the bathroom door opened. She eyed him as he slid Mikhail’s cell phone from his pocket, dialed, and held it to his ear.

“Joe, Rayna’s here with me… She has a few bruises, but she’s okay… The Russians who took her won’t bother her again. One is dead and the other will be going away for a very long time… I know—that leaves Andre, but I’ll take care of him… Did you locate Bree? . . . Good. Can you pick us up in Roseburg after dark tonight? We’re at the Holiday Inn on Harvard. If you have time to drop me at Nate’s uncle’s place before you head out, I’d appreciate it… Andre is waiting for me in Portland, and I don’t want to disappoint him… thanks, Joe. I’ll wait to hear from you. Here’s Rayna.”

She tried to wave him away as he sauntered toward her with the phone in his outstretched hand, but he ignored her and stopped directly in front of her. With a black scowl she sincerely hoped he’d interpret correctly, she took the phone.


“Hey, Joe.”

“How are you doing, kid?”

Joe’s voice made her ache with homesickness, and she had to clear her throat before she could speak. “I’m great. It was questionable there for a while, but Ty is taking good care of me. I’ll be ready to go after that creep whenever you are.”

There was a slight hesitation before he replied. “I don’t know if that’s such a good idea. How does Ty feel about it?”

“He didn’t like it at first, but I convinced him.” It was only a little white lie.

Ty put one knee on the bed and tried to grab the phone, but she turned away from him. He’d insisted she talk—he could just deal with her using the opportunity to get a leg up in the argument she knew was forthcoming.

“We’ll talk about it tomorrow. I’m glad you’re all right.”

“Me too. See you later.”

Ty’s frown knit his brows together. She smiled sweetly as she handed him back the phone. Clearly, he wasn’t happy with the conversation she’d had with Joe.

“Don’t get your hopes up, Rayna.”

“Why? Why are you so dead-set against me going on this mission? You know I can handle it.” Frustration raised the volume of her voice.

“Because Charlie would want me to keep you out of it, and I owe him at least that much.” Ty stopped, and his gaze flicked over her as though he had more to say. He stalked away a couple of steps before he turned and walked back. “Your brother saved my life once. I owe him.”

His expression was so pained that Rayna reacted without thinking. Sitting up in bed, she reached for his hand. “I didn’t know. What happened?”

Ty stood rigidly, the hand within hers lifeless and stiff for so long she knew he must be in another place where memories weren’t entirely pleasant. Finally, he shifted, wrapped his fingers around hers, and squeezed, and recognition returned to his eyes as he sat on the edge of the bed.

“It was my first mission after I went to work for Joe. A Mexican drug lord named Paco Fuentes kidnapped the mistress of a high-profile U.S. senator. Needless to say, it was all hush-hush. Couldn’t let something like that get out to the general public, so they needed expendables to go after her. Four of us crossed into Mexico from Arizona and caught up with the creep in Nogales—Joe, Walker, Charlie, and me. By then he’d beaten her into submission, and she did whatever she was told.”

A scowl passed over his face, and his hand swept the nape of his neck.

“We waited until after dark, when Fuentes and his men would be passed out from drinking all day, and we snuck in and stole back the senator’s mistress. Being the newbie, I was charged with getting her to a local safe house while the rest stayed behind to make sure Fuentes got the message.”

Ty stopped and Rayna could feel the tension in the air. She was pretty sure he didn’t realize how hard he was squeezing her hand.

“Everything went off without a hitch. The only thing we didn’t take into account was whether the woman wanted to be rescued. Charlie showed up at the safe house just in time to stop her from shoving a butcher knife between my ribs. Said he’d had a hunch. Thirty seconds later and I wouldn’t be here now.” A grin curled one corner of his lip, and he laced his fingers with hers.

Rayna stared at their joined hands and searched for words to express the horror, the gratitude, the love for both him and Charlie, but everything seemed inadequate. Finally, she leaned her head against his arm.

The contact seemed to jar him from his reverie, and he disentangled his fingers from hers and placed her hand on her lap. “Anyway, that’s part of the reason you’re sitting this one out.”

She wanted to argue… to convince him he was being ridiculous, but she’d heard his tone before and arguing would do no good. His mind was made up, and she was too emotional… too close to tears. There would be another time to make her case. This wasn’t over.

Sliding her legs from beneath the sheet, she stood and padded on bare feet across the room, feeling Ty’s gaze follow her all the way to the bathroom.

The shower rejuvenated her, and she stood under it until it turned tepid. Clean and towel-dried, she dressed in the same clothes she’d put on new this morning. So much had happened, it seemed like days had passed since they stopped at the diner in Crescent City. Gingerly, she touched her cheekbone where the butterfly bandages gave her a ghoulish appearance. It was tender and swollen. She groaned. Great place for a scar.

Andre Komarov had completely duped and humiliated her. She didn’t care about the stitches or the scar, but he would pay for hoodwinking her. No way was he getting away with using her in his scheme. She wouldn’t rest until she’d exacted her pound of flesh. Ty wasn’t going to stop her, and neither was Joe. There were just some things a girl didn’t forgive.

She scrubbed her teeth with some of Ty’s toothpaste on her new toothbrush, then ran her hands lightly through her curls. Her seething anger with Andre was all she had. It was important she be allowed to go after him. In her mind, there wasn’t any other option. She’d had it with school, and the idea of returning to Joe’s compound if Ty wasn’t there just seemed wrong. Time to regroup was what she needed, and taking Andre down would give her that.

She took a deep breath as she reached for the doorknob and swung the door open. Ty was sprawled on the bed, propped on pillows, watching a football game with the sound muted. His gaze swept over her, but his expression was closed.

“Ty, do you still have that ibuprofen?”

His gaze darted to her and he frowned. “Does your head hurt?”

She bit back a snide remark, deciding she probably needed those pills worse than she thought. “I hurt everywhere.” Her words still came out sharper than she’d meant them.

He blinked and refocused on the TV. Instantly, she regretted snapping at him. Stubborn and overprotective as he was, he didn’t deserve the sharp edge of her tongue.

“They’re in my bag.” He motioned toward the bathroom.

“Thanks… and I’m sorry I bit your head off.”

He shrugged and didn’t look her way.

Okay, she deserved that. She returned to the bathroom, dug through his duffel bag, and found the pill bottle. Dumping two into her palm, she reconsidered and tipped one more out before closing the bottle and tossing it back in the bag. She washed all three down with a glass of water and then returned to the other room.

A table and two chairs filled the far end of the room, and a window overlooked the parking lot. She sat in one of the chairs and tried to concentrate on the football game. Her focus lasted about three minutes before she was biting her nails. She picked up the motel directory from the table and turned to the first page.

Ohhhh… What she wouldn’t give to soak in that hot tub for an hour. The motel also had an indoor pool and a workout room. She glanced at Ty. No sense even asking.

She turned a few more pages. Now we’re talking. There was a restaurant downstairs, and she was hungry. He couldn’t refuse to feed her.

“What time is it?”

Ty tilted his arm so he could see his watch. “Five thirty.”

“Are you hungry?”

He made a disgusted sound. “No.”

Rayna went back to perusing the directory in silence.

Two minutes later, Ty sighed heavily and swung his feet to the floor. She sensed his gaze on her and hid a smile. He never could stand to see her hungry.


“What do you want to eat?”

She dismissed his question with a wave of her hand. “I can wait.” She choked back a grin and focused on the book as she turned each page, not reading any of what was printed there. A glimpse from beneath her lashes confirmed the amusement in his eyes. He knew she was lying, and well he should. She was always hungry.

“Are you sure about that?”

She glanced at him and shrugged, looking away before she gave in to the answering grin that tugged at her traitorous lips.

He stood. “Suit yourself. I’m going to call for room service. There’s probably a number in that notebook you’re studying.” Ty grabbed the cell phone and dialed as soon as she provided the number.

“I’d like to place an order, please… I’ll have pastrami on rye with fries. Wait—do you have sweet potato fries? . . . Perfect.”

Damn him. He knew sweet potato fries were her favorite and the mention of them practically made her mouth water. If she asked him to order some for her, it would be giving him what he wanted, but damn it, she was hungry—and they had sweet potato fries.

“Do you have any pie?”

Rayna’s gaze flicked back to his, and a low moan caught in her throat. She was starving, and he knew it. This exercise he was going through was clearly designed to tantalize her and drive home the fact that she was dependent on him at the moment. Never mind that she’d started the standoff.

He watched her, and his eyes held regret and concern. Her stomach did that butterfly thing again, and it wasn’t from hunger.

“Make it lemon meringue. Let’s see… is that everything?” He cocked his head at her.

She slapped the notebook closed and glared at him. “Maybe some sweet potato fries.”

He smiled in that boyish way he had that made her stomach flip-flop again, and relief shone from his eyes as he repeated her order into the phone.

“Mmmm… a French dip sounds kind of good.” Rayna laughed at the comical quirk of his brows. “And a chocolate milkshake.”

Ty finished giving them her order and listened for a moment. “Oh, hell.”

Rayna’s gaze flew to his.

“They can’t deliver right now. They’re shorthanded. I’ll cancel,” he whispered, holding the phone away from his mouth.

“They’re just downstairs. You can go get our food. I’ll be okay here and I’ll stay out of sight.” She was on the verge of whining but couldn’t help herself.

Ty chuckled, told the person on the other end he’d be there in ten minutes, and ended the call, never taking his gaze off her. Finally he raised his hands as though in surrender. “I’m sorry, Rayna. It was never my intention to hurt you.”

She shook her head sadly. “None of this is your fault.”

“Obviously we’re in way over our heads. Whatever happens, I want to be your friend. After we eat, maybe we could talk it out… find some middle ground?”

A sharp stab of pain almost made her wince. How could she possibly be just friends with the man who owned her heart?

“I’d like that.” The lie slid out easily enough.

Ty removed the gun from where it nestled against his back and laid it on the table beside her. “Hang on to this while I’m gone. Don’t let anyone through that door. If you know them, make sure they’re alone. That goes for me too.”

The warning reawakened the anxiety she’d managed to force to the back of her mind since they left the hospital, and it made her nauseous enough she wondered about the advisability of ordering food. She swallowed hard and nodded, but the concern that shadowed his eyes told her he’d noticed her apprehension.

He reached out and cradled her cheek in his hand. “I’ll only be five minutes.”

She touched his hand, then smiled. “I’ll be fine. I’m armed and dangerous, after all.”

“Heavy on the dangerous part.” His eyes teased her.

“You know you love it.”

He grew serious. “Strangely, I do.” He gave her a gentle peck on the cheek, then grabbed her wrist and pulled her up, placing the gun in her other hand. At the door he looked back. “Lock the dead bolt and hook the chain after I leave.”

He checked through the peephole before he opened the door and stepped into the hall. Rayna locked the door and secured the chain, then put her eye to the hole. Ty still stood there holding up one hand, his fingers splayed as he mouthed the words five minutes.

After he sprinted down the hall in the direction of the elevator, Rayna sat cross-legged on the bed and surfed through the channels. She stopped at an episode of The Dog Whisperer that featured an aggressive German shepherd. The dog reminded her of Joe’s shepherd, Dillon. Everyone gave the beast plenty of space—everyone except Joe’s wife, Cara. Rayna shook her head. Dillon had been putty in Cara’s hands from the first day they met and ended up taking a bullet trying to protect her. Thankfully, everyone survived.

A loud rapping startled her, and her gaze flew to the door. For a moment she froze, clutching the gun in her hand. It couldn’t be Ty. It was too soon. Anyway, he’d call out. Wouldn’t he?

She unfolded her legs, stepped off the bed, and shuffled quickly toward the door.

“Oregon State Police. I just need to ask you some questions.” A deep male voice came from the other side of the door, along with a repeat of the knock.

Rayna peered out. A burly OSP officer stood in the hall, one hand on his holster. The other held a small notebook. He looked like the real thing. She backed away a step and reached for the dead bolt but stopped short of her goal. How did the state police know where they were?

She put her eye to the peephole again. “Who are you looking for, Officer?”

The man glanced briefly at the notebook in his hand. “Tyler Whitlock. Actually, I’m not here in an official capacity. A friend of his, Nate Sanders, asked me to stop by and see if I could be of any help.”

Rayna blew out the breath she’d been holding. Nate sent him. He was a friend. Ty probably told Nate where they were staying. Relief left her weak for a moment.

“Ty stepped out for a few minutes. He should be back anytime now.” She reached for the lock again, fingering the cold metal, and tried to decide if the chill that made her shudder was from that or the OSP officer outside the door. What was wrong with her? She’d never imagined bad guys behind every rock before.

Nobody had declared open season on her before, either.

“Let me see your badge.”

The officer held his ID in front of the peephole while she squinted to see it. Officer Clarence Nolan waited patiently while she matched the picture to the man standing in front of her door. When she was satisfied, she unlocked the dead bolt with a click, and pulled the door open until the chain tightened and left a four-inch gap for them to talk through. She wasn’t letting anyone in until Ty returned.

“Always a good idea to be careful, ma’am.” Officer Nolan stepped closer to the door.

Suddenly, the edge of the door flew into her head and chest, and the slide that held the end of the chain in place ripped free, bouncing along the wall. The man’s weight against the door knocked her backward several steps, and she struggled to regain her balance. She raised her gun hand, but the man forged toward her swiftly, brandishing a knife. He was almost on top of her before she got her wits about her. Diving for the bathroom, she slammed the door shut and turned the lock.


She gripped the gun with both hands and backed away. When the shower curtain touched her shoulders, she jerked it aside and stepped into the bathtub, still wet from her shower. Sliding down against the tub wall, she propped the gun on her knees and focused all of her attention on the door.

It wouldn’t hold. It was only a flimsy motel room door. The big, burly, obviously phony OSP officer would blow through it like thin paper. She released the safety on the handgun as a shiver snaked through her. Why did he have to carry a knife? Knives creeped her out. Just the thought of being sliced made her cringe.

“How long do you think that lock is going to keep me out? Don’t make me come in there after you.” The phony officer snickered as he rapped loudly on the bathroom door.

Rayna jumped when something slammed or kicked the other side of the door, and the molding around the doorknob cracked. One more hit like that and the flimsy barrier would fold like a stick of chewing gum. Trying to slow her breathing, she trained the gun two-thirds of the way up the door. She considered warning the man that she had a gun aimed at the door, but it seemed prudent not to give away her position in case he also carried a gun.

“One more chance,” the man growled.

The jolt came again, but the door held. Someone yelled from a distance and a whirlwind of crashes and bangs, combined with the thunks of smaller items hitting the floor, filled the room with surreal sounds.

Abruptly, silence descended. Rayna breathed out and grabbed another deep breath. It was too quiet now. What was he doing?

The door was barely holding, the wood around the lock slivered and cracked. A thud, like the sound of a sack of potatoes hitting the floor, in the other room made her jump. Hurried footsteps traveled to the door, and she could almost see the OSP-uniformed intruder preparing to kick the door down. Spellbound, she heard the crash and watched the door fling open. A guttural growl escaped her constricted throat as her finger curled around the trigger.