Only Love (The Atonement Series)

CHAPTER Twelve





Drake and I reached a gorgeous white wall with half-moon crescents cut out and a decorative rock that was colorful and breathtaking to behold.

“Look through there,” he told me in a commanding voice.

I walked forward, careful not to get my dress dirty and leaned my head through. Drake held my waist from behind but there was absolutely nothing sexual with the way his arms gripped my waist and I felt the hardness of his body against my back.

It was almost a surprise he hadn’t tried anything as lewd as possessing a hard-on while he gripped me but his whole body was firm though his manhood was soft. He was merely concerned with my safety and not “copping a quick feel” on my ass which was actually refreshing.

I peered through and the sight that greeted me was beautiful and beyond stunning. Mountainous forests decorated the gorgeous backdrop of a body of water so blue, it looked cobalt.

“You’re at the famous scenic location of El Mirador. If you look into the distance, you can see the Pacific Ocean but the body of water directly beneath us is Bahía Todos Santos, or All Saints Bay in English. It’s an absolute gorgeous scene, isn’t it? Every time I have been here, it takes my breath away,” he explained, his voice in my ear and his minted breath gently caressing my cheek.

I couldn’t help but feel a stab of jealousy knowing he’d brought some other woman here but it wasn’t my place to be anything but in the here and now. Those other women didn’t matter because he was with me at this moment and we were happy together and content in our surroundings.

“This is just beautiful,” I breathed out loud.

My words didn’t seem to do the place justice but it was all I could say without that wanting between my legs spreading into full bloom. My vagina was like a withered flower being opened again for the first time in forever. My breasts felt heavy with need and my nipples hardened as Drake’s hands trailed from the base of my neck all the way down my clothed back.

I couldn’t believe I hadn’t felt him pull back ever so slightly until a chill met me and I realized he was just as transfixed by the atmosphere and sudden sexual tension it caused between the two of us.

It took everything in me not to turn around but he didn’t give me the choice and whipped me around to face him. My breasts were suddenly crushed against his hard chest and all I could think about was what it would be like to share a bed with a man as virile and sexy as he was at that very moment.

I cleared my throat just to give myself some room to breathe and said, “So, you have brought other women here before. Is this part of the seduction scene you carefully set up?”

Although my words were meant to bite, they came out playful and he laughed out loud in a throaty manner. “Absolutely not, babe. When I am ready to seduce you, believe me, you’ll know and I won’t leave a shred of room for ambiguity.”

“At least you’re honest and direct. I am assuming you brought Mikayla here if it’s one of your favorite spots in the world?”

“Yes, I did but she didn’t see the beauty here that you do. It was just a place with rocks, mountains, a bay and the ocean. This isn’t really what turned Kayla on…money did…and if it’s not flowing then she isn’t willing and ready to do much of anything sexual. It’s just the way she is and I accepted that while we were dating but I will never settle for anything less than what I want ever again.”

My arms wrapped themselves around his neck and pulled him closer to me. “What do you consider less if you don’t me prying?”

“You…me…this…us. We both can see the beauty of this place and that is a lovely way to bond with another. This country is so misunderstood and has so many hidden treasures. I want to share them all with you if you’ll let me but I also know you need to be ready and I don’t want to rush you to do anything you aren’t ready to do on your own. Do you understand?”

He paused and the long, tapered fingers of his right hand rested underneath my chin to bring us to eye level. “I know how much you have been hurt in the past. I can see it in your eyes. Everything that happened between you and Colin is much too fresh. I wouldn’t dream of hurting you the way he did but that will take time and trust. You will have to learn to appreciate me for the man that I am and you will learn to respect me as an individual. Only then can there be the love we need to push this relationship forward in the right direction.”

I stared into his eyes and before I knew it, my lips were pressed gently against his and we kissed. It was electric and although our lips had yet to part, the touch of skin to skin was glorious.

Drake opened his mouth and his tongue slipped between my closed lips before I also responded and when our tongues touched and the feeling between us deepened, the emotions blossomed into an ever flowing energy I couldn’t stop and neither could he.

His hands were in my hair and the chignon I wore fell apart before his fingers gently caressed my scalp and brought me in closer and deeper. I was falling hard and there was no where to go but deeper into him and the thought was not only terrifying but exhilarating at the same time.

I never thought I would be able to trust a man again but I realized how wrong I’d been. I was slowly falling for Drake and in falling for him, I could feel the need grow more insistent for me to know him and underneath it all, to love him.

Our feelings weren’t unique but the way I felt about him was and in the short amount of time I’d known him, I needed to know more, feel more, do more with him than any other man and my heart slowly started to heal from the lies and deceit Colin had left behind but in the end, would I leave any room for him at all?





Drake and I drove back to Ensenada for dinner and enjoyed a seafood delight by the beach with tropical alcoholic beverages, laughter and plenty of conversation.

“I hope you had fun exploring the wonders of the country just south of ours,” he said over appetizers of seafood stuffed mushrooms.

“I had a blast and I don’t want you to think I don’t travel because I have and I do. I’ve been to almost every part of Western Europe, Australia, New Zealand, Japan and few countries in Central and South America including Panama, Costa Rica, Belize, Brazil, Argentina, Uruguay and Chile,” I explained before I sipped from the crisp champagne courtesy of a perfectly aged bottle of Dom Perignon.

“I never thought you were the type that wouldn’t have traveled. I know all about the European vacation you took this past summer with Colin.” Drake rolled his eyes in exasperation. “Drew told me. That man can’t keep much of anything to himself. He was pretty broken up about you leaving him for Colin.”

I laughed out loud though it was highly inappropriate. “Drew can be so melodramatic. We weren’t together and haven’t been for a very long time. What we happened to be was an extremely convenient bootie call to one another when he was in between relationships and it kept me from having to search for anyone either. Colin was my first relationship since Drew and I’m sure you know he was my first love.”

“It never occurred to you he might be the one? Drew I mean.”

I shook my head. “Not really. I guess I stopped living in that dream world around the time I was twenty-five or so. I didn’t expect Colin to be the ‘one’ either and I was surprised when everything happened between us so fast. It definitely felt more like insta-lust as opposed to insta-love looking back but I do love him though I don’t want to be in a relationship with him, at least not in a romantic capacity.”

Drake wiped his mouth and finished his champagne in one large gulp. “Then what made up your mind?”

“The pregnancy,” I stated softly, more to myself than to him.

His greenish blue eyes paled. “That must have been a surprise.”

“It’s because I was—and still am—on birth control but…I discovered the truth and I knew it would never work.”

“The truth? I am not sure I understand.”

I cleared my throat before I finished the rest of my champagne. “The baby wasn’t Colin’s…not biologically. You see, I had a one night stand with Liam before the two of us got together. I was horny and he wanted me…truth be told, I wanted him too just as badly. He hadn’t started to date my sister yet and we were both free agents.

“He claimed he used condoms but I think he must have been slipping them off even though I told him I wasn’t on anything. I couldn’t marry Colin and not tell him the truth but I knew how he would react as well. It didn’t make a difference the pregnancy shouldn’t have ever happened but he would have secretly thought I did it to ‘trap him’.”

Drake stared at me incredulously. “Colin is in love with you. With the way he is chasing you down like you’re the only woman in the world, you truly believe he would abandoned you?”

“Yes, I do.” I pursed my lips and glared at my companion though I was hardly angry with him because he hadn’t done anything. “Colin doesn’t really want me but he’s convinced himself he can’t live without me. He knows the truth and he said he ‘forgave me’ as if I was waiting for some forgiveness from him. If anyone should be on their knees apologizing and begging, it should be him, not me.”

He refilled our champagne flutes and I knew I had said more than I should have. It really wasn’t any of Drake’s business what happened between us. I couldn’t tell him about my father, could I? It would be the ultimate way to show I trusted him and I was just as serious about starting a relationship with him as he was with me but I wouldn’t ruin this dinner.

Drake sensed the change in me and quickly moved on to another subject about something much more pleasant. We finished up dinner and although I drank too much, by the time we began to make our way back to his car, I felt giddy and happy. It was a great feeling because I knew he wouldn’t try anything even if I should have stopped after several glasses of champagne. I certainly didn’t need those two mojitos but I’d drank them anyway.

He turned on an album by Robin Thicke and before I knew it, I was sleep. He touched my shoulder ever so softly and I awoke to see we were back in La Jolla.

“Whose place are we staying at tonight?”

I smiled in my sleepy-drunken feeling. “We can sleep at your place. It’s much nicer than mine.”

It was shortly after eleven in the evening but I stepped out and followed him back to his place. He loaned me an oversized tee-shirt with a faded photo of Eminem on the front with a list of concert dates and cities on the back.

Although I didn’t have on a bra, I slipped out of the dress and slid on the tee shirt.

Drake cleared his throat loudly.

I looked at him expectantly. “Sorry. I know you aren’t a virgin and have seen more pairs of tits than you can count so I didn’t think you’d care if you saw mine.”

“Actually, I have seen a lot of breasts but that doesn’t mean I wanted the first time I saw yours to be under these circumstances. They were exactly what I thought they would be but still. You’re absolutely exquisite and I don’t want to ruin what we have between us with meaningless sex. I like you a lot but would you believe it if I told you I want to get to know you better before we sleep with one another?”

“Believe me when I say I wasn’t trying to tempt you. I…can’t sleep with anyone at the moment because of the miscarriage and the results it’s caused to my body. It will be at least a couple of weeks before I would be in any kind of shape to share myself with another. However, I must admit that as much I hate to think about it, you’re starting to get under my skin and I am not sure how I feel about that,” I explained in a quiet voice.

How would he react? Drake proclaimed he liked me a lot and indicated his feelings for me were more than friendly but what did that mean exactly? I knew how I felt for him and in my mind, the days of Colin and me were becoming less and less of a possibility. As much as I loved the man who would have been my husband, I could never get over the deception and the devastation his brother had caused in my life as well as my sister’s and my mother’s.

None of us would ever be the same, hence the reason Caitlyn clung to Liam so anxiously and my mother could barely leave the house let alone communicate with either my sister or I on a regular basis.

“I figured as much, Deirdre. I know how much you have been hurt and regardless whether you want to tell me the whole truth or not, Colin betrayed you and you won’t ever be free until you share what he’s done to you with another. When the time comes, I truly hope the person you decide to confide in is me.”

The tears began to form and before I knew it, I was sobbing out loud on Drake’s shoulder, my makeup ruining his expensive silk shirt. When had he taken me in his arms and begun to comfort me like no one had ever done before?

My phone began to ring and it broke the moment of intimacy between us. I backed away from him slowly before I grabbed my purse and answered the call.

“Hello?”

“Hey, it’s me.” Caitlyn sounded distressed yet cold at the same time.

“Yes, I know by the ring tone it was you who was calling. Listen, this isn’t really a good time and I’m quite busy at the moment—”

“I just have one question for you and I will let you get back to your busy life then. Did you know?”

“Know what?” I snapped back at her cryptic question though I had a sinking feeling I knew damn well what she was talking about.

“Don’t play Miss Innocent with me!” Caitlyn exclaimed in anger. “I want to know if you knew about Liam and Colin, and how they were involved with our father’s accident? A simple ‘yes’ or ‘no’ should suffice.”

My breathing became labored and I left the room because I couldn’t answer, not when Drake stared at me so intensively and knew what ever we were talking about was serious indeed.

I walked into his kitchen and leaned on the counter top. “Yes, I knew. It’s the major reason why I left Colin. I couldn’t be married to him knowing what he did. It’s true…I forgave him for a while but I know me. I know in a few years, I will grow to hate him because he still has his freedom and his life while Mother is falling apart and justice hasn’t been served for anyone. We are all so broken up about Dad’s death still. Why should he get a free pass? What makes him so special?”

Caitlyn didn’t answer immediately but I heard her on the other end quietly sobbing. “Is that what you think I should do with Liam? Should I leave him too?”

I shook my head though I knew my sister couldn’t see it. “I’m not going to tell you what to do, Cait. That is on you and what you think is best for your peace of mind. If you are happy staying in a relationship with Liam then by all means do it. I didn’t tell you because I knew a part of you would always hate me if I did and besides, it wasn’t my place. He should have told you his involvement in the accident, not me.”

“If you say something cheesy like you were trying to spare my feelings, I swear to God I will hang up on you,” she retorted in a cold voice.

“No, I didn’t do it to spare your feelings—I didn’t tell you because Liam and Colin did all the damage and since you are going out with the person who was driving the car that night, he should tell you how and why he ran over our father. He was drunk and on Bath Salts. They knew what they did and they decided not to go to the police. Hell, he destroyed evidence by putting the car in the worst area of town so it could be stolen and he called the police the next day to report the theft.

“I could describe Liam with a whole phone book of adjectives but ‘stupid’ and ‘inept’ aren’t two words I would use. He has our father’s death on his conscience and now that he has told you, maybe he felt a little better but he does realize he is putting himself in major danger? You could go to the police and have the investigation re-opened. There isn’t a statute of limitations on murder in any State.”

Caitlyn snickered on the other end of the phone. “Don’t you realize that is why he told me? I don’t want him to go to prison for what he did. I don’t want to see his face and his name ruined or dragged through the mud. I love this man for Christ’s sake. I plan to marry him. He asked me tonight at dinner—he already had the ring picked out from Cartier and it’s beautiful—and I said yes. Why would I want my husband to have a criminal record?”

I walked into Drake’s sitting room and sat on the sofa. “Wow, you are some piece of work. Already, you two are engaged and you couldn’t dare turn against your future husband?”

“Well I didn’t see you exactly backing away from Colin and telling anyone what happened so don’t try to act so high and mighty!” she exclaimed in a bitchy voice.

“Listen to me, I did have an issue with it and I still do. Why do you think we aren’t together? I don’t think I could make a life with him…knowing what I know. He would have been better off not telling me at all.”

“This has all been very enlightening but I have to go. My fiancé and I would like to spend some alone time together. I’ll talk to you soon, sister dearest…but remember the golden rule. If you breathe a word about what we have talked to be anyone who doesn’t already know—including your new lover extraordinaire, Drake—your ass is going to be on the chopping block, not mine. I don’t want or intend for this to come out…ever.”

“Even if our mother still can’t get over our father’s death and hasn’t been the same since it happened? You’re willing to risk her life for your own happiness? What kind of human being are you?”

“Since similar minds think alike, I would prefer to believe I am taking a page out of your book, sister dearest. Good night and goodbye.”

Before I had a chance to say anything to the contrary, she ended the call and I shut my phone off and calmed down until the urge to throw the iPhone against the wall passed me.

That bitch! We had always been so close as siblings and here she was lecturing me about what I could and shouldn’t talk about. If I wanted to have a true relationship with Drake then he would have to know what happened, what really transpired the night our father died and I would tell him because I trusted him with all my heart.

I knew it sounded like a case of insta-love and I couldn’t possibly know him well enough to tell him my deepest darkest secrets but some part of me knew I could trust him and that was the part of my soul I always trusted.

The time would eventually arrive when I would have to tell Drake about what really happened and the precise reason why I ended my engagement to Colin but thank God that time wasn’t at that moment.





Part Two

Falling



Autumn 2013