Only Love (The Atonement Series)

CHAPTER Ten

Colin





Colin’s days were a lot more predictable than Deirdre’s though that didn’t make him miss her any less. The first few days at the coffee shop, he spent his time getting to know the employees and when he was not busy teaching them how to make proper lattes and espresso shots, he found himself on the phone with Drew.

Their conversations were always the same. Bardot’s was doing just fine and his only objective should have been trying to get Deirdre back.

“Listen, Drake is my cousin but I know as sure as the sun always sets, he’ll break her heart. He doesn’t know what he wants but there is a threat he won’t even see coming and it’ll shatter Deirdre’s world. You need to finesse your way back into her life—do what ever it takes.”

Colin rolled his eyes. He sat at one of the outside tables at Ground Beans and nursed a fat-free latte and a cigarette. He had cut down until he found himself in the same city as Deirdre yet again but even though he now knew where she was, he still smoked like a fiend. A pack was nothing for him to go through in a day. Although he could somewhat assuage his guilt at such an awful and disgusting habit by the fact that he ran four miles along the beach every morning, it didn’t make him feel much better.

“What are you suggesting?” he inquired as he flicked ash and raised the filter to his lips.

“Listen, there is a woman Drake is still in love with but it didn’t work out and I know for a fact she is going through a divorce with some drunk Canadian she married. The divorce has cost her everything, including her business and her self-esteem. She would do anything to change the way her life has turned out. Give her the money to relocate—you can afford it,” Drew explained in a cold and heartless tone.

“So you’re suggesting I just deliver this woman here and throw her at Drake? Isn’t that a bit underhanded?”

Drew snickered on the other end. “Hey, man, everything is fair in love and war. Do you want Deirdre back or not? If he cheats with this woman then you know for a fact she would leave him and where would she go? She’d be right back there with you. Whether you two come back to Seattle…I don’t know if that is such a good idea. Too many bad memories. Maybe La Jolla is a better match for you two.”

“I suppose you are going to give me this woman’s name and address.”

Drew informed his friend of the needed information and Colin stared at it for a long time after their conversation ended. He felt conflicted because although he’d participated in a man’s death, he could use the excuse he was high on Bath Salts at the time. This was plain devious and underhanded behavior but did he want the woman he loved to end up with another man?

The answer to that question was a resounding “no” therefore the decision seemed simple enough.

“Hey, can I bum a smoke?”

Colin suddenly looked up to see the most attractive barista in front of him who happened to work for Ground Beans. He thought her name was Cassie or Kelsey. He wasn’t exactly sure except he did know she was very beautiful with deep olive skin, warm brown eyes and a mole on her cheek. Angular with gorgeous features, a slim, small-boned build, she had told him she was the product of a Italian and black mother while her father was Scottish, originally from Glasgow though he’d been in America for over twenty-five years and a citizen for twenty of those years. She was only twenty—dangerous and definitely a threat—but what Deirdre didn’t know couldn’t hurt her either.

Yes, he did want his former fiancée back but he also needed to get laid and this young lady fit the bill perfectly.

Colin handed her a Camel Crush and she took it from him, her fingers brushed against his before she sat down across from him with an espresso shot. “Do you have a match?”

He handed her his Zippo lighter and she lit the cigarette with expertise before she handed it back to him. “It’s Cassie, right?”

She scratched her nose with a perfectly clean and manicured fingernail. “Short for Constanzia but Cassie is easier to pronounce and I would vomit if people called me Connie…it reminds me of the chick from The Godfather movies who always let her husband beat her like it was goin’ out of style and she always had to call Sonny to save her dumb ass.”

Colin laughed out loud. “Are all of you okay with yet another person bossing you around? I realize this is sudden but Deirdre needed a partner and I stepped in. I hope I am not pissing anyone off.”

Cassie glared at him with cool brown eyes. “We don’t really notice as long as we get paid. The former owner had an issue with that and I think everyone is just happy to have owners who remember employees don’t work for free. It’s just a gig until I finish up at UC San Diego. Not that I have a clue what I am going to do with a freakin’ journalism major now that everything has gone to shit.”

“Well, when you first decided on what you were going to major in, what did you think would happen? There is a reason why so many people pick something generic like Business for instance. There is a lot you can do with the degree especially if you plan to get your MBA.”

“Rich people maybe because MBAs don’t exactly grow on trees you know and they are very expensive to pursue.” She slipped the cigarette between her lips and dragged on it before she put the butt out in a plastic ashtray. “To be honest, I don’t know what happens after school for me but I guess I will just roll with it. Right now, this job is serving its purpose just fine and that is keeping me occupied and my mind off the boys of summer.”

Colin laughed out loud at that statement. “Yes, because men in college are so much more sophisticated than men in high school. I don’t know how young women do it but then again, it’s been a while since I went through the whole university thing and really, if I was smart, I certainly wouldn’t be flirting with you.”

Cassie pursed her lips before she looked into his eyes. “Why’s that? I’m legal and I know you are older…you’ve got to be late twenties or maybe even thirty…but I’m not jailbait. You sleeping with me isn’t going to get me or you in any kind of trouble.”

He stared at her through clear crystal blue eyes before he smiled. “You know what? You’re right. However, our break time ended ten minutes ago and we should both get back to work.”

She stood before she faced him again and inquired, “You wanna come with me to Prospect Bar & Grill tonight? They always have great food and even when they don’t have live music, they have some kick ass DJs that make the round. It might be fun and maybe it will get you out of this funk you have about your ex?”

“I’m sorry—what funk and which ex would your statement be in reference to exactly?”

Cassie rolled her eyes. “You are joking, right? Everyone knows you and Deirdre used to be an item. It’s obvious she’s moved on to bigger and better things…maybe you should do the same.”

Colin smiled wryly as soon as her back was turned to him. So she wanted to play and she liked a good time. He would definitely enjoy this one and have absolutely no regrets about what happened between the two of them. Deirdre had moved on and he could do the same even if it was only to scratch an itch temporary.





Cassie was just what the doctor ordered and Prospect Bar and Grill was a perfect suggestion. They started off the night with a few mixed drinks—hers was a dirty Martini while he preferred an Adios Motherf*cker. Yes, they were caloric as hell but after that, he knew he would stick to imported lagers just so he would be all right to drive home later that night.

He allowed his companion to order what ever she wanted and she took advantage and then some.

“Hungry?” he inquired.

They sat outside in the romantic patio area which was teeming with people. Lots of the beautiful people from San Diego and La Jolla lined the inside and outside of the restaurant. He had to hand it to Cassie because she possessed an extremely well-made fake ID which declared her to be twenty-one and she’d certainly dressed the part in a liquid silver, spaghetti-strapped dress which barely reached mid-thigh and a black pair of Yves Saint Laurent Tribute sandals which must have cost her more than she made in a month.

Her hair was up in a messy chignon with ringlets that made her look just the right amount of innocent and sex-bomb while her makeup was perfect, understated except for the dark red lipstick she wore.

“I know—you’re looking at my shoes. If you must know they were a gift from a rich jock I dated at UC San Diego. It didn’t last long but he did buy me these shoes for my twentieth birthday so it wasn’t all bad,” she explained as she downed her third dirty Martini.

Colin was more than a bit worried about her although it wasn’t altogether altruistic. The way she knocked drinks back, would she even be sober enough that night to f*ck let alone would she be any good? She’d yet to eat anything but from the appetizer teaser plate he’d ordered.

“Why don’t you try to get some food in you?” he suggested as he slid the plate closer to her.

“Don’t worry, I’m in college, and I’m used to drinking a lot. Besides, I am hardly falling down drunk.” Cassie set her glass down and looked him in the eyes. “I can see your concern though so I’ll stick to what ever you’re drinking or are you going to put me on a San Pellegrino restriction for the rest of the night?”

He smiled slyly. “I wouldn’t dare think of that. How about I order us a round of imported lagers and we can discuss more about college life?”

She shrugged her okay and as soon as their waiter came by, he ordered Heinekens for the both of them.

“Why are you so interested in me all of the sudden? I mean, I don’t know if you noticed but the former owner had this strange complex. She refused to hire people who she thought were ugly and she wouldn’t dare hire anyone overweight. There is tons of talent in that place and you’re lusting after me? I just don’t get the interest unless something about me vaguely reminds you of Deirdre? And it certainly can’t be my sparkling personality,” she explained truthfully as she placed her left elbow on the table and leaned her chin on the palm of her open hand.

“I did notice everyone at Ground Beans was good looking but I have been dealing with a lot of personal crap lately and I assumed everything would be solved by now.” Colin stared out past the people and onto the romantically lit street. “I was never good at this—dating I mean. I always had a girlfriend and I guess you could call me a serial monogamist if you like but sleeping around with a lot of women has never really appealed to me.”

Where the hell did that lie come from? Colin was the player to end all players and he’d had plenty of one night stands. However, he could also read women and since this one would have to last him a while, it was best to tell her what she wanted to hear. Women often claimed they wanted and desired a “bad boy” but deep down inside, they just wanted someone sexy who could f*ck and if they were dependable, a man could earn major bonus points.

He already had the look of a bad boy down anyway so him being a gentleman and kind to her could be a plus and their secret.

Cassie shook her head. “You’re not at all like I thought you would be. I just assumed someone as good looking and sexy as you has had plenty of girlfriends.”

Colin cocked his head to the side. “I could say the same about a woman as spell-bindingly beautiful as you. You’re perfect, you know that?”

“Well, when I first got to college, I did go a little wild but I quickly settled down. One night stands became boring and I was sick of having my heart stepped and broken on. I think I had two or three before I swore off them all together. From then on out, it has been nothing but relationships. Neil and I broke up around three months ago but we dated all throughout my sophomore year. I really did think we would last at least until mid junior year but it wasn’t in the cards…”

“Why not?”

“Well, he’s from the San Diego area and his family has nothing but money. His mother didn’t approve of him dating someone ‘working class’. It doesn’t help my roommate, Natasha, is one of the biggest whores at UC San Diego. I caught her giving Neil a blow job at one of our parties just before school ended for the semester. To say that I was disappointed would have been an understatement.

“Then again, I don’t know why Neil was interested in me because when we broke up, he didn’t fight for me. He didn’t call or text. Perhaps he thought it was no big deal. A blow job isn’t sex—the whole ‘Bill Clinton’ school of sexual thought. Who cares? I don’t, not really. I mean, there are plenty of fish in the sea and Neil was a horrible lay anyway. He was awful in bed…to be honest, I never understood why I was with him because I could never marry a man who couldn’t perform, you know?”

The beauty of youth had just given way to the ugly truth of youth. After all the intellectual and enlightening conversations Colin had shared with Deirdre, he only wished for Cassie to just shut up. She had absolutely nothing to contribute to any conversation unless it revolved around her and that was getting old very fast.

He clasped his hands around his Heineken as soon as the waiter dropped it off. “So, you said you were pretty lost about what you should do after university ends. Have you ever thought of maybe getting an internship at one of the major newspapers or cable studios? It might not pay much but what you would learn on the job experience and it would be a great way to start building your résumé.”

“Actually, it never occurred to me but that would be a great idea.” Cassie swigged from her lager before she leaned in to show major cleavage for his benefit. “Do you know of any opportunities that might be on the horizon? I could definitely use the help with getting an ‘in’, you know?”

“I will ask around and get back to you,” Colin responded with just the right amount of enthusiasm.

At least the night wouldn’t be a total waste.





Colin and Cassie arrived back to his beach front condo shortly after one in the morning. They kissed one another with hungry passion that could not be denied. He didn’t know how long it had been for her but for him, it had been an interminable month since Deirdre left him and he’d felt every second of every day.

The thought of burying his grief within the warm body of another’s was a satisfying thought but he didn’t want to end up impregnating someone or worse yet, acquiring a sexually transmitted disease.

Cassie stopped kissing him and looked into his eyes. Her own were large and brown with dilated pupils. “I really, really want you, Colin, but we both have to be safe. I am on the pill but is it all right if you use a condom too?”

“Of course. I have both lambskin and regular Durex of course but the lambskin ones are better…however, they don’t prevent STDs so if you have something, I need to know now.”

She shook her head. “God no. I haven’t had sex since Neil and although he wasn’t shy about whom he allowed to suck his dick, he was fastidious about his health. He had to be. I still got tested for everything underneath the sun after we broke up and my tests came back clean.”

“Well, I was in a committed relationship and neither my partner nor I used anything. We were…safe. However, after she left, I still went through the battery of tests with my doctor and I was declared to have a clean bill of health. I don’t have anything, not even the clap.”

Cassie’s eyebrows shot up in dismay. “What’s that?”

Colin laughed out loud. His head was buzzing but in a good way. He hadn’t drank too much and could very well be up for the job of performing. Sex with strangers was not as satisfying but much less complicated than with a woman he loved and cared about.

He didn’t make it a habit to perform oral sex on casual sexual partners. He might tease them with his fingers and hands but his mouth never strayed that far down south. If they were blow job enthusiasts, they could knock themselves right out but he wouldn’t return the favor.

He also kept it straight sexual intercourse with absolutely zero experimentation except for maybe a quick stroke of their perineum. It just wasn’t worth the hassle. It was how he kept his life compartmentalized, orderly and distinguished with what a relationship would be for him in his life.

Sex with Cassie was for fun and pleasure—nothing else. He didn’t need to feel anything for anyone else other than his former fiancée. Having the feelings he possessed for Deirdre and the day-in, day-out torment they caused for him was more than enough to deal with and he had no intention of making the situation more complicated than it was already.

Colin kissed Cassie again and as her tongue sought his out, he responded with abandon as his hands slowly encircled her firm breasts through the thin material.

“One other thing,” he began as he parted from her and actually stepped back physically. “I could get into a lot of trouble because, technically, I’m your boss. We are talking about a sexual harassment suit. You could later say I made promises to you based on the stipulation you slept with me. Have I coerced you or given you any reason to believe you would benefit from us having sex other than an orgasm or three?”

Cassie shook her head. “No, you haven’t and I want to do this with you. I understand we have created a conflict of interest because you are co-owner of the coffee shop and I’m your employee but it’s not like that. I am sexually attracted to you and that is why we’re going to do this and no other reason.”

Colin removed his Galaxy Note from his pocket and turned off the recorder. He held it up to her before he turned off his phone. “That was just a little insurance for both you and me. We can’t afford for this to get back to anyone at work or to the co-owner. Deirdre would frown on me sleeping with an employee and it has nothing to do with her being my ex-fiancée. She finds it tasteless and unnecessary.”

Cassie slipped her arms around his neck and pulled him closer to her. “I take it you two were never in each other’s employment?”

“No. We met through a mutual friend,” he explained quickly before he pressed his lips against hers to silence any other questions that might be forthcoming.

He had no reason what so ever to share the relationship he had with Deirdre to anyone and he certainly wouldn’t talk about it ad nauseum to someone as inconsequential and temporary as Cassie.

Her tongue tasted like Heineken and wintergreen mints. She was not a smooth lover and he could tell all her previous experiences had been with college or high school boys by the way she massaged his hardness through the black jeans he wore. Long gone were the days when a quick rub could cause him to lose control and blow his wad. It took a lot more finesse than that to get him off.

Colin led her to the bedroom slowly as he discarded her slinky dress only to leave her in a pair of high heel sandals and a white thong. He stopped, bent down and actually undid her sandals before they reached his room and she stepped out of them with sheer relief.

He wasn’t a complete and total brute. Her breasts were ripe, firm and all hers with quarter sized areolas with small hard nipples that were straining to be caressed. He allowed his mouth to fall to the right nipple as he slipped it into his mouth and teased her nipple with his tongue. She threw her head back as his left fingers squeezed her other nipple and brought it to attention.

Cassie began to breathe hard and he knew it wouldn’t take much to get her off. She had soaked her thong and the slick wetness from her snatch slid down her inner thighs. He looked down before he stared at her again and she looked away in embarrassment.

“Sorry…I get really wet when I am turned on and it’s a bit embarrassing. That isn’t pee…it’s…well, you know.”

Against his better judgment, he stripped his comforter from the bed before he laid her down and slipped her thong off. He knew he shouldn’t have but Colin could be a sucker for a wet p-ssy and this one was just begging to be loved all night long.

He spread her legs and admired her slippery sex, the inner and outer lips, the * poised at attention and every part of her dripped wet with need and want. He spread her outer lips and slid his tongue between the inner lips before they met with the hardness of her * and she gasped out loud.

Colin knew it wasn’t Deirdre but just picturing her creamy olive legs open before him transformed Cassie into the woman he loved with all his heart and it made the job that much easier to get her off. He spread her and continued to suckle on her * before he spread her inner lips and tongued the opening between her legs which led to so much pleasure.

She gasped and writhed beneath him before she cried out his name and as her whole sex began to vibrate, he knew he had made her orgasm with little effort on his part. He hadn’t even slid any fingers inside of her and she probably had no idea where her G-spot was, let alone how much pleasure it could give to her.

He decided she could find all of that out later before she tackled him and they switched positions. He was now on the bottom and she was on the top. She ripped open his black silk shirt, buttons popped and flew everywhere, including the hardwood floor.

Cassie tongued his nipples quickly and greedily before her mouth began to lead much lower. She couldn’t undo the button on his jeans nor tear down his zipper fast enough before she reached inside and caressed his cock. He was “hard as Japanese arithmetic”, one of Drew’s favorite sayings only because he’d spent a year as a junior high exchange student in Japan and knew what their workload was like. The saying stuck and he found himself laughing quietly about where the statement had come from and why he had thought about it at that moment.

His lover wasn’t Deirdre and had none of her finesse when it came to taking his manhood in her mouth but she tried to do an adequate job and he supposed he should thank her for her efforts. Her tongue ran along the underside of his cock before she slipped the mushroom head into her mouth and began to move down slowly. She couldn’t get more than half of his length in her mouth and his most sensitive parts kept hitting her back teeth. She pumped the part of his cock she couldn’t fit with eager hands before he stopped her all together and tackled her onto her back.

Colin reached down and kissed her thoroughly before he whispered in her ear, “Get on your stomach, baby, with that beautiful ass of yours in the air.”

Cassie turned over reluctantly and posed for him in perfect position on all fours. From the back, she vaguely reminded him of Deirdre and that would make his orgasm that much more intense if he thought about making love to his former fiancée than her.

He was cruel, unnecessarily so, but the moment he thrust himself into her slippery depths, he began to f*ck her mercilessly and without regard to whether she enjoyed herself or not. College girls, he thought to himself, do they even know where their kegel muscles are and what they are for?

Although Cassie had prided herself for not sleeping around, she was still loose and he had to scissor her legs together just to get any friction. The sex was not satisfying and at this point, all he wanted to do was get off so he could send her on her way and go to sleep.

Colin was forced to turn her over and look into those large brown eyes while he held her legs together and thrust his cock back inside her. He closed his eyes and thought about Deirdre. Her gorgeous eyes and her beautiful body, her tight moist cunt surrounding his cock and milking the orgasm out of him as if her life depended upon it and just like that, he felt the semen build up from his balls and he pulled out of her and came on her stomach.

Dumb ass that he was, he’d forgotten to wear a condom. That was a safe sex message for college students if he knew one. And there was no excuse on his part because he had drawer full of rubbers right next to his bed.

Pissed and angry at himself, he stood though the feeling of exhaustion had already begun to hit him. He walked to his bathroom and started the shower. Before he climbed in, he grabbed a hand towel and walked it back to Cassie.

“Sorry about that. Listen, I have an early morning and you have work so I’ll see you tomorrow, yeah?”

The disappointment settled in her brown eyes first before she perked up. “You don’t want me to sleep over?”

“No, I don’t. That wouldn’t be a good idea and I’ve always been a bit selfish about my bed. Half the time, Deirdre would find herself on the floor in the middle of the night.”

Okay, that was an out right lie and taken from a scene he vaguely remembered on Sex & the City between Carrie and Mr. Big but it did the trick because Cassie hopped out of bed as soon as she wiped his semen off her stomach.

“See you tomorrow,” she murmured before she kissed him quickly on the lips and left his bedroom.

He listened until he heard her dress and not until the front door slammed did he breathe a sigh of relief.

Colin thanked his lucky stars it has been his idea for them to meet at his house so she could just hop into her car—a 2012 blue Ford Fiesta—and leave after their sexual activities were completed for the evening.

Alone at last.

Yes, he’d gotten laid but it was lousy and he realized with a dawning realization that no one was going to be able to take Deirdre’s place.

Not even temporarily.