Only Love (The Atonement Series)

CHAPTER Seven





I couldn’t believe how comfortable I found myself in Drake’s company. He had a great sense of humor and too many times to count, he reminded me of Drew, my first love.

If I had anyone to blame for being miserable at this point, it would certainly be myself because I’d had a great guy who loved me unconditionally and would have done anything for me. The thought of spending the rest of my life with my first love didn’t sound appealing. In fact, it sounded downright boring!

I realized my adolescent brain couldn’t comprehend how easily it would be to fall for another but true love took time and patience. It was mutual trust and respect; a feeling that your partner, no matter how flawed they were, would never intentionally hurt you and even though the rough times could be so awful, it was often hard to remember the good, you had that person’s back and they had yours.

Wasn’t that the love which had grown and blossomed between Colin and me? Not only had we lived in the same apartment before our European vacation—though I’d slept in the guest room and we never consummated our relationship before we left—but I thought we had gotten to know one another. Our vacation was a great dose of unrealistic expectations in a reality that would never be our own simply because we were on vacation.

The most soul shattering events had occurred after we’d gotten back. Yes, I’d given up my slacker image and managed to get a real job but then my boyfriend and I found out we were expecting a baby. That was not part of our plans; neither was getting engaged so quickly. Unfortunately, the night Colin had revealed to me that he and his brother, Liam, were directly responsible for the death of my father, a part of me died and that person could never be resurrected.

How in God’s name could I forgive the unforgivable? The night he told me, shock had taken over and I had forgiven him. I said it was an awful situation but we would get through it. I had no idea if it was the equivalent of pregnancy hormones which acted similar to illegal stimulants but we both knew in our heart of hearts that could never happen.

Colin had broken my heart and it wasn’t my place to say anything at all but the silence was a heavier burden than those few lies I’d spoken so easily. Just seeing him again after these last few weeks was a dagger to my heart I refused to heal from so easily. It was worse than losing the baby and that made me feel like the world’s most awful human being for admitting something like that even if it was the truth.

“Uh oh, you’ve gotten quiet. That is never a good sign. Are you thinking about your ex?” Drake inquired, shattering my contemplation.

“Yes and no.” I looked over at him as he drove. He owned an onyx-colored 2013 Hummer H3 and I hated to say it but it suited his personality and to be honest, I couldn’t see him driving any other vehicle.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” he questioned out loud.

I stared at him, the white shirt he wore which showed the peek of tribal tattoo on his right shoulder. Were there any cool guys under forty that didn’t have tattoos? As far as I knew, it was the only one he had but then again, I’d never seen him shirtless—or without jeans—so I wouldn’t know.

“I would think your girlfriend would be awfully jealous to have her boyfriend spending so much time with a strange woman, even if I am your next-door neighbor,” I remarked, changing the subject. I didn’t want to talk about Colin so if I could avoid that conversation by talking about his relationship then I would.

Not that I had any interest in hearing about how a hot guy like Drake was taken by another woman. It was more of a burden than I cared to realize how lonely it was without someone special in my life. I missed quiet talks, kisses, sex, but most of all, the act of cuddling and feeling skin against skin.

My condo was so empty; I didn’t even have a pet to keep me company but my hours were so sporadic, I’d only be good to have a cat. However that involved house training and I wasn’t in the mood for picking up “accidents” until the kitten learned where the litter box was so that pretty much meant pets were out. My options were limited to a fish, hamster or guinea pig; none of the aforementioned I found the least bit appealing.

Drake and I stopped at a red light and he turned toward me. “I don’t have a girlfriend. My last one, Mikayla, also happened to be my business partner, and since we broke up six months ago, there hasn’t been anyone.”

“Mmm, six months isn’t a long time to be apart—”

“You’re one to talk. It hasn’t been a month between you and Colin. Kayla and I had been fighting for months before we broke up but you two were the picture of bliss up until you left.” The light changed and he pressed on the gas. “So, you know I have to ask…what happened?”

“What happened between you and this Mikayla person?” I asked in response to his question.

“Well, for one, we owned a business together so we saw too much of one another. Two, her family is one of the most influential Ukrainian mob families on the West Coast and I come from one of the most politically influential families on the East Coast—it would never work. Three, she cheated on me with one of my best friends and I found them in a compromising position with her on her knees and his you-know-what in her mouth. It wasn’t a situation she could exactly talk herself out of,” Drake explained in a tone filled with bitterness and regret.

“Oh wow, that’s tough. How do you two…continue to run the business when something so explosive broke you up in the first place?”

“We don’t spend any time together. She takes care of the business side regarding the restaurant and I am simply the head chef. All in all, it works out. We enjoy owning the business together but we can admit we shouldn’t be together in a romantic capacity.”

“How very adult of you,” I murmured more to myself than him.

“Exactly what happened between you and Colin that caused you to act the opposite of an adult and leave your relationship like you were some fugitive breaking out of prison?”

“If I could tell you, I would but…it was something major and unfortunately, it involves criminal activity. People could still be arrested and sent to a maximum security facility for what I know so it’s not as simple as me telling you about it. Let’s just say he broke my heart and I don’t think I will ever recover from what he did to me,” I said in a quiet voice.

Drake was silent for a moment. “Wonders never cease…I would have never taken you for the type to protect anyone when it came to criminal activity. Not with your Harvard education and perfect manners.”

My heart seemed to stop before I inquired, “How did you know I attended Harvard?”

He laughed out loud and turned toward me quickly before he focused on the moving traffic again. “Your ex-boyfriend, Drew, is my first cousin. I know more about you than you think, Deirdre.”





How I wished finding out Drew and Drake were related had been the only surprise of my day. I arrived back at my condo to a “Welcome home” impromptu celebration and get together thrown by Drew and Aubrey. It was great to see them again until I noticed Colin sitting on my love seat nursing a small bottle of Evian water.

I quickly pulled my cousin to the side in my bedroom as soon as I’d escaped that awkward situation and wondered out loud, “What the hell is going on here? Why is Colin sitting on my sofa like there is nothing that happened between the two of us?”

Aubrey stuck her hands in the back of the electric blue jeggings she wore which matched her black short-sleeved peasant blouse and avoided my gaze. “Listen, he came by and Drew felt a bit sorry for him. He’s not here to do you any harm and he doesn’t want to fight with you. Please act cordial with him and this will go so much smoother.”

“What makes you think I would make a scene? I just got out of the hospital for Christ’s sake—I’m not in the position to argue with anyone but I didn’t think I would have to be on the defensive in my own home either.”

“He said he would leave you alone and if you were ready to talk then…it would be up to you.” She nervously slid a lock of her newly dyed auburn hair behind her ear. “Don’t you think you should speak to him? I mean doesn’t he at least deserve that?”

“Aubrey,” I warned in a cold voice.

She grabbed me by the shoulders and gently shook me. “No, Deirdre, listen to what you’re saying and realize you’re behaving like a complete and utter fool. You act like he killed someone for God’s sake. What could he have done that is so awful you can’t find it in your heart to forgive him? I’m sorry but the way you’re treating him just doesn’t make any sense what so ever.”

“Listen, you don’t know what you’re talking about. What happened between Colin and I is no one’s business and I’m not at liberty to tell you either so you are going to have to trust me on this.”

“He didn’t…physically hurt you, did he because you know I will kill the son of a bitch myself.”

“No, he wouldn’t ever touch me in that way.” I removed her hands from my shoulders and turned away from her so I wouldn’t have to lie to her face. “We drifted apart and we still love one another dearly but something happened before we got together and it cost us our relationship. It wasn’t anyone’s fault—it just happened and he didn’t think he’d feel the way he felt but he did and it was better for us not to be together than to stay with one another and continue to hurt each other. Do you understand?”

“Okay, so if that is the case and if what happened was so terrible, can’t you try to work it out now? I don’t like this whole idea of you getting involved with Drew’s cousin and something about Drake rubs me the wrong way. I mean…he claims to be broken up with this Mikayla but how do you know they won’t get back together?”

I turned toward Aubrey. “Wait, how do you know about Drake’s relationship with Mikayla?”

She rolled her eyes. “Drew told us about it while we were waiting for you two to come back from the hospital. Did you know he’s the prodigal son of Drew’s aunt who happens to be his mother’s sister? He was disowned and somehow he got involved with the Ukrainian mob. Maybe you should ask him how he meets people like that.”

“Perhaps because I truly don’t think it’s any of my business, Aubrey. You’ve known some pretty shady people in your time. How the hell did you meet them?” I snapped back not feeling in the most generous of moods and tired of arguing with my cousin.

“Believe me, I have met some shady people but I don’t try to pretend I’m anything other than what I am: poor trash from the wrong side of the tracks who hit the jackpot when a man like Drew decided to take a chance on me. You didn’t grow up in the school of hard knocks and you’ll never know what it’s like to be used and abused for money.”

Aubrey stopped talking and looked me dead in the eyes. “Don’t you know how much I envy you for that? You have been so lucky up until the unfortunate incident when your father was taken from you and Caitlyn in the most awful of circumstances. But believe me when I say that Drew still loves you very much. I would hazard a guess to say you have two men who are still in love with you: my boyfriend…and Colin.

“He would do anything to get you back, Deirdre, anything. What ever happened between you two just doesn’t end because a relationship hits rough sailing. Don’t go down the path of starting an affair with a man who knows some very dangerous people. It isn’t good for you and if this Mikayla still has any feelings for Drake then you are screwed. I wouldn’t put it past her to try to have you knocked off because she felt you to be a threat. That is all I am saying. Tread carefully with Drake and remember Colin will always there for you. I don’t think he would even know how to leave your side. You two were meant to be together—isn’t that enough for you?”

I stared back at my cousin with determination and renewed strength. “I honestly don’t know, Aubrey.”