Only Love (The Atonement Series)

CHAPTER Five





Drake walked over to my bedside and stared down at me with concerned eyes before he smiled gently.

“Sorry, I seem to have the worst timing in the world when it comes to jokes. I shouldn’t have said that and it was highly insensitive of me especially when you are lying in a hospital bed and all of this…it’s just tragic.”

I smiled in return and tried not to laugh because he truly did look sorry for his lousy attempt at humor that came at the expense of my present situation. “Colin is super sensitive and he also happens to be my former fiancé. We have…quite the history but one I am not willing to divulge to you or anyone else what’s going on because to be honest, it isn’t really of your business.”

His pale aquamarine eyes changed and all the playfulness left his eyes. “Listen, I had no idea you two were so close to one another. I am…stuck in a similar situation since the co-owner of my restaurant is also a former lover.”

“So, what are you doing here flirting with me?” I inquired. It might have sounded a bit straight forward but I’d played enough games in my life and considered myself too old for them.

Not to mention I had just suffered a miscarriage and wasn’t exactly feeling like sweetness and sunshine—truth be told, I felt like shit run over twice and ground into the asphalt for good measure.

Drake raised an eyebrow. “I believe that is why we call them ex-lovers. We are no longer an item and I am very much attracted to you.”

“Ah, a man that is not only sexy but forward too. To what do I owe the pleasure?”

“Well, we’re neighbors and you did take an unfortunate fall at my restaurant for which I feel like shit. I didn’t come because I was afraid you would sue. I came because I was generally concerned about your well being and hoped you were all right,” he explained in that deep, husky voice of his which seemed like the perfect combination of velvet and melted Sugar in the Raw.

What the hell kind of drugs did Dr. Evers give me? Here I was in way too much pain yet my body already envisioned hot, passionate sex with this delicious and beautiful chef? I was absolutely and completely certifiable.

“Perhaps once I leave this place, we can go out on a proper date then?” I questioned out loud. “But first, I have to get rid of my family and I am sure there are more of them out there just dying to talk to me.”

“Well, now that you have mentioned it, there is an angry blonde with her boyfriend and also another guy with a redhead.”

“That would be my sister, Caitlyn, and her significant other, Liam; the other couple I am assuming to be Drew and Aubrey though I had no idea she’d dyed her hair…not that it’s a surprise.”

“Are all the people you know as beautiful as you are?” Drake inquired in a conspiratorial whisper.

“Of course. I try not to hang out with the undesirable and ugly of society,” I whispered back sarcastically.

“I will see you later then and let your family have their way with you.”

“You do that,” I responded before I smiled and watched him walk out of the room.

The only memory I had of our whole conversation was his nice ass leaving the room and for someone like me, that was definitely a bad thing.

Caitlyn and Liam walked in shortly after Drake left and I closed my eyes, curled up in a ball and wished I could be by myself. Nothing good would come out of the conversation and I just didn’t want to deal with their bullshit on top of my own.

My sister gave me a look that told me she disapproved. Her natural, honey blonde hair was up in a chignon though she was dressed casually in a pair of turquoise jean Capri pants and a white spaghetti-strapped babydoll blouse that ended at her hips. Liam was equally casual and attractive in a black tee-shirt and a pair of slightly baggy blue jeans.

“Hello, sister dearest,” my sister greeted with cool blue eyes. “I hope this whole experience has taught you a very important lesson. Does this mean you’ve decided to come back to Seattle?”

I sighed and stretched out in the bed before I raised the lever on the bed so I could sit up and face them. “Listen to me, I am not going back to Seattle and I am going to tell you the same statement I told Colin. I’ve made a life here and I don’t plan to leave it. I’m not sure there is a future between us and there is no reason for me to go back. I hate to dash your hopes but what transpired between us is no one’s business but our own and I’m not in any position to divulge what happened.”

Liam began to pace as his sky blue eyes glared into mine. He knew exactly what I was talking about and from his obvious behavior he hadn’t been honest with my sister yet. It wouldn’t be me who told her the kind of man she was dating; she would have to find that out on her own.

Although Colin was good looking and held a unique charm of his own, Liam was overwhelmingly the more charismatic of the two and exuded raw sexual attraction. His rugged features mixed with light brown hair with natural blond streaks throughout, his height and lean muscular body qualified him as a ladies man from the get-go. However, he was now off the market thanks to Caitlyn and her feminine wiles. He’d always had a soft spot for me though and this both irked and made my sister feel somewhat less secure in her relationship with him than she should have.

“What do you mean? You specifically told us what ever went down between you two you forgave him. The man is in misery over what you have done to him yet you sit there in that hospital bed and tell us his pain means nothing to you? How could you be so cold and callous?”

“Easy, I learned it from the masters,” I murmured as I stared at him. “Don’t you dare judge me because you don’t know what I’ve been through and you can’t possibly understand what my life has been like. I don’t owe either one of you an explanation and I don’t plan to make up one now.”

“Who’s this Drake character and why was he allowed to visit you before we were? We’re family for Christ’s sake!” Caitlyn exclaimed in anger.

“It was his restaurant where the accident happened and he felt bad!”

“So you being attracted to him had nothing to do with him kicking Colin out as soon as possible so he could spend some time with you?”

I raised curious eyebrows. “Um, Drake didn’t ask Colin to leave—I did. He was completely out of control and now he claims he is going to stay here until he can change my mind and make me reconsider my decision. As far as I am concerned if that happens, it would be better if he wasn’t here.”

If looks could kill, Liam would have delivered one to me that would have caused me instantaneous death. “Nice to know that is how you view the man who was supposed to be the father of your child and your husband.”

I was sick of everything and everyone. I pressed the buzzer in a clandestine manner underneath the blanket. “You know what? If I ever had any intentions of coming back to Seattle then you have both ruined it! I don’t need you coming here and making me feel bad for something that was an accident. Perhaps it was the final straw and this really means Colin and I aren’t meant to be. I don’t know but what I do understand is that you being here, crowding me, trying to make me feel something I can’t at the moment isn’t helping. I know I am being rude but can the both of you just go?”

Caitlyn stared at me wide-mouthed though she said nothing and moments later, a nurse came in and didn’t give her the opportunity. “Ms. Bardot has experienced a traumatic incident and she needs her rest. I am afraid visiting hours have been cut off for her and you will have to come back tomorrow.”

“Deirdre, this isn’t over,” my sister finally murmured to me before she and Liam followed the nurse out.

It was only then I felt slightly bad about my decision. I didn’t have a chance to see Drew or Aubrey and I very much wanted to visit with them. Oh well, I thought, tomorrow was another day.





As fate would have it, I didn’t end up seeing Drew or Aubrey while I was in the hospital. I was released two days after my confrontations with Colin, Liam and Caitlyn. The nurse had reported the incidents to Dr. Evers and she quickly set up a no-visitor’s policy for me due to the “emotional trauma” I’d experienced with the miscarriage.

“I’m not an idiot. I know that one guy—the blond—was an ex-fiancé of some sort and I can’t have you under any additional pressure or stress. It could cause you to hemorrhage again and that would be a disaster.” Dr. Evers stared at me with a look of intense sympathy. “I pride my skills as a talented physician and I am quite happy you’re still able to conceive but if something was to happen and I had to clean you up, I would never forgive myself. You are much too young to go through a hysterectomy…not to mention what it would do to your self-esteem. Women always believe children aren’t that important until they are told they can no longer have them ever…at least not naturally.”

After her speech, I didn’t fight any of her advice and was perfectly happy without having visitors at the hospital. I managed to speak to my mother on the phone who apologized about not being able to show up but she sounded terrible and I clearly worried about her state of being. Perhaps losing Dad was too much for her and the thought of living a life without him was too much to take.

Jeanette, my mother, had adopted me when I was a toddler, and although she was Caitlyn’s biological mother, she wasn’t mine. However since she’d raised me due to the premature death of my real mother at a very young age, I still considered her my mom in every sense of the word.

Drake showed up nice and early to help me get ready and drive me back to the condo on the day I was discharged. To say I was taken aback to see him yet again and so soon was the understatement of the year.

“How did you know I was being released today?” I inquired in complete and utter surprise.

“I have actually become quite chatty with your friend, Drew, and your cousin, Aubrey. Are they together? She’s stunning and yes, I can see the family resemblance.”

I rolled my eyes as I grabbed the plastic bag he handed to me. “Yeah right. We look nothing alike. She is this stunning brunette with blue eyes men die for and, if I’m not mistaken, I believe she’s dyed her hair auburn. Regardless, she is a walking sex symbol. I don’t doubt my ‘sex appeal’ according to my ‘inner goddess’ but I am no Aubrey—that’s for sure.”

Drake’s pale greenish blue eyes studied me with stunning intensity that was so electric, I could almost see the air around us generate excitement and heat. “Listen, I didn’t go through your closet. Drew and Aubrey got here too late and I let them stay at my place. Aubrey actually bought the clothes yesterday and we thought you wouldn’t mind…”

I pulled out a pair of pink sweatpants, a white tank top and a matching sweat jacket with Juicy Couture written on it. Yep, this was definitely my cousin’s doing because I would wear this kind of clothing in the house on a lazy afternoon but never in public.

“I hope they meet your approval?”

I plastered on a fake smile. “They’re great. I’ll just go get changed and we can get ready to blow this joint.”

Drake’s smile was sexy as hell as he revealed a pair of perfect white teeth. “I can’t wait.”

I ignored the double entendre and walked into the bathroom before I closed the door behind me.

What was I allowing to happen and was I just asking for trouble especially since my ex-fiancé was still in town?