Absolutely Unforgivable

chapter 17 - Second Chances

On the way to the hospital, Jeromy introduced me to the brunette from earlier. Her name was Susan and she and Jeromy had been friends since high school. They recently ran into each other and revived their friendship.

When the car pulled up to the hospital, I jumped out. I couldn’t wait to see Billy. Vin was quickly by my side, trying to shield me from the onslaught of rushing fans and media. I didn’t care though. Let them take all of the pictures they wanted. Nothing was going to get me down today. Billy was alive. Just barely; but still we had a fighting chance and nothing was going to take that happiness away from me.

When we arrived, Billy had just started coming to. I wanted to leap in his arms but I could tell he was far too weak for that. I wanted to know the extent of his injuries and the nurse filled me in.

“The blade went through his back and puncture an intestine and then sliced through the lining of his stomach.”

“And that’s where all of that blood came from that night?” I asked squeamishly.

“Yes and the sudden loss of so much blood is what made him fall to the ground and pass out and that is when he must have hit his head on the concrete and had some swelling of the brain. That is why we’ve had him in a medically induced coma, to help facilitate his recovery. In essence, he slept off the swelling while we repaired his other injuries.”

“So he’s going to be okay now?”

“They have repaired the damage and he should be fine but it will be a slow and painful recovery. He’s not just going to pop up out of bed and be fine. He’ll need plenty of rest to give his body time to get better.”

I didn’t care how long it took though. At least there would be a recovery. That was all that mattered to me. I must have had a worried look on my face because Billy reached up and grabbed my hand and squeezed it as best he could while the nurse told me all that was going on.

When she left I sat down beside him and started crying. I couldn’t help it. I was just so happy that he was alive. Billy was weak but still he did his best to comfort me. “Please don’t cry. I’m going to be okay. I promise.”

“I know. It’s not that. I’m just so happy you are alive. I thought you were dead. I can’t even begin to tell you how horrible these past few days have been.”

After crying a bit more, there was a tap at the door. The rest of the gang wanted to know if they could visit. The nurses would only allow them to come in two at a time. Bran and Zander came in first, then Mindy and Bree, followed by Travis and Jeromy, then Darla and Starla, Patrick and Tiffany, then Trista and Brick.

I knew Billy was happy to see everyone but I could also tell it was taxing on him so when they left I turned down the lights and let Billy sleep. I sat in the corner reading a book Bree had gotten me from the gift shop.

He slept a lot but when he was awake I was there. We watched TV, Jeromy snuck in his iPad for us to watch movies on, and we talked. We talked about our plans for the future, our dreams, and talked about taking a trip to Rome, somewhere both of us wanted to visit. We wouldn’t be able to go right away, but perhaps next year.

Billy spent the next twelve days in the hospital recovering and I almost never left his side. One of the few things I did leave Billy for was to go to the bathroom to throw up, which I did quite often. One of the nurses finally pulled me aside and asked if I was okay. We were trying to be quiet as Billy was sleeping. I thanked her for her concern but assured her I would be fine. I had just been through a lot lately and my body was just trying to find a way to deal with the stress.

“Uh huh,” she said as she listened to me explain. Then she pulled a small cup with a lid fastened securely on top out of her pocket and said, “Here, go pee in this and we’ll see.”

“No really, I’m fine. I promise.”

“If you are fine then you won’t mind just doing this small thing for me. You need to take care of yourself so that you’ll be strong enough to take care of Billy. He needs you to be one hundred percent right now.”

“Fine,” I said as I grabbed the cup and went into the bathroom to fill it up. I mean, how could I really argue with her logic? Billy did need me right now and admittedly I had been vomiting for a while. It seemed like everything made me sick. Every smell seemed over-amplified and sent me running to the bathroom to throw up.

After I finished I sat the cup on the sink like she had instructed. She came in behind me and pulled a little white testing strip out of her pocket. She looked around to make sure nobody else was coming, as if nobody else knew what she was doing, and then stuck the strip in my urine.

She pulled it out and within seconds three blue lines appeared on the strip and a big smile came across her face. “That’s what I thought,” she said as she emptied the cup and tossed it in the trash. “Stacy Keller, you are going to be a mommy.”

I stood there looking at her in disbelief. “You need to make an appointment to go see your doctor soon. You are probably not that far along, but still it’s important you see your doctor right away. With all the stress you’ve been under from the attack it’s probably not good for the baby; so you’ll want to get everything checked out.”

I nodded my head indicating that I understood what she was saying to me. But still in my mind I was frantically trying to do the math. How long has it really been since I have been with Jeromy? Could this baby be his or is it Billy’s? Oh how proud my parents must be. Their daughter is knocked up, unmarried and she doesn’t know who the father is.

The more I thought about it, the more I realized there was no way it could be Jeromy’s. Even though I was on the pill, we had always used a condom, plus I hadn’t been with Jeromy for a while now. I would probably be showing by now if it was his. The baby could only be Billy’s.

“How is this even possible though? I’m on the pill and have been for years.”

The nurse gave me a sympathetic look and explained. “The pill isn’t one hundred percent effective and becomes even less so with outside factors. Drinking alcohol could reduce the effectiveness, other medications like antibiotics and even some over the counter allergy pills.”

“What about sedatives?”

“Possibly, some can. And also if you ever miss a day of taking your pill. That’s how most girls on the pill find themselves in this situation. The pill is something you have to take every day without fail.”

Between the sedatives, the drinking and a few days here and there I’ve missed taking the pill, I guess it was only a matter of time before this happened. How could I have been so irresponsible?

The nurse walked out of the bathroom and noticed Billy was awake. “I’ll leave you two alone. I’m sure you have a lot to talk about.”

Billy looked at me, wondering what the nurse meant, but I didn’t know how to answer him. I really didn’t know how to explain what I had just learned moments ago. My head was still spinning. I fell back into the chair near Billy’s bed but I still didn’t speak.

“Babe, please. What’s going on? Are they not letting me go home today? Did something happen?”

“Yes, no. Everything is fine with .... You are coming home with me today. I … The doctor … I think he should be here any minute to sign off on your release.”

“What has you so freaked out? I’ve never seen you like this before.”

I took a deep breath and then walked over to his bed. I grabbed his hand and intertwined my fingers with his. “Billy, do you remember what you said to me before ... well, before that crazy man attacked you?”

He sat up in his bed. “Of course I do. And I meant every word of it. I want you to be my wife. I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life showing you exactly how much I love you. I know we haven’t been together that long, but I knew from the first moment I saw you that I wanted to spend the rest of my life looking at that beautiful face of yours. You have no idea how in love with you I am.”

I looked at him and smiled. “That’s good because I don’t want my baby to grow up without a daddy.”

He paused, looking at me, letting what I had just said sink in, and then he looked around as if trying to get familiar with the environment, wondering if maybe he had stepped into the Twilight Zone. Billy looked at me in bewilderment, and then let go of my hand. His blue eyes widened and then darted to my stomach.

“Are you?”

I nodded and smiled as tears started to form in my eyes. Billy jumped out of bed and hugged me as he put his hand to my stomach.

“How far along are you? Is it a boy or girl?”

“I don’t know. I just found out. The nurse thinks I’m not really that far along. I’m going to make an appointment with the doctor tomorrow and find out the rest.”

Billy’s doctor came in the room and Billy sat back down on his bed. The doctor glanced at his chart, and then signed off to let him be released but not before reminding us that he should take it easy and not even consider being intimate, exercising or heavy lifting for the next three months minimum. I assured his doctor Billy would be well looked after and wouldn’t do anything he shouldn’t. Then after filling out a mountain of paperwork we were on our way back home. I stood by Billy’s side as the nurse wheeled him out of the hospital and to the black limousine that was waiting for us.

The crowds had ballooned and were double in size what they had been when I first arrived at the hospital. Billy held up his hand to wave at his adoring fans and then got into the back of the car. When he did we found Brick and Trista were there waiting for us. They couldn’t wait to tell us the good news.

When Billy and I were creating our special love song, the one we sang that morning on Good Morning Houston, we had recorded our sessions. Billy said it would help us figure out which parts of the song worked and which ones didn’t. There were easily ten or fifteen hours of footage of us singing that song and Brick had pieced it all together with Patrick and Tiffany’s help and they had released the song on iTunes. The song has now had over one million downloads.

They played their version of the song for us on the ride home. They had done a great job piecing the final song together but still I wasn’t so sure if I liked that they released it without talking to us first. That was our love song.

“Billy and Stacy are the absolute biggest thing out there right now,” Trista proudly told us. “You are megastars. The house is mobbed with a legion of fans outside of the gate every day, all night and all day. They never leave.”

I squeezed Billy’s hand. I was nervous about all of this. I was happy that Billy and his band were finally having the huge success I really always knew they would, but the thought of all of those screaming girls worried me and the possibility of another crazy man scared me to death. That probably worried me most of all.

I leaned in and put my head on Billy’s chest as Brick and Trista continued to talk about all that was going on with the requests for interviews, the offer to sign the band with a major record label, and all of the merchandise they were moving from the website. Billy didn’t say anything to Trista and Brick. He listened to what they had to say, smiled and nodded, but no words actually left his mouth.

I did speak up though. I reminded them that Billy still wasn’t one hundred percent and he had months of recovery ahead of him, so any thoughts of him doing anything but staying at home in bed could leave their little minds because it wasn’t going to happen. Now was my turn to take care of Billy and I wasn’t going to let them try and force him into performing before he was ready. I almost lost the love of my life and I wasn’t going to risk his health and well-being for a few bucks. No amount of money in the world was worth that.

When we got home Billy and I went into his room and closed the door behind us. We were going to be alone, truly alone for the first time in a long time.

We didn’t tell anyone about the baby. It was still too early for that. But Billy did insist on going with me and when the doctor examined me; and we found out I was only a few weeks along, as the nurse had thought. He would do a more thorough exam on my next appointment in two weeks but for now it looks like my due date was going to be July 23rd.

Because I was so small it was easy to hide my growing baby bump by wearing loose clothes. But Christmas was fast approaching and that meant two things. First it meant that we were going back home to see my family and if that wasn’t enough stress, we had also agreed to do an interview on The Ellen DeGeneres Show. I didn’t really want to but Trista had been bugging us about it non-stop and I felt kind of bad that the rest of the band had to put their own lives on hold while Billy recovered.

Billy had been feeling much better for a while now and performing one song and doing an interview was Okayed by his doctors, so I felt like I had to agree.

The real problem with doing the interview was that by then I would be about sixteen weeks along and I didn’t know how I was going to hide my ever-growing belly. I was in really great shape and had a small frame so chances are I wasn’t going to be showing a lot at sixteen weeks but there would still be a noticeable bump. I hadn’t let anyone else know I was pregnant yet, so I was on my own to find a dress that would cover my stomach.

I searched online for hours trying to find the perfect dress. When I finally found it, I was ecstatic. I found it at a prom dress store, of all places. It was strapless and the top part was all white sequins and was heart shaped. That worked out perfectly because my breasts were starting to grow and that style would bring attention to them instead of my stomach. The bottom part of the dress was made out of bright red tulle that poofed out. The dress had a high waist that was brought together by a huge red flower and that meant my entire stomach would be covered by the flow of the skirt fabric.

We would fly into Los Angeles a week before Christmas to tape the show. Ellen was having a big special so she was having a lot of guests that day, which was great because that meant our segment was only a small part. Hopefully we would be in and out and then we could be on our way to Oklahoma so that Billy could meet my parents. And we could tell them about the baby. I really wanted to tell my parents before the rest of the world. I wanted that more than anything but sometimes things don’t always work out like planned.

While we were sitting in the green room, Trista offered everyone some eggnog that the show had provided. I started to take a drink but when I put it up to my nose and took a whiff I could smell the alcohol in it. I was about to put it back down but Billy jumped up and took it from me. “There’s alcohol in that!”

The room fell silent. Trista looked at Billy, who was holding the eggnog glass in his hand and then back at me. She furrowed her brow and then asked, “Why do you care if there is liquor in the eggnog?”

I never got the chance to answer before Mindy and Bree jumped out of their chairs bouncing up and down, screaming, “Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God!” and ran to my side putting their hands on my stomach. “How far along are you? Why didn’t you tell us? Oh my God! I can’t believe it. This is so great!”

“Please, guys. I don’t want anyone to know.”

Mindy and Bree started to lift up my skirt to try and see if they could see a baby bump but I quickly put it back down. “Guys, stop it. I’m not really showing that much yet. I’m only about four months along.”

“That’s why you were so sick when Billy was in the hospital. It so totally makes sense now,” Mindy said as she squeezed my hand in excitement.

With everyone’s mind on the baby growing in my belly, all of the tension and nerves about the upcoming performance were gone. When the producer came to get us, she was barely noticed. Everyone was still so excited about the baby; even pervy Travis had some nice things to say.

The song the band was performing today was called I Truly Love You. It was a new song that Billy wrote for me.

“I really, truly love you. You are my heart and soul. Without you I'd be nothing, you're the half that makes me whole.”

After he sang out the first two lines of the song I had to try and turn my focus from him. Otherwise I might start crying. It was hard holding back my emotions now that I’m pregnant. It was hard before, but now it is near impossible. So instead of the words of the song I just focused on watching Billy sing. I loved watching him perform. He took my breath away. When the song was over, I melted into Billy’s arms and we kissed. I forgot for just a moment that there were cameras everywhere recording it.

After we kissed, someone in the background yelled out, “Cut!” Then a group of people swarmed around us, pulling us to the next spot we were supposed to be at. When we were all in place, sitting and standing around a long couch they had set up for our interview portion with Ellen, the cameras started up again.

“That song was great. I don’t normally like the slow songs. I like to dance but that one really tugged at my heart. Did you write it for anyone special?” She looked towards Billy and then to the other boys in the band.

“Yeah. I wrote that song for my fiancé, Stacy.” Billy, who had been holding my hand already, lifted my arm up. “I wrote the words and Zander, Travis, and Bran wrote the music to accompany it.”

“Will that be a single or released with your upcoming album? I heard you just signed with a label. Congrats!”

Travis spoke up next. “We just started working on it. But we think it should be ready by this summer. We’ve laid down a few of the tracks already.”

Without thinking, Billy had rested his hand on my stomach. It was something he did all of the time; he loved to put his hand on my baby bump, but this time we weren’t alone. We were on a sound stage recording a Christmas special for the Ellen show. Millions of people would be watching this.

Ellen, who had turned back towards Billy to ask him another question, instantly noticed where his hand was. Her eyes widened and she now had a huge smile on her face. I shook my head no but it was too late. She had already started to speak. “Well, Miss Keller. I can tell Billy really loves you.”

There was nothing I could really do to stop her. Luckily this won't air until Christmas Day so we would have time to tell my parents before the rest of the world found out.

“So how far along are you?” Ellen asked as she leaned in to put her hand on my stomach.

“About sixteen weeks. We are flying home to tell my parents after this.”

“Well, won’t that be an interesting Christmas surprise for them!”

I didn’t get a chance to answer because next she turned in her chair and started speaking into the camera about some upcoming parts of the show. She wished us a Merry Christmas and then sent us on our way.

After Billy and I said our goodbyes to everyone in the band, they took a flight back home to Houston while Billy and I boarded one heading to Oklahoma.

One of the great things about being back in Oklahoma was that people here just didn’t bother you. We got off of the flight and I was still decked out in my fancy dress from the Ellen show but nobody even seemed to notice or really care. It was Christmas time and they had their families on their minds, not us. The only time we even knew for sure someone had recognized us was at the baggage claim. An adorable little girl was tugging on her mom’s coat. “Mommy. Mommy. Mommy, look. It’s Billy and Stacy.”

The mother bent over to hear her daughter speak and then turned her head to look at us as the little girl pointed. “Britney! Don’t point. That’s rude. They are probably here to see their family. Let them be.”

We grabbed our luggage and made our way outside where my father was waiting for us. We jumped in the car and drove home. He told us that my mother had been cooking all day and would have dinner ready for us by the time we got there. My sisters were already at the house; they both had arrived there earlier that morning.

When we got there my father opened the trunk and started pulling all of my luggage out. I walked back there to give him a hug and he looked down at what I was wearing and just shook his head.

“Daddy! We didn’t have time to change after taping the Ellen show.”

Billy helped my father. When we went into the house my mother and sisters showered us with hugs and kisses. Billy and my father went to put the luggage in my old bedroom. My mother took me by the hand and twirled me around. “Let me look at you.”

My sisters started to ask about the Ellen show but my mother broke in. “Well, well.” They stopped what they were saying and turned to look at her. She put her hand on my stomach and asked, “So how far along are we?”

I couldn’t believe it. How did she know? And why was that always the first question everyone asked me when they found out?

“I’m your mother, Stacy. Did you really think you could hide something like this from me with a frilly little dress?”

“No, Mother. It’s not like that. We didn’t have time to change after the Ellen show. We had to run to catch our flight. This is what I wore for the Christmas special.” My sisters stood off to the side in stunned silence.

As Billy and my father returned from dropping off our luggage my mother leaned in and said, “Let’s put this conversation on hold for a bit. Let your father get to know Billy first.”

My sisters and I nodded in agreement and then went off to the kitchen to set the table for dinner.

My normally boisterous sisters were very quiet over dinner and my father knew something was wrong, but he seemed too distracted by Billy to worry about my sisters for now.

“So, son, you’re in a band, huh?”

“Yes, sir. But I also have money in trust from an inheritance from when my parents died. I also own quite a bit of real estate. So if you are worried about me being able to support your daughter, you don’t need to. I’ll take good care of her.”

My father grunted. I knew that wasn’t good. “There is more to a relationship than being able to afford it.”

I looked up at Billy. I was scared. I didn’t know what he was going to say to my father but he gave me his adorable smile and I knew it was going to be okay. “With all due respect, sir, I know that. I love your daughter very much and I want nothing more than to spend the rest of my life showing her just how much.”

My father didn’t grunt that time. That was a good sign.

Then my younger sister Stefani spoke up. “So let’s just ask what everyone wants to know.” I looked up at her, panicked she was going to spill the beans about the baby. But what she said was probably even worse. “Billy is drop-dead gorgeous. How are you going to handle all of those groupies that want to get with him?”

My mother gasped. “Stefani! That’s not appropriate dinner conversation.”

Surprisingly, my father defended Stefani. “Now, now. That’s not a bad question. Billy’s clearly not without his charms. Stacy needs to really think about what she’s getting herself into here.”

I rested my head on my hands, utterly shocked at where this conversation had gone. I took a deep breath and spoke up. “Daddy, I love you. I get that you are worried about me. I appreciate that and I get that it’s your job to terrorize my boyfriends. But Billy isn’t just some guy. I love him. We are going to be married and he’s going to be the father of my children.”

My father sighed. I could tell he hated to hear what I said but he also knew I was right. “Let’s get you married before we start planning any little ones.”

“I’m not a child anymore, Daddy. I’m an adult now I’m going to be a mother.”

“This is a ridiculous conversation to even be having. I’m sure when the time comes, Stacy, you are going to be a great mother. But that’s not even the point I’m trying to make here.”

“No, Daddy. I’m going to be a mother now, well, in a few months. Billy and I are having a baby and next week the whole world is going to know about it.”

My father looked at me, seemingly confused by what I was telling him. I shrugged. “It kind of came out on the Ellen show. We didn’t plan it to happen that way but it’s out there now and we can’t exactly take it back.”

“How ...” he started to say but then my older sister Sarah jumped it.

“Seriously? That’s what you want to know, how she got pregnant? I would think that was the one part of the story that was obvious.” She pointed to Billy and continued. “Her rock star boyfriend knocked her up.”

“Okay, that’s enough of that,” my mother said as she got up from the table and started clearing the plates.

“Well, son, I guess the only thing left to say is welcome to the family.” My father put his hand on Billy’s shoulder and stuck his other hand out to shake Billy’s. I’m sure he was still worried about his baby girl, but at the same time, what could he really do? Billy was going to be part of my life from now on and I was glad my father finally accepted it, or at least was trying to.

On Christmas Day when the news broke about our pregnancy I was a little worried people would figure out where we were and bother us. But they didn’t. Even my parents’ neighbors who knew we were there didn’t. Billy and I had a truly peaceful vacation -- while back at home things were exploding.

Vin, Devin, and Rocco hopped a flight and came to gather us. I didn’t want to leave the safety and comfort of my family but Vin insisted he had to get us home. Vin was worried that he couldn’t contain the crowds around the house much longer and if we didn’t show up soon to make some kind of statement they might storm the house and burn it down. I was pretty sure he was overreacting; but still I knew eventually we were going to have to deal with all that.

When we got home we could barely get our car into the driveway. There were so many people waiting on our arrival. Once we were safely inside and the gate securely shut behind us, Billy and I stepped out of the car to address the fans. Billy thanked them all for coming by and then reminded them that it was Christmas and that they should be home with their families.

As he said that a young girl shouted, “I love you Billy!”

I laughed and so did others from the crowd. Billy continued speaking and again thanked them all for their love and support. He confirmed that I was with child but that it was still too soon to know if it was going to be a girl or a boy yet. He told them what I needed now more than anything was rest and that he asked them to please give me that.

He put his hand on my stomach and said, “This is my baby in here. I need to keep it safe. I’m sure you all understand that, right?”

Billy and I went inside the house after that and for the most part the crowds dispersed.

The record label agreed to let the band work on their album in Billy’s studio at the house. It was either that or Billy wasn’t going to sign off on the deal. He didn’t want to leave my side for even a moment. He went to every doctor’s appointment and spent a lot of time setting up the room for the baby, which was actually a new addition to the house. He wanted the baby’s room downstairs near us and that worked for me since Vin, Rocco, and Devin had pretty much claimed upstairs for themselves. Plus, I wanted my baby near me too.

Just before Valentine’s Day, I had an appointment to get an ultrasound. This was the big reveal. If all went well then Billy and I would know the sex of our baby. As a girl who grew up with all sisters part of me really wanted it to be a girl but then again I would love to have a little mini-Billy. He would be so adorable. I was so torn. I guess really all that matters is that baby is healthy.

I was really nervous leading up to the big day; but when it had finally arrived Billy helped me to stay focused on him by talking about potential baby names, so that I would not have the full blown panic attack I knew was coming on.

“I was thinking, if it’s a girl maybe we could name her after my mother, Nicole.”

“Billy, that’s a beautiful name. Of course we can name her after your mother.”

Billy looked off in the distance and smiled at a memory he seemed to be having about a time he had spent with his mother as a child. Then, a look of sadness crossed his face as he contemplated yet another memory, one that clearly wasn’t as joyous as the first. "You know, I used to have a sister. A twin sister.”

I gasped at hearing this news, I truly had no idea. I turned my body towards his and laid my hand on his wrist that was comfortably on the armrest of the chair he was sitting in. His eyes glistened with tears. “She died when we were younger. She got sick and just never got better.” His voice had a haunting sadness about it.

“So I was thinking maybe if we had a baby girl we might name her after my sister, Amberly. Or my mother. I don’t know. What do you think?”

“That is wonderful,” I exclaimed, almost jubilantly. “Amberly Nicole. There could not be a more perfect name in the world. I love it. I absolutely love it.”

He still had looked sad though. He hesitated for a moment and then asked, “What about your mother? Won’t she be upset that we named the baby after my mother and not her?”

“Of course not. I’ll just tell her that we’ll name our next daughter after her. I’m sure she’ll be more than happy with that.”

His eyes lit up and a big smile came across his face. He looked down and patted my stomach. Billy and I had never talked about how many kids we wanted but when I said our next daughter, he really lit up.

“What if it’s a boy?”

“That’s easy. He would be William Thomas Snow, just like his daddy.”

“I don’t know, Stacy. Wouldn't you want to pick something more unique? You don’t have to give the baby my name. That’s an outdated tradition.”

I rolled my eyes.

“Why can’t you be rational about this?” Billy muttered under his breath.

“It’s not even up for discussion, Billy. It’s your name, it was your father’s name, and it was his father’s name. Naming our son after you is the easiest decision I ever made in my life.”

I leaned in and kissed him on the lips, and when I did could feel him smile. I pulled back and pressed my forehead to his. “I love you.” But before I could say anything else, I felt the baby kick really hard. It startled me and I jumped back.

Billy leapt out of his chair and dropped to his knees in front of me. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah. The baby just kicked. I think someone wants some of their daddy’s attention.”

I giggled and leaned back while Billy put his ear on my now rather large bump and tried to see if he could hear anything. He did that quite a bit. I don’t know what he expected to actually hear but he did seem to delight in trying.

Before long the nurse came to get us. It was time. We were finally going to find out if our baby was going to be a boy or a girl. Anticipation and excitement filled the air. My hands started to tremble as I lay back on the table and she began her exam.

The ultrasound tech had a really strange sounding voice, like she was pinching her nose when she talked. “Now you know we can’t always tell the sex. Sometimes the baby doesn’t cooperate.”

I squeezed Billy’s hand tightly as she spoke, and prayed that our little bundle of joy would be in a position to reveal its big secret.

The lady pointed to different things on the screen. We had opted for a 4D ultrasound because we had heard you could see so much more detail of the baby. They were right. It was astonishing. You could see every little feature of the baby’s tiny little body. There was no mistaking what you were looking at.

When the baby yawned, my heart just melted. “Looks like your baby girl is tired.”

“What? It’s a girl? Are you sure?”

“I’m as sure as I can possibly be. Of course we can’t guarantee anything but your baby is in the perfect position. You are having a girl.”

Billy squeezed my hand and tears ran down my face. I was so happy. After it was over we got into the car and were headed home. I pulled out my phone and texted my mother. I wanted her to be the first to know it was going to be a girl. After that, I put my phone down in my lap and started thinking about how much has changed in my life in the last year.

Then my mind went to Jeromy. What I did to him was absolutely unforgivable. Billy was my boyfriend’s best friend and what I did was wrong. While I technically didn’t cheat on Jeromy, emotionally our relationship was headed for disaster long before it was over and that was all my doing.

From the moment I met Billy there was something that drew him to me. Some may call it fate or destiny and that might be true, but it didn’t make what I did to Jeromy any easier to stomach. Jeromy was a good guy and he deserved all of the love and happiness in the world and I truly hoped that one day he will find it.