Absolutely Unforgivable

chapter 12 - Recovery

When I started to feel better I decided I should start sleeping in my own bed again, much to Billy’s objections. But I felt bad. I couldn’t stay in his room anymore. He had been sleeping in that chair for days now and I wasn't going to let him put himself out for misplaced guilt he felt over something that wasn’t his fault. It was an accident. If anyone was to blame, it was me for jumping in his arms in the first place. Well really, if anyone was to blame it would be the pervert who was trying to take pictures of my panties.

Mindy continued to come around daily to check on me. Sometimes with Bree, sometimes with Darla and Starla. The only person not around to check on my well-being every day was my boyfriend. He was getting busier and busier trying to finish up his big land deal and whatever else he was working on. I wasn’t sure. All I really knew is that he was hardly ever home. On days he did come home from work, he would leave early in the morning and come home late at night, exhausted.

There was one other change in my life that wasn’t exactly so small. He was a 6’4” mammoth of a man named Vincent, or Vin as everyone else called him. He was two hundred and fifty pounds of pure muscle, with a chest that spanned fifty-seven inches. Vin went to school with Billy and Jeromy. After high school Vin took off and joined the Marines. When he came home he started bulking up pretty heavily and then started working in the personal protection field. His newest client was me.

After finding out about the stalker, Billy and Jeromy completely overreacted and hired Vin to stick with me since they were pretty sure they couldn’t keep me locked up in the house for the rest of my life. They were right. I hated having Vin tail me everywhere but I also knew his presence wasn’t up for discussion.

If I ever wanted to leave the house again, then Vin was going to have to be with me. Vin even moved into Billy’s house so that he could be around more to look after me. His bedroom was next to mine. I couldn’t even step in the backyard without Vin hovering over me. It got annoying, really quick.

I was starting to get restless and decided that today I was going to hang out by the pool, so I put on one of my bikinis and headed down the stairs. On my way down I heard loud voices coming from the living room. It was Trista and Billy in a heated argument.

“Billy, you can’t just stay around the house day in and day out. You need to give her some space. She’s not a child. She’s ...”

“Stop it right there, Trista. If you say another word I swear I will fire your ass right here and now!”

“I’m not trying to attack her. I promise. I’m over that. Stacy and I were starting to become friends before all of this happened. I really am just trying to remind you that we all have obligations that we can’t meet because you are here at the house hovering over Stacy. That isn’t going to help her get better any faster.”

I took a deep breath and walked down the rest of the way where Vin met me at the foot of the stairs. “Where do you think you are headed, little lady?”

“I’ve been cooped up in the house far too long. I’m going to lie out by the pool and get some sun. Wanna come with?” I said as I playfully put my hand on his bulging chest. Since I was still standing on the last step I was taller and it was one of the few times I could actually reach his enormous chest to touch it. He folded his arms and shook his head, not the slightest bit amused by my playfulness.

Billy heard us talk and turned toward us. His eyes shot up and down my body, as I stood before him in an itsy bitsy string bikini.

I pushed Vin aside, well actually, I tried to and he stepped aside and let me through. You can’t actually push Vin anywhere he doesn’t want to go. He’s like a big rock that isn’t going to move unless he wants to.

I made my way to where Billy and Trista had been going at it. I grabbed Trista by the hand and said, “Come on Trista. You can come with me. We’ll leave the boys to themselves.” Vin let out a low grunt. But they didn’t come outside with us. Instead they stood nearby watching through the window.

Trista walked over to the outside bar and made herself a drink, and then walked back towards me and handed me a thick red looking concoction with a piece of celery sticking out of the cup. “No thank you. I’m still on my painkillers so I can’t drink.”

A big smile came across her face and she bent over to whisper in my ear, “Don’t worry, it’s just V8 juice but I put the celery in there to piss Billy off. Watch, the second he sees you take a sip of this he is going to flip out and run out here.”

I loved it. She was so devious! I took a sip of the V8 juice that she had made up to look like a Bloody Mary. Trista quietly said “One ... two ....”

And before I could even finish a single sip, Billy and Vin had run outside. Billy hit the glass and it flew out of my hand. Luckily it was a plastic cup or shards of glass would have flown everywhere.

“What the f*ck are you doing? She’s on painkillers!”

Trista was right, he did freak out. I don’t know why I thought it was so funny, but it really was. I couldn’t contain my laughter and neither could she.

“What? It’s just V8 juice? Jeez, you really don’t trust me, do you?”

Vin put a hand on Billy’s shoulder and said, “Don’t worry man, I got this.” Billy stormed off and went back into the house while Kita came outside to clean up the mess.

It was hard to stop laughing. I hadn't laughed like that in so long, it felt really good. Vin, however, didn’t think it was so funny which was evident by his stone-faced look, and he stood over me, with his arms crossed, not daring to take an eye off of me, even for a moment.

Trista stayed outside with me and we made small talk. She told me what everyone had been up to. Travis got a new tattoo on his right bicep in memory of the big Fourth of July fight. It was a dagger with a vine that worked its way around the blade. Within the vine was written the Italian phrase “Puoi Guardare ma non toccare.” Trista said it meant, you can look but do not touch. He thought it was funny and he loved to show it off.

I was not so amused. While I appreciated everyone jumping down to defend my honor, it still reminded me of the horrible pain I was in and the equally horrible pain Billy was putting himself through with the guilt he still held.

Trista also told me that Billy refused to play any gigs other than their weekly shows at Rowdy’s, and then right after the last set he would hurry home to be by my side. It truly hurt my heart hearing Trista tell me that about Billy. I hated that I made him so sad. I hated that I made him withdraw from his friends. I didn’t want Billy to be like this anymore. I had to show him that I was going to be okay.

But before I could give it much thought, Jeromy came home early from work to surprise me with flowers in hand. I jumped into his arms, wrapped my legs around his waist, and I kissed him passionately.

“I see someone is feeling better.”

I didn’t answer him. I just kept kissing him and he carried me up the stairs to our bedroom. He didn’t throw me on the bed this time, though. Instead he was gentle and sweet.

I lifted my chin up as he kissed my neck. I let out a soft moan as he murmured, “God, I missed this so much.”

His touch sent a combination of tickles and chills through my body. Our time apart hadn’t changed that. I pushed my hips up to meet his as he leaned in to kiss me, deeply. Tangling my tongue with his, my skin felt like it was on fire.

I inched his shirt up slowly but he stopped me. “You sure?” I took a deep breath and nodded yes. “I don’t want to hurt you baby.” His finger ran along my lower lip and then he removed my swimsuit top and his eyes skimmed my body. Then he removed his clothes.

I put my arms around him and pulled him back on top of me. I ran my hands down his smooth back, breathing him in. It had been so long since we had been together, I desperately needed him. My body tingled with desire. He began to caress and tease me with his tongue, until I was begging for more.

He slowly worked his way inside of me and I moaned, “Don’t stop.” He kissed me harder and his thrusts began to speed up. My leg muscles tensed as I wrapped them around his waist.

After it was over he held me tightly and I luxuriated in his warmth, his strength and his scent that was like a fresh spring day, like a mixture of cedar and rain. He rolled over on his back and gently pulled me up to rest my head on his shoulder. He caressed my arm and we lay there together in bed in complete silence. It was so peaceful.

Before long, he bent down and kissed my forehead and I could feel his body tense up. I sat up next to him to look at his face. “Baby, I need to talk to you.”

He looked so serious. I hated that look on his face. He took a deep breath, grabbed my hand and then proceeded to tell me that work had been really crazy lately and he was sorry he hadn’t been around more. And just as I was thinking how amazingly sweet that was of him to say, his voice softened. “But I have to head out of town for a few days.”

As he said it, my mind flashed back to when I was in the hospital, and seeing his purple dot flashing over Nevada. I had completely forgotten about his lie to me and now he was leaving to go out of town again? I wonder if this time he’ll tell me the truth about where he was going.

I could feel the sting of tears come to my eyes and a lump form in my throat. That was followed by a wave of heat that burned across my face. I took a deep breath and swallowed, as I tried my best to hold back the emotions. In my head I was screaming and crying, shouting out how could you leave me like this? But my mouth never forced any of those words. Instead I just sat there looking at him, dumbfounded.

Since the accident, I knew Jeromy had been distant but I had just written it off as guilt. I figured he probably felt bad for not being there when I got hurt and that is why he was acting that way but now I don’t know. Maybe he met someone in Vegas and he is going to be with her now.

I jumped out of bed and ran into the bathroom slamming the door behind me.

“Please, Baby, don’t be that way. Not now. I’m already late,” he pleaded. “I am going to miss my flight. I’m so late. I didn’t know I would come home and ...”

I flung open the door. “And what? You didn’t know you were going to come home and f*ck me?”

“Please, baby. I didn’t mean it like that.”

“Here,” I said as I went to the closet, grabbed his suitcase, and threw it at him.

I went back into the closet and quickly put some clothes on. I looked around for my purse and didn’t see it. Then I remembered it was by the stairs, right by the little table with my keys on it.

I stormed out of the room as Jeromy was packing his clothes. By the time I hit the bottom stair and flung my purse over my shoulder, Vin had jumped in front of me. “Everything okay?”

“Get out of my way.”

Vin set his jaw firmly. “You know I can’t do that, little one.”

“One way or another, I’m leaving this house, Vincent. Either you can come with me or get the hell out of my way.“ I pushed and he stepped aside as I made my way to the door, but he was faster and got there first. He opened it for me and I ducked out under his massive arm.

When we got outside he asked, “Will you at least let me drive?”

I didn’t answer. I just jumped in the driver’s seat and started to put the top down as he groaned and got into the passenger’s seat beside me. I didn’t really know where I was going, just that I had to get out of there.

While we drove around, I started to cry. I thought about Jeromy and how he had treated me lately and then about Billy and how he had all but fallen over himself to care for me. I thought about how Billy always made me breakfast and how he stayed up in his chair reading and watching me sleep at night. I thought about how Billy always watched over me, even before the accident.

I thought about how much Jeromy made me feel like I was just an afterthought. The more I drove the more I began to wonder what kind of future Jeromy and I could really have together. I didn’t want to fault Jeromy for being ambitious and being so good at his job. I know that was wrong of me. But still, I wanted someone who didn’t make me feel second to his job. I wanted someone who didn’t lie to me and take secret trips to Las Vegas. I wanted someone who loved me. Did Jeromy still love me? I needed someone to talk to. I needed Mindy. She would make me feel better. She always seemed to know how to put a smile on my face.