The Summer I Learned to Dive

Chapter 15

I didn’t see the car. I was too focused on Jesse and failed to notice anything within distance. If fireworks had been going off, I would have missed them, too. My eyes were only on him; my thoughts were only focused on him. If I had noticed that the car was parked in the front of my grandparents’ lawn, it would have given me a warning, a heads up, that she was there. So, when I opened the door and found her sitting inside, I was more shocked, more surprised than I should have been. She had warned me. She had told me that she would come to get me, that it was time for me to come home. I just didn’t believe she would actually drive all the way to Graceville especially since she seemed to hate my grandparents so much.

“Finn,” she said standing up, her voice hoarse. Her eyes were puffy and red. She looked like she had been crying. My grandparents sat on the couch and didn’t say a word. There had been words between them, that I could see. I could feel the tension. Nana looked at me and attempted to smile. She looked worn out. My grandfather’s face looked strained. He was perspiring heavily.

I looked at my grandparents and then at her. “What do you want?” I asked her, almost with contempt. I was still too angry with her.

“I came to talk to you, to see if you’d come home with me,” she said walking toward me. She reached her hand out to touch my shoulder. I instantly flinched and moved inches away from her.

“I don’t have anything to say to you. I told you to give me space,” I said indignantly.

“I know you did and I’ve respected that. I gave you over six weeks to think things over…” she said not finishing her sentence. She fidgeted and looked at me almost desperately. “I hoped that we could talk things out. I don’t like the way we left things.”

I wanted to laugh out loud but didn’t. It was a nervous reaction I suppose. I was confused and angry. I didn’t understand the mixed emotions I had. A part of me wanted to hear her out, to forgive her on the spot. Another part of me wanted to run angrily away and tell her to leave me alone for good. That part of me, the one that was more forgiving, took over. I sighed heavily and looked at her, my arms folded.

“I’m listening,” I said but my body language said something else.

“I came here to apologize to your grandparents and you, to ask for forgiveness for lying to you. They have forgiven me for keeping you from them. Can you forgive me?” she asked nearly pleading.

“What? That’s it?” I said annoyed. I looked at my grandparents. I could tell they wanted to say something but were staying silent, allowing my mother to have this moment. Nana looked disconcerted. “And you forgave her that easily?” I asked in disbelief. My grandfather’s expression was pained. He wiped sweat from his brow. They nodded but didn’t respond.

“We talked for a long time, Finn. There was a misunderstanding. If you’ll just listen to me, you’ll understand, you’ll learn to forgive me for what I did,” she said.

“What is there to understand? You lied to me my entire life. You kept these loving people from me. They are a part of me and you separated me from them. It doesn’t make sense. None of this does. And I don’t know what would compel them to just let you traipse in here and forget everything that you did!” I shouted. I was not just angry, I was furious. Nana stood up and walked over to me in an attempt to help me see some reasoning but I wouldn’t budge.

“Just hear her out, Finn. We did,” she said. I looked away from her and looked at my grandfather. He sat on the couch, still sweating profusely. His huge right hand squeezed his left arm. He appeared to be in pain.

“Grandpa, are you okay?” I asked immediately rushing to his side. Nana was right behind me.

“It hurts,” he said, his voice strained. His face was pale, whiter than I had ever seen.

Nana placed her hand over her mouth and gasped. “Charlie, it’s your heart,” she said in a near panic. She quickly ran to the phone and dialed 911.

My mother ran over to us.“He’s having a heart attack,” she said.

I couldn’t believe this was happening. I looked at him, the pain in his eyes. He held onto his left arm and winced in pain. His eyes closed. He was unconscious. “Grandpa!” I shouted but it was in vain. I knew screaming would not wake him up. I looked at my mother, unsure of what to do next. She immediately began CPR. I stood motionless, frozen, immobile and helpless. There was nothing I could do. I didn’t know what to do. It was the worst feeling in the world—watching someone I loved suffer and I was useless.

The ambulance arrived, but it felt like it had taken forever. The paramedic immediately stabilized my grandfather. Nana rode with him in the ambulance to the hospital. My mother grabbed her car keys and looked at me. “Finn, we need to go to the hospital,” she said calmly. I followed her. I felt like I was somewhere else. It all happened so quickly, within a flash. We got into her car and she drove.

“Mom,” I said, my voice hoarse, tears flowed from my eyes. “Do you know where you are going?” I asked.

“I lived here for half of my life. You don’t forget your past, Finn, no matter how much you want to,” she said.

I looked out the car window and began to chew on my nails. I was so afraid that my grandfather, who I had just gotten to know, was knocking on heaven’s door.