The Summer I Learned to Dive

Chapter 17

Jesse and I walked outside. I got into his car and let it all out. I sobbed for several minutes, the ugly, uncontrollable kind. He consoled me and held me, telling me it was going to get better. We drove the entire way listening to music and not talking. I leaned my head against his shoulder watching the road ahead, the endless lines of yellow. I felt safe and secure with Jesse.

He walked me inside my grandparents’ house. The lights were still on. It was just like we had left it, only empty. I didn’t want to be there alone. It was eerie being there after what had happened. I kept seeing the frightening images of my grandfather having a heart attack before my very own eyes. “Can you stay for a while?” I asked. “I don’t want to be alone.”

Jesse nodded. “I’ll make you some coffee,” he said. We walked into the kitchen. He started the coffee and then opened the refrigerator pulling out the cherry pie Nana had made days before.

“No,” I shook my head. “I can’t eat,” I said.

“Finn, you need to eat something,” he said. He put two slices in the microwave. He poured himself a cup of milk adding chocolate syrup and poured my coffee into a cup, fixing it the way I liked. I sipped it slowly. The microwave buzzed and he brought the slices over to the table. I took a bite, realizing that I was hungry. The shock of the evening had suppressed my appetite. I ate my slice quickly.

“Feel better?” he asked.

“Yeah, I was hungry,” I said, wiping the crumbs off my mouth. I got up and placed the dishes in the dishwasher. I looked at my porcelain skin. It was filthy. I had not had a shower since that morning and the grime from the woods was still all over me.

“I’m going to take a shower,” I said.

“Okay. Call me in the morning. I’ll take you to the hospital,” he said.

“No,” I shook my head. “I don’t want you to leave. Just stay here for a while longer. I won’t be that long,” I said. He must have seen the desperation in my eyes. He nodded and followed me into the living room. He sat down on the couch and turned on the TV. I walked up the stairs and took the longest, hottest shower of my life. I wanted to wash away the day: the day that had been one of the best and worst of my life.

I walked downstairs with my hair sopping wet. I was cold even though it was the middle of summer and I had just taken a steaming hot shower. I had put on a t-shirt and sweat pants but still felt a chill. I didn’t know if I was cold because of the night, because Jesse was in the house alone with me, or if it was a mixture of the two.

He looked up at me and then back at the TV. I sat down next to him, resting my head on his shoulder. He kissed my wet, sopping head. “You smell like mint,” he said.

“It’s the shampoo,” I said embarrassed. I snuggled closer to him. He was warm, like an electric blanket.

The TV blared. We stared at it but I don’t think either of us was watching what was on. It was just noise, a background distraction, soothing, almost humming. My eyes kept closing. I was sleepy from the strenuous day. I closed my eyes for a final time and fell asleep.

I woke up early in the morning. The TV was turned off. Jesse was still there. We had fallen asleep together on the couch. Our two bodies were nestled closely together. My head lay on his chest. I could hear the sounds of his heart beat. He smelled like the sun, fresh and clean. I inhaled slowly and listened more intently to his heart beat.

He woke up and smiled at me. “Hey,” he said quietly.

“Hi,” I said smiling at him. I sat up. “I guess we fell asleep,” I said.

“Yeah. I guess so. I haven’t slept that good in a long time,” he confessed. I blushed.

“Me, too,” I said.

He put his arms around me and pulled me toward him. I looked into his blue eyes. My heart literally skipped a beat. He placed his lips on mine, gently kissing me at first. The longer we kissed, the more it felt differently than the other times. This was far more intense, more frantic, and way less careful. His hands moved all over my back, through my hair, on the back of my neck. I could have kissed him like that for hours.

“Ahem,” my mother cleared her throat interrupting us. We instantly sat up, guilt ridden expressions all over our faces.

Nana looked at us and smiled mischievously. She winked at me. I turned red. “We were just…” I said unable to think of what to say. Kissing? Making out?

“We know,” she paused looking at us. “We don’t need an explanation,” Nana said with a hint of sarcasm.

“How is he?” I asked trying to change the subject, fixing my messy hair.

“He is much better. I came home to shower and get some rest before I go back,” she said. “Jesse, do you think you could run things at the diner today? That’d be a big help.”

“Yes ma’am. Whatever you need me to do,” he replied.

“I knew I could count on you,” she smiled patting him gently on the head, not condescendingly, more maternally. “Finn, you should go on with him. You can go see your grandfather after the diner’s closed,” she said.

“Are you sure?” I asked. “I could go with you now.”

“I’m positive. You help Jesse at the diner,” she said.

“I’ll take you to the hospital later on. We need to talk,” my mother said to me. I looked at Nana who nodded in agreement. I sighed quietly to myself.

“Okay,” was all that I could muster. I wanted to keep my promise to my grandfather, but talking to my mom was something that I wanted to avoid. It was inevitable and my grandparents were pushing us to reconcile. I left the room and threw on a pair of shorts, t-shirt and my work shoes. I ran down the stairs and saw Jesse talking quietly to my mother. His facial expression was serious, unreadable.

“I’m ready,” I announced, wanting to break up their pow wow.

“Finn, I’ll be by the diner when it closes,” my mother said.

“Bye,” I said taking Jesse by the hand opening the door. Jesse told my mother goodbye and we walked toward his car.

“What was that all about?” I asked.

“What?” he asked confused.

“You two looked like you were in cahoots with each other,” I said.

“Cahoots,” he said mocking me.

I hit him lightly on the arm and rolled my eyes. “It looked strange, the two of you talking,” I said. I wanted to know what they were discussing.

He sighed heavily, almost annoyed. I instantly felt childish. “Finn, we were talking about your grandfather. Then we were talking about you,” he said. He opened the passenger door and then went to the driver’s side. He turned on the ignition and began driving.

“I need to stop by my house and change clothes,” he said interrupting the silence.

“Okay,” I said. “What’d she say to you?” I asked wanting to know badly.

He looked at me quickly and then back at the road. “She said your grandfather was stable, but would need a lot of time to recuperate. She asked me if you and I were becoming serious,” he said more quietly.

“What’d you say?” I blurted, hoping with all hope, he had said yes.

“I told her…” he said and then he looked at me, his blue eyes piercing into my soul, “that yes, yes we were.” My heart skipped several beats. “Was that the right thing to say?” he asked timidly. He looked at me from the corner of his eye, trying to gauge my reaction.

I moved closer to him and placed my hand on top of his hand that was shifting. “Yes, Jesse, that was exactly the right thing to say,” I said firmly, more sure of my feelings about him than anything else in my life.

“Good,” he said breathing a sigh of relief. His hand gently rubbed mine. “Because I don’t want to be with anyone but you, Finn.” He looked into my eyes for a brief moment and then back at the road.

I squeezed his hand gently and said, “Same here.”