The Summer I Learned to Dive

Chapter 16

“I love him. I don’t want him to die,” I said out loud.

“I know,” she replied quietly. She stayed silent. The ride was ominous. The sky was darker than the blackest shade of black, opaque even. It was if all of the people and animals had run away and left the night alone, to stir by itself. We arrived at the hospital. I nearly jumped out of the car and ran to the waiting room. Nana sat anxiously in the waiting room, trying to fill out paper work.

“I can’t think straight,” she said looking at me helplessly.

“Let me help,” I said. I took the paperwork out of her hand and began to fill in the gaps, writing what I could. She stared blankly into space. I had never seen her like this. She was so uncertain, so afraid.

My mother walked into the waiting room and sat near us in silence. I continued to complete the paperwork. It was the only thing I could do. I felt so useless. I wanted to do more, but didn’t know what I could do to help. My mother asked us if we wanted something to drink or eat. Nana shook her head no. My mother left the room and we were alone, just the two of us.

Nana put her arm around me and hugged me. “Don’t worry, Finn. He’s going to be alright,” she said more to herself than to me.

“He’s strong, Nana,” I said hoping it would offer some comfort.

“He has been through a lot in his life. He can survive this,” she said trying to smile. A doctor walked into the waiting room. Nana instantly looked up at her.

“Mrs. Hemmings?” she asked.

“Yes,” Nana said. We both stood up.

“Your husband is stable. He had a massive heart attack and has had some damage to his heart, but he will pull through. You can come back and see him,” she said. Nana looked at me and I started following her. “Oh, I’m sorry, only one person at a time until he is more stable,” the doctor said. I sat back down. Nana looked at me almost apologizing and followed the doctor toward the Intensive Care Unit.

I felt relieved. He was going to be alright. I breathed a sigh of relief. I pulled out my phone and texted Jesse. I couldn’t talk to him. I was too afraid I would have cried the entire time we spoke on the phone. My mother walked in the waiting room carrying two bottles of Coke, a bag of pretzels and a pack of gum. She handed me a bottle. I looked up at her and thanked her with my eyes. It was a small gesture on her part. She was trying to make amends.

I opened the lid and gulped down the Coke. I was thirsty. The night had worn me out physically and mentally. My phone buzzed. Jesse sent me a text message. “Be there soon,” he wrote. My heart immediately warmed. At that moment, I knew it was no longer a question—I was in love with him.

We sat in silence, my mom and I. I wasn’t ready to hear her out and she knew well enough to not bring up the subject. Too much had happened and talking about it in the middle of the waiting room was not the ideal time or place.

Jesse must have sped the entire ride to the hospital. He arrived within twenty minutes. The moment I saw him, I felt less anxious, more at peace. “How is he?” he asked out of breath. I could tell he had run from the parking lot into the waiting room.

“He’s stable. Jesse, this is my mom,” I said.

He shook her hand. “Nice to meet you,” he said. She looked at him approvingly.

“You, too, Jesse,” she said, her eyebrows raised as she looked at me curiously.

“What’d the doctor say?” he asked.

“She said that he was going to make it. I’m so relieved,” I said, my eyes began to water and the tears fell. He gently squeezed my hand, offering support. I squeezed his hand in return. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw my mother appraising us, her eyes focused on our hands.

Nana came into the waiting room. She was tired. She smiled at Jesse. “That was good of you to come, Jesse,” she said her hand gently patting his cheek. “Well,” she said breathing heavily. “He’s going to be fine. Finn, you can go back and see him.” I looked at her unsure. “Go on back,” she said gesturing. “He wants to see you.”

I walked into the Intensive Care Unit apprehensively. For someone who wanted to be a doctor, the smell of the hospital made me ill, the sight of sick people made me feel nervous. I wanted to get out of that place, immediately. My grandfather had tubes running through his body. He looked so fragile, so pale, and so different than the strong man I had grown to love. It tugged at my heart to see him in this condition. I had to contain myself. Crying was not an option.

“Hi Grandpa,” I said quietly. He lay on the bed, his eyes were barely open. He touched my hand. “I’m glad you’re going to be okay,” I said. “I was worried. We all were.”

“I love you,” he said nearly whispering. My heart ached.

“I love you, too,” I said. My eyes watered. I told myself I wouldn’t cry but I couldn’t stop. I was too emotional. He patted my hand gingerly. His hand was turning blue from the tube inserted into his vain.

“Forgive her, Finn,” he said. I stayed quiet. I didn’t want to discuss my mother. “Promise me you’ll forgive her,” he said. I bit my lip. I didn’t want to promise that. But I knew in my heart of hearts that he wouldn’t ask me to do something that he wouldn’t do. He forgave her, so I would forgive her, too, but only because he asked me to.

A nurse walked over to us. “He needs his rest,” she said hinting for me to leave. I nodded and looked at my grandfather. “I’ll be back to see you tomorrow,” I said and kissed his cheek. I walked out of the Intensive Care Unit toward the waiting room.

The three of them sat in silence staring into space. When I walked in the room, they all three looked at me. “They said he needs his rest,” I said.

“I’m staying here. I want him to see me when he wakes up,” Nana said.

“I’ll stay with you, Nana,” I said.

“Nonsense,” she shook her head. “You all should go on home. I’m fine here,” she said. She was stubborn.

“Lilly, I’m staying right here,” Mom said.

“I am, too,” I said.

“Jesse, will you take Finn home please?” she asked completely ignoring me.

“No. I’m staying with you.”

“No, you are not. You stay at the house and come back tomorrow. Your mother and I need to talk more anyway,” she said. I looked at the two them, my mother and Nana. They gave each other a silent nod, an understanding or silent code of some kind that I could not understand.

Jesse took my hand and gestured for me to follow him. I wanted to protest but knew it wouldn’t do me any good. I hugged Nana goodbye and tried looking at my mother. It was a start. She knew by the way I looked at her, that I wasn’t as angry, that I’d be willing to talk to her soon.