Knotted Roots

Chapter of my life. It’s hard to believe that this moment is real. It feels like I’ve been waiting forever to walk across that stage.

Mom and Dad are downstairs with Chase, all of them anxious to get to the school. Me? I’m not ready. I look over at my side table and find Grandma’s smiling face looking back at me. I pick up the picture and run my finger over her face. Dressed in her red sweater with the horrible reindeer emblazoned on the front, I remember picking on her that morning about how hideous it looked.

I remembered her begging me to take a picture of her in it so I would never forget how awful it looked. Looking at the picture now, I couldn’t help but smile. It was our first Christmas together and she had wanted to make sure that it was my best ever. I would always remember how she had scrambled to find the perfect present for me, spending hours online and in the mall, but never finding what she called the perfect thing.

She had no idea that she had already given me the perfect gift. That hot weekend last summer, when my parents had visited, she had begged them to let me stay. They argued for hours, always coming up with another reason why I should leave or stay. Ultimately, Grandma won. She pulled the trump card: cancer. When my parents finally relented I jumped for joy. For once, they were putting my needs and wants before their own.

We talked about what would happen if Grandma passed away while I lived with her, but I assured them that I could handle it. I wasn’t delusional enough to think that she would live forever. I knew that there was a possibility that I would have to watch her die, but I was prepared. Or so I thought.

I was one month away from graduation when her health took a turn for the worst. It started as a simple cold, but with her immune system already in the crapper, she didn’t stand a chance. She spent two weeks in the hospital and then finally succumbed to the sickness. Chase was there with me the whole time. He held me while I cried and calmed me when I raged about how unfair it all was.

I had hoped that she would make it to see me walk the stage, but God had called her home before we planned. There was no way to plan something like death, but she kept telling me that she’ll go when she’s good and ready. Looks like she was overruled in the end. As I stared at her picture in my hands I let the tears fall freely. I wouldn’t hold them back today. I knew she was watching over me every day, holding me tightly to her chest. She would never really leave me.

I heard the footsteps coming up the stairs as I sat the picture back on the dresser. With no knock at all, my mother entered my bedroom. She was impeccably dressed, as usual, in her Donna Karen suit and classic pumps. Even after 10 months of being officially divorced she was still holding herself together. She and Dad were civil with each other, arguing occasionally, but it wasn’t as terrible as it used to be.

“We’re ready when you are baby,” she said as she walked over to me. She sat down and pulled me to her side. “You okay?”

I nodded as I wiped the tears from my face. “Yeah, I was just thinking about Grandma. Looking at her picture, ya know?”

“She was so proud of you. I’m so proud of you. Even with Grandma...passing...you held it together and made it here.” She squeezed me tighter. “I know she wanted to be here today. It was all she ever talked about. Every time she called she would tell me how great you were doing in school. Or how helpful you were around here and the farm. You were the light of her life.”

“Thanks Mom. I miss her. So much,” I said as the tears began to fall again.

“I know. I do too,” she whispered against my head. We hugged and cried together, something we hadn’t done since I was a little girl. It felt so right to have her there with me. It had taken a while for her to get over her hurt feelings when I decided to stay in South Carolina. I couldn’t really blame her for feeling that way, but our relationship had suffered because of it.

I pulled away from her slowly, wiping my face. I knew my makeup was a mess at that point, but I didn’t care. I had needed the release. I missed Grandma so much and most days I held in the tears, unwilling to let it drag me down. Today was the one day I would allow myself to truly mourn her. No. I wouldn’t mourn her today. I would celebrate all that she had given me. She would have wanted it that way.



As we drove to the school, Mom and Dad up front, Chase and I in the backseat, my eyes remained focused on our joined hands. The differences between us used to be daunting, our relationship doomed from the start. We had overcome so much that summer, both of us finding ourselves, and finding each other in the process. Were we perfect? Not by any means. Were we happy? Absolutely.

I know people hate to hear that couples found true love and lived happily ever after, so I won’t tell you that. Sure, we love each other and we’re happy, but we still have a lifetime left to screw it up. I don’t want a fairy tale or prince charming. I want my reality with Chase by my side. I wanted my real friends, Katy and Brian, by my side for the rest of my life. They showed me the true meaning of friendship.

So, while I may have been born in New York, I finally found my true home. Mom says her roots are here, with me, and I have to agree. Our roots may be knotted and gnarled, but they belong to us alone. We’re finally home where we belong. And that feels right.





The End





SPECIAL THANKS

This is probably the hardest part of the entire writing process. There were so many people that have been there for me from the moment I decided to follow my dream. Without each and every one of them I’m sure that my dream would not have become reality.

First, I would like to thank my family for always being there for me. My mother, God rest her soul, always supported me, no matter which crazy scheme I got myself caught up in. She taught me to follow my dreams, no matter how many times people told me I couldn’t do it. My dad, who has been the Superman of fathers, deserves a special thank you for helping me stay focused. Thank you Dad. I love you.

To my fiancé Bobby and my daughter: I love you both so much. I’m thankful that I get to see you both every day for the rest of my life. You were both blessings in my life and have been there through all of my crazy moments. I promise there will be fewer “fend for yourself” nights now that this first book is done. I love you both with all of my heart and soul. You complete me.

To MaryAnn: You have been my best friend for more years than I care to think about. (Mainly because then our true age would show!) When everyone else said I was crazy, you told me that no dream was out of my reach. When I tried to rush the process, you brought me back down to reality. You have literally been my saving grace throughout this entire process. I know I drove you crazy at times (okay...ALL the time), but I can’t thank you enough for being there for me. I thank you for your amazing editing skills (you’re my editing ninja!) and I promise...there will be at least a few months of down time in your future.

To Airicka Phoenix: You are a Goddess of the Word. That’s your new name. Thank you so much for coming up with the title for my first book! You’re a dream come true and one hell of an amazing author! I’m so thankful to call you friend!

To my Book Soul Mate: Katy, you are truly special. You have encouraged me, slapped me around when I started to doubt myself, and have been an amazing friend. I’m so very thankful to have you in my life. I LIVE you lady!

To Cindy Springsteen: You are seriously an EPIC friend and I’m so thankful to have you by my side! Your words of encouragement are priceless and I can’t help but think we were meant to be friends!

To Derinda Love: You will forever and always be my Fairy Godmother. You make miracles happen every day for Indie authors. You’re selfless and giving, two attributes that you don’t find in people these days. I can’t tell you thank you enough, but maybe one day I can repay the love!

To Ema Volf: Thank you for keeping me company on those long nights of pouring my soul out. You kept me from going insane, and for that, I say thank you. And thank you for formatting this nightmare for me! You saved me from a headache that would surely knock me on my butt! You’re truly an amazing friend!

To the New Jersey Versions of Me and MaryAnn: Christy and Katherine, you two are so freaking amazing! You were both so amazingly helpful through this laborious process, always encouraging me and calling me on my screw ups. I can’t wait to see you ladies again! YA’ll Fest 2013 can’t get here soon enough!

To Tara and Amanda: I love you ladies! You keep the funny rolling in! You are irreplaceable and I’m so thankful that Katy introduced me to you both! Tara, your guidance and wisdom is forever needed and appreciated! Mani, I really hope to meet you and Ms. Bean very soon! Much love to you all!

To My Two Favorite Gems: Jenny Marie and Mayra Arellano, you two are truly inspirational! You make the world a brighter place with your infectious smiles and laughter! I am honored to call you both friend!

To Regina Wamba, of Mae I Design and Photography: Thank you for the amazing cover! You put up with my neurotics and gave me the most gorgeous cover I could ever hope to have! You rock my socks!

And finally (after being extremely long winded), to my fabulous Beta Readers: Samantha Truesdale, Melissa Berbrich, Katherine Eccelston, Jennifer Swiger, Melissa Stickney, Kellee Fabre, and Nikki Archer. You ladies gave me such valuable insight and I can’t thank you enough for every second, minute, and hour that you spent reading my book. You are all my heroes!

One last word before I go. A huge thank you goes out to everyone who has supported me and given me words of encouragement. When I felt silly for making a Facebook page you were there to shut me up. The support from the Indie community is immense and I don’t know what I would do without each and every person out there!





ABOUT THE AUTHOR

If you had asked 6 year old Ruthi what she wanted to be when she grew up, she would have told you a Rock Star. Those dreams faded to the background when she found out who the true Rock Stars are: Authors.

She has always had a fascination with books, losing herself completely in numerous books, enjoying the worlds she found that were so unlike her own. They were her escape, and eventually became her passion.

Her family has been putting up with her and her incoherent ramblings while she worked on her debut novel, Knotted Roots. Her five year old and Fiance have suffered through many “fend for yourself” nights, but somehow still manage to love her anyway.

She is now attending the Southern New Hampshire University, working on her Bachelor’s in Creative Writing/Fiction so that she can create her own worlds for others to fall in love with.

Okay, now that I’m done talking in the third person, let me just say that I love connecting with people via Facebook, Goodreads, my blog, etc. If you would like to chat, you can usually find me online at any given time. I also want to say thank you to each and every person who reads my book. It was a labor of love and I truly hope that you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it!