Knotted Roots

Chapter TWENTY-FOUR



A week later, as I sat in Grandma’s truck at the airport, I waited for my parents’ plane to arrive. I had called them that night, after Cindy left, and talked to them about my idea. They weren’t happy, not in the least bit. They couldn’t understand why I wanted to do this, but before they would even consider it, they wanted to come down here and talk to me and Grandma.

I told Grandma that they were coming a few days ago. She was confused as to why they would visit, but I assured her that all would be divulged once they arrived. She had remained suspicious of me since then. Chase told me that she had tried to get the information from him, but he kept his lips sealed. He knew, of course, that they were coming and what I planned to talk to them about. The day I told him I swear he was the happiest I had ever seen him.

“Are you serious? You’re staying?” he asked, his hands shaking in his lap. We were sitting on the back of his truck, both of us lost in the beauty of the Southern night sky.

“That’s my goal. I want to stay with Grandma. She needs me,” I replied as I stared up at the sparkling stars in the sky. “Plus, there are a few people here that I would really miss if I left.”

“I can think of one person who would be devastated.”

I turned to face him, a wide grin on my face. “Oh really? Who would that be?” I wanted him to say the words. I wanted him to tell me what he felt for me.

“Brian would be so ups-” I clapped my hand over his mouth as his body began to shake with laughter. When his giggles subsided, I removed my hand, giving him the best glare that I could muster, even though I was dying to laugh as well. “While I’m sure he would miss you...it’s not him that would be devastated. It’s me.”

I leaned over and kissed him. He had said the words that I had been waiting so long to hear. I pulled back and looked down at his face, my fingers lazily tracing his jaw. “I guess I would miss you too.”

We spent the rest of the night under the stars, both of us caught up in the excitement of me staying in Perry Point. It was that night that I realized that I was in love with him. This wasn’t one of those childish infatuations. This was serious. My whole heart was invested in this boy. Man. I tried to convince myself that Grandma was the only reason I had for staying, but deep down I knew that it had a lot to do with Chase as well. I couldn’t see my life without him in it.



My thoughts of that night were interrupted by a quick tapping at the passenger window. I looked over and there, looking ten years older, were my parents. Both of them looked like they had aged overnight. It wasn’t overnight, but it was still far too much for such a short time span. I got out and gave them both a hug, neither of them wanting to let go when it was their turn. I helped them load their suitcases in the back of the truck and then got back in the driver’s seat. I watched as Mom climbed into the middle of the bench seat, with Dad sliding in after. They tried not to touch, but the space was so small that they had no choice.

They rapid fired questions at me as we drove to Grandma’s house, but I refused to answer any that involved my recent decision. I wanted to talk to them and Grandma at the same time, that way everyone involved would hear what I had to say. I knew that all of them would have reasons why I shouldn’t stay, but none of them could give me one good reason why I should go. I was prepared to face the firing squad. I just hoped that I made it out relatively unscathed.

“Roxanne, I know that you feel that this is the right choice, but Grandma is a strong woman. She wouldn’t want you to give up your life for her.” My mother couldn’t understand my choice, and that was okay, but I had to convince her that it was the right thing to do. “Is this because you feel guilty?”

“Ugh, Mom. This has nothing to do with guilt. I have a lot to feel guilty about, sure, but that has nothing to do with this. Now, no more questions about this. Why don’t you tell me how things are going with you two?” I asked as I briefly glanced at each of them. Neither of them looked eager to talk about the divorce. Every time I had spoken to them on the phone they had each avoided answering me.

“There’s nothing to really tell. The paperwork will be finalized in a few weeks,” replied Dad. He was tense. His body looked coiled, ready to attack, or defend against an attacker.

Something felt wrong about the whole situation. He had been so adamant about the divorce when I left, but now it seemed like he was regretting it. “That’s...good. I guess...” I didn’t know what else to say about it. I wasn’t happy about it, so I wasn’t about to pretend that I was. At the same time, I wasn’t that upset about it either.

“It is what it is, I guess.” Dad’s voice was sad and resigned. I had the sudden urge to fix this. If it was possible.

“This may sound odd...but hear me out,” I began, tightening my grip on the steering wheel. “The paperwork isn’t finalized, right? I mean...couldn’t you guys give it another go?”

“Roxie...” my mom began. “It won’t work baby. Your father and I...we need to be apart for a while. We need the time to work things out for ourselves.”

A loud sigh sounded from Dad, but his attention was focused on the scenery that passed by his window. “Dad? Are you okay?” I asked, hoping to open him up. I could tell he needed to say something, but there was something holding him back.

“What?” He turned to look at me and, if it was even possible, he looked even sadder. “Oh, no, I’m fine. Your mother’s right. It’s not possible.”

I tried to ask him what he meant, but they both clammed up immediately. Mom seemed more on edge than ever. She played with the strap of her purse, rubbing her fingers over the smooth leather constantly. I decided to let it go. For now. I would find out later what was going on with the two of them.



* * * *



I was so relieved when we finally turned onto the dirt road that would take us to Grandma’s house. The ride had been strained since our earlier conversation and I was dying to get out of the truck. Mom and Dad were being civil to each other, but to me that was worse than yelling. At least there was passion when they screamed.

“This is where you grew up?” asked Dad with awe in his voice. “You never told me-”

“Yes. This is where I grew up. And I didn’t tell you because it didn’t matter.”

I looked at both of them and shook my head. One more thing that Dad would be able to hold over Mom’s head. Neither of us had ever given much thought as to why she had kept quiet about her childhood. I remembered asking him once, when I was a child, why she avoided the questions, but he couldn’t give me a straight answer.

I parked the truck and got out, the humidity no longer taking my breath away, but still stifling. I waited for them to get their luggage from the back, then turned and walked up to the front door of the house. Mom was slowly making her way behind me, but there was hesitancy in her steps. I met her eyes, but she quickly averted them. She looked scared, but I couldn’t figure out what could be bothering her so much.

Before we made it to the top of the stairs Grandma opened the door, her apron covered in flour, and the smell of freshly baked cookies wafted towards us. I inhaled deeply, taking in the delicious scent. She hadn’t made cookies since I was here, so I was a little bit shocked that she actually knew how. She rarely did any cooking, now that I thought about it.

“Cal,” she nodded at my dad, and then turned her attention to her daughter. “Angela. It’s good to see you two again. Come on in.” She turned and moved out of the doorway. We all walked in, everyone avoiding making eye contact with each other. So odd.

I walked into the living room and sat down on one of the armchairs, slipping my leg over one of the arms as I watched my parents sit down on the couch. They sat at opposite ends, neither of them wanting to be close to the other. When Grandma made her way in, her lips were set in a tight line and she appeared to be quite upset.

“You two need to remove the corn cobs in your rears right now. This here is my home, and I won’t have that kind of crap going on,” she said as she swatted my leg off the arm of the chair. I sat up straight and watched as she approached them. “Now, we all know that you two are getting divorced. It’s no secret. But that’s not why you’re here. Right?” She directed the last part at me and I nodded in agreement.

“I know why we’re here. And I’m completely against the idea. Roxie is entirely too young-”

“Stop. Right there. You may know why you’re here, but I don’t. Roxie? It’s time you tell me what’s going on,” she said as she sat down between Mom and Dad. I drew in a deep breath as I tried to find my words. I had to make sure I said this right, or all of them would squash my idea in a heartbeat.

“Well...I called Mom and Dad earlier this week and told them my idea,” I began, my voice shaking. “I was thinking that...maybe, if you’d want me...that I could stay.”

Grandma looked at me for a moment, her face a mask of confusion. “Stay? As in not go back to New York?” I nodded. “Roxie, baby, you don’t have to do that. I’ll be fine, I promise. I could never ask you-”

“But you’re not asking. I want to stay. I want to be here with you. I don’t want...I mean...you’re dying and-” Grandma held up her hand to stop me. I gasped for air, my lungs suddenly working against me. Before I could have a complete meltdown I felt arms engulf me, pulling me to a solid chest. Shocked, I looked up into Chase’s beautiful face. “What are you doing here?”

“Betty called me. Told me you might need me,” he said with a smile. My savior. I could feel my body reacting to his, sending a flush to my face. I looked over at my parents who were both watching us like hawks.

“Roxanne? Who is this?” asked Dad as he stood up and walked over to us. He extended his hand to Chase who shook it. “I’m Roxanne’s father. It’s nice to meet you...”

“Chase. It’s nice to meet ya sir,” he replied as he dropped my dad’s hand. The two most important men in my life stared at each other for a brief moment before my dad took a step back, dropping his heated gaze. “I’ve heard so much about you both.”

My dad’s face broke into a mischievous grin. “I wish I could say the same, son. Roxanne hasn’t been very forthcoming with that information.”

“Okay folks. Let’s get back on topic here,” said Grandma. “Roxie wants to stay. As much as I would love to say yes to this, I think it would be a good idea for everyone to think about this.” She turned to face me. “Baby, I know you think you want this. And I want you to want this. But this is not the best place for you. I’m sick, and there’s no telling when I’ll get worse. I want you to think on it for a few more days.”

I shook my head and stared her in the eyes. “Grandma, I know what I want. I want this,” I said as I waved my hands around the room. “I want to wake up each morning knowing that I get to see you for another day. I want to spend my days with you on the farm. I want a life filled with people who are genuine and true.” I turned and looked at my parents. “Mom. Dad. I love you both, and I love the life you have given me. But it’s not what I want anymore. I have real friends here. They love me here. Please, don’t take this away from me.”

Their faces fell in disappointment. I knew I had hurt them with my words, but I had to be honest with them. One thing I had learned from being here was that being completely honest was the only way to be. “Say something. Please.” I couldn’t stand their silence. I dreaded their answer, but I had to hear it. My future literally hung in the balance in that moment.

“Give them time to think baby,” Grandma spoke first. “They’re here for the weekend. Y’all can talk about this again before they leave.”

I nodded and grabbed Chase’s hand. My parents were still staring at me, their eyes glassy with tears. I wanted to run over to them and hug them, but I knew if I did I would change my mind. I had to prove to them that I was completely sure of my choice, and that meant walking away at that moment. As Chase and I walked out of the living room I could hear my mother break down. Her sobs were pulling at me, begging me to turn around. I kept walking, Chase’s hand squeezing mine as we walked away from the most important people in my life.