Knotted Roots

Chapter TWENTY-FIVE



As I stared at the calm pond water in front of me, I leaned back into Chase’s chest, both of us wanting to be as close as possible right then. There was a real possibility that my parents would decide to take me back to New York when they left. I let out a loud sigh and felt Chase wrap his arms around me, enclosing us in our own personal world. A world that was just the two of us.

“What happens if they say no?” I whispered.

“Nothing. You go back to New York and we keep in touch. I’ll try to visit when I’m on break from school. We’ll make it work,” he replied confidently.

“Long distance relationships are doomed for failure. You know that, right?” I twisted my head around to look at him. “Add on top of that the fact that we’re a summer fling. Where does that leave us? Our chances of making it are zip.”

“Ya wanna know why all of those relationships didn’t last? ‘Cause they’re not us. That’s why. I have faith in us,” he said before he planted a kiss on my forehead. He was so calm about this while I was a nervous wreck. I had to resist the urge to bite my nails, a habit that had plagued me since early childhood.

I let loose a laugh, starting out small, then building into a fit of giggles. I gasped for air as I tried to stop, but every time I looked at his face, and the shock there, I started laughing even more. “I don’t remember saying something funny.” I laughed even harder, this time causing him to let me go and stand up. He brushed off his pants and stared down at me. “When you’re done laughing at me, I’d like to head back to the house.”

It took me a few more minutes, but I finally got myself under control. “I’m,” I inhaled deeply, “sorry. I don’t know why I found that so funny.” I smiled at him, but he didn’t return the gesture. “I’m sorry, I am. I just thought it was funny. I mean, how many times have people said those exact words? It just seemed so...so...cliché.”

His face began to turn a deep shade of red as he stood up straight, pulling his shoulders back. “Cliché. Got it. Maybe it is cliché, but laughing at someone when they are trying to tell you how they feel...” He rubbed his hands over the back of his neck. “Do you even know what you mean to me? I mean...shit...” He fell to his knees in front of me, pulling my hands into his. My throat went dry as the serious look on his face registered in my brain.

“Chase...what are you...what’s going on?” I was beyond confused how this conversation had switched directions. I had only seen him this serious a few times before, and we had been fighting then, not professing feelings for each other.

“I’m clearing the air here. Just give me a minute,” he said as he took a shuddering breath. “You know I care about you, right?” I nodded. “I feel more for you than just that. I think...I mean, I know...I’m falling in love with you.”

I stared at him, my heart galloping in my chest. Did he really just tell me that he loved me? Yes! I couldn’t breathe. I tried to focus on my own words, but the only sounds that I could make were incoherent. I was completely shocked. I cared about him, sure, but I couldn’t believe that he dropped the L bomb on me so soon. We had only been official for a short time. I began to shake as I tried to absorb his words.

“Roxie?” He released my hands and sat back on his feet. “I could use a response right about now.” I looked to the ground, avoiding his eyes, as I tried to make sense of what was happening.

I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t say those words to him. I tried to open my mouth to tell him what I felt, but my mouth was being held in a vise grip. My tongue had suddenly become too thick to help my mouth form words. I knew I looked half crazed at that moment, and in all honesty, I felt like it too. I had never said those words to someone, other than my parents, of course. Did I care about him? Yes. But did I love him? I didn’t know.

I jumped to my feet and backed away, hugging myself as I felt the tremors running through my body. “Ch...Chase. I’m sorry.” I shook my head as I looked at his distraught face. “I have to go.” I couldn’t stand to look at his forlorn face anymore, so I did the one thing I knew how to do. I ran away. Again.



* * * *



I could hear Mom and Dad bickering when I got home, their voices carrying throughout the house. I wouldn’t face them like this, so I ran upstairs to my room. I grabbed my bath paraphernalia and locked myself in the bathroom. It was the one place in the world that I could really think. I wouldn’t have to worry about upsetting someone else, or screwing up again. I could just be.

I could still hear them downstairs, but this time it didn’t bother me. I was content in the large tub that I had enjoyed so many times. The tub that felt safe. When my phone rang on the counter I ignored it. It would be one of three people, and I couldn’t bring myself to talk to any of them. In that moment I realized how much I missed Katy already. She hadn’t been by since I got home from the hospital, but she did call.

I got out of the tub, wrapped my towel around me, and picked up the phone. I looked at the missed call, noting Brian’s number, and quickly dialing Katy’s instead of calling him back.

“Y’ello?” she answered.

“Katy? Hey. It’s Roxie. You feel up to a girl’s night out?” I sat down on the edge of the tub, nervously playing with the edge of the towel.

“Umm...I don’t know. I kinda have plans tonight.”

“Oh. Okay. Well...that’s cool. Just thought I would call and ask.” I was about to hang up when I heard her yell.

“Wait! Crap...would you like to come with me? I’m heading to the movies with some friends, if you wanna come,” she replied. She sounded nervous, but maybe that was just me being ridiculous.

“Sure. Who all is going?” I asked. I stood up, grabbed my clothes with my free hand, and walked to my room. “I mean, I don’t want to intrude or anything.”

“It’s just…some friends. They’re from school.” There it was again. She sounded like she was worried. I couldn’t stand it any longer.

“Katy? What’s going on? And don’t tell me nothing. I can hear it in your voice.” I threw my stuff on the bed and walked to the closet, the phone tucked between my ear and shoulder.

“Nothing,” she said quickly. “I’ll pick you up at seven, okay? I gotta run. See you then!” I didn’t have time to respond before I heard the line go dead. I stared down at the phone and shook my head. She’s hiding something. And I’m going to find out what it is.



I got dressed quickly, throwing on jeans and a cute top, barely glancing at myself in the mirror as I ran out my room. I could smell dinner cooking downstairs, and the lack of screaming told me that Mom and Dad were finally done arguing. When I reached the kitchen I could hear Mom and Grandma in the kitchen talking.

“Mom, I don’t think it’s a good idea. I mean, have you looked at her lately? She’s not even doing her hair anymore!” said Mom, her tone half-hushed, like a loud whisper. I heard a drawer slam before Grandma responded.

“That’s the point Angela. She’s not the same person she was two months ago. She’s grown, or haven’t you noticed anything besides her appearance?” I heard another drawer slam causing me to wince. “She’s open, and caring, and friendly. She was none of those things when she got here. Whatever is happening with her, it’s a good thing. Not a negative.”

I smiled as I listened to my Grandma defending me. It was nice to know that she had been paying such close attention to me. I was slightly offended that she didn’t think I was all those things before, but I could see why she said that. I had grown. In a great way. I pushed open the door, halting their conversation. Both of them looked at me like they had been caught with their hands in the cookie jar.

“Hey y’all. What’s for dinner?” I asked as I sat down at the table.

“Did you just say ‘y’all’?” asked Mom incredulously. She spun to face Grandma. “See? That’s slang, Mother! She’s speaking like you now!”

“You say that like it’s a bad thing,” I said with a smile. I stood up and walked over to Grandma, then placed my arms around her in a hug. “I’m hungry. Is it chow time now?” I gave her a devilish grin, enjoying giving my mother another reason to freak out.

“It sure is darlin’. Go on over yonder and have a seat. I’ll bring it right on to ya,” said Grandma in her thickest Southern accent. We both started laughing at the look of abject horror on Mom’s face. When she stormed out of the room, huffing and puffing, we both lost it. It felt good to have that moment with Grandma.

“Thank you,” I said, planting a kiss on her forehead. She squeezed me again, and then released me.

“Ya know, she’s probably up there taking one of her anxiety pills right now. We should be ashamed of ourselves.” She winked at me and walked out the room. I watched her go, suddenly very conscious of how long we had left together. I knew, right then, that no matter what happened I had to convince my parents to let me stay. I couldn’t miss out on one more moment with Grandma. She had stolen my heart this summer, giving me something, and someone, to love. I had to stay until the end; otherwise I would regret it for the rest of my life.