From my seat on the sofa, I look around the room. There doesn’t appear to be anything she could use to harm me, there are no pockets on any of her clothes, and I’m convinced I’m physically stronger than her. If it comes to that.
‘Were you jealous of her?’ I turn to Alison, no longer caring if my words offend her. It doesn’t matter any more.
She considers my question for a moment. ‘Maybe.’
I expected a denial, but finally Alison is telling me something that may actually hold a grain of truth. ‘Why? As far as I can see you had a whole lot more than she ever did. Your parents love you, for starters. Josie never had that.’ I want to stand up but I’m too afraid to move. Alison, still standing by the window, has the position of power.
‘You didn’t let me finish. I think I was a bit jealous of her to start with. Until I got to know her. Before that all I saw was this beautiful, confident girl who would never have any problems getting any man to fall for her. She was just so different to me. I’d barely even had a boyfriend.’
I stare at Alison’s face as she talks. She’s an attractive girl, so any problems she had with men must have been because of who she is, what’s inside of her.
‘I really did want to like her, though,’ she continues. ‘I tried to give her a chance, but everything about her just rubbed me up the wrong way. I suppose I did that to her too, though. Anyway, none of that matters now, does it? Like I was saying, she was the kind of girl who could have just about anyone she wanted, even a university lecturer. I mean, how many people could say that they had someone risk their career to be with them?’
The ground seems to fall away beneath my feet. ‘I knew you were lying when you said you believed Zach didn’t do anything with her. Everything you’ve said to me since the day I laid eyes on you has been fabricated, hasn’t it, Alison?’
She comes closer towards me. ‘We’ll get to the part about my lies, Mia, but to answer your first question, the truth is, I wasn’t there in the room with them. I can’t tell you whether or not he slept with her, but that doesn’t mean he didn’t want to, that he wasn’t tempted.’
Alison’s words are like bricks crashing against my head. ‘You didn’t talk to him that night, did you?’ I say.
‘Yes, I did, Mia, but you’re jumping way ahead.’ She flicks her wrist and checks the time on an old-looking gold watch. I didn’t think people her age even bothered with watches any more, but then Alison isn’t typical of a twenty-six-year-old. ‘If I’m going to do this, I’m doing it at my own pace. We’ve got all night, haven’t we? You’re not going anywhere, are you?’
I don’t answer, but once again comfort myself by clasping the cold, hard metal of my phone, still in my pocket.
‘The trouble is I have a big problem with all this, Alison. With everything you say. You’ve lied to me so many times before, so why should I believe anything you say now?’
‘That’s your choice. And actually it doesn’t matter what you believe. It only matters what I believe.’
This woman is crazy, and I’ve been foolish to come here, thinking I could get any sense out of her. Given her track record, how could I expect her to be honest now? ‘Dominic never abused you, did he? And you put that photo of Josie on his computer, didn’t you?’
‘Well, I suppose that one wasn’t hard to work out. Yes, that was a photo of Josie I had on my phone.’
‘But where did you get it? It looked like a selfie, so she must have sent it to you.’
‘She did – by mistake. I don’t know who it was intended for, but I don’t think it was for me. Unless she just wanted to say a big “fuck you” to me. That’s what it looks like she’s thinking in it.’
‘And did she send it the night she died?’
Alison nods and sits on the sofa next to me. It’s all I can do not to jump up and move as far away from her as possible.
‘Yes,’ she says. ‘That’s part of the reason why I came over here. I hadn’t seen her for months, not even at uni. Well, I’d spotted her there a few times but always hid so she never saw me. But I was so angry with her. All those months of living together, messing with each other, took their toll on me and I just wanted… I don’t know, closure? That night I was studying in the library at uni when she sent me the photo. It was late and I assumed she was probably drunk – as usual. I was so mad I just wanted to rip into her. I’d tried to before, many times, but it never quite came out right. I always ended up seeming weak. That’s what Josie did to me, Mia, she weakened me. Made me feel like I was completely useless, though in reality I had far more going for me academically than she did.’
I take in her words, commit them to my memory for when I have to repeat what she’s told me as evidence.
‘So you lied to Zach when you told him you’d come here to look for your bracelet? The one your mum supposedly gave you.’
‘Yes, that was a lie. There’s no bracelet. It was the easiest thing to tell Zach at the time. But that’s not important, Mia.’
She’s right – that’s just a small lie in a forest of hundreds. ‘Why did you move out in the end, Alison? What had happened between you two that was worse than the fights you’d already had?’
‘I told her I was going to report her relationship with Zach. Well, of course she didn’t like that and threatened me. A nasty threat. And I guess it spooked me, because I knew by then what kind of family she came from and what had already happened to her, so there was no telling what she was capable of.’ She pauses and turns to me. ‘I’m not proud of my threat to her. Especially when I had no evidence that she and Zach had ever done anything together, but, well, that’s how fuelled with rage I was. I like that phrase, don’t you? Fuelled with rage.’
I grip my phone a little tighter. I don’t know how much longer I can wait, but she hasn’t told me what she did yet and I’ve come too far now to sacrifice finally knowing the truth.
How ironic that Alison actually feared Josie, given what she did. I shake my head. ‘So that’s why you killed her? To stop her harming you? You’re going to try and say it was some sort of self-defence?’
Alison stands up, towering over me; I can’t help but reel back. ‘Oh no, I’m not going to say that at all. Because I didn’t kill her.’
Chapter Thirty-Two
Josie
* * *
I stare at Zach. ‘What… what are you doing here?’
He frowns. ‘What do you mean? You called me. About a thousand times. Why didn’t you answer when I called back? I’ve been worried sick about you, Josie. What’s going on?’
This must be a dream; I never called Zach. He can’t really be standing at my door. I grope around in my pocket for my phone and check my call history. Sure enough, there are six calls to Zach and three missed calls from him, as well as two text messages asking if I’m okay.
‘Oops!’ I say. ‘Sorry, I must have drunk-dialled you.’
His face falls, disappointment sketched all over it. He thought I was better than this, above this kind of juvenile behaviour. ‘Josie, I thought you’d stopped drinking, that you were making a fresh start.’
‘What’s the point?’ I say. If Zach thinks I’m a stupid little girl then why not live up to his idea of me?
He hasn’t made any move to come in so I’m not surprised when he tells me this probably isn’t the best time to talk. ‘You need to get some rest, Josie. Let’s catch up tomorrow.’
But there won’t be any catching up or chatting or anything else tomorrow. Tomorrow I will just be pushed aside again, into a neat little compartment in his head. Somewhere safe, where he won’t let me out. I can’t let him go. I grab his arm and pull him inside, expecting resistance but it doesn’t come. He sighs but lets me drag him in and shut the front door.
‘I shouldn’t be here,’ he says, ‘especially if you’ve been drinking.’ But he doesn’t stop me guiding him into the living room.