‘That’s all you ever say, Zach.’ I slump onto the sofa and pat the seat next to me. ‘Just sit and keep me company, that’s all. Come on.’
He checks his watch. ‘Maybe for a little while. But it’s pretty late and I’ll need to get back home soon.’ Finally, he sits down, but he chooses the seat at the other end of the sofa. ‘So where’s your flatmate? Alison, isn’t it?’
‘She moved out. Couldn’t bear to be around me any more.’ I laugh, even though there’s nothing funny at all. That’s the beauty of gin.
Zach ignores it and tries his best to pretend I’m sober. ‘Well, that’s a good thing, isn’t it? You two didn’t get along, did you? At least this is one less thing for you to stress about.’
But he’s wrong. ‘At least she was someone. Someone always here when I came home. Now there’s just silence. And no food.’ I start to giggle again, and even though I’m angry with myself for doing it, I can’t seem to stop. And the serious expression on Zach’s face sets me off even more.
He ignores it. ‘But what about Craig? I bet he’s here all the time.’
I throw my head back against the sofa. ‘Let’s just say things didn’t exactly work out there.’
There’s a pause, and even in my drunken state I wonder if Zach’s happy to hear this, deep down in that part of him he’s trying to suppress. ‘I’m sorry to hear that,’ he says, and I long to tell him it’s because of him. Because he’s the only man I want.
‘Ask me why, Zach.’
Again a pause, longer this time. ‘I don’t think I should, Josie. It’s not my business, it’s between you and Craig.’
But it is Zach’s business. I almost tell him this but stop myself just in time – I’m not that much of an arsehole. ‘Drink?’ I hold up my bottle of gin.
He shakes his head. ‘Ha! No, thanks. And I think you’ve had enough for both of us.’
I take a long swig from the bottle. ‘I’m only just getting started, believe me.’
‘Josie, slow down. Why are you feeling so sorry for yourself? This isn’t you.’ He makes a swipe for the bottle but even in my state I’m too fast and pull it away.
‘What’s brought you to this?’ he adds, when I don’t answer. ‘Has something happened with your mum? Is your brother okay?’
‘Don’t call her that – she’s no mother to me, you know that. Or to Kieren, even though she’s pretending she’s a good one to him. Oh, God, how can I let him be in that house with her? With them.’
‘What do you mean them? Please don’t tell me that man’s out of prison?’
‘No. No, it’s not him, but I think she’s shacking up with his cousin – Richard. He’s the one who came all the way to London to threaten me into withdrawing my statement to the police about Johnny.’
‘That’s just… crazy.’
‘I know. It’s like something off Jeremy Kyle, isn’t it? You couldn’t make this shit up. But, I’m really worried, Zach. Kieren might be all young and cute now but he’ll grow up soon enough. I’ve got to get him out of there. I can’t stand by and let something happen to him. It could be tomorrow, or years down the line, but I’ve got to do something.’
Zach moves closer to me and places his hand on my arm. ‘You have to stay calm, Josie. Look, you’ve already reported everything to the police and social services – I think you have to let them deal with it now.’
‘But eventually they’ll stop thinking about her, they’ll give up because she’s putting on this motherly act, and that’s when it will happen. And this time it could be worse than what happened to me!’ I sound hysterical, and Zach keeps his hand on my arm. But he should let go of me. He really should.
‘Listen to me, Josie. You’ve got to be strong. Like I know you are. Things will work out in the end, they always do. Trust me. Think of what you’ve already been through and survived.’
And looking at Zach now, I do trust him. Even through my lens of alcohol, I can see he has never meant me any harm, has only ever looked out for me.
I don’t know I’m making the biggest mistake of my life until I’m actually doing it, but suddenly I’m moving closer to Zach, leaning into him and pushing my mouth against his, desperate to taste him, to draw him into me, to never let him go.
It must only last a second, maybe even less than that, and then he’s shoving me away, his face creased with panic. ‘Josie, you shouldn’t have done that. We can’t… I love my wife. More than love her, she’s my whole world.’
Suddenly I feel sober, hearing Zach’s words filled with so much anguish and pain. I’m so ashamed of myself that I run from the flat.
Chapter Thirty-Three
Mia
* * *
Hearing Alison’s denial, there is no doubt in my mind what I have to do now. She is not going to give me any answers, so I have to accept that I’ll never know exactly what happened that night.
‘I could do with some water,’ I say, trying to make my voice sound hoarse, although I know she won’t believe me. She can’t possibly think that I will let her get away with what she’s done.
But as usual, she is full of surprises. ‘Fine,’ she says. ‘I’ll be right back.’
I’m stunned that she’s leaving me in the room alone when she knows I must have my mobile on me, but perhaps this is an oversight. What I’m sure of now, though, is that the front door is locked, and there is no way for me to get out. That’s the only thing that would explain her confidence.
But I still don’t know what she wants from me.
Keeping my eye on the living-room door, I quickly pull out my phone and dial Will’s number, hoping he’ll answer and that it won’t go to his voicemail. When he picks up, his voice is thick with tiredness and without a word I toggle down the volume and slip the phone back in my pocket, still connected, and shout out to Alison.
‘I’m here,’ she says, appearing in the doorway with a glass of water. She puts it on the carpet by my feet, but she must know there is no way I will touch a single drop.
‘What am I doing here, Alison? You’re claiming you didn’t harm Josie, so what do you want from me?’
She joins me on the sofa. ‘Well, it’s like I said before: I wanted you to know the truth about Zach. That he didn’t sleep with Josie. It’s important to me that you know that.’
Alison’s psychosis must run deeper than I imagined; her words are a huge contradiction to what she said earlier about not being able to know. But of course she has an answer when I question her about this.
‘I said I wasn’t in the room with them, so I have no real evidence, but like I told you before, I spoke to Zach and I believe every word he said. Every single word. He really loved you. And Freya. You must have been his whole world.’ She begins biting her nails.
But we weren’t, were we? I tell Alison that nothing she is saying makes sense, but she doesn’t reply. I need to tread carefully; I don’t want her to clam up now.
‘Tell me this, at least: why did you need me to know all this?’
‘Because I want justice for Josie.’
And now it’s all becoming clearer. Somehow, in her deranged mind, and despite what she’s saying, Alison must think Zach killed Josie. Just like everyone else. Her claim that Dominic was involved must have just been to get me to listen; she wouldn’t have known whether or not I thought Zach was guilty. It’s possible she’s blocked out any memory of what she herself did, and is now focusing it on Zach. With him dead, I’m the one who must take the blame for what happened to Josie.
I need to keep her talking so Will has long enough to call the police. He will have heard our conversation and I hope it’s enough for him to realise something is very wrong. And once he’s called them, they should be able to find our location from my mobile phone – at least, I hope so. It is too risky to mention the address now with Alison in the room with me. As much as it hurts me to do this, I need to go along with whatever she already believes.
‘You know, I’ve blamed myself all these years, Alison. For all of it. What happened to Zach and what happened to Josie.’