I’m shattered when I get home from Brighton. All I want to do is crawl into bed and pretend the world doesn’t exist. My whole body aches but it doesn’t feel like a physical pain. It’s emotional. Maybe it’s fear that I’ll never see Kieren again. He’s too young to tell anyone he wants to come and live with me, and I’ve tried everything with social services, so, other than kidnapping him, there’s nothing I can do, and that cuts like a knife wound; the worst pain I’ve ever felt. But in my usual style, I do the only thing I can: I block it out. Make it go away. Don’t think about anything or anyone.
I almost scream when I open my bedroom door and Alison is there, sitting on my bed in total darkness, except for the glow coming from my laptop screen. I don’t remember leaving it on. I’m sure I didn’t.
‘What are you doing in here? Get out, Alison.’ I don’t care if I sound rude, or nasty or anything else. I’ve had enough of this girl.
‘I thought we could start again,’ she says, her voice too jolly. I’ve never heard her like this before so it takes me a moment to work out that she’s drunk. ‘Here, I’ve poured us some wine.’
There are two glasses on the floor: one of them almost empty and the other full. ‘I’ve been saving it for you, Josie. Waiting for you to get home. I’m sure you like rosé.’ She picks up the full glass.
I wouldn’t believe this if it wasn’t right in front of me: pure, innocent Alison is sloshed. I bet she’s so unused to alcohol she only needed a sip for it to go straight to her head.
‘I know I shouldn’t be in here,’ she says. ‘Sorry. But let’s have a drink together. It’s something we should have done a long time ago.’ She waves her glass around and wine spills onto my duvet. ‘Make peace.’
I join her on my bed. ‘I don’t drink any more, Alison. You know that.’
‘Oh, really?’ She takes a swig of wine, far too much in one go. ‘And why’s that, then?’
‘Well, you’re the one who told me I had a drink problem.’ I shouldn’t be engaging in this conversation with her but I’m too exhausted to fight too hard.
She chuckles. ‘Did I really say that? Oh yeah. Well, you do, actually. Sorry, but it’s true.’
But she looks far from sorry. I should have known her so-called ‘making peace’ wouldn’t last two seconds. ‘Okay, Alison, I think you should go now. Your room is right next door.’
She doesn’t move. ‘Hang on. I’m sorry, okay? I shouldn’t have said that. Look, I’ll put my drink down so neither of us has any.’ She leans over and fumbles to put her glass down on the floor. I quickly grab it from her before the whole thing ends up all over the carpet. The flat’s already shabby but when it’s time to leave I’m not losing my deposit because of Alison.
‘Let’s talk about something else,’ she continues.
For the first time in my life I give in. ‘Fine, but it’s late and I need to get some sleep soon. I’ve got an early shift in the coffee shop tomorrow.’
She smiles, and I’m not sure why this is making her so happy. It’s as if the alcohol has transformed her personality, rather than just making her lose her inhibitions. ‘Okay. So, something interesting happened today, Josie. Craig was round here when I got home. Knocking on the door. Actually, make that pounding on the door.’
I stiffen. ‘What did he say? Did you let him in?’
‘Of course I let him in. He’s your boyfriend, isn’t he? Well, he was your boyfriend. He told me you two had pretty much broken up but he had no idea why.’
It makes me uncomfortable that Alison is prying into my business when for months we’ve barely said more than a few sentences to each other. And most of those were insults. ‘What did you say to that?’
‘I told him I didn’t even know you two were together. He seemed a bit upset by that, but I told him not to take it personally, that these things happen. You know, all the platitudes. But he was very upset.’
But I did the right thing for him. It’s better to be cruel to him now than get further involved before realising it isn’t right. That would cut him up even more.
Alison reaches for her glass. ‘He’s really got it bad for you, hasn’t he? Poor guy. Still, I’m sure you’ll find someone else soon. People like you always do.’
‘What the hell is that supposed to mean, Alison?’
She holds up her hands. ‘I meant it as a compliment. You’re an attractive girl.’ Her words are forced, unnatural, so now I know for sure she’s playing some kind of sick game.
‘I need to get some sleep now. Goodnight, Alison.’ I pick up the bottle of wine lying on my bed and thrust it towards her. ‘Here you go.’
She pulls herself up and staggers to her feet. ‘Well, it’s been nice having this chat. We must do it again soon. How come you never have family here?’
Her sudden question stuns me into silence, so it takes me a moment before I can speak. ‘Goodnight, Alison.’
As soon as she’s gone I pull out my phone. I ignored it all the way home from Brighton because I didn’t want to think about Craig. About anything. But now I know he was here, I need to talk to him.
He picks up immediately. ‘Josie, thank God! I’ve been trying to call you all day.’
‘I know. I’m sorry, I just wasn’t ready to talk. Did you come to my flat?’
‘Yeah, didn’t you get any of my voicemails?’
‘I haven’t checked them. Sorry.’
‘Josie, your flatmate is a freak. She… Look, can we meet and talk about this?’
‘It’s been a long day and I need to go to bed, Craig, I’m really knackered. But you’re right about Alison being a bit strange. I thought I’d told you that.’
‘You did. But, seriously, this was something else. She’s something else. She told me all this crazy stuff. I mean, really crazy stuff. What is up with her?’
His words hit me like a fist. ‘What… what exactly did she say? Tell me everything.’
‘She made up all this stuff about you and I know it’s all bull.’
‘Just tell me!’ He doesn’t deserve it, but it’s an effort not to scream at him.
‘She said your mum’s boyfriend tried to kill you and left you for dead.’
My blood freezes. Alison must have found out about it on the Internet. Since moving to London I’ve kept this from everyone but Zach and it feels like a violation for anyone to be bringing it up. I can’t speak.
‘Josie? Are you there?’
Eventually I find some words. ‘I’m here.’
‘Why would she say that?’
‘Because she hates me, Craig. And she’s crazy.’
‘I’m so sorry, Josie, she almost had me believing her. I mean, she seemed so convincing. But then she told me some other stuff that I know isn’t true.’
The first thing I think is that Alison probably told him I did something with Aaron; that I deliberately came between them. I prepare myself for this. But what Craig says next shocks me to my core.
‘She said you’ve been sleeping with Zach Hamilton.’
* * *
‘What sick game are you playing?’ I throw my phone at Alison and it smacks against her arm. I’m not usually a violent person but my anger is uncontrollable. She’s really crossed a line this time.
‘Let me guess. You’ve spoken to Craig and he told you what I said. Well, it’s all true, isn’t it?’
It’s a struggle to be calm but I can’t lose control here. ‘You know I could get you in a lot of trouble for spreading malicious lies about me?’
‘Yes, you could. If they were lies. But everything I said is true. So go ahead and report whatever you want to whoever you want. Actually, an investigation into your sick affair would be a good thing.’