* * *
Will comes to find me in my office before lunch. I’ve been so engrossed in my work that I don’t realise how hungry I am until he places a sandwich on my desk. ‘I know you didn’t have breakfast so thought you might need this,’ he says. ‘And don’t worry, I even offered to make Alison one, but she refused it. She’s just sitting in the garden. Don’t say I didn’t try.’
‘Is she okay? What’s she been doing all morning?’
‘Reading in the sun every time I’ve checked. She seems… relaxed? It’s hard to believe she’s an abused woman.’
‘I know. But I’ve seen the bruises, and they were definitely real.’
‘Hmmm. Well, I guess we all have different ways of dealing with things. Look, I’m trying to make an effort with her – but the truth is, I just don’t trust her. I don’t know what it is but there’s something about her that… I don’t know, I can’t even explain it.’
‘Will, I do know what you mean. It’s like she plans what she’s saying too carefully, as if she’s scared she’ll trip herself up.’
‘Yes! That’s exactly it.’
‘But I’ve got to help her.’
He lets out a heavy sigh. ‘I know that. I just don’t like you being here alone with her, and I have to pop out for a bit, get some things done. Will you be okay?’
I assure him I will and let him know we’ll be flat hunting this afternoon.
‘Good. Well, I’ll be back this evening. I’m not leaving you alone with her all night.’
I grab his hand. ‘Thank you. Even though I can take care of myself.’
‘I know you can,’ he says. ‘But do you know what? It’s not a bad thing to let other people help you once in a while, Mia.’
Once Will’s gone, I try to organise my thoughts. I need a plan for what to do about Alison. If I’m ever to find out what she’s really doing in my house, and in my life, then I need to take drastic action.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Josie
* * *
Craig and I sit in his bedroom, huddled under his duvet because it’s so cold in here. I’m wearing my coat too, but he doesn’t seem to be offended.
‘Bloody heating,’ he says, putting his arm around me. ‘It takes forever to kick in. Sorry.’
But he has nothing to apologise for; I would much rather be here in his flat, no matter how cold it is, than at home, wondering what Alison will say or do next. Nobody has ever put me on edge like she does, not even Johnny. It’s the silent people you have to watch out for – not the mouthy, full-of-shit people like Johnny and Richard.
Craig’s parents have just left. His mum cooked us the nicest home-cooked meal I’ve ever had, and despite my initial reservations, I actually enjoyed myself.
‘You were right about your parents,’ I tell him, burying myself further into the crook of his arm. ‘They actually are cool. I had a lot of fun this afternoon.’
‘Mum loved you, I could tell. Dad too. And that’s a first because they’ve never liked any girls I’ve introduced them to before. Seriously. Never.’
‘Oh well, there’s still plenty of time for them to hate me.’ I’m only half-joking.
Craig pulls me round to face him and kisses me, and for once I give in and let him. I’m so used to pushing people away at this point but I don’t want to do that now. I want to make a go of it with him. But the further we go, the harder I find it to focus. My head is all over the place and I’m everywhere except present with Craig.
He stops and pulls back. ‘Are you okay, Josie? Is something wrong?’
I tell him I’m fine and force myself to kiss him harder, more urgently, to prove that I’m okay. To feel something. But with my eyes closed, it’s Zach I see, Zach I want to be with, Zach my whole body aches for.
I freeze up and push Craig away.
‘I’m sorry, I can’t do this. I have to go. I’m sorry.’
‘Why? Josie, what’s wrong? Have I done something?’
But I don’t stop to answer because there’s nothing I can tell him that will make sense or make him feel any better. Hating myself more than I ever have in my life, I rush from his room without looking back.
* * *
Walking home does nothing to clear my head and it doesn’t help that Craig keeps calling and texting me. I should never have started anything with him when my heart’s not in it. But I can never have Zach, so where does that leave me?
I’m about to turn off my phone when it rings again, but this time it’s Sinead. My heart almost stops. She’s only ever texted me before; it’s usually me calling her if I need more detailed information about how Kieren is doing.
‘Sinead? What is it? Has something happened?’
‘Sorry, Josie, I don’t want to panic you but, well, I haven’t actually seen Kieren for a few days. And it’s term time, so Liv should be taking him to school every morning, but she’s been leaving the house without him.’
I struggle to take in what she’s saying. ‘So you think she’s leaving him at home alone?’ This wouldn’t surprise me. And actually, if that’s what she’s doing then I finally have a chance to get Kieren out of there. There is no way social services will allow a five-year-old to be left at home alone.
‘I don’t know. I just know I haven’t seen him for ages but Liv’s still been going out. Maybe not in time for the school run, but probably a bit later. Around ten-ish.’
‘Sinead, can you remember when you last saw him? What day was it?’
There’s a long pause. ‘I’m not sure. Probably when I texted you last week. Friday, was it? I saw Liv bringing him back from school, but haven’t seen him since then. Haven’t even heard him and usually he’s out in the back garden at some point, even if it’s freezing or raining.’
Now I’m starting to panic. ‘Can you go and knock on the door? See if he’s there?’
‘Oh, Josie, what would I say? I can’t tell her I’m checking if Kieren’s there, can I? And she can’t stand me so what other reason would I have to be knocking on her door?’
‘I don’t know! Say anything!’ I’m yelling now, even though Sinead doesn’t deserve that – she’s only ever looked out for me. ‘This is important, Sinead!’
‘Look, Josie, if you’re that worried then why don’t you call the police? I can’t just go round there with no reason. No way. Sorry, love. I’ve been happy helping you all this time because I know what a bitch Liv is, but I can’t get involved in this. Just call the police.’
‘Sinead, please—’
But she’s cut me off.
For a few seconds I stare at my phone in disbelief, but then fear for Kieren forces me to act.
* * *
It’s late evening by the time I get to Brighton and make my way to Liv’s house. I walk past Sinead’s and try not to feel angry with her. After all, I can’t blame her for fearing the repercussions of crossing Liv. Sinead has seen what she’s capable of doing to her own daughter, so she knows Liv wouldn’t give a second thought to causing her neighbour harm if she felt it was deserved.
There’s a light on in the hallway of Liv’s house so I take a deep breath and head up the path, banging on the door when I reach it. There’s no point pretending this is a polite social call.
Within seconds she is flinging open the door, ready to curse whoever’s making such a racket, but when she sees it’s me she seems to forget what she was about to say.
‘What the hell are you doing here? I hope it’s to tell me you’re going to the police.’
‘Let me in,’ I say. I don’t set her straight, because I need to get in the house, need to see that Kieren is okay, without her realising that’s why I’m here.
‘If you’re fucking me around, Josie, I swear, I’ll—’
‘Just let me in, Liv, or I’m going straight home.’
She looks behind her for a second before moving aside, and I step forward, my heart threatening to burst from my chest. I haven’t set foot in this place since the attack.