Worth the Wait

chapter 36


Jared rubbed his jaw and took a deep breath to calm his racing heart. He stared at Tasha’s front door and reached for the doorbell for the third time. The afternoon sun burned his back and sweat beaded along his brow. But even if it were cloudy he’d still be sweating bullets. He wasn’t used to begging forgiveness from a woman and he wanted Tasha’s forgiveness more than anything.

Once he’d landed the first thing he did was call Monica and confront her. To his amazement she hadn’t lied, but thankfully confirmed that she wasn’t pregnant. He would have dragged her to every court in America if she were. Instead of calling her every dirty name in the book he’d ended the call and deleted her number. From the defeated sound of her voice, he didn’t expect to see her again.

He wiped the sweat off his hands on his khaki pants. The second thing he’d done was shower and change into what he hoped was a responsible looking outfit before coming to beg Tasha to forgive him. With a sigh he pressed the doorbell.

She opened the door and his breath caught. She was dressed in her pink Rec Commission t-shirt and khaki skirt, her hair hung loosely around her shoulders and there was a glow to her caramel skin. She was breathtaking. He held out the bouquet of roses he’d brought.

Her cold gaze went from the roses to his face before she lifted her chin. “What do you want?”

He swallowed his guilt and called on his pride. “I’m sorry. I never should have doubted you.”

She crossed her arms and narrowed her eyes. “What do you want?”

He dropped the flowers to his side. “I know you didn’t poke the holes in the condoms.”

Her lips twisted. “Really, what brought on this epiphany?”

“I realized you wouldn’t do something like that. I trust you.”

Anger flashed in her eyes. “You trust me? You trust me! After I begged you to believe me and you still ran off to L.A., you have the audacity to come here and think flowers and saying you trust me will make it all go away? You don’t trust me, Jared. If you did you wouldn’t have left.”

He reached out and she stepped back. “I know, and I’m sorry. Tasha, I didn’t know how to handle it, okay? I’d just found out about my dad — ”

Her brow furled. “What about your dad?”

“There was more to the story. Drugs caused his heart attack. My mom wasn’t having an affair.”

Concern replaced the anger in her eyes. “I’m so sorry.”

He stepped forward. “I’ve wanted to talk to you about it since finding out. My mind was so screwed up after learning what happened. Then Malcolm was digging on me for misleading you,” he sighed heavily, “When I saw the condom, it was easier to believe you would do that than trust my instincts.”

Her face hardened and she raised her chin. “That’s supposed to make me feel better? You were a coward and you ran. You didn’t want to face what was real. You didn’t want to make what we had real and you took the easy way out.”

“It wasn’t easy, Tasha. I’ve thought about you every minute since Atlanta.”

She scowled. “Really? Were you thinking of me while hooking up with Cassandra? I saw the reports of you two partying it up. I also know you stayed with her in L.A.”

He closed his eyes and dropped his head, mentally cursing the media. “I didn’t sleep with Cassandra.” He lifted his head and looked at her.

Tasha made a noise that sounded a lot like a growl and tried to slam the door. He caught it before she could close it and pushed his way in. “Nothing happened.”

“You expect me to believe that? You had to sleep with me almost every night.”

He reached for her again but she stepped away. “You, Tasha, only you. I don’t want another woman the way I want you. I haven’t loved a woman the way I love you. I don’t want to sleep with Cassandra, or Monica, or anyone else. I only want you.”

Her eyes softened slightly but she turned away. “It doesn’t matter, Jared. I told you before if you couldn’t believe me then it was over. I meant what I said.”

He stepped up behind her and put a hand on her shoulder. He wanted to draw her close, but instead took comfort that she hadn’t pulled away. “I know you meant what you said. I know coming here and saying I’m sorry won’t erase what I did. You offered me love and trust and I didn’t know how to handle it. I’ve spent so much of my life mistrusting women and second-guessing every gesture they made. I know it’s not a good excuse for what I did, but it’s the only excuse I have. I love you, Tasha. And I love this baby.” She tried to pull away but he increased the pressure on her shoulder. “I won’t ask you to forgive me today. I haven’t done anything to make you trust me again, but I will. I will show you that I mean what I’m saying until you believe me.”

He pulled her against him. She relaxed into his embrace. He leaned down to place a kiss on the top of her head and breathed in her fresh scent.

The moment was fleeting and she jerked away. She turned to face him but didn’t meet his eyes. “Please leave.”

He stiffened. “Are you and the baby okay?”

She nodded, still avoiding his gaze. “We’re fine.”

“I’ll come back tomorrow to check on you.”

Her eyes snapped up, frustration and desire clearly evident in her glare. “Don’t. It’s over, Jared. It should have been over a long time ago, but now it’s truly over.” She opened the door and pointed. “Just go.”

He walked over to stand before her. When he spoke, his voice was like steel. “It’s not over. You’re carrying my child. I will be a part of this baby’s life and I will fight every day to be a part of yours. I meant what I said — I love you.”

“Love doesn’t mean a thing if you don’t trust me.” She looked into his eyes. “And you don’t trust me. If you did, you wouldn’t have left. If you did, you wouldn’t be ashamed to let your family know. You would have believed me.” Her voice broke on the last words and his heart constricted. He reached out to touch her, but she slapped his hand away. “Go.”

He wanted to argue, to beg her forgiveness, but he wouldn’t. Right now actions would speak louder than words. Regardless of what she said, he would show up tomorrow and every day after that to check on her and the baby. Even if she never forgave him, he’d make sure she understood that he wouldn’t leave her again. He’d show her constantly how sorry he was and how much he loved her. Without another word, he turned and walked out.