Worth the Wait

chapter 30


Tasha studied her reflection in the mirror. Her hair was pulled back into a sleek ponytail. Her makeup was simple, but flawless. There wasn’t a spot on her white A-line dress. She’d opted for color with red shoes, hopefully, her dad wouldn’t be too upset about that. She smiled, shook her head, frowned, and tried again. Wider this time. She laughed out loud. Shaking her head again, she laughed once more, louder and more forcefully. That was better. She turned to the side and smoothed her dress. Her hands hesitated over her midsection before she dropped them and turned back toward the mirror. She took a deep breath, pasted on the smile she liked and left her house.

She didn’t feel the warmth of the summer sun. In the two weeks since Jared accused her of deliberately getting pregnant, she hadn’t felt warm. She shivered slightly when a humid breeze brushed over her. Her smile faltered, until she saw her neighbor. She fixed her smile and waved, but hurried to the car to avoid being drawn into a conversation. When she got in the car, she turned the radio to an AM station and listened to a gardening segment on her way to her father’s church. Music, of any kind, only made her colder.

She checked her smile in the rearview mirror before getting out. Various parishioners waved and called hello as she walked inside, but she didn’t stop to talk. Her sister, also in white, was standing just inside the entrance with another usher. Tasha walked over and ignored the frown on Angie’s face.

“Good morning,” she said with forced cheer.

“You’re late. You know Daddy wanted you here for Sunday school,” Angie said. She handed a bulletin to the people who’d come in behind Tasha.

“Sorry, I overslept.” She took the bulletins from Angie. “You go inside for the start of the service. I’ll stand by the door today.”

Angie turned to the other usher. “Sister Jones, go on in, I want to talk to Tasha.”

Sister Jones nodded and entered the main fellowship hall. Angie narrowed her eyes at Tasha. “Tasha, what’s going on with you? Ever since you went to Atlanta … ”

“Angie, church is about to start. You’d better get inside, I’ll watch the door.” She turned away from Angie and greeted the rest of the stragglers. When her sister finally walked into the fellowship hall, she let her smile fall.

A few minutes later, the first strains of music began as service started. She didn’t enter; instead, she stood outside of the double doors and took a few deep breaths. Angie wanted to know what had happened in Atlanta, but she was too ashamed to say. She didn’t want to face the I-told-you-so look on Angie’s face when she heard what Jared accused her of.

She turned to look through the windows of the doors leading into the sanctuary. The choir was singing. She spotted her brother-in-law signing in the back. Her parents, sitting in the pulpit, were scanning the crowd, probably looking for her. She stepped to the side so they wouldn’t see her. They were all worried about her. Eventually she’d have to tell them what was going on. But for now she liked to pretend as if it had never happened. As if she weren’t pregnant.

But she was, and it wasn’t the child’s fault. So she’d finally called her doctor and made an appointment for the following week.

The doors of the church opened again and Tasha pasted on her practiced smile before turning to greet the latest arrivals. Her smile was short lived. Jared stood there looking better than she’d ever seen him in a tan silk suit, white shirt, and pink striped tie. Warmth filled her chest as she drank in the sight of him. Pain accompanied the warmth when she remembered he’d rejected her and their baby. The tiniest glimmer of hope formed in her chest that he’d come to apologize. That he’d realized she would never do something so horrible.

He hadn’t noticed her yet; he was looking down at the woman he’d come in with. The warmth in her chest immediately went icy. Numbness had been Tasha companion since he’d accused her of deceiving him, but white-hot fury bubbled inside of her as she watched him smile at another woman after treating her so callously. It took a second for it to register that he was with Monica, the same newcomer to the church who’d been trying to get together with Tasha for weeks.

“Monica,” Tasha blurted out.

Monica flipped her long black hair over her shoulder — probably a weave — as she turned from Jared and grinned. “Good morning, Tasha.”

Tasha didn’t return her greeting. She looked at Jared who glared back at her. “What are you doing here?”

“I invited him,” Monica said, still smiling. She looked between the two. “Don’t tell me you know each other.”

“I mentor at the Rec Commission. That’s how we know each other,” Jared said.

She gasped. “That’s how we know each other? You mentor at the Rec Commission?”

Jared didn’t answer. They stared at each other and Monica looked between the two. She finally moved forward and reached out her hand. “May I have a bulletin, please?”

Tasha looked from Jared back to Monica. Monica had a small frown on her face and glanced back at Jared before reaching out to touch Tasha’s arm. “Are you okay? You look sick,” she said in a stage whisper.

Tasha nodded. “Fine. I’m fine.”

Monica smiled brightly. “Good.” She turned back to Jared and held out her hand. “Come on, baby, the service has already started.”

Jared’s mouth lifted in the barest of smiles and he took her hand. The sight made Tasha sick. She dropped the remaining bulletins and ran down the hall to the ladies’ room. She burst into the first stall and gagged up the toast she’d forced down for breakfast. Even though her stomach was empty, she continued to gag until a sob tore through her. She squeezed her eyes shut and pressed her hands over them. He wasn’t worth crying over. He wasn’t worth being sick over.

She slowly stood on shaky legs and exited the stall. She wet a paper towel and pressed it against her mouth and the rest of her face. Get it together, she thought. She’d made her bed, now she had to lie in it. She was going to get through this with her head held high. No matter what Jared thought, or her family said, she’d never show them or her child how much Jared’s rejection hurt.

She took a deep breath and looked in the mirror. Her hair was still smooth, her makeup still in place. She practiced her smile over and over until it was perfect. No one would know she was dead inside.