Worth the Wait

chapter 34


Tasha walked out of her doctor’s office in a daze. It was confirmed by a professional. She was pregnant with Jared’s child. She barely noticed her surroundings as she got on the elevator and pressed the button. It wasn’t as if she hadn’t known what the doctor confirmed, but before coming she could almost ignore it. She could say to herself the tests she’d had were faulty or she’d misread the result. But when her doctor came back and said “Congratulations” there was no way to ignore that.

The surprise on her doctor’s face was almost comical. To have a patient go from being a virgin at their January visit to pregnant in June must be unusual. Tasha liked Dr. Robinson, and usually found it easy to open up to her about anything regarding her health, but when she’d hinted about the father, she’d clammed up. She knew Angie, Kenyatta, and Malcolm would guess who the father was, but the truth wouldn’t come from her lips. If Jared didn’t want her, then she didn’t want to even mention his name.

“Excuse me, miss. Isn’t this your floor?”

Tasha blinked several times and turned to the man in the elevator with her. He had a frown on his face and was holding the door open.

“Thank you, it is,” she said and got off the elevator. She looked down the hall toward the parking garage, before turning in the opposite direction and entering the walkway that crossed Taylor Street and connected her doctor’s office and Baptist Medical Center. She walked onto the walkway and stared at the people on the street below. She didn’t want to go home. There was too much stuff there to remind her of her stupidity. Her bookshelf filled with romance novels and romantic comedy DVDs. All of them were going to Goodwill. They were full of lies. Life didn’t work like that; life wasn’t full of happy endings and romantic men who loved you forever. Life was full of men who didn’t trust women and fathers who abandoned daughters in their time of need. The box under her bed with her life goals, including the plans for her future wedding, would go in the trash. That plan had been shot to hell the minute she’d asked Jared to take her virginity.

How stupid and naïve she’d been. The main reason she’d kept her distance from Jared after meeting him years ago was because she knew his reputation. She’d heard the gossip about him, followed some of it actually. She was fully aware women threw themselves at him. It was foolish to have thought she would be immune to what other women craved. She could have moved on if he’d treated their situation like any of his other affairs. But she’d asked him not to treat her that way. She opened her heart and he’d crashed in, setting himself so fully inside of her that even when she’d known it was time to move on she hadn’t.

She pressed her head against the glass of the crosswalk and sighed. Her eyelids fluttered down as she remembered the way they were. How he’d talked to her about his problems. The way he’d held her on the beach in Charleston. How much fun they had watching basketball together. How he’d come to her after her date with Kevis and said he loved her. Her heart lurched painfully and she squeezed her eyes tighter. It was all a lie. He’d admitted it in Atlanta. In the end he had treated her like the rest of the women in his life, and that hurt as much as him accusing her of planning this pregnancy to trap him.

“The time for pity parties is over,” she whispered. Taking a deep breath, Tasha pushed away from the glass and stared at her reflection. She may have been stupid, foolish, and naïve before, but she couldn’t afford to be now. She had to be smart, strong, and capable for the child she carried.

“Tasha?”

She froze, before whipping around and facing Kevis. He was in scrubs, carrying a cup of coffee in his hands. When she didn’t speak, he came closer.

“Are you okay?”

She blinked and nodded stiffly. “I’m fine.”

He looked around. “Where’s your jock?”

Tasha glared at him. “That’s none of your business.”

He scoffed. “He’s no longer in the picture is he?”

Anger snapped up her spine. “What does it matter to you? It’s not as if you’re much better. You only asked me out because you thought I was a virgin.”

“I was curious about you because of that. What man wouldn’t be, but I asked you out because I was attracted to you. I showed up at your dad’s church because I thought there was something between us.”

She crossed her arms. “Well, you were wrong.”

“I wasn’t wrong. I just didn’t realize the thing between us was another man.”

She shook her head. “Forget this.”

When she tried to walk away, he sighed and placed a hand on her elbow. “I’m sorry I was out of line.”

She snatched her arm away and crossed them. “Yes, you are.”

He looked down, shuffled his feet, then met her eye. “Just tell me if he’s still in the picture.”

“Why?”

“Because, if he’s not … I’d like us to try and be friends.”

Holy crap. Her palms became sweaty and her heartbeat picked up. A solution. She wouldn’t be a ruined woman. She shook her head to rid herself of the thought. Kevis was not a solution. “You can’t be serious.”

He nodded. “I’m not saying let’s start dating or anything, I’d just like us to be friends. I like you Tasha, and I don’t want us to part on bad terms.” He held out his hand. “Friends.”

She stared at his hand before finally taking it. “Associates.”

He smiled. “Whatever you want to call it.” He lifted an eyebrow. “We would have been good, huh?”

Her lips curved into a reluctant smile. “We might have been.”

“Fair enough.” He squeezed her hand. “Promise you’ll take care of yourself.”

She nodded. “I will.”

He dropped her hand. “Good.”

She turned back toward the parking garage and her car and he crossed the walkway into the hospital. Sure they’d said they would be friends, but would they really. She wasn’t sure if she’d ever be able to trust Kevis, and the look in his eyes told her he’d been hurt by her pregnancy. As much as she wanted to regret sleeping with Jared, she wouldn’t have this child if she’d never had, and despite the circumstances behind its conception, she wanted this baby. She also wanted Jared, now more than ever. Which was stupid.

On the way home she stopped at Dollar General and bought four storage containers for the books, magazines, and everything else she needed to clear out of her house. Angie called her when she was in the store, but she didn’t answer her phone. She hadn’t talked to Angie since the disaster that should have been Sunday dinner. From her sister’s messages, she’d gathered her parents were still upset, but her mom was begging her dad to apologize. It was a small comfort to know her mom was taking her side in this. But she couldn’t face her family until she got her feelings straightened out.

She turned the corner onto her street and gasped. Jared’s silver sports car sat in her driveway. The very small amount of fortification she’d built since leaving the doctor’s office nearly shattered. She pulled in beside his car and stared at him sitting on her porch step.

She allowed herself one second to let her feelings for him warm her insides. He was dressed as usual, basketball shorts and a sleeveless t-shirt, and as always, her heart did a silly flip flop when his eyes met hers. He stood and she had to remind herself to breathe he walked toward the car. His gait was unhurried, but tense.

He came and opened the door. She swallowed hard before getting out. He didn’t speak as he looked over her face and body. Feeling his gaze as much as a touch she took a step back.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

She nodded and turned away to get the storage containers from the back of her car. “I’m fine, but why do you care?”

He took the containers from her. “I called your job, and they said you called in sick. I came to make sure you were okay.”

Tasha looked at the roses growing along her porch, the tree in the yard, and the sky. Anything was better than looking in his eyes. “You’ve already told me how you feel. You think I’m a lying, scheming, conniving bitch that’s trying to trap you into … something by having this baby. You don’t want me or this baby and you’re moving back to L.A. where I can’t expect to get anything from you.” Her voice grew shaky as she spoke and she had to stop and take a deep breath. She wouldn’t cry in front of him. “So again, I ask why you care.”

Jared groaned. “Dammit, Tasha, I can’t just shut off what I feel for you. Regardless of what happened.”

Her eyes flew to meet his and her lip twisted in anger. “You don’t feel anything for me. You said it in Atlanta, you only told me you loved me so I’d come with you.”

He put the containers on top of her car. “No, that’s what I let Malcolm believe. I’m the one who always said I’d never fall in love. I’m the one who doesn’t trust women. I was going to be a bachelor forever. I couldn’t say out loud to everyone something I’d only just admitted to myself.”

She crossed her arms. “So you were too proud to admit you loved me. I wasn’t thrilled about falling for you either, Jared. But I admitted it to Kenyatta. I took the sad pitiful way she looked at me because I believed what we had was real.”

He stepped toward her. “It was real until you … ” He sighed, looked away, then turned back to her. “Can we talk about this inside?”

She shook her head. “Shouldn’t you be training or somewhere? I’ve got a lot to do today, and I don’t have time to beg you to believe me.”

She reached for the containers on her car, but he was faster and grabbed them before her. “Look, I’ve already missed my flight waiting on you.”

She froze. “You’re leaving today?” She’d known he was going back, he’d even told her it would be this week. But that didn’t make it hurt less to know he was really leaving her in a matter of hours.

He nodded. “We need to talk before I go.”

She walked around him toward her front door. His footsteps followed. What was left to say? Even though he said he’d really loved her, he couldn’t have. You trusted those you loved, and it was obvious he hadn’t trusted her.

He followed her into the living room and placed the containers on the couch. The couch had too many good memories. Pushing back her anxiety, she turned to go into the kitchen. He followed.

“Were you sleeping with Monica when you were sleeping with me?” She blurted out the first thing she wanted to know. Someone had to have ruined his condoms other than her.

“No. I did sleep with Monica, but it was a few weeks before you and I hooked up.”

“Were the condoms messed up when you bought them?”

He ran his hand over his face. “No, the package was sealed.”

“How many women did you sleep with while using those condoms?”

Jared cringed and looked away. “Tasha, stop it.”

“No, I won’t stop it. I didn’t do this, but you’re determined to think I did. You said you really did love me, but you couldn’t have. If you did you would know this isn’t something I would do.”

He rushed over and took her hands in his. “Don’t you understand that because I loved you I don’t want to believe it?”

Pain sliced through her when he said “loved.” He didn’t love her anymore, and, idiotically, she still loved him. “Then believe it. Believe me.”

She stared in his eyes, begging him to trust her. It didn’t take long for her to become aware of the heat from his body and the intoxicating smell of him. Her eyes traveled to his lips and memories of them together flooded her system. She leaned closer to him and his head lowered. She tried to ignore the hot frenzy within her, but his eyes became soft and she licked her lips in anticipation. He dropped her hands and stepped away.

He put his back to her and she watched his shoulders rise and fall as he took several deep breaths. “I can’t think straight when I’m around you. I never could, otherwise I would have turned down your offer in the first place.” He slowly turned to face her. “I’ve got to get away and going to L.A. is what I need. Regardless of how it happened, it happened. You’re pregnant, and because I care about you, I take back what I said earlier. I’ll help with the baby.”

Anger shot through her like a lightning rod. “Don’t give me that crap. You don’t care.”

He tensed. “Obviously I do or I wouldn’t offer to help after what happened.”

“Either you love me or you don’t. Either you believe me or you don’t. I don’t want some half assed attempt to do what’s right.”

“I can’t do that right now.”

“Do it now, or don’t do it at all. Don’t come back into my life if you don’t believe me. We don’t need that.”

He flinched. “Tasha, I will take care of my child.”

“As far as I’m concerned this isn’t your child. Unless you admit right now that you believe me, I don’t want anything to do with you.”

“It’s not that simple.”

“It is for me.”

She stared at him and silently prayed he would believe her. It was reverting back to her foolish ways to hope for love to conquer all. That he would look in his heart and realize the Tasha he loved would never do something so awful to him. He walked toward her and reached out to brush his hand lightly over her cheek. He splayed his hands in her hair and pulled her close. Happiness washed over her when he pressed his lips against hers. It was a brief, fleeting kiss. He buried his nose in her hair before inhaling deeply.

“I’m sorry, Tasha, but I can’t. Not right now.” He stepped away. “If you need anything, let Malcolm or Devin know. They’ll be sure to tell me.” He turned and walked out of the kitchen.

She didn’t know how long she stood there after her front door closed. He couldn’t trust her. No. He wouldn’t allow himself to trust her. She saw it in his eyes.

She slowly walked from the kitchen to the living room. She picked up one of the storage containers and walked over to her bookshelf. One swift stroke of her hand and one shelf was empty. Then the next, and the next. She dumped everything into the box until the shelf was clear. She marched into her room, pulled the box from underneath her bed, and carried it out the back door. She didn’t look through it before she dumped first the contents, then the box directly into the trash. She was tired of letting Jared Patterson break her heart. She would clear her mind of him and everything that reminded her of love, happiness, and fairy tales. It was all a lie. Love didn’t conquer a damn thing.