What If

“I love you, Briar Paige.”

I remembered that hotel where we stayed the night before he left for boot camp. I wanted nothing more than for Arrow Donovan to be mine. Now he was.





We got married a month after the divorce between Lacey and Arrow was finalized. Surprisingly, the entire process wasn’t too painful. Lacey’s personality made a one eighty change after she had her son. It seemed she was so incredibly happy to have her baby that she wanted Arrow to find the same happiness, which wasn’t with her.

My feelings towards her only thawed slightly; too many places in my past had her as a co-star in my own personal horror film. But once their divorce was legally recognized, an overwhelming state of blissfulness took over me.

Arrow no longer belonged to anyone else but me. And I was his. Our engagement happened the same day as our wedding.



I woke up one morning with Arrow watching me as I slept. I smiled softly at his handsome face with dark scruff growing out along his jaw and chin and his amber eyes that shined with a relaxed peace. His answering smile made my body awaken; every nerve lighting up from the tips of my toes to the roots of my hair.

“Marry me.” His voice was still deep from sleep, scratchy in that way that makes a woman swoon.

My smirk widened, making the muscles in my cheeks tighten as I ran my fingers through his longer hair. I kept quiet, believing he was teasing me.

“Briar, marry me,” he said more seriously, moving his hand to my neck, trailing his fingers up and down the skin like he was trying to read me and I was written in Braille.

With furrowed eyebrows I asked, “Wait - are you actually asking me?”

He chuckled. “Well, I’m trying to.”

“When?”

“Whenever you want.” His deft hand took a path down my side until he reached my hip where he squeezed me gently.

“Today?” I teased with a breathless voice, his touch having quite an affect on my capability of speech.

His smirk was confident; he knew the effect he had on me. “We can get married today if you want. I think I can make time.”

“I can’t tell if you’re joking with me or not.”

“I’m completely serious. What do you want?” His thumb grazed underneath the edge of my panties, causing me to suck in a breath and push my hips towards his hand. Now that I had Arrow, I couldn’t get enough of him.

“I want to be your wife as soon as possible,” I admitted in a moan when his hand slipped into the small fabric covering me.

“Well then lets go.” His hand left me, and he pushed the blanket off of us, sitting up and holding his hand out to me, inviting me to join him in a sitting position.

“Wait, are we really doing this? Don’t we need rings?” His answering smile made my giddiness erupt; I couldn’t keep the cheer out of my movements. I bounced up and sat on my heels, clapping my hands together. “You already got rings didn’t you? Show me!” I pleaded.

He stood from the bed, giving me the best view of his bare ass and the lyrics of my favorite song down his extensive back. He looked over his shoulder and winked at me as he dug into the pocket of a pair of his jeans. He had two black boxes in his hand.

“One is yours; the other is mine,” he explained, opening the velvet packages. The first one was his: a plain but thick platinum band. It was perfect for him: strong, simple, and masculine. I ran my finger over the smooth metal, imagining it on his left ring finger.

“Perfect,” I muttered.

“It is. But yours is even better.” I leaned forward trying to catch a view of what was in the next box, but he held it away from me so I couldn’t see. He took the ring out and held it in his closed fist. “Give me your hand and close your eyes,” he demanded gently.

Thrusting my left hand to him, I closed my eyes. When his hand took a hold of mine my teeth worried my lower lip. I felt the cool circle slide from the tip of my finger down to the base.

“Open your eyes.” His voice was low and husky.

I looked into his eyes, noticed the darkened orbs, and then looked down at my finger. The ring was beautiful; an oval shaped diamond sat in the center surrounded by four small diamonds on each side. Happy tears welled in my eyes.

“Do you like it?” he asked, though he knew the answer.

“You know I do. I love it.”

“I had them engraved on the inside.” I slid the ring down my finger and held it up to my face so I could make out the words. A lyric from “Dear God” was scrolled into the metal.

Bringing the ring to my chest, holding it against my heart, I looked up at my man and thought back to everything it took for us to reach this point in our lives, and how much stronger our relationship was because of it. Waking up to him every day seemed more like a dream that I never wanted to end, but it was my reality. “It’s better than I could’ve ever imagined.”



We were married three hours later.

That was three months ago. Today was an even bigger day, but Arrow didn’t know that yet. In fact, no one knew but me, and I was starting to freak out. I bought three boxes of pregnancy tests. Each box held two. Six positive sticks sat on the sink with cute little smiley faces telling me that my entire life was about to take one big turn for the better.

It’s strange how life changes so drastically. Things that not so long ago I was unsure of, possibilities that I once thought were impossible, well they happened and I was left sitting here buckled into a rollercoaster and holding on for dear life. The ride was fun with its twists, curves, and drops, and I just never know what to expect or when I’ll be flipped upside down.

Not too long ago, Arrow and I were both married to different people. I didn’t feel ready for children, and neither did Arrow. Before Arrow came back into my life, I thought he would always be a distant memory, one that I would hold on to for a lifetime but also a “what if” that I’d never have an answer to.

Arrow and I hadn’t talked at length about children, but shockingly I didn’t feel anxious or scared; I was excited and ready. This was where my life was meant to go: a family with Arrow. And since we never used protection when we slept together, he couldn’t be too shocked over the news.

I grabbed a plastic sandwich baggy from the drawer in the kitchen, stuffed the blue and white plastic sticks in, and then stashed them in my oversized, black purse. Arrow was at work. He very recently decided to volunteer as a firefighter and was now planning on making a career out of it.

Quickly, I made a plan on how to tell Arrow our news. He didn’t even know I was late and that I thought I was pregnant. I drove to our local store and searched the baby clothes section until I found an onesie that read, “Dads Best Friend” in neutral colors of yellow and green. I also picked up a small green gift bag and yellow tissue paper before I left. Once I got home, I had one more hour before he was due to arrive. I wrapped the onesie up, hid the pregnancy tests underneath it, and stuffed the rest of the tissue on top of everything so he would have to dig to find what was hidden in the bag.

The baby was too small for me to feel it flitting around inside of me, which meant the fluttering in my gut was purely from the eagerness to see Arrow’s reaction. I tried to act relaxed by sitting on our couch with my feet up on the coffee table, near where the gift sat. But every time I tried to train my eyes on the television, I looked back down at that green bag. Every time I did, my body would fill with an overwhelming love for my husband and the life we created.