What If

“That’s not fair!” I yelled, not caring that people were staring at us, probably listening to everything we said.

“Fair? Yeah, let’s talk about fairness,” he barked. “How is it fair that the moment something rocky is thrown at us, you throw your white flag up and surrender without even trying to fight for us?” My hands were at my waist, squeezing my hips painfully. “How is it fair that you get to jump to the worst case scenario without waiting to hear what’s actually happening from me?”

I rolled my eyes. “Okay, Fine… Let’s hear it Arrow. Please, please enlighten me as to why you are living with Lacey right now if you want so badly to be with me? I’m dying to hear this.” Sarcasm dripped from every word.

With narrowing eyes he began explaining. “Her parents don’t live here anymore. She has absolutely nowhere else to go. I don’t want to be with her, Briar, and I’m not sleeping with her. But I can’t kick her out with no place to go. I still care about her, and she’s pregnant. What kind of person would that make me? I swear I’m sleeping on the couch. Not once have I even laid down in the same bed as her since she’s been back.”

I blinked up at him. Never would I have called Arrow a liar in the past, but the fact remained: he lied to me about still being married. That fact alone made me question everything he said to me. Was he being honest about not sleeping with her? Or was he simply telling me what I wanted to hear?

“I don’t want you living with her,” I said through clenched teeth. “I am not okay with that.”

“What do you propose I do?” he inquired, taking a large step up to me. We were only inches apart, causing me to look up in order to meet his eyes.

“I don’t know, but I don’t like it. How about I stay with Killian while Lacey stays with you?” His face turned a darker shade of red.

“Stop being spiteful. It doesn’t look good on your pretty face.” His thumb came up and grazed my lips - first the bottom lip, and then the top one.

I couldn’t control the hateful words because I was hurting and no one seemed to completely understand the chaos inside of me. I wanted him, but I wanted him only for me. I didn’t want Lacey to have any sort of claim on him, and right now she had it all. She had his ring on her finger, his last name as hers, possibly his child inside of her. What did I have? I had memories and a passionate night that shouldn’t have ever happened. I had broken promises, ruined dreams, and a shattered future.

“Why does it feel like you’re the one who’s trying to get vengeance on me? God, when is it going to be enough? I mean what else is in store for me, Arrow? Go ahead and pile on another brick on top of my shoulders. Eventually the weight’s going to become too much.” I tossed my hands up in the air and tried shrugging away from him, but his hands went to my shoulders, gripping and holding me into place.

“I’m not trying to hurt you. I’m trying to figure this out, but I honestly can’t even be sure what you’re thinking and feeling, especially when you make it a point to push me away instead of opening up to me.” His thumbs rubbed back and forth along my collarbone. “If our past isn’t anything else except a learning lesson, don’t you think we should start talking to each other instead of assuming? That’s what kept us apart before. We both made assumptions that ended up not being true.”

Gulping, I took in his words. He was right, which made me feel stupid. Though I knew he was correct, my emotions were still causing havoc within me.

“Tell me you don’t love me anymore, Briar. If you don’t, then there’s nothing left for me to fight for. But if you do, I’m not going to stop no matter what bullshit things you say or do.” His hands gripped my throat tenderly, his fingers brushing against the sensitive skin.

All I could feel was his skin on mine. All I could smell was everything that was Arrow. All I could see were his whiskey eyes staring into mine, waiting for me.

“I can’t say that,” I whispered.

A small smile played on his lips, making me focus on the way his tongue darted out and moistened them.

“I’m glad because I’m pretty sure it would kill me if you did.” His mouth pressed against the tip of my nose, causing my breath to exhale rapidly.

“You’ve survived worse things,” I croaked out.

He pulled back, tipping my head backward, his face turning serious again. “Have you listened to a word of what I’ve said to you? The only reason I’ve survived anything is because you were there with me through it all. Briar, you were my happy thought when I was stuck in hell, the reason I stopped doing drugs. You’ve always been the possibility, the what if, that kept me from giving up.” His thumbs were both under my jaw, keeping my head from looking down, his lips pressed against mine. It was a chaste, sweet kiss but also passionate, because it showed me exactly how much he cared for me. His words were my undoing, slowly taking down the walls I had put up between us.

He pulled away, not even trying to take things further than that one small kiss. But that kiss was enough. It was another promise, but one I hoped wouldn’t be broken. One I hoped I could trust.





When Darcy called explaining that Briar spent the night at Killian’s, my vision collapsed into a dark ruby tunnel. How could she run back to her ex after everything that had transpired between us? We were no longer a couple of kids in high school with feelings that neither of us would admit out loud. We were adults who were obviously crazy about each other. We were adults who took it to the next level; not only had I told her my feelings, I showed her.

Blood. That’s what I wanted, and it was Killian’s that I wanted the most. I wanted Briar to look me in the eyes after her transgressions and see the person she would never have. But that’s not how it played out.

When I got to the mom and pop restaurant, I wanted nothing more than to drag Briar away from Killian. Just seeing them sitting near one another, her hand in his, was enough to take me back to that time when I first met Killian. I imagined cutting his hand off at the wrist to keep him from laying his hands on her ever again. She didn’t belong to him. She was mine. Anyone that got in our way was going to get knocked out. And I wanted to take him out, bust his face in so it would become unrecognizable.

Of course, Briar wouldn’t have it. The fact that she stood up for him made the blood coursing through my veins light up like fire ready to burn the entire restaurant to the ground.

Still, if I had to walk away from Killian in order to get Briar alone, to talk to her, to have her admit to me what exactly was going on, then damn it… I would walk away. It wasn’t easy or even natural, but it’s what I did. I dragged her pretty-but-exhausting ass behind me until we were standing in front of my truck.

Hearing the words leave her mouth that she hadn’t slept with Killian freed my body of most of the anxiety that had built up the moment Darcy called me. Then silence followed when I asked her if she still loved me. That silence seemed like an eternity. But then she owned up to the fact that she couldn’t say she didn’t love me. Jesus, I couldn’t stop myself from pressing my lips to hers. I knew that wasn’t the end of our issues and that she was still struggling. But she kissed me back, tenderly, barely putting any amount of pressure against mine, like a feather dancing across my mouth.