When I didn’t continue, Kira sighed before demanding that I finish my statement. “What was it then?”
I gathered my thoughts and stepped back to lean against the bathroom counter. “I never accepted her leaving me, to be honest with you, Kira. For a while I was angry, for a while I was numb…but…I never got over it. I never fully let her go,” I added. “In the back of my mind, I was holding on to the idea that things weren’t really over between us...no matter how hard I tried to convince myself that they were – no matter how hard I tried to convince myself that I didn’t care about her.”
Kira sniffed back a few tears. “So, all this time…you were just pretending to love me?”
I frowned when the accusation stung a bit, but couldn’t blame her for jumping to that conclusion. I might’ve assumed the same thing if the shoe had been on the other foot.
“I wouldn’t have asked you to marry me if I didn’t love you.”
Kira narrowed her gaze and leveled an intense stare my way. “Love would’ve been enough to keep you faithful, though, AJ. So you couldn’t have,” she reasoned.
I shut up, knowing that this was her time to vent, even if I didn’t agree with her logic. Kira sighed when I didn’t have a comeback. She folded her arms over her chest and I could feel her eyes on me even without looking up.
“What now?” she asked solemnly. “What’s supposed to happen next?” Her tone reflected the state of defeat where she currently existed.
The answer to that question depended on too many factors to just blurt out a response recklessly. Did we continue on and try to work through this? Should I just cut my losses now that she knew? I had no idea what to say.
“Well…I mean…I guess since the company’s already selling the house for us, we can either stay on that path – go our separate ways…or…see about working through this,” I added softly, not knowing if she’d attack me or not for even thinking that was a possibility.
She stood there, expressionless, staring at the floor with her arms folded over her chest.
My heart pounded like crazy, but I forced the words swimming around in my mind out of my mouth. “Is this where it ends?”
Her answer didn’t come until long after my question had been asked. Kira took her time thinking about that and I couldn’t blame her. Hell, I wasn’t sure how to answer it myself. Should this be the end?
“First, tell me this,” she said as her eyes lifted toward mine. “If I hadn’t walked in and seen the message that whore left for me on your back – which is exactly what that is, by the way – when were you planning to tell me? “
I shook my head and before I thought things through, “Kira, she’s not like that,” carelessly flew from my mouth. I knew it wouldn’t go over well – defending Sam – so I braced myself for the aftershock.
“No, trust me; she did that knowing I’d see it. You might’ve planned to drag this thing out, have your cake and eat it too for a while, but she wanted to make sure that didn’t happen. She wanted to make sure that I knew she had you,” Kira hissed, turning to walk down the hallway toward the bedroom.
I followed closely and turned her around by the arm, making her look me in my eyes. “I never planned to drag this out. You probably won’t believe me, but I was planning to tell you everything before I went back to New York. I had time to think about what I was doing this morning during my run. Actually, that’s all I’ve been thinking about lately.”
She rolled her eyes and folded her arms over her chest again. “Oh, please, AJ. You weren’t gonna tell me anything.”