I stared at the gold-framed mirror hanging above the fireplace, expressionless. “I’d ask what your real reason was,” I replied, running through a mental list of possibilities while I waited.
She was silent on the other end for quite some time. When she finally did speak, she had my complete, undivided attention. “The truth is…you weren’t the only one who needed to do some thinking these past few days,” she began. “I did quite a bit of soul-searching myself.”
Realizing that this conversation could go one of two ways, I asked, “And what’d you come up with?”
“Well…” she breathed. “What I came up with and what happened are two totally different things.”
I kept my eyes on the mirror and said nothing.
“My plan was to end things between us today, AJ.”
We both sat silently for a while. Unsure of what her thoughts were, mine drifted back over our encounter earlier that day. At some point, she’d gone from having her heart set on that being the last time we spoke or saw one another, to being hemmed up on my desk with her legs spread. Clearly something got lost in translation. Now I was confused.
“I didn’t realize that’s what you had in mind.”
She actually laughed a little. “Yeah…clearly things didn’t exactly go like I meant for them to.”
I sat quietly , imagining what would’ve happened if she’d come into my office and stuck to her guns. “So…what now?” I asked. As hard as it was to add the second part of that question, I had to. “Is that still what you want to do?”
Sam took a deep breath and it felt like it took an hour for her to respond. “I may not like the situation, but I’m obviously not going anywhere…..I can’t,” she added, almost sounding ashamed.
My heart wrenched at the idea of her feeling like this was her rightful place in my life.
“I’m gonna fix this,” I promised, although neither one of us had a clue at the time what that meant. All I knew was I hated the idea of her sitting by twiddling her thumbs while I kept her in limbo. A decision would have to be made – one way or another.
The sound of Kira walking around upstairs meant that I should end the call.
“I have to go, but first thing Saturday morning, I’m coming to see you so we can talk,” I promised.
Sam didn’t say much else, just replied with a solemn, “Okay,” just before the line went silent.
When Kira came and stood beside the couch, I was still staring at the screen of my phone, thinking very seriously about calling Sam back just because I hated the way that call ended. It left me feeling undone – like more should’ve been said.
“Who was that?” Kira asked casually, no trace of accusation in her tone.
I turned to look at her towel-drying her hair.
“Uh…work,” I responded, noting again how much I hated to lie.
Kira frowned. “Is everything okay?”
I nodded. “Yeah, just a minor hiccup I think.”
“Well,” she smiled. “…I just hope they don’t try to steal you away sooner than planned. You’re mine until nine o’clock tomorrow night.”
I forced a smile.
Walking closer, Kira reached for my hands and had me stand to my feet so that she could wrap her thin arms around my waist. When I couldn’t think of any way to not hug her back without it being obvious, I placed my hands loosely on her back.
“We should head to bed,” she suggested softly. “We have a lot of lost time to make up for.”
My heart sank. How the hell was I supposed to explain to her that after not having sex – with her anyway – for three whole weeks, I wasn’t the least bit interested?
Think, think, think…