Love Notes

Chapter 29-Charlie



I wake up forgetting where I am, until it all comes crashing back like a horrible dream.

Maverick hurt, car accident, surgery and no more football. A feeling of dread quickly falls upon me.

I look over at the chair where my mother is still fast asleep, snoring quietly.

I need to get out of here and head over to his room, check on him, just to see him. Something to help quench this ache of foreboding, that has settled in the pit of my stomach.

Just seeing him prior to his surgery will help. I know it will.

I don’t bother to wake my mom, knowing full well she would know where I was off to, if she woke and saw me gone.

I make the long treacherous walk to his room. As I enter the room, I smile at Maverick's parents who are standing and speaking to someone who I assume must be his doctor.

As soon as I reach his mom, she instantly wraps her arms around me hugging me close to her. It is a strange sensation, feeling cared for. It’s foreign to me. However this is just Carol. They’ve accepted me, in such a short amount of time as a part of their family.

I take the chance to look over at Maverick, who’s still sleeping and then turn my attention to what the doctor is saying.

“Surgery will start at eight, and the surgery time can run anywhere from three to five hours. It will all depend on what we see when we go in. We will take him in around twenty minutes to prep him.”

I let out the breath I don’t realize I’m holding. I’m nervous and scared for him, for his parents and for me. His mom must feel the same thing because she tightens her arms around my shoulders holding me securely against her, as if sensing that I need the comfort as much as she does.

I must have tuned out everything else they are saying, because the next thing I knew, the doctor was leaving out the door.

I didn’t doubt for a second that Maverick would be okay. However, surgery in general is a very scary thing.

Carol looks at me with nothing but kindness in her eyes and is the first one to speak. “Charlie, honey he will be in surgery for a while. I want you to go home, get some sleep, take a shower and come back as soon as you can.”

Before I can even start to argue she’s already speaking over me. “Charlie, he needs you to be well rested and you will feel better clean. I am not taking no for an answer.”

I heave a heavy sigh and drop my head in acceptance. “Fine, but I’m coming right back. I slept last night but you're right, I could definitely eat and use a shower. Then I’ll be right back.”

“I know you will and there is nothing I would like more.” Carol reaches over and gives me another squeeze.

I want to say good-bye to Maverick before I leave, just to let him know that I’m here and that I’ll be coming right back.

I walk over to his bed and brush some of his hair away from his face, feeling the softness of his hair, remembering when everything was okay, prior to the accident. I lean down first and whisper in his ear, “I love you baby and I will be right back, don’t worry, I won’t be gone for long, promise.”

I kiss him lightly on the lips and turn to give Robert and Carol a hug each, before I walk out the door.

When I make it back to my hospital room, I spot my mom just waking up and give her the details. Immediately I can tell there’s going to be an issue.

“You think your dad is really going to let you come back here?” mom asks.

“You do realize this is an unnecessary fight just waiting to happen, right?” Her attitude and demeanor have completely changed since last night. It’s like it was all an act.

I have never been disrespectful before to my mom. Maybe I was a little last night, but I was upset and didn’t know what was going on with Maverick and I did say please.

I think to myself, “Charlie, here is your chance to stand up for yourself.”

Sure, the hospital room may not be the best place, to do this, but hell I don‘t care. I need to do this and things need to be said.

I finally just let it all out and say, “Do you even have a clue with what I deal with and what hell I go through at home? Do you ever pay attention? Or better yet, have you ever realized or thought what the comments dad makes, has done to me? I’m damaged mom. The only thing good in my life right now, is Maverick. He’s the only person to ever help me feel good about myself.”

I can’t keep the tears from falling and I just let them out. You know when you say things out loud, sometimes it clicks and you get it? This is a moment of clarity for me.

I start to reexamine just how a mother should be.

A mother is supposed to do more. They’re supposed to protect and keep anyone from ever hurting you. I've been hurt my whole entire life or at least for as long as I can remember. It took seeing another family and how they treat each other to see that my experience isn’t normal. Not any of it is. My mom has either excused herself and left the room, or sat idly by and listened to it all. Who does that? That isn’t how it should be.

I take a moment to recall Carol and see how she is with Maverick. Being in their home for the first time was nerve racking to say the least. But the longer I was there and saw how they genuinely liked each other, the more I saw what it would be like to have that for myself. Or any sort of love from my father for that matter. My dad acts like he hates me. But why? What have I ever done for him to hate me like he does? I have never been in trouble. I have always done what was asked of me.

I also remember the very first time I got to meet Shelby, Tori’s mom. How comfortable and at home I felt the minute I walked into their home. Tori’s mom and dad are divorced, but it didn’t seem to faze either of them. Or at least not on the surface.

Mrs. Easton had walked up to me, giving me a motherly hug. She pulled slightly back, leaving her hands on my arms, “Charlie, I’m so happy to finally meet you. Tori talks about you all of the time. Thank you for being such a good friend to her, you’re just as pretty as Tori said you are.”

I’m still getting used to being called pretty and I remember blushing. “Thank you. Mrs. Eaton,” I had said.

“Oh, Charlie please don’t call me that, it makes me feel old, she laughed. Please call me Shelby.”

Tori is a younger version of her mother. I remember thinking that Shelby really looked like an older sister.

We had laughed and joked the rest of the evening until I had to go home. I remember not wanting to leave.

Seeing a mother and daughter laugh and joke around was completely foreign to me and made me feel sad, but happy that Tori has that kind of relationship with her mom.

Remembering all of this finally brings me back to the present. My mind is running wide open and there she sits. Not saying a word. Mom looks like she may have something to say, or at least is thinking about something, but she doesn’t look willing to share any of it.

“Well, I guess if you have nothing to say, then I’ll be on my way. I need to get home, shower and eat and then I’m coming back. If dad doesn’t like it well, then we’ll just deal with that later.”

She doesn’t try to stop me as I turn to leave. The sad thing is, she looks a little broken and sad herself. I feel sorry for her, I do. Maybe I shouldn’t, after what I have been through, but I can’t help it. I leave her sitting there alone, as I head home.

The drive home is awful. Even though I’d slept some during the night, I feel emotionally drained.

I’m so scared for Maverick, but I know in my heart I have to stay strong and he will be fine.

As soon as I make it home I call Tori, as I start making myself a sandwich. Tori must have been waiting for my call because she answers on the very first ring.

“Hey girl, how’s Maverick doing?” Just hearing her ask me this

causes me to break down. I guess I knew I could with her. Despite desperately trying to stay strong. Just like the good friend she is, she lets me.

Finally I’m calm enough to answer, “He should be in surgery now.” I explain everything that his Doctor has told us. By the time I’m done, she’s silent for a few seconds.

“Charlie, he’s really going to need you. Football is everything to him. He is the county, hell, the state rising star.”

She wasn’t telling me anything I didn’t know, or already fear. I had the same things running through my mind. In fact, I was more concerned about this, than I was about his surgery.

“I know Tor, I know. Thanks for listening, I really do appreciate it. I need to eat, shower and get back to the hospital as soon as possible.”

I hear a loud sigh on the other end of the line so I know that Tori has something to say but she’s keeping it to herself. “Just say it Tori.”

“Look, all I want to say is, if you don’t take care of yourself then you won’t be any good to him. You know when he wakes up he’ll need you and when he finds out about his knee, he’s going to have a hard time accepting it.”

“I’m well aware Tori,” I snap at her.

I automatically regret and feel like shit for snapping, but damn it to hell, all of this has gone through my head already and then some.

However, I do feel bad and she doesn’t deserve it, she’s always there for me.

“I’m really sorry Tori, I didn’t mean it. I’m just tired, hungry and nasty and I think I stink.”

And just like that, the Tori I have come to know and love forgives me, without a second thought.

“Yeah I know Charlie, I can smell you through the phone. Get your nasty ass in the shower. It’s a hell of a lot more important than eating at this point.”

“Ha, ha very funny. Fine, shower it is. I will call you when Maverick gets out of surgery.”

I end the call, grateful that my friend is there for me and is so forgiving. I hop in the shower, hoping that maybe it will help wake me up from this damn nightmare. As I’m in the shower, I let the water cascade down. I stay in until the hot water runs out and get out feeling no better, with the exception that I’m clean.

I hurry and get dressed, eat and get ready to prepare myself to go back and be with “my” guy.