Love Notes

Chapter 19-Charlie



Tonight is the night, and I’m scared out of my mind, but also giddy as hell at the prospect of actually being able to be a couple. We are already, but I mean the fact of being able to go out, out–like on a real date is amazing.

I decide to use some of my pent up energy and call Tori. She’ll know exactly what to say, plus she can help decide on the perfect outfit for tonight. She’s the perfect person to ask. The girl has major style. No sooner does it start ringing when she answers with, “Charlie what are you wearing?”

I swear this girl knows me so well already. “I was kind of hoping you could help me there, oh wise one in the fashion department.” I can hear her laughing through the phone.

“Well seeing as how your closet content hasn’t changed since yesterday when I was over, I know we are limited.”

Yes, Tori was able to come over for a little while to study yesterday afternoon. Only because my dad was working late, and it was school oriented. “Haha Tori, you are so funny, I forgot to laugh!”

“All joking aside, Charlie, you have an amazing figure that I would kill for, so I would wear your charcoal gray skinny jeans, black boots and that cranberry colored off the shoulder sweater with your black tank underneath it.”

“Now see I never would have thought of that. How do you do that?” I ask.

She smirks into the phone, “It’s a gift I tell ya, do you feel better now?”

“Yeah,” I respond. “How did you know I needed you to calm my nerves?”

“Well you see,” she starts, “We’re twin sisters, separated at birth.”

“Smart ass,” I tell her laughing.

She accomplishes what I need her to. I’m now calm. Strike that. I’m calmer. I know what to wear, and I’m feeling so much more confident than I did before. We hang up, and before I know it, it’s about time for Maverick to arrive.

I hear the door-bell ring, and run to answer it. I sure don’t want my dad doing it. I’m hoping against hope that he will be on his best behavior. Now don’t get me wrong, he will try and get a dig in here and there, that I know. But I just hope it will not be to the extent, that it is normally. Not with company. He would never want to tarnish his name completely.

I see Maverick standing there looking so incredibly handsome wearing dark jeans with a long sleeved plaid shirt, with the sleeves rolled up on his arms. I notice his arms right off the bat. He has strong muscled arms that lead to an even more muscular chest. His shirt fits him snugly and hugs his perfect frame. As my gaze travels to his face, I can’t help but smile. He takes my breath away. In his hand he holds two bouquets of flowers.

“You little charmer,” I say underneath my breath before I swing the door open.

The minute I open the door I see his eyes widen. He starts at the bottom of my boots and makes his way up me very slowly. It almost feels like a caress. His eyes then begin to rove up to the waist of my jeans and even slower still, to my shoulders. Oh, he likes the sweater. I’m smiling and giving Tori a high five telepathically. Man, I would be lost without her. Then I hear the words that no one has ever been uttered to me before, except by him. “You are so beautiful.”

I’m so taken aback that I quietly muster a quiet, “Thank you.” I mentally shake myself, “You don’t look so bad yourself, you know.”

Just then my mom and dad walk up to the door, “I thought I heard the door bell,” my dad says.

I watch my mom as she takes in Maverick’s appearance. I don’t think she expected me to be with someone so good-looking, because her eyes widen.

My dad on the other hand is thinking, “Yep it’s a joke. Can’t wait for the punch line.”

I can see it clearly written across his face.

I make the introductions, and take a seat in the living room. “Dinner will be ready in about ten minutes.”

While my mom walks back into the kitchen to finish dinner, my dad then takes the opportunity to start asking about football. It’s twenty questions, but I sit there, and just take it all in and listen. Before I know it, Mom is telling us that dinner is ready.

As we start serving ourselves, my dad takes the opportunity to say, “Charlie not too much now.” I know where this is leading, and in no way, shape, or form, is this good. “Charlie’s such a good eater Maverick, that we’re missing some of the silverware.” Dad jokes.

I cringe and feel like I’m dying inside.

My face has never been as red as it is in this moment. I glance down, and don’t want to ever look up again. I don’t want Maverick to think horribly of me. Since I’m sitting across from him, he’s too far away to touch me, but I do feel a foot nudge mine. I take a chance, and glance up at him. What I see isn’t pity, it’s anger. He looks as if he is ready to snap. His jaw is clenched tight, and his hands have formed a fist. They are fisted so tight that they are starting to turn white from the strain.

I glance quickly at my mom and notice that her head is bent over, staring intently at her dinner, offering no amount of support. The normal routine for her. Why should I ever expect anything different?

All of the sudden Maverick, showing a crap load of restraint and looking my dad directly in the eye, quietly says, “I think Charlie is perfect just the way she is.”

I didn’t expect him to say anything, and I think my dad is just as shocked as I am. I hear my mom clear her throat and attempt to change the subject.

They start talking about mundane things, and I’m really not listening. I’ve lost my appetite, so I just sit there until I can finally get up. I can tell that Maverick is just humoring them with conversation, and he’s still not happy.

He keeps stealing looks at me. I can tell he senses the change in me. I’m just biding my time until I can get up from this God forsaken table.

Finally, dinner comes to an end. My dad makes the excuse of working in his study, which I feel so grateful for, and Mom chooses to go to bed early.

Can we say avoidance?

As I look at Maverick, I feel sick and embarrassed and I’m so afraid to speak at this point. Finally, I take a deep breath, making sure to avoid direct eye contact and ask, “You want to watch a movie or something?”

He gives me the kindest and sweetest look. “I would love to Charlie.”

“Come on, we’ll go watch it in the family room.”

As I lead him down the hall, there is an awkwardness lurking between us and I’m not sure what I should say. So I do what I always do, and pretend and try to put on a happy face.

“What do you feel like watching? We could do action, comedy, whatever you want to watch.”

He’s watching me so intently. I just want everything to go back to normal between us. I know I’m fidgeting, but I can’t stand the look he’s giving me. I feel like I’m being exposed, and he’s looking at me from the inside out, peeling me down layer by layer. And then he speaks and says something I was so not expecting, and something I’m not sure I know how to handle.

“I now understand why you are, the way you are.”

I stare incredulously him as heat rushes up to my face, and it feels like my blood is starting to boil.

I am just about to let him have it when he says, “That’s not how it was supposed to come out. All I’m saying, is that I can now understand why you are insecure about yourself. I get it now Charlie.

I let out the breath I’m holding and just glance at him, trying desperately to not look him in the eyes. “I don’t know any different Maverick. It’s just how it has always been.”

“Charlie, look at me,” he demands.

I really don’t want to; I don’t want to see any pity coming from his face. I don’t ever want to be pitied or heaven forbid have him think that I’m not worth his time. So many things are going through my mind, and I’m starting to freak out.

Again he says my name, “Charlie, please talk to me and look at me.” I finally glance at his face. I take the chance and stare at him in the eyes. “I get it Charlie, but he is so completely wrong. Can’t you see how absolutely f*cking perfect you are?”

My head snaps up and I know he sees the shock register across my face. I have never heard him talk like that before, at least not that word.

“I know you’re surprised to hear me say that, but that’s why I did. I need to get a reaction out of you so you can see just how sincere I am. You have no clue what you really look like. You have this certain idea, but Charlie it’s all wrong. So completely wrong.”

I don’t realize until he stops talking, that I have tears running down my face. He takes his thumb and gently rubs it down my face and starts to wipe my tears away. I can’t help but feel taken aback and completely surprised by his reaction, as well as his outburst. “Charlie, why can you not see what I and others see? You need to ignore your dad. I know he's your father, but what he says and how he talks to you is so completely wrong, and for your mom just sit there and let him talk to you like that, is almost worse.”

He still has his hand on my face, cupping my cheek. I place my hand over his holding it there. “Maverick, I’ve grown up with him making comments every time we had company over for dinner.”

His eyes spark with anger.

“It’s not right, and no one should ever be treated like that, ever. The thought of him saying that every time, well, it kills me.”

I can’t help but want to ask the one question that is circling in my head.

“Why? Why does it bother you so much?”

I’m not sure if he’s going to answer me or not when he starts to speak.

“Charlie, I know we haven’t known each other long but I have feelings for you. I told you there was something about you from the very first moment I saw you.

“You mean when I ran into you, and gracefully fell on the ground? Yeah, that was some first impression.”

He doesn't look amused that I’m joking.

“Oh hell, Charlie, I may scare you off, but damn I think I love you. I do, and I’m sorry if this is way too fast, but it’s how I feel.”

Without over thinking and analyzing, I just feel. For the very first time, I just feel and whisper, “I think I love you too Maverick.”

He wasn’t expecting my declaration and to be honest neither was I. But I think I do, I really, truly think I love him.

“Charlie, you don’t have to say it, just because I have declared myself to you.” he says very seriously.

I can’t help but smile, “Maverick, do you really think I would put myself out there, if I didn’t feel it? I have never told another soul that I love them.”

He straightens himself up, tilts his head to the side, and leans forward. My heart is pounding so hard, and I know I’m going to meet him half way. Right before our lips touch, he whispers, “I love you, ‘my’ Charlie.”

I catch the ‘my’ but don’t get a chance to respond, because his lips are already on mine. He starts ever so gently and places one of his hands on the back of my neck. He kneads my neck with his hand, and it feels so amazing. We start out slow, tasting and playfully teasing each other’s lips. However, the teasing stops abruptly and we start to increase the pressure. I pull him forward and place my hands around his neck. I let my fingers glide through his hair at the nape of his neck. I love his hair. I hear a slight groan escape his lips, and it just makes me want him more.

How is it that a kiss can say so much?

Saying I love you is huge, but to kiss someone who has told you that means everything. A kiss speaks the truth, and I know. I know in his kisses, that he means every single word.