Caught off guard, I reached the tips of my fingers to the sore spot. My voice lost its muster. “I fell. You found me on the floor, remember?”
“I’ll never forget.” Blake looked far away for a moment and then brought himself back to reality. He lifted his fist. “You lost something.”
My eyes fell on my necklace. “No. I left something.”
I took a deep breath, bit down on the pieces of me screaming to stop, and made the statement that would change the rest of my life. “We’re over, Blake. I was acting like a silly schoolgirl leading you on and it was selfish of me. I’m sorry, but you need to go. Just forget me.”
His body stiffened, but he didn’t move. I saw him clamp down on his resolve to see this through, and I admired his fortitude, though it snuck some extra sadness into my heart.
Maybe this didn’t have to end . . .
My mind started weaving a tale in my head. Then I remembered what a life by my side would entail for him. I had to save him from that.
I found a new piece of me, one that clearly didn’t belong, and I tugged on her and begged her to take this burden.
Blake’s eyes softened. “I can’t forget you, Angel. I told you that a long time ago. Second chances, remember? I won’t let you forget, either. What happened to you was terrible. It’s fucking horrible. But you have a choice. It’s up to you now. You can throw away what we have and remain a slave to your past, or you can move forward. With me. What do you choose?”
Feeling my walls slam down around me, I lifted my chin, my face a sheet of stone. Through gritted teeth, I bit out, “I never had a choice. Now go. The fuck. Away.”
He shook his head slowly, determined. “I know you don’t really want that.”
I laughed, my insides balling up in frustration. “What don’t you get? I don’t want you anymore! We’re done!” I screamed through the slicing pain in my throat.
Never one to give up, Blake pushed further. His tone was strong, conveying his unrelenting pursuit. “Do your worst, Angel. But I’m not going anywhere. I know you’re only trying to break me. It’s not working. You’re gonna talk to me and let me in and that’s it.”
I slapped him across the face.
His head barely flinched but for the tightening of his jaw.
I punched him in the chest.
Still no movement.
Heat bubbled up my neck as every emotion poured out through my fists, tears exploding from my eyes as I let it all go, bashing at him as if he was the one who had wrecked me.
And he stood, stoic, unaffected and unmoving, despite my efforts to hurt him. Harming him was the last thing I wanted to do, but I couldn’t control my rage. I hurt so much. On my insides. I needed the poison out.
“Just go away! Leave me alone! I was fine before you. I was numb! I don’t want to feel. What’re you trying to do to me?” I cried so hard, the violent jolts were hurting my recently pumped insides.
He grabbed my wrists, stopping the assault. In a voice so calm I almost didn’t hear it, Blake said, “Love you. That’s all, Angel. I just want to love you. Every piece of you. Even the broken ones.”
I crumpled into him then, my legs unable to hold the weight anymore, and I sobbed and sobbed, feeling wetness pool on his jacket beneath my cheeks.
He grabbed my upper arms and peeled me back. “You just don’t get it, do you? I don’t just love you. I’m living you! My heart beats you. My lungs breathe you. You’re in my fucking veins!” He released me and raked his nails up his forearm.
“You’re here.” He jabbed two fingers into his temples. “And here.” He scaled his neck with his nails. “And here.” He pounded his fist against his chest. “You’re everywhere! I feel you there. Like a whisper on my fucking soul.” He lowered his voice and looked away from me. “I never knew a whisper could be so loud.”
With more gumption, he turned back to me. “But you’re always there. And you always will be. You’re part of my makeup now. My me. Let me be your you.” He took my face between his hands, searching my eyes. “I’ll be strong for you. Live me, baby. Live for me. Please.” His voice broke with that final plea, setting free a fresh stream of tears.
I covered his hands with mine and pressed my lips to his, committing their feel to memory. Tasted the sweet, wet saltiness resting between them, unsure if it was mine or his. Savoring all of him, I inhaled the smell of his skin. Of my Blake. I needed to keep this forever. I spoke with closed eyes. “I can’t even live for me, Blake. You can’t expect me to live for you.”
Cool air replaced the soft feel of his mouth, and I opened my eyes.
“Angel, please.” The crack in his voice did the same to my heart, but I swallowed down the ache and backed away from him, forcing his arms to drop to his sides.
“You said whatever I need, right?”
“Whatever you need. Just tell me and I’ll do it.”