Live Me by Celeste Grande
To my husband, Fred who will stand by my side no matter what for the rest of my life, my baby boy, Christian who has made me realize a love I never knew possible, and (by the time you’re reading this) my new baby girl, Cienna who I have yet to meet, but can feel rolling through my belly and my soul already. I live you guys. A world where there’s no you means there’s no me.
“To plant a garden is to believe in tomorrow.”
~ Audrey Hepburn
TWO YEARS EARLIER
He’s here.
My body stilled. Erratic breaths sputtered through my lips as my eyes darted around for a sign someone was home.
We were alone.
Very alone.
Lounging against the kitchen counter, one foot resting in front of the other, his hands were propped behind him, curling around the edges. With just his eyes, he looked up at me, calm and relaxed as though he was waiting. The corner of his mouth turned up in a cocky grin and he raised a menacing eyebrow. “Hey there, beautiful. I was hoping to catch you here.”
My subconscious spit at his casual tone. That word, beautiful, scampered like a thousand tiny bug legs along my skin. Venom and bile pooled in my mouth as I tried to push past my unresponsive senses. “W-Where’s Abby?”
Cool and assured, the corner of his lip quirked and I fought to contain the sourness it created in my belly. He pushed off the counter and prowled toward me, his eyes never leaving mine. “I wanted her to relax a little so I sent her for an afternoon at the spa. I told her I’d stay here, get some work done and see her when she got back from her day of pampering. But we both know that was just an excuse.”
My legs were numb, forgetting how to work. I wanted to back up. I wanted to run. I wanted to scream . . .
But no one would hear me.
At the very least, I wanted to say no, but every fiber of my being was failing me. I was at his mercy.
And he knew it.
“I’ve missed you, beautiful. I’ve been waiting patiently for you to walk through that door. My mouth is watering already. I can actually taste you.” Cocking his head to the side, he licked his lips to accentuate his point and my stomach rolled. “Would you like to taste me?”
Please, not again. “No . . .” His chest met mine, cutting off my choked whisper with a sharp intake of breath.
Reaching up, he slid his thumb into my mouth, his eyes concentrating on my lips. A lone tear trailed down my cheek as I braced for the inevitable.
Numbness, please give me numbness.
His body shivered and that sideways grin was back as he pulled his thumb out of my mouth, lowered his head, and began to kiss me.
Mary had a little lamb, little lamb, little lamb . . .
Innocence stolen.
A life lost.
Trust broken.
Pieces of me scattered about like a dusting of shattered glass.
Dismembered.
Crumbled.
A constant beat down. A never-ending cycle of torture. An ache in your brain reminding you of poor decisions. How one thing—one tiny little thing can change the course of your life.
TAKE. Your. Life.
Own it.
Dismantle it.
Wreck it beyond recognition.
Stolen.
My life was stolen.
Maimed.
Destroyed.
Distorted to the point it was unrecognizable.
I stumbled about like an incoherent mess through the fog, unsure of what tomorrow would bring.
Truth? More torture? Absolution?
It was anyone’s guess. Most of all mine.
PRESENT DAY
We’re almost there.
It was nearing dusk, and the heat from the day was being sucked out by a comfortable, cooler breeze. Excitement buzzed through the air and with each step forward, the sounds emanating from an overbearing bass intensified. I wished I could enjoy it the way everyone else seemed to be, the way a typical college-goer would. Instead, I was envious of my friends, looking on at them with longing as they laughed and joked together. They kept a fast pace, anxious to get to the party. None of them noticed I’d been trailing behind them for the last five minutes.
Jostled to the side, I flinched as I grabbed my shoulder. “Hey!”
A guy dressed in only a pair of cargo shorts, his toned body glistening with a sheen of sweat, looked back at me. In a backward jog, he bounced from foot to foot, balancing a sloshing red cup. “Sorry.” He tossed me a chaste wink before turning to scurry to the other edge of the lawn.
I scowled, trying to think of something witty to throw at him, but he was gone before one came. Why the hell am I here? I can’t do this.
Hand still clutching the sore spot, I was about to turn around and go home when Jessie spun to face me, her blonde ringlets whirling in a blur. She slapped her thighs in frustration and jogged back to where I stood. “Come on, Eva!”
“I’m not going.” I frowned, still babying my arm.