I pushed my fist into my crumbling heart. My worst fear was coming true. He was disgusted with me, and now I’d lose him. I couldn’t. “Blake, please. I can explain better.”
“Save it. I’ve heard enough.” He walked away from me and turned back abruptly, stabbing his finger at me. “You had me ready to kill a guy who did nothing wrong. Girls like you make me sick. It’s so easy for you to point a finger. This is the reason why I’m taking those law classes. To try and put a stop to manipulators like you.” Blake ripped open my door and spoke with his back to me. “Don’t bother calling me. We’re done.”
The sound of the door slamming ricocheted off the walls, and I dropped to my knees a sobbing heap of flesh. I rocked back and forth. “What have I done? What have I done? No!”
My cries rang in my ears, and suddenly my body flew up. The sheet bucked with the sharp movement of my chest as I tried to gain oxygen. Then my eyes focused on the blackened room, searching back and forth, frantic for reason.
The clock next to me read five A.M. My cheeks were soaked with tears, and I dropped my head into my knees.
It felt so real. My fears confirmed. He’d be gone the second he found out.
This was my mortal sin. My living nightmare. My doing. Damon had engrained that in my brain since day one. Etched it onto my veins. My choice. It was always my choice.
Until it wasn’t.
I couldn’t bear the disgusted look on Blake’s face stuck behind my eyelids each time I closed them, attempting to wash away the memory.
It wasn’t real. It wasn’t real.
Wake up!
I threw off the covers and paced, pressing my fingertips into my temples. “Get out of my head!”
I flipped the switch, illuminating the room, and searched frantically for something to erase the horrible look on his face when my eyes zeroed in on the journal he’d given me sitting on top of my desk. I took long rushed strides to get to it, throwing open the cover to see a picture of his gorgeous happy face, smiling in the break of dawn, and me tucked happily beneath his chin.
My fingers lingered over the print, scared to touch it as I cried through a tortured smile. I loved him so much. I couldn’t lose him. He was only trying to protect me, and I had pushed him away. Again.
I grabbed my phone and saw eight missed text messages. All from Blake. All asking if I’d made it home all right and if I was mad at him.
I typed out a quick response so he didn’t worry.
Me: I’m okay. I’m home. Going to bed. XO.
My phone quickly pinged back.
Blake: Good. Text me when you wake up. I love you.
Me: Love you.
I responded, then threw my phone into the sheets.
I turned on every light in the apartment so I wouldn’t fall back asleep, and drew open the blinds to the balcony. I made a cup of tea, and curled up on my couch with my new journal.
After I read through all of Blake’s words five times, I convinced myself it wasn’t real and I was being silly. Tomorrow I’d apologize for pushing him away, and I’d tell him the truth. The whole truth. It was time he knew. And at least it wouldn’t be between us anymore. I’d set his mind free and hopefully my own as well.
I moved to the first fresh page.
He’s the One
Air in my lungs
Light in my eyes
He came out of nowhere
A blessing in disguise
I never knew what I wanted
Never believed I’d be worth someone’s time
Though I tried to push him away
He stole my heart like the perfect crime
He’s the one
The one in my dreams
The one I can fall apart with
Who keeps me together at the seams
He’s the one
The one I want by my side
Through thick and thin, for better or worse
Tossing all of my fears aside.
My heart is so swollen
Anything else doesn’t matter
It races and lives
Soaring with each pitter patter
He lives in me
And I in him
And once I can set us both free
Our lives can truly begin
He’s the one
My breath, my air
My light, my freedom
Who broke my walls and stripped me bare
To the edge of the earth
Till judgment day comes
I’ll follow him endlessly
Because he’s the one
By the time I wrote the last word, the sun was coming up and I was yawning. I put my cup in the sink and crawled back under the covers.
It felt like five minutes later when a never-ending ringing buzzed in my ears. I groaned into the pillow.
“Go away.”
When it finally stopped only to start again, I fished around for my cell and swiped the screen with my eyes closed.
“What.”
“Eva? Oh, thank God. Why weren’t you answering?” Abby’s voice was thick with alarm, sobering me up quick.
I rolled over and looked at the clock. It was already noon.
“I didn’t get home till four, and then I couldn’t sleep. What’s wrong?”
“It’s Damon. He’s been acting all crazy since last night. We got into a huge fight the whole way home over Eric, and he doesn’t believe I don’t have feelings for him. You know I can’t lie for shit.” She started sobbing.