My voice sounded meek in my ears. “I would,” I lied, amazed I could get the words out. I hated deceiving him, but I had no choice. “It was just a song. Please stop before you cause a scene.” My eyes filled with tears. I was slowly losing the strength I’d had only minutes ago.
He closed the gap between us and took me in his arms. “I’m sorry. Fuck, I’m so sorry. It’s just . . . the way you were looking at him . . . I was sure . . .” He blew out a breath into my hair. “All I saw was red. I’d kill him, you know. You’d never have to be afraid again.”
For the first time, I felt like a shell as he held me in his arms. I was used to feeling protected and safe, warm and secure. Right now I just felt empty and hollow. My arms hung limp at my sides, and all I wanted was for him to let go of me so I could leave.
It was hard for me to let that out tonight, and I couldn’t process Blake’s reaction with the buzz in my head. I backed up from him. “I think you should stay at your place tonight. I need to sleep.”
“Don’t do that, Angel. I said I was sorry. What’d you want me to think?” His voice raised an octave.
“It’s fine. I’m not mad. I just need to sleep it off.”
Another lie.
I was confused and hurt and scared, and even though I knew he was only looking out for me, I had to do this my way. On my terms. Once this came out, I could potentially lose everything. I was scared shitless. This truth, this ugly fucking truth had the power to make me lose everyone I loved in my life.
Blake’s voice caressed my fraying nerve endings. “I would never hurt you. You know that right? I was only trying to protect you.”
I knew he was trying to fight for me, to protect me. But what he didn’t understand was I was trying to do the same thing.
“I know.” I nodded, on the verge of tears. “I’m just going to finish up and go home. I’ll have my parents drop me off. I’ll talk to you tomorrow, okay?”
His eyes gave away his uncertainty, but I could tell he didn’t want to push me any further. He smoothed his hand down my arm. “Okay, baby. Text me when you get home, please?”
I half-smiled. “Sure.”
Another lie.
Pound. Pound. Pound
Drawing in a breath, I turned my swollen eyes to the clock. Five A.M. I’d just gotten in at four and crashed. I stumbled out from under the sheets. “I’m coming!”
Blake stood at the door, resting an arm on either side of its frame, looking a mess with crumpled clothes and hair in the same state. “You never texted me when you got home.”
“I’m sorry, I passed out. I told you I needed sleep.” I rubbed my palms into my eyes. “Why are you still up?”
“I feel shitty about the way we left things. Can I come in?”
I stepped back, holding the door open.
Blake barged in, raking a hand through his hair. “Angel, I’m trying really hard to be patient with all this, but I need to know the whole truth. I can’t be in the dark anymore. It’s driving me crazy and draining me, the constant fucking wondering. Look at me!” I hadn’t noticed before how deep the worry lines between his eyes had become or how purple the bags below them were. Maybe I was in denial thinking we could go on like this forever, him never knowing the whole story.
But he was right. He needed to know. I couldn’t risk him freaking out again the way he had tonight. “Sit down.”
His eyes widened, and he took a deep swallow, slowly dropping to my couch.
I breathed in deep, scrubbing my palms together and focused on the tread in the carpet. “I thought it was okay. I was young and inexperienced and Damon was just . . . there. He was always there. But the way he watched me after I hit puberty was different. He looked at me like a woman when everyone else still looked at me like a child, and I . . . liked it.” I looked up at Blake’s confused eyes. He sat perched at the edge of the couch, waiting for the blow.
“I could tell right away it was wrong. I felt it in my bones the second he touched me, and I barely made it through. I tried to stop him after that first time, but he wouldn’t. It went on for years behind my sister’s back, and it’s my fault. That’s why getting over it’s so hard. I . . . agreed to it.” A tear slipped from my eyes and, though I felt small and ashamed, I forced myself not to look away.
Blake processed my words, his eyes pinched together, and then a swarm of coldness blanketed them. He stood, his hands fisted at his sides and his jaw tight. “You lied to me.”
I stepped back, not expecting his anger to be directed at me. “I didn’t lie to you.”
“How could you make me think all this time you were forced? You’re nothing but a slut and you made me think you were a victim?”