I dragged a shaky hand to my throat and squeezed as I swallowed what felt like nails. My fingers brushed the necklace Blake had given me for Christmas, and the burn in my throat crept up higher as I fought to keep my eyes free of tears.
Losing the battle, I let one tear leak from its duct, and I looked up, blinking rapidly. I wouldn’t let myself feel this anymore. I made a fist around the delicate gold and tugged, breaking the clasp which held it together. Taking each charm between my fingers, I committed them to memory—the tiny specks in the top of the microphone, the intricate lines in the angel’s wings, the small shimmer that acted as a flash in the lens of the camera. So detailed.
“Where is she? I want to see her!” Blake’s voice didn’t sound far, and I couldn’t face him yet. My voice was hoarse, and I didn’t have the strength I’d need. I let the chain fall from my fingers next to the container of melting ice chips and the pink puke pail on the small brown table they’d set beside me.
Wincing, I removed the blanket and held my stomach as I pushed from the bed. The pain in my abdomen radiated through me, and I could barely stand upright. I searched the room for my clothes and moved as quickly as possible, pulling them on with shaky hands. My heart pounded in my chest all the while hearing Blake arguing down the hall, praying I wouldn’t be caught.
Flipping the switch in the bathroom, I avoided looking in the mirror. My hair felt thick with substance and caked together, and there was a deep ache in my cheekbone. I laid my palm over that spot and buried the memory.
Cupping my hands under a stream of cold water, I took a gulp before splashing it over my face and neck.
Without making a sound, I tucked my hair behind my ear and peeked through the door leading to the hall. Blake looked distraught as his arms flailed, pointing in the direction of my room. I pulled my hood over my head and tried to blend into the bustle of people. Moving in the opposite direction, I squeezed myself as small as possible. The ache in my stomach throbbed as I straightened, attempting to appear like a regular passerby.
A commotion ensued behind me, and I peeked over my shoulder just as Blake pushed past a guard and barreled into my empty room. “Where is she?” His voice was faint in the distance, but the weight it held was heard all the same. I worked through the pain and quickened my steps.
Once outside, I used the concrete wall as support and any sturdy structure that could aid me. Searching the streets, my heart sank. I felt so lost. The first place Blake would look for me would be my apartment.
As they had so many times before, my legs took me where I needed to be, and a few minutes later, I dropped to my knees at Bertha’s feet and stared up at her. The break of day had just started poking through the bleak sky, and she looked solemn as she peered down at me.
I quirked the side of my mouth, drew my coat tighter, and resumed the fetal position, curling in as small as my skin would allow. I wanted to melt into her bark.
I hadn’t realized I’d dozed off until the sound of a twig snapping jarred me awake. The sun was only slightly more pronounced so it couldn’t have been long.
Blake.
My eyes trailed from the sad orbs of his, past his heaving chest, down to the flicker of gold dangling from his loose fingers.
I closed my eyes and picked through all of the people inside me, looking for one who could handle this, but I came up empty. Seems they’d all fallen for this man as hard as I had.
When my eyes reopened, they were blank, not really meeting any part of him.
“Running again?”
When I didn’t answer, he continued, “You want to tell me what happened?” His voice was calm but the crack in it exposed his desperation.
I rolled my body to a sitting position and shrugged. “I had too much to drink. I guess I didn’t eat enough today.” I focused on the grass beside his foot, not wanting him to see the lie in my eyes.
“Bullshit.”
My head snapped up at his abruptness. His jaw was tense as his eyes bore into mine. I pulled from deep inside myself, calling each piece to the forefront to gather my strength, and I stood to face him. Setting my chin in defiance, I crossed my arms over my chest.
“I’m going to ask you again. What. Happened. To. You? I can’t help you if you hide from me.” His tone was firm, but I knew him well enough to hear the melancholy laced through each word.
“Help me?” I scoffed. “We’ve been through this, Blake. You can’t help me. I thought for a while maybe you could, but you just can’t. So do yourself a favor and cut your losses now. Walk away. I told you, I’m no good for you.”
Blake narrowed his eyes at me, acting as though I hadn’t spoken. “Who hurt you?”
Damon’s gritted teeth flashed in front of me, and I shook my head. “No one. You’re being ridiculous.”
“There’s a fucking bruise on your face, Eva. Do you think I’m stupid? Stop shutting me out!”