“Macie, your life is my life. We’ve been the same person for far too long for you to be questioning me, or you to be keeping secrets from me.”
She was right. I didn’t even know why I was pushing her when I was the one that asked her to come over. I wanted her to know. I sighed. “Okay, good you’re sitting down.” I followed suit.
She adjusted herself, crossing her legs, and sitting a little more proper.
“What I’m about to tell you is kind of a big deal, okay? I’m going to need you to not freak out on me.” I mumbled under my breath, “I’ve done enough freaking out to last a lifetime.”
“Mace, whatever it is, I’m here.”
The sincerity in her voice made me want to just spew it all. Let it all come out like word vomit until every last dirty detail had left my body. I couldn’t take this anymore. Taking a deep breath, and setting my coffee down on the coffee table, I looked Keegan in the eyes and did exactly that . . . in not so many words.
“I’m pregnant.”
There, I said it. Those two words were supposed to be like opening a dam of emotion. I had none of it. I fully expected a wave of gratification to come over me that I finally told someone, but it was as if the room went mute, and so did the feelings in my head. My brows lowered. I watched my best friend as she let the words saturate. She was visibly rolling them around in her head, trying them on, and realizing the words Macie and pregnant didn’t quite fit. Still, she stayed quiet.
“Keegan, did you hear me?”
She nodded. “I heard you.”
“Are you going to say anything?”
“Shhh, I’m thinking.” She waved her hand around in my face.
What the fuck? She’s thinking? What in the hell did she have to think about? Where were my condolences? Life as I knew it was over and she was the one that needed a fucking minute? No. With every millisecond that passed, I was getting mad.
“Okay, Keegan, I gotta say, this reaction is totally not what I expected.”
Her head shot around to me, blonde hair flying across her face. “What kind of reaction were you expecting?”
I didn’t know actually. I looked down at my fingers and began nervously picking my nails, which was why they looked so awful at the moment. “I don’t know. Anything but silence would be nice.”
“Macie.” She said my name in a soft, yet stern voice. I brought my eyes up to hers. “I’m sorry. I’m not trying to make this difficult on you by being quiet. I was just thinking is all.”
“It’s okay. I know it’s a lot.”
“Well, yeah . . . it’s a lot.” She smiled. “Kind of shocking actually. What happened?”
I titled my head at her. “Seriously Keegan? When a boy and a girl use the penis and vagina—”
She interrupted my sex talk. “Listen, smart ass, I know that much. I meant, how did this happen? Did the condom break?”
I swallowed hard. “Yeah, about that.”
Her eyes got huge. “Macie, for the love of all that’s holy, please tell me you used a condom.”
“Before you start judging, just know that one thing led to another. I was highly intoxicated, and so was he. We both just sorta decided to bypass the condom part.”
“Bypass. What does that even mean, bypass?”
I needed more coffee. I grabbed my cup and took a long hard swig. God, I could use a stiffer drink. “I mean, it wasn’t important at the time.”
“Jesus Christ, Mace! I don’t need to sit here and lecture you about all of the nasty things out there that you could have gotten. STD’s aren’t always easy to get rid of, let alone getting pregnant. Have you gotten tested? When did all of this happen?”
Okay, here came the tricky part that I thought she would have already asked about by now. The when would imply the who.
I coughed. “See that’s the thing, it was just a couple months ago. I’m sure if I had something to worry about besides being knocked up, I’d know by now.”
She shook her head. “Doesn’t matter. You need to go get tested. If you don’t want to do it at the hospital because you’re worried about people judging you, there’s always that little clinic downtown.”
“It’s not that at all.”
“Okay, then what is it?”
I shrugged, still unable to tell her who it was. I was honestly hoping she would have figured it out on her own. I didn’t want to announce Dodger’s name.
“It’s that I really don’t believe that there is a concern for me contracting anything.”
“There’s always a concern, Mace.”
“Not this time.”
Her face was etched with puzzlement. “Not this time. I don’t know what that means. Why are you being so lax about it?”
“Because I’m pretty sure he’s clean.”
Keegan rolled her eyes. “Yeah? Have you asked him?”
“No.”
“Then you don’t know.”
“I do know.”
She threw her hands up in the air in frustration. “Macie, I’m trying to understand here, but you’re making no sense. If you’ve never asked, then you’re just assuming you know. Why would you want to risk that? Especially when you now have a baby growing?”
I felt exasperated. Other than just announcing who my baby daddy is, she wasn’t going to get it. “I know him. He’s clean. Can we leave it at that, please?”
Keegan tapped her fingers on her leg, not sure how to move forward with this conversation. “I just want to make sure you are safe and taking every precaution. I love you and if something happened to you, I would constantly kick myself for not making sure I did everything I could to help you.”
My insides softened. This was exactly why I adored her.
“Love you too. But I promise I’m okay.” I paused. “Well, as okay as I can be when I’m not puking my guts up and trying to figure out what food will taste about the same coming back out.”
She made a sour face. “Is the morning sickness that bad?”
“Yes!” I whined.
“Have you been to the doctor? I’m sure they will give you something for it.”
“I haven’t had my official first appointment just yet.” I looked down in shame. Not wanting to admit it to her, but needing Keegan to completely understand what I have been going through, I felt it was only right to let her know. “Up until a day ago, I wasn’t sure if I was going to keep it or not.”
I’m sure Keegan would have tried to hide her natural reaction, but I knew her too well, to know that she was holding her breath in shock.
She cleared her throat, like a little tick she had. “What made you decide to keep it?”
“I just don’t think I have it in me to do something like that . . . you know? I mean, I made the choice to have sex without the damn condom. Time to own to up it and be responsible.”
Keegan gave me a tender smile, as if I was a skittish kitten that would run if I was spoken to or touched.
“I’m proud of you, but you know it’s not that easy or simple. Have you thought about the time, energy, money, and just how long of a commitment it is? It’s forever, Mace.”