Ever Enough

Ever Enough - By Stacy Borel



I was busy packing a small suitcase for my weekend trip back home when my cell phone rang from my bedside table. I knew right away who it was. Grinning, I picked up the phone and without saying hello first I heard, “Bitch, you better have your bags packed and your adorable little ass in your fancy car and on your way to the airport.” My best friend Harper was clearly nervous I was going to bail on her and come up with some last minute excuse not to make the flight back to Mountain Home, Idaho.

I hadn’t been home in almost eight years, and with good reason. However, it had come to Harper’s attention that our ten year class reunion was taking place that weekend. I think she purposely waited until the last minute to beg me to come just so she wouldn’t have to drag me kicking and screaming. This was something she knew I would have avoided at all costs, but Harper lived for these sort things. Sadist that she was, I think she just wanted to go and see just how horrible her old enemies might look and to let them see how incredibly hot she’d become. Harper went through a gangly phase in high school; braces, short choppy hair, no breasts, and secondhand clothing. She’d since blossomed into a stunning woman. Five foot eight—with legs for days—a perpetual tan, dark brown hair that fell to the middle of her back, and green eyes. Guys constantly followed her around like love sick puppies. She claimed it made her nuts but I knew she loved the attention. Harper worked as a Realtor and has owned her own company for five years. It took her some time after high school to figure out what she wanted to do with her life, but when she decided she went after it and she was amazing at what she did. Aside from what she believed were her short comings, she was fiercely loyal, funny, confident, and a total badass.

She’d been my best friend since we were in seventh grade, and I first moved to Mountain Home. I was the new kid in town—my Dad had gotten a new job at a small law firm in the next town over—and starting at a new school was terrifying to me. I didn’t like to stand out. I’d much rather blend in and go about my life without notice. I’d always felt I was an average looking person. Quite short at five foot two, my hair was a very light brown/dark blonde, wavy, and over halfway down my back. I wasn’t super skinny but I did think I had curves in all the right places. I’m not ashamed to admit that my pale blue eyes are my best feature. They have a dark blue ring around the outside of the iris making the lighter color inside stand out in stark contrast. Because I was so short, I can remember walking around the school and not being able to see over the other kids in the hallway. I was lost, unaware of my surroundings, and might as well been blind on my first day. Harper saw me looking totally confused and took me under her wing. We’d been inseparable ever since.

Anyway, no matter how badly I wanted to say a big ‘no thank you’ to seeing people that I couldn’t care less about, I just couldn’t say no to Harper. It wasn’t just me either; it was a well-known fact that saying no to Harper was damn near impossible. She was a force of nature and there was no reasoning with her, which I thought made us a good pair. I was incredibly shy and had a hard time speaking my mind, whereas she let you know exactly where she stood. She’d helped me come out of my shell a lot through the years. I knew Harper needed me to go to the reunion. It was her opportunity to show all the haters and doubters in high school that she had made it. Of course knowing Harper, the language would be a little harsher coming out of her mouth.

“Yes yes, I’m almost done packing. My flight takes off at three and I’ll be landing in Boise at five. I’ll get a rental and go to my parent’s house and text you when I get in. I’m assuming you’re coming over so we can go out?” I asked, throwing a pair of sunglasses into my purse, and tucking my cell phone charger into the front pocket of my suitcase. I knew Harper was going to ream me when she got a load of my clothes from Target and Wal-Mart. She thought because my husband Weston was a big shot lawyer in Chicago, I should take advantage of our wealth and shop at all the big stores that run along the Magnificent Mile. You would think, after knowing me for fifteen years, she would realize that the money meant nothing to me. Quite frankly, I’d rather give up the money if it meant being able to fix my sad excuse of a marriage.

I could practically hear her bouncing up and down on the other end of the line. “You bet your ass we are! I just got a hot new pair of Gucci stilettos and I’m hoping to see some fresh meat out tonight. I haven’t gotten laid in a week!” I giggled at the horror in her voice. “Don’t laugh. This place has slim pickin’s and quite frankly since Finley and Kyler left, I’ve been stuck with average men; the kind that you take home to meet the family. F*ck you, no thanks! I need someone built, dangerous, who isn’t afraid to pull my hair when he’s f*cking me.”

My heartbeat picked up just hearing the name Finley. “You promised me he wasn’t going to be in town for this thing. Please tell me that’s still the case? And I by the way, I really don’t need to know how you like to f*ck.”

“Don’t worry hon,” Harper sighed. “I checked, double checked, and triple checked the roster and he wasn’t on it. The deadline to sign up has come and gone, so I think it’s safe to say he won’t be there. And maybe a little hair pulling is just what you need?!”

The possibility of seeing my old high school sweetheart, Finley Morgan, was something I’d like to avoid. Back in high school he broke my heart. Well, actually he didn’t so much break my heart as rip it out of my chest, chew it up and spit it into a ravine. Okay so I was probably being a little melodramatic, but give me a break; he was my first love, and I’d thought we were going to be together forever. I never expected him to leave me the night we graduated. Thinking about that night still made me want to run and throw up in a bush. It’s a memory that I put away somewhere in my mind, and I really didn’t want to dredge it back up; let alone see him.

Willing my heart to slow down, I pushed the memory back away and ignored the last part of her statement. “Okay well, I’m super excited to see you! And as much as I’m not willing to go to this thing, it will be nice to see some of our old friends. I swear after marrying Weston I lost touch with just about everyone except you, Mom, and Dad.” I continued to talk to her as I walked out of the massive master suite, through the long hallway, and into the open living room. “Anyway, I need to get off the phone so I can say goodbye to West and head out.”

With a tone of distain Harper said, “Well tell the arrogant prick ‘hello’ for me.”

“Yeah sure, I’ll get right on that!”

I hung up the phone, set my suitcase by the front door and walked back into the living room. I hollered out for West but he didn’t answer. As much as I’d love to just leave without telling him goodbye, I wasn’t that kind of wife. I felt like I owed it to Weston to put in some effort. He did save me in a way.

After Finley left me on graduation night, I went through a pretty dark time in my life. Without him there I felt lost… like I was missing a deep-rooted piece of myself. I had a hard time functioning with day-to-day tasks, and even the simple things—like the desire to get up and get dressed or shower—were a huge effort. After about three months of me moping around doing nothing but the bare minimum, my Dad sat me down and told me enough was enough and I needed to snap out of it. He offered me a spot at his small law firm, answering phones and doing most of the filing. Any of the partners or paralegals needed errands to be run or lunch orders filled, that was my job. At least having job meant I had to get out of bed every day to take care of myself. Besides, looking back, I don’t think my Dad was ‘asking’. He was pretty worried when even Harper couldn’t even snap me out of my funk.

My first day at the firm, I’d really wanted to tell my Dad where to stick his job and go bury my head in my pillow. But after about two weeks I got the hang of the duties that had been assigned to me and honestly, as much as I had been dreading it, I ended up enjoying myself. I could zone out while at the office and consequently didn’t spend my whole day focused on Finn; running through all the questions that invaded my mind whenever I thought of him. More than anything, I wanted to avoid thinking about the possibility that he may have moved on. I just couldn’t bear it.

Taking it day-by-day was the only way I was able to get up and do what was expected of me. I wouldn’t say that I moved on, or that every day it got better, because it didn’t. I was essentially the same inside; broken and bruised, and my heart was still bleeding. I missed Finn terribly, and would have done anything to have him back. But I’d heard that he and Kyler had rented a place in LA, and were about to sell their first song to an up-and-coming artist. It hurt to know he had clearly moved on and was fulfilling his dream. I doubt he had given me a second thought while I’d stayed in that godforsaken town and worked for my Dad instead of going off to college, or following him to LA to pursue his music like he always wanted us to.

Before I knew it a full year had passed. My Dad hired a new paralegal who was quickly working his way up to becoming a Partner. Weston waltzed into my life, and for the first time I felt like I could breathe again. Not a full breath, but enough to make me feel like I was living again. While I didn’t initially show any interest in him, West was a persistent man. He laid eyes on me and he wanted me. After weeks of him constantly asking me out on dates, I finally agreed.

I’ll admit to feeling uncomfortable during that first date because I just didn’t think I was good enough for him. Weston was a handsome man. Standing at six feet with brown hair that he wore short—but a little spiked in the front—and dark blue eyes, he could easily have had any woman he wanted. He worked out daily before coming in to the office, so his body looked like it belonged in a magazine.

Our relationship took off after that night. We immersed ourselves in a fast paced romance that ended with him proposing to me one night on top of a mountain. Before I said yes, Finn’s face went through my mind. I had always dreamed of how he might have proposed to me, and how I would have cried and thrown myself into his arms. But that was never going to happen, and almost two years had passed since I had last seen or heard from him. Plus I’d heard he was seeing someone. Whether it was serious or not didn’t quite matter.

Weston and I had a small private wedding outside, by a lake that I had loved since I moved to Idaho. He had wanted something a bit more grand and lavish, but it wasn’t my style and he wanted to give me whatever I wanted. Not long after the wedding, West was offered a job in Chicago, by a firm who had been following his recent successes in the courtroom. This meant a huge move, but I did it for West. The salary package the firm were offering was tempting to say the least and the position would catapult him into the legal spotlight. But eight years had passed since then, and I was no longer the woman that he showered with gifts and showed everyday how much he loved her. We used to spend every waking minute together; taking vacations to the far ends of the earth away from everybody, and relishing each other in seclusion. I always felt he worshiped me, but over the past two years he’d pulled away. He started spending more time at the office, stopped calling me to see how my day was going, and—even when he was at home—he spent more time in his home office than he did cooking with me, or lounging by the pool like he used to do. I wish I knew what had driven this wedge between us but I didn’t have a clue. I’d become so used to being ignored, that I felt like we hardly knew each other anymore. I’d become a ‘stepford wife’; someone for Weston to hold on his arm at company functions.

Walking through the spacious living room and hallway to West’s office, I approached the door. I could hear him talking to someone on the phone, so I quietly opened the door to let him know I was leaving. When he looked up at me, something in his eyes shifted and he told the person on the other end of the phone that he needed to go but would talk to them later. The way he was watching me while he spoke made me feel uneasy, but quite frankly I’d never involved myself in his work affairs, and I wasn’t about to start now.

Walking over to him I sat down on his grand mahogany desk. Looking around his office at the rows and rows of law books stacked on the book-shelves, you’d think we lived in a library. The abundance of deep rich wood in this room always made me feel out of place. I’d never really liked grand and expensive things, but Weston insisted on having it all; not just in his office downtown, but at home too. I’d tried to argue that we didn’t need it all, but our interior decorator managed to convince him that this was all stuff that we needed, and it was money well spent. If you ask me, I’d say Julia Stephens—a well-known Chicago designer—really wanted in Weston’s pocket book, and his pants. Anytime I was around her she’d look at me as though I was beneath her; as if I had no business being married to my wealthy husband. Like she just didn’t see what he saw in me. But frankly, neither did I.

I heard him sigh and look up at him, “I’m leaving and I’ll be back on Monday.” I wished with my whole heart that he would acknowledge me the way a husband in love should, but I knew it wasn’t going to happen.

“Well, I’ll be busy here and at the office throughout the weekend so don’t expect to hear from me. I’ll just say goodbye now. Enjoy your trip,” he said coolly. Ever the business man I thought. I wanted to reach out and touch his cheek to get some sort of emotion from him. I was his wife, and I wanted to feel close to him again. I needed to know that I was enough for him.

I leaned in and gave him a chaste kiss on the lips, pulling back and smiling, hoping for something in return. But again I received nothing. Disappointed, I walked away from him and out of the office. I made my way to the foyer where my bags were and grabbed my purse, cell phone, rolling suitcase and keys, and walked out the front door. My heart felt heavy but I hoped I would feel better—and a bit lighter—when I landed in Boise and saw my parents.

I drove my deep red Aston Martin Vanquish along the highway towards the airport. Despite my ability to avoid all things expensive, I had to have this car. It wasn’t available for purchase on the open market, but West had taken on a case for some European big wig and won, so he made them throw this car into the deal. I’d always wanted a red sports car and it was a total dream to drive. All sleek and sexy, the interior was fine black leather. It had too many buttons to mess with so I just drove the car, without caring what else it did.

I made my way through the Chicago O’Hare airport to their long term parking, making sure to hide my baby at the back so there was less chance of some idiot swinging their door out into her. Gathering my luggage, I made sure to lock up and took a shuttle to check-in.

After a two hour wait in the first class lounge, I boarded a United flight and found my seat. Part of the big deal about flying first class was being served crackers, cheese, and champagne. I wasn’t one to drink too much, but I gladly accepted the champagne to calm my nerves. I wasn’t sure if I felt nervous about actually going back home or some other reason. A reason I knew but didn’t want to admit. A reason I was hoping wouldn’t pop up at the last minute. Home held nothing but memories of Finn. Gulping down the rest of the champagne, I took a deep breath, popped in my headphones and turned on my iPod. Thank god for good music and short flights. Feeling tired, I hit the play button and ‘The First Time’ by Boys Like Girls came on. How fitting I thought to myself, as I dosed off before we’d even left the runway.


We landed in Boise about ten minutes ahead of schedule, which was good because I was more than ready to get off and stretch my legs. Nothing kicked off a weekend away from home like two screaming kids in coach, and a passenger behind me who—despite all the leg room you get in first class—couldn’t keep their knees out of my back.

After exiting the plane I walked down to the baggage claim and waited for my suitcase to come around on the carousel. I looked around at all the passengers and wondered if they were here to see family, there on business, or taking a vacation from life. If I were them, I’d choose the latter.

Spotting my bag, I hauled it and myself over to the Hertz car rental and after filling out all their paperwork, went out of the terminal and saw my car waiting by the curb. I smiled to myself because Weston would have shit his pants if he’d been given this small little Ford Escort. I didn’t need anything fancy or big since it was just me. After loading up the car, I climbed inside, adjusted all my mirrors, and started making my way to the highway headed east. I plugged in my auxiliary cord so I could listen to my music instead of the radio and started blasting All Time Low through the speakers. I loved this band and I was rocking out and singing at the top of my lungs.

Taking my time and driving the speed limit, about an hour and a half later I was finally pulling into Mountain Home. Looking around, not much had changed since I left. The Wal-Mart was still at the end of town and hadn’t been made into a Superstore thank god. I smiled as I passed the local coffee shop, Beans. That place held a lot of memories of after school study sessions, hanging out, and sitting on the plush purple couches inside holding hands with Finley. It sort of felt surreal being there again. I was overwhelmed by lots of good memories, and lots of memories I’d pushed away because they caused me pain.

My parent’s house was in the middle of town but it only took a few minutes to get there. Pulling into the driveway, I put the car in park and sat for a few minutes looking at my old home. Dad had apparently found time to fix the shutter that had always been hanging on by a nail, and was literally one gust of wind away from falling off. But other than that, the place looked exactly the same. The lights in the living room and one of the bedroom lights upstairs were on. Taking a deep breath, I opened my door, unloaded my bags and made my way to the front door. “Here we go” I whispered to myself.


The front door swung open and I found myself wrapped in my Dad’s arms. Richard Tucker was the most loving man I knew. He was about six feet tall, had a little bit of a belly, and a dark head of hair that is starting to go grey. I would never tell him that though or he’d spend the next two hours in front of a mirror examining every strand of hair. He wanted to remain young forever. Either way, I loved him with my whole heart and he’d always made me feel warm and safe.

“Oh baby girl, I’ve missed you so much.” He said squeezing me extra tight. It felt so nice.

“Hi Dad. I’ve missed you too. Where’s Mom?” I pulled back a little bit to look into his chocolate brown eyes.

“She’s fussing upstairs with your old bed, trying to make everything perfect. Don’t give her a hard time. Her baby girl is back and she wants it to still feel like its home for you.” He chuckled and I leaned forward to keep hugging him. I put my head on that perfect spot between his shoulder and chest where it fit snuggly. He brought his hand up and smoothed it down my hair. “What’s the matter?”

“Nothing Dad, I just missed you that’s all.” I leaned back and gave him a reassuring smile. Then, hearing my Mom coming down the steps, we both looked up. She and I looked like sisters. Everyone loved Tessa Tucker. She was part of the quilting group in town and everyone said hello when she passed them in the street. My Mom was very caring, gentle, and had little laughter lines around her mouth and by her eyes because she was forever smiling.

“Emilyn, oh honey how I’ve missed you!” Mom came over and hugged me while I was still in my Dad’s arms so that it became a group hug. She kissed the top of my head and was about to say something else when the front door flew open. We all let go of each other just as Harper came in and saw us all.

“Two things”, she said holding two fingers up in the air. “Hooker, why haven’t you called or texted me yet? And why wasn’t I invited in this gross display of The Partrich Family love?” She was grinning ear to ear as she ran over and hugged all three of us. We just laughed at her. My parents were used to Harpers crude mouth and they didn’t fault her for it.

My Mom pulled away first and started making her way into the small galley style kitchen, while my Dad turned around and made a beeline for his old green recliner that he’s had for the past twelve years. Mom yelled, asking me if I was thirsty for anything, but I told her I was fine, and that Harper and I were going to head up to my bedroom to get settled before we headed out for the night.

The stairs going up to my room still creaked in the same places that they always had; something which made it almost impossible to sneak out at night when I was in high school.

Almost. I’d still had my ways.

The walls on the stairs held the same framed pictures of me from the time I was in preschool until I graduated. I still got embarrassed when people saw them, especially the ones from third until about six grade. If I said Harper went through a gangly phase, you should have seen me! I had glasses that covered the whole top half of my face, and braces. Oh and on a special night, you could have caught me with headgear before I went to sleep. I was definitely a nerd.

Harper walked in and collapsed on the bed that is still covered in an all white quilt. I followed in behind her setting my suitcase by my dresser. I walked over to the bed and sat down next to her and looked around the open space. I had those cushioned girly looking pin boards hanging up with photos of family vacations, and throughout junior high and high school Harper and I had pinned on them. Some spots that had at one time held pictures of Finn, were now empty spaces because, I’d taken them down at Weston’s request. I’d explained that Finley and I were still friends and so I didn’t see any reason to take them down, but I think he could see right through me. He knew my history with Finn, and wouldn’t take much to see that I had other reasons for keeping them up. It had physically hurt when I unpinned them and put them in a plastic storage bin. They didn’t go too far though because I’d kept the bin under my bed so I could pull them out if I was feeling the need for an emotional beat down.

I used to think it wasn’t normal for me to still feel the way I did about Finn after so many years. But as almost a decade had passed and the hurt was still just as strong, I’d just learned to cope with it. I guess in a way I’d numbed the part of my heart that would always be his. I felt that familiar ache if I heard his name, or if I passed by someplace that held a memory for us. Harper figured that’s why I ran away to Chicago and got married so fast. I used to have dreams and aspirations to be a teacher, but they blurred and faded away when West came into my life. He wanted to take care of me and said I could make my life at home and be just as happy. That wasn’t case but I hadn’t done anything to change it. And that lingering hole in my heart remained, with no hope of it being filled.

Harper gently bumped my arm pulling me out of my haze. “Hey, so how’s the Windy City treating you? You and that husband of yours thinking of settling down with a herd of little brats yet?”

I rolled my eyes, “Harper, West couldn’t be further away from thinking about having kids. He knows I want them and I keep asking him when he’ll be ready but I think after making partner at the firm, he’s become complacent and might not ever want kids. I think he likes to only have himself to think about. Heaven knows he doesn’t think about me very much anymore.”

“Nothing has changed then since I came out to visit last month?”

“I either sit upstairs in my palatial bedroom all day watching Real Housewives re-runs or I’m down in the kitchen baking like my life depends on it. Do you have any idea how many cookies and cupcakes I’ve made and consumed in the past year? In fact,” I stood up, and turned around to try and see my own butt, “Maybe that’s my problem. My own ass has taken on a life of its own and my husband is no longer attracted to me. What do you think? Is my ass consuming my body?”

Harper started giggling and swatted my backside. “Honey if I had a butt like yours I’d be scraping more men off the floor. You’re so bootylicious that even I want to touch it. In fact I think I want to spank it again. Turn around so I can spank it some more.” She lifted her hand to smack me.

I squealed and jumped out of her reach. “Okay, okay enough already! I get it. But seriously, why is Weston acting like I’m the last person on earth? I’ve caught him a few times with a wandering eye. I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do. How do we snap out of this rut we are in? I’ve wondered if there was someone else but anytime I try to ask him, he acts as if I’m crazy and doesn’t want to talk about it. Subject closed!”

Standing up Harper came over to me and hugged me tightly. “Emmy there isn’t anything wrong with you, and I’m sure he still loves you. As much as I think the man can be a dick, married people always hit a wall, right? At least that’s what all the happy married people say. You’ll get through this.” She stepped back from me and looked me square in the eyes. “You’re beautiful, and you’ve always had the worst self-esteem of anybody I have ever met. Break out of this shell you’ve put yourself in and let you out. Seriously Emilyn, you don’t see yourself clearly. You have the biggest heart to go along with this incredible body”, she said as she moved her eyes and right hand up and down in the air in the front of me. “Now, to prove to you that you are every man’s wet dream let’s get ready and hit up the bar, I’m ready to shake what my Momma gave me.”

I laughed and shook my head, wiping away a stray tear. “Harper?”

“Hmmmm?”

“Thank you. You always know what I need and how to make me feel better. I love you.”

She winked and gave me that killer smile the men drool over. “No problem baby girl. Bring me your bag and let me see what you’ve packed and I’ll come up with something sexy to wear.”

Oh shit.

Shit.

Shit.

Shit!

I reluctantly rolled my suitcase over to her and unzipped the top and flipped it open. I swear Harper gagged at what she saw.

“What the f*ck is this? Emilyn Paisley Tucker, why am I seeing Mossimo and Faded Glory in this bag?” she said with genuine disgust. “Oh Jesus I think I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.” Harper picked up a tan cardigan and matching camisole with her index finger and thumb like it was infected with some sort of contagious disease. I just shook my head at her and her pretentious self. “Seriously, what the f*ck Em? I know West makes millions and you’re shopping at Target and Wal-Mart? Maybe this is the problem. These clothes do make your ass look like there’s a hundred cupcakes stuck to it.”

I shoved her aside, laughing. “Shut it! I love these clothes and I honestly don’t see any reason to spend five grand on a dress I’m only going to wear once. You can find really cute clothes at Wal-Mart. Like this,” I said holding up a short cropped mustard colored blazer. I started cracking up when she gagged again. “Do you need a puke bucket while you look through my bag?”

“No. In fact, I’m done. I can’t look anymore. I’m loaning you some of my clothes and we are totally going shopping tomorrow before we go to the reunion.”

I knew better than to fight with her, so I gave in and told her I’d let her dress me tonight and we would go and get an outfit for the reunion tomorrow. I just needed to try on some of her stuff since—given that we were so different in height—I’d more than likely end up in a dress. I already knew all of her pants would be too long.

Harper ended up pulling out a fun, shimmery sequin top that was black and tight. She matched it with a pair of dark jeans I had in my bag and red stilettos. After doing my make-up in a black smoky look that made my eyes stand out, and adding bright red lipstick she called me good. She decided that my hair was fine. I got up and looked in the mirror and stared at myself. I had to admit, I looked pretty hot. Or at least I felt sexy, which I think is what Harper wanted to accomplish. She threw on a cute black mini dress with some black heels, pinned her hair up and we both were ready to head out on the town.

“You’re going to dance this time, because I’m not dragging you out on the floor just for you to go running into the bathroom again. Got it?”

Being terribly shy, I didn’t like to dance much. But once I had alcohol in me and you might as well put me in front of a pole and start throwing dollar bills. However, the last time we went out I was the designated driver and I couldn’t be convinced to step foot on the dance floor. Harper decided to take it upon herself to physically yank me onto the floor. I ended up pulling free of her grasp, choosing to hide in the bathroom until she texted me, threatening to damage both my life and my beautiful car. I had to take her seriously because she had a history of random acts of violence towards males and their vehicles when she was drunk.

“Yes Sunshine, I plan on drinking tonight and not thinking about anything but the music and having a good time with you. We’ll just take a cab home. Happy?” I replied.

“Very! Woohoo, let’s get moving twat. I’m ready to do this. Oh, if I start fondling your breasts—or my own for that matter—it’s time to cut me off.”

As I headed out of the bedroom I glanced down at my wedding ring. I touched it with my thumb from the same hand, not feeling as sentimental about it as I once had. Without thinking too long about it, I pulled the ring off and set it on top of the dresser. Tonight was about having fun, and the weight of the ring was just another reminder of the problems waiting for me when I returned home.

That decision made, I grabbed my purse, hollered a goodbye to my parents, and we made our way out to the taxi already waiting at the curb.





Harper and I were dropped off in front of Abby’s Bar, a popular place not too far from the center of town. It was a tall brick building that had apparently gone through some renovations since I was last in town. It used to be a little bit more run down but from the looks of it now, I would say the owner must have put some serious money into it. The cement sidewalk in front looked repaved and no longer had old tree roots tearing it up. The sign outside was definitely new; a white billboard with the bar’s name written in a trendy font, proudly fixed to the refaced brick. It was certainly a step up from the flashing neon sign it had replaced. The music inside was clearly pumping and the place was packed.

After paying the cover at the front door, Harper and I made our way in and headed straight for the bar. Bodies were moving and rubbing together out on the dance floor while Calvin Harris’ ‘Sweet Nothing’ blared from the speakers. When we got to the bar, Harper got the attention of the bartender and leaned over, yelling over the music that we wanted four shots of Lemon Drops. Oh god, I was going to be wasted by the end of the night. When they were lined up in front of us, we threw back two shots each. I made a sour face after each one.

“Bleh! Those are horrible!” I said around my scrunched up nose and puckered mouth.

“Eh, you’ll love them after about the fifth one! What do you want to drink?”

“Umm how about a Midori Sour”, I told her with an unsure tone. I didn’t drink much and tended to be a pretty cheap drunk. I was quite certain I’d be feeling those Lemon Drops in about ten minutes. Harper handed me my drink, and I watched as she sucked down some sort of martini-looking thing.

Turning around to look out on the dance floor, I watched as people moved to the beat of the music. It was a Friday night and male bodies were holding females close to them as they swayed and grinded against each other. The minutes passed and I started to warm up as I felt the alcohol move through my system. I was loosening up and I felt my body wanting to go out and move with them. I stood up on my tip toes and yelled into Harper’s ear that I was ready to dance. She practically screamed with excitement, and grabbed my hand to lead me out onto the floor.

I closed my eyes and let myself drift to the music and move however my body wanted too. I felt free and loose. Harper and I were dancing close and a few times guys approached us, putting their hands on our hips to dance. We turned our backs on most of them and just held on to each other. She and I were practically sisters so we didn’t mind being that close. The guys that surrounded us were apparently liking it too, and I heard several cat calls and looks of appreciation. The music had shifted to ‘She Wolf’ by David Guetta ft. Sia. I loved this song. Suddenly I heard a very loud—and very familiar—laugh in my ear. “Oh my god, if it isn’t the Scissor Sisters!”

My eyes popped open and I stared into the face of Kyler Lewis. I’d known him for as long as I’d known Finley. He was Finn’s best friend and—if it were possible—the two of them had been even more inseparable than Harper and I. He looked exactly the same. I hadn’t seen him for so long, yet he was one of the best looking men I’d ever seen; but not the best looking. Standing tall at six foot two, he had longer brown hair that was perpetually messy but I knew he styled it to be that way. He’d clearly bulked up and even I could see the definition in his arms from where I was standing. Kyler had the most gorgeous chocolate brown eyes I’d ever seen. My heart kicked into overdrive. If Kyler was here, Finley was definitely not too far away.

“What the f*ck, rat bastard?!” I didn’t see your name on the list for the class reunion. What the hell are you doing here?” Harper asked looking Ky up and down with equal amounts of irritation and something else I couldn’t put my finger on.

“Well Finn and I didn’t see the email until earlier today and we thought it would be a good time to take a last minute trip to see my parents. We missed the deadline to register but what were they going to do, turn us away at the door? No f*cking way! We were the star football players. You know they’ll kiss our feet when we grace them with our presence.”

“You’re a cocky bastard.” Harper curled her lip at Kyler.

She looked down at me and recognized the look on my face, realizing that hearing Finn’s name was about to send me into a massive panic attack. “Oh shit,” she said clearing her throat, “is Finn here right now?”

“I’m pretty sure I just said we were the star football players that will be welcomed with open arms and dropping panties, so yes, he is here. He’s over by the bar getting us some beers.”

“Just f*cking great! He has no business being here!” Harper started ranting.

“What do you mean he ‘has no business being here’? He did go to high school here didn’t he?”

Harper looked like she could spit nails she was so mad. “That’s not what I mean asshat. I mean he has no business being here after he up and left Emilyn high and dry on grad night.”

Kyler looked over at me but I’d been rendered speechless, so Harper spoke up instead. “Listen Kyler,” she lowered her voice. “You guys have no idea what she went through when he left. It wasn’t pretty and it took her a long time to get her life back together. Seeing Finn again could set her back.”

Ky looked somewhat confused, “I thought you were married Em?”

Still unable to speak Harper said, “She is.”

No.

No.

No.

This couldn’t be happening. My eyes darted around in an attempt to catch a glimpse of Finley. But it was no use, because I was too short to see around the wall of bodies. I started to feel dizzy from the shots and two Midori Sour’s I’d already had.

Oh.

My.

F*cking.

Hell.

I needed to get out of there, fast. Trying to spot the exit, Harper grabbed my hand and held me in place. She must have sensed that I was about to bolt.

I looked up and she was staring at me shaking her head back and forth, silently telling me ‘you’re not bailing’. God damn it, what was she doing? I felt like I couldn’t breathe and I needed to get out of there! Even if she didn’t let me leave, the least she could do was allow me the courtesy of going to the bathroom to collect myself. Kyler must have really looked at me then because he stepped up to me and grabbed my elbow, leaning down to my ear. “Hey Em, you okay? You’re as white as a ghost.”

I looked straight into his brown eyes and instantly he knew. He looked over to Harper and said, “I’m going to walk her to the bathroom. Do you mind standing here and waiting for Finn?” Harper looked concerned, but must have thought better than to insist on taking me herself. She held her hand straight up and gestured for him to go ahead. I sighed, knowing she was more than likely going to give Finn and earful when she found him, but not having the energy to care.

Kyler gently took my hand and led me back to the bathrooms. Surprisingly, there wasn’t a line for the ladies room and without a second thought Ky marched me inside and locked the door. I walked straight over to the sink and braced my hands on the counter with two hands and looked at myself in the mirror. I was pale and my eyes were huge like a scared animal. I wasn’t sure how long I watched myself taking deep breaths, but I know it was long enough to forget Kyler was in the room with me. I glanced over my shoulder through the mirror and saw he was leaning up against the door, watching me. He face held a look of concern and curiosity.

“What’s going on Emilyn?”

I shook my head and looked down in an attempt to avoid eye contact. I began washing my hands, since that’s what one did in the bathroom besides going pee, right? “I have no idea what you’re talking about. I just started to feel a little woozy from all the alcohol. I don’t drink much and I think it just hit me all of a sudden.”

“Right. You always were a shit liar. Now tell me what’s really going on.” He wasn’t going to back down.

“I told you. I was just overwhelmed, and it’s seriously hot out there.” How could I tell Finn’s best friend that I might not actually be over him after ten years? That sounded crazy. Especially since I was married! Jesus Emilyn, get it together. You’re f*cking married!

“So the fact that Finn is out there and you’re in here having a ‘moment’ is completely coincidental?”

Damn. I started to get mad. Mad that I was that easy to read, and mad that after ten years he still knew me so well. Being that they were best friends, Kyler was around a lot when Finn and I were dating and we became pretty close. He was my male version of Harper. Only difference being that when Finn left, I stopped talking to Ky.

“You know what? I don’t owe you any explanations, so back the f*ck off! Finn left me high and dry ten years ago when he took off. I haven’t heard from or seen him since then. I couldn’t care less if he is out there or back in California shacking up with some fake bimbo. I’m married now and I’ve moved on.” Jesus, why was I yelling at Kyler? That was it. I was never drinking again.

Ky held his hands up, palms outwards in surrender. “Okay honey. If that look on your face when his name is mentioned is you ‘moved on’ then fine. I believe you.” He studied me a few more long seconds and changed the subject. “It’s been a long time. You’re looking hot Shorty!” That was Kyler’s nickname for me from the time I met him my junior year in high school until… well, that awful day I didn’t want to remember right then.

I knew he was full of crap on both accounts, but it was just like Ky to change the subject to try and make me feel better. “It’s good to see you Ky. Looks like California is treating you well.” I smiled and reached up to give him a hug. He held me in a tight embrace—picking me off the floor and setting me back down. Stepping back, I got a good look at my surroundings. A bathroom in a bar wasn’t the best place to catch up on old times, so I decided I needed to get out of there. “Hey I think I need a drink. If you’ll excuse me, I’m going to head back to the bar. Can you let Harper know where I’m at?” He agreed. I side stepped him, unlocked the door and headed down the hall through the crowd. As I waited for the bartender’s attention, I noticed a good looking man standing next to me, quite clearly giving me the eye. I glanced up at him, and he smiled back at me. He held his hand out for me to shake, and so I placed my hand in his. He leant in towards me, “Hi, I’m Vance. You would be…?”

I leaned back and smiled at him and said “Emilyn. Nice to meet you Vance. Are you from around here?”

“No, I’m actually just here doing some business in Boise. I’m from Portland but staying with some friends here in town.”

“What kind of business are you in, Vance?”

Showing me a fantastic smile he said “Marketing. I’m working on some new ad slogans.”

“That sounds…” I waved my hand in the air making small circles with it while I looked for the right words, “…boring.”

He tipped his head back and let out a deep throaty laugh. “Yes, I suppose it can be boring but I honestly love it. I get to be creative and it’s quite the feeling when you see a commercial on TV that you had a hand in.”

I knew I’d blame it on the alcohol later, but I was feeling feisty and Vance was a very good looking man that was showing an interest in me—interest that I hadn’t felt from a man in a long time. I reached out and took hold of his hand and said with a devilish smile, “Want to dance with me?”

He returned my smile with one of his own, and winked at me before he led me out on the dance floor. As Vance brought me in close to his body, I didn’t want to think about my troubles with Weston. I didn’t want to look around for Harper, Kyler, or him. I just wanted to be lost in the moment and forget that the love of my life was here in this bar. Wait… what the hell? Love of my life? I must’ve been drunker than I thought.

Some sort of upbeat song was on and I put my hands up around Vance’s shoulders and brought my body close to his. He smelled good, like some sort of expensive cologne and good clean man. Vance slid his hands from my shoulder blades down low to rest on my hips. He pulled me closer; wedging our bodies so there was no space between them. He had his right leg in between mine and we rocked back and forth to the beat. I could feel his growing arousal against my hip, and I had to admit that it’d been a while since I had been this close to a man and felt somewhat desirable. Blend that with my inebriated state and it was a heady mix. As one song blended into the next, I was lost. It was exactly what I wanted. They all seem to leave me, it was just a matter of time. So for right now I just wanted to feel this; a hard bodied man holding me close; the smell, the sensation, the need.

Just as I let the last of my reservations go I felt those familiar eyes on me. I didn’t need to turn around to know those piercing blue eyes were staring at me. My stomach bottomed out, and my heart rate spiked into overdrive. I shifted around in Vance’s arms and put my back to his front, reaching my arms up around his neck as his hands moved up to hold on to my stomach. I wasn’t feeling brave enough to open my eyes and see him yet so I continued to sway my hips against Vance. I felt his left hand move from my stomach and slide down my hip to my thigh and back up to my hip. Jesus, was it hot in here? I felt my body flash with heat, and I was pretty sure it had nothing to do with the temperature.

I heard someone clear their throat and I felt Vance stiffen at my back.

F*ck.

I felt like I was about to throw up. Opening my eyes, I was met with a wide muscular chest, wearing a grey button down shirt with a white undershirt. The button down was unbuttoned and sexy as hell. The sleeves were rolled up to the elbows so I could see strong, muscular forearms and the few tattoos that snaked down to the wrist. Still not able to make eye contact, I let my eyes roam further, down to a pair of khaki cargo shorts and naked feet in a pair of dark brown flip flops. He cleared his throat again, and that’s when my eyes came back up his body and finally rested on his face. Holy shit. He was exactly the same, and yet so very different. He’d clearly grown since high school. He was around six feet when I was dating him, but now looked to be around six foot four. He was huge! He’d let his hair grow out to a sexy dark brown mess that was swept to the side. His jaw was strong and square with perfectly full lips. But his eyes…

Oh my god his eyes.

I couldn’t tear myself away from them. He’d always had the most hypnotic pair of eyes I’d ever seen. They were a dark blue that appeared lighter because of how dark his hair was. His perfect full lips tipped up a little bit before becoming a full blown smile. His teeth were super white and perfectly straight. The man was just… beautiful.

“Hello Emilyn,” he said in his ultra sexy deep voice. Either his voice had gone down a few octaves, or I hadn’t remembered it that well.

I still was standing there staring at him when I remembered Vance standing behind me. He shifted forward. “Do you know this guy Emilyn?”

The two of them must have been waiting for me to respond… shit! Wait, was I supposed to be talking? Did I speak already? Seriously, I was never drinking this much again! That’s when Finn reached out and touched my chin lightly with his right index finger and shut my jaw that was apparently hanging open. Oh god how embarrassing! He looked right at me like he could devour me. But he smiled at me like he knew what I was thinking. Bastard! My knees felt weak and I really wished he hadn’t touched me. How could this man affect me so much after ten years?

Since my vocabulary had clearly taken a vacation, Finn spoke up and said, “Yeah I know her. We went to high school together.” That snapped me out of my daze. “She’s married by the way.”

“Emilyn didn’t tell me she was married. She’s not wearing a ring. So if you’ll excuse us.” Vance said in a condescending tone dismissing Finn. He put himself in front of me, effectively blocking my view of Finn.

“I don’t think you get it my man. She’s taken, whether she’s wearing a ring or not. Now back away from her and go find another pretty woman to dance with.” I could hear the threat in Finn’s voice. I was getting pissed. Who did he think he was, coming and scaring off a guy I was just dancing with? I hadn’t seen him in such a long time and he thought he could just go scaring people away from me?

Vance was clearly losing patience but I could tell he didn’t want have kind of physical altercation with Finn. Besides, Finn had a good four inches on him. Between the two you could tell who was going to win if punches were thrown. After a few moments of a tense standoff, Vance turned towards me, lifted my right hand to his mouth and gave it a gentle kiss. “It was very nice meeting you Emilyn and thank you for the dance. Maybe I’ll catch you around later.” He winked at me, gave me a suggestive smile, and walked away.

I watched him walk through the crowd until I couldn’t see him over the top of all the people. Did that just happen? Seriously in what world does your ex-boyfriend that you haven’t seen in a forever get to waltz into your life—in a bar—and make a scene? I was fuming and I was going to let him know that he could f*ck off but not until I’d had another drink. Turning on my heels, I walked straight past him, brushing my arm against his abdomen, and started back towards to bar. I swear I heard him growl.

Making my way back to the bar and sitting on a bar stool Harper and Kyler came and stood next to me. “How are you doing Em? You feeling okay?” Harper asked.

“I’m fine… feeling happily numb.” The bartender came over and I asked for two California Car Bombs. As he placed them in front of me I threw them back, one right after the other. I knew this was probably a bad idea but at this point I didn’t care. My brain couldn’t work out what my heart was feeling and I definitely couldn’t talk about it. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Finn approaching but I didn’t feel like talking or dealing with him right then. The more I drank the more bitter I felt about what he’d just done out on the dance floor and what he did to me back in high school.

I hopped off the bar stool and wobbled a bit. Ky reached out a hand to steady me and so did Finn. Not wanting either of them to touch me, I shook them both off and grabbed Harper to go dance.

I weaved in and out of all the people, found an opening and began shaking my hips. She giggled and danced right along with me. Moving my hands down my own body, I dragged them down my breasts, past my hips, and slid them down my thighs. I bent down and started to get back up sticking my ass out. I think I channel my inner stripper when I’m drunk. However, that little move made me feel a little queasy. Standing all the way back up, I definitely swayed more than I did getting off the bar stool. Harper took a hold of me around the waist and said, “Emmy are you feeling okay?”

“Sheppp…I’s jusss fineeee.” Wow, the alcohol had really gone to my head!

Just then I was picked up. An arm went behind my knees and another around my back. My head felt heavy so I rested it on the hard chest of whoever had picked me up. It probably wasn’t the safest thing to allow a stranger to carry me around but I wasn’t feeling that great, and frankly I probably would have hit the floor if this person hadn’t taken me out of Harpers arms.

“Just relax Emilyn I have you.” Finn’s voice rumbled somewhere in my head.

“Hmm….Finn, I misted yous.” I sighed. As the person carried me through the bar, I heard Harper and Kyler talking somewhere behind me. They were arguing about Harper letting me drink so much. I vaguely heard her tell Ky that I was a grown woman and I could make my own choices, and there was nothing wrong with getting wasted every now that then. I think I heard her call him a p-ssy too because he had been drinking some sort of strawberry daiquiri. I giggled. “Harps, das not nice.” Just then I threw my hand over my mouth. A loud hiccup escaped me, and I felt like I was going to get sick.

“Oh f*ck,” came that all too familiar voice.

I squirmed out of the arms of the person holding me, and bent over at the waist; throwing up everything I’d drunk. I felt my hair being swept back and held away from my face by the stranger so I turned to see who it was. Not an easy feat when you’re still bent in half. My eyes were blurry from tears because I had puked so much, but I could still see it was Finn at my side. When I thought I couldn’t puke anymore, those big arms wrapped me up again and he said, “Come on my Tiny Girl, up you go.”

I hadn’t heard him call me that since the day we graduated and felt a pang of hurt crack through that undisturbed part of my heart. Finley had told me once that I was quite possibly the shortest person he had ever seen. Although I knew that wasn’t true, I remember laughing, and the nickname stuck. I hadn’t minded his little term of endearment back then, but now it didn’t make me feel warm, it made me feel something that I wouldn’t let myself feel ever again.

Finn carried me all the way out to the car and soon enough I felt him putting me in the back seat. Whose car was this? I got my answer when Finn walked around the front of the vehicle and sat down in the driver’s seat. Almost immediately we had company; Kyler got in the passenger side and Harper had climbed in back with me. I lay my head down on her lap and let her run her fingers through my long hair. I knew the three of them were talking, but I was too dizzy and tired to even care what they were saying. I drifted into a state of unconsciousness, into a world where I was happy and my heart didn’t feel empty.





I was sitting in Kyler’s parent’s small kitchen drinking a cup of coffee thinking about what had happened last night. When Ky told me two days ago that our old high school was having its ten year reunion, I immediately thought of Emilyn.

I always thought about Emilyn.

I’d often wondered what it would be like to see her again after all these years, but I hadn’t quite imagined it going down the way that it did.

Kyler wanted to go to the bar to grab a beer and relax. When we got there, I went to get the drinks and he said he would go try to find us a table. After getting the beers, I caught up with him but was surprised to see him standing next to Harper Graham. Those two had always wound each other up but that wasn’t the issue I was concerned with. If they were anything like they were in high school, Harper being there meant that Em was likely there too. Judging by the look on Harpers face when she saw me, I would venture to guess she was. I started looking out on the dance floor and that’s when I saw her. She was still as tiny as I remembered. She had the most beautiful long blonde hair I’d ever seen. I remembered the way it felt as I ran my fingers through it; silky and soft. From the looks of it, she’d grown it out a little bit longer. She was so beautiful out there dancing.

That’s when I noticed the guy behind her pressed up against her body and getting a bit too grabby. I leaned down to speak into Harpers ear. “Isn’t Em married?”

“She’s just having fun Finn. Leave it alone.”

I kept watching Em as she swayed her hips back and forth. The guy’s hands had started to travel a little far down and he was about to get a handful of Em’s ass. I saw nothing but red. Oh hell-f*cking-no! If Harper wasn’t going to go stop her from getting fondled by a complete stranger, then I would.

That’s when I approached her and her little dance partner. It had taken everything in me not to beat this guy’s ass. But the look on Emilyn’s face when she finally opened her eyes and saw me told me that the man behind her no longer mattered. God she took my breath away with her blue eyes.

As I sat there in the kitchen still sipping on my coffee I smiled, remembering her mouth hanging open as she’d stared at me. At least she still seemed to find me attractive. When our eyes met I’d felt it; that spark, that connection I’d always felt with her. We were always great together. From the time I first saw her I had to know more about her….



Junior year, high school, I was just getting out of my second period class when I saw small little blonde head walking down the hallway. Who was that? I considered myself a pretty popular person and was fairly knowledgeable about the female population in this school but this was a head I didn’t recognize. How in the hell did I not recognize this girl? Was she new? I decided to follow after this unknown blonde head and see if maybe I was mistaken.

As I got closer, I noticed she was walking next to Harper Graham. I’d known Harper most of my life, but we didn’t really hang out in the same social crowds. I played football and baseball, so naturally I was always with my teammates and the cheerleaders. She played softball but aside from a few of her teammates, she didn’t hang out with the sports crowd. I didn’t care for all of the people in my crowd either and I didn’t actually like to party like most of them did. I went because I was expected too, plus Ky liked getting drunk and so I stuck around to keep him out of trouble and make sure he had a ride home.

Her beautiful soft sweet laughter filtered through to my ears and I stopped dead. The sound hit me like a freight train. I watched her walking and her head turned to the side to look up at Harper. I saw her profile and she was beautiful. But not in the way of the typical tall, gorgeous model types. She was small and her laugh sounded so innocent and sweet. I didn’t understand how I didn’t know who she was. But I decided right then and there that I would ask around and try to find out anything I possibly could about this girl. Somebody with that kind of smile had got to be worth knowing…



I grumbled as I stood up to dump the rest of my coffee in the sink, and got some gym clothes on to work out. I was feeling frustrated. Thinking back to the first time I saw Em always opened up a slew of other memories about our relationship. That laugh of hers and her eyes when she looked at me always melted me. But last night, there was something not right. There was no spark in her eyes. It was there briefly when she first saw me, but it had gone as just as quickly. I’d never seen her look like that; withdrawn and empty. Her fire was still there but I didn’t doubt for a second that it had only emerged because I pissed her off about her little dance partner. Why in the hell did she let him rub all over her? I was pretty sure her preppy-boy husband wouldn’t approve of his wife dancing that closely with another man. Hell, I didn’t approve of it and she wasn’t even mine. It f*cking pissed me off. There was definitely something going on with her because the Em I knew never acted like that.

Before she’d almost fallen down on the dance floor I’d already planned to hall her ass out of there, but she made it easy when she allowed me to pick her up. Touching her and being that near to her had done things to me. Then she had to go and get all cuddly on me; drunkenly telling me she’d missed me when I carried her out to the car. I’d wanted to tell her I missed her too, but that was just a line I couldn’t cross. Although I was determined to find out tonight at the reunion what the deal was with her. I needed to know why she seemed so… ‘off’.

“Hey man, what the hell are you so broody about?” Ky asked as he came down the hall. His hair was spiked in all different directions, probably from having his head buried under his pillow all night. “You going to the gym?”

Even though he was my best friend, I didn’t feel like spilling my guts to him, “I’m good, and yes I’m heading out to run and punch a bag for a bit. Wanna ride?”

“Yeah sure, give me a second to go brush my teeth.”

“I’ll be out in the car.” I grabbed the keys to my rental and got in the car. When I opened the door and got in I inhaled deeply. No f*cking way! It smelled like her in here. Just the smell of her was making me achy and hard. Jesus, I was in some serious trouble!





Slowly peeling my eyes open I saw that the sun shining through my window. Blinking rapidly against the bright light I tried to sit up. Jesus, my head was pounding! I threw my hand up to my forehead and gave it a rub. My head was hanging down towards my chest and I saw that I was wearing a pale pink camisole and a pair of white, girl boxer shorts. What the hell? How did I get home, and who the hell had changed me? I was racking my brain to try and recall what happened the night before when my bedroom door opened. Harper came walking in a pair of blue boxers and a grey ribbed tank top.

“Good morning sunshine! How are we feeling today?” She was smiling down at me as she handed me a glass of water and a couple of aspirin.

“Don’t you think you’re a little too chipper? It’s early, and my head is throbbing. By the way, did I drink out of the toilet at the bar last night? My mouth tastes like ass!” I tossed back the aspirin and drink the whole glass of water and set it down on the bedside table.

She threw her head back and laughed. “First of all, it’s not early, it’s one in the afternoon. You’ve been sleeping all morning, but now you need to get up so we can go shopping. And second, I hope you didn’t try to drink out of those toilets because you tried to make out with me when we got home, and you were moaning Finn and Vance’s name.”

“Oh my god Finn! What happened last night? You’re the one that got me dressed right? Holy crap I made a fool of myself didn’t I? Did Bubbles, come out?” Harper and I had made up a name for my drunken personality. She apparently liked to act like a stripper. I groaned, rubbing a hand over my face, “Oh no, I’m a married woman who acts like a hooker. Please tell me that’s not what this awful taste in my mouth is?”

Harper was now in hysterics on the floor. I glowered at her. “Stop it! I’m dying here.” She was holding her stomach trying to calm down. “Yes, Bubbles did make an appearance last night but she wasn’t as bad as I’ve seen her before. And no that’s not what that taste in your mouth is, unless you and Kyler did something in the bathroom while I was waiting for Finn”? Her eyebrows rose, “Oh shit, please tell me you weren’t drunk enough to do that? If you did, I think I’m going to get sick Em.”

I threw my pillow at her and screeched “Nooo! Of course not! But don’t act like Ky is that bad. He may act like a douchebag, but he is extremely attractive and he can be really sweet. In fact I don’t know why you never went after him while we were in high school. I have it on good authority that he had a crush on you.”

“Yeah well, I just can’t see it. I’m a realtor and he’s a song writing, surfer boy. Those two things don’t really equate to a match made in heaven Em. Kyler is cute but he just isn’t my type.”

“What is your type? I don’t think I’ve even been able to nail down what you like in a man besides them being emotionally unavailable. And there is nothing wrong with him being a songwriter.” I threw in for good measure, a hint of resentment in my voice.

Finley and Kyler were both song writers for big time musicians in the Los Angeles area and—from what I’d heard—they were on the fast track to possibly winning some awards for their work. Finn had been playing the guitar since he was a young kid and his parents passed away in a car accident. That’s when he moved in with Kyler, and the two of them became inseparable. Writing was more of Finn’s thing but Kyler started writing with him and he turned out to be pretty good at it.

“Relax Emilyn, I’m not passing judgment on him… or Finn. I’m just saying that Kyler and I wouldn’t fit well. Besides, we fight all the time and he’s a total f*cktard to me!”

I put my hands in the air and giggled. “Well that f*cktard still has it bad for you. And speaking of Finn,” I hesitated. “What happened with him last night?”

“Nothing really, he just carried you out of the bar when you couldn’t hold yourself up, just held your hair back when you were puking, just put you in the car, and just carried your ass up here to your bed.”

She was obviously being sarcastic.

I put my head in my hands as I felt my headache behind my eyes. I couldn’t believe I’d been that drunk last night and Finn had acted as my savior. I had a feeling there was more to the story but I couldn’t remember and I just wanted to get up, get cleaned up and brush my teeth.

“I’m sorry I was such a shitty date Harper. I’m going to go take a shower and we can shop our little hearts out. I’ll even let you dress me in whatever you want tonight.”

“You weren’t horrible Em, you’ve been worse. And hell yes you’re going to let me dress you. If you had it your way, you’d show up in some little cardigan and tan pants with pleats down the front.”

“Ha ha, no I wouldn’t… I would wear black pants thank you very much,” I laughed, walking out of my bedroom and into the bathroom. I honestly wasn’t looking forward to tonight after my little debacle with Finn. I see him for the first time since he left that fateful night and I act like a boozed up floozy that can’t control her liquor. I had a sinking feeling in my stomach that I was in for a night with some eye opening exchanges between Finn and me.