Ever Enough

I walked into the studio that I’d been working in for the past six years and my head instantly felt clearer. This studio had become my home away from home. When Kyler and I first moved out here to Los Angeles we hit up to all the record companies, trying to sell the songs we’d written. We finally got our big break when the band ‘Down Glory Road’ heard a recording and paid for the rights to the song. They ended up listening to—and subsequently purchasing—some of our other material, and now they kept Kyler and I on a retainer. We wrote the majority of their stuff, and fine tuned the music. The band was a great group, the record company treated us like kings, and we’d since sold several of our songs to artists in all sorts of music genres. Things had really taken off for us. We had a good life; more money than we could ever want writing everything from love songs to heavy metal. I was recently was asked if I could come up with something reggae but declined! That’s where I draw the line. If you wanted reggae then you needed to go find Bob Marley.

But all the success, the women, and even our new house, it meant nothing without Emilyn. I realized a long time ago that she was the missing piece in my life. I had thought about going back to Mountain Home and begging her to take me back about eighteen months after I moved away, but I’d heard from Michael that she was in a serious relationship with someone. Despite knowing that she’d had such a hard time after I left, I was glad that she’d found someone who made her happy. I hadn’t deserved her. At least the other man was smart enough to find her and hold on. Admittedly, when I found out that they were getting married I went through some serious shit. I’d partied my ass off and drank myself into oblivion. I wrote a lot of our darker songs; which had worked out great because they’d ended up selling really well. But it turned out I’d been a pretty shitty roommate and Ky had to give me a few slaps on the face and a ‘coming to Jesus talk’. I had eventually pulled myself out of my slump, but I’d always thought of Em as the one that got away. I’d thought about getting in touch with her over the years, but I didn’t want to interfere or ruin anything that she may have had going. I didn’t even know that she would want to hear my explanation of why I had broken up with her that night. The time had come for me to try and move forward and get on with my life. So I did.

Women had pretty much been a constant fixture in my life since I moved to LA. None of them were ever any more than sex and a good time. I’d used them as much as they used me, but I never took things further with any of them because emotionally I was lifeless inside. I’d known only one girl who could open that side of me and I’d lost her. A year ago I met Valerie at a Down Glory Road CD release party. The record label CEO, Andre Campbell, introduced me to her. She was gorgeous and was being shot in one of their music videos. We connected and started seeing each other. We had a pretty simple relationship in that Val made most of the decisions and I went with the flow. She became a convenience for me. I realize that made me sound like an a*shole, but I knew I was using her as much as she was using me. She came with me to all the press release parties and mingled with the big wigs, and I had a companion to pass the time and relieve my sexual tension. I could take that girl any way I wanted and she complied. But we never had a deeper connection than that. Lately she’d been getting pretty clingy. Marriage had come up during a conversation a few days before the reunion, and it took me completely by surprise. I hadn’t even had a clue that she viewed our relationship like that. I’d only looked at one girl as ‘the one’ and it certainly wasn’t Val. She’d walked out that night but like always, she came back and we’d resumed our usual routine of sex, parties, and fake companionship. As long as she knew marriage was never going to be an option for us—as far as I was concerned—the charade could continue.

I sat down on a couch that was pushed up against a deep-red wall. Recording studios tended to be dark inside. Equipment and computers lined the walls and a glass window looked into a room with microphones, headphones, and some musical instruments. Kyler walked in with a Starbucks cup in one hand and skateboard in another. He was always riding on that thing, or his bike.

He sat down next to me on the couch. “What’s the plan for today?”

“DGR are coming in at ten to take a listen to that new song we wrote last week, and we have a meeting at noon with Andre. He has an up-and-coming artist he wants us to meet and possibly work with.” I grabbed the cup of coffee out of his hand.

“Cool.” He got a notebook out of his backpack to jot some things down. “So I found out something that might interest you.”

Taking a sip of the coffee I looked at him, urging him on. “Okay.”

“I emailed Harper this morning. I’m heading back home in a couple months for a week to do some house hunting and she’s going to be my realtor. Well, technically she doesn’t know she’s going to be my realtor yet, but I’m plan on taking her out to dinner and asking nicely.”

I grinned, “Yeah? You know how to do that?”

He frowned, “I will for her. It’s not always about getting in their pants.”

I laughed. “I’m not so sure what makes her so different, but look out for that one. She’s got some claws.”

“Eh, I can handle her.” He was still looking at me and I got the feeling there was more.

“Well, besides being happy for you for living closer to your parents, what part of the conversation would interest me?”

“She told me something about Em that you might want to know.”

Now he had my full attention. “What did she say?”

“Have you been talking to Em on the phone?”

“Not really. I’ve text her a few times and I’ve tried speaking to her but she’s always dodging my calls. Why? What’s the deal man? Quit beating around the f*cking bush and come out with it.” I was starting to get pissed.

“Harper said that Emilyn is back in town.”

“Why? Are her parents okay?” That was the only reason I could see her go back.

“I don’t know. She isn’t there because of her parents. She went back and is living with Harper.” I was so confused now. Kyler was grinning like an idiot. “Apparently when she went home early after the reunion, she caught West in bed with another woman, and they’re getting divorced.”

All the oxygen was sucked out of the room. Why the hell hadn’t she said anything to me? She’s so damn stubborn, she probably didn’t want me to worry about her. “Are you sure?”

“Yep, and now’s your chance dude. Maybe you should fly out there with me and go see her.”

“I need to try calling her again. I don’t know if flying out there is so wise though. Emilyn has always had her pride and me just showing up could just push her further away. We haven’t talked about how we left things the night of the reunion.” I ran a frustrated hand through my hair. Grabbing my cell I decided to text her. I wanted to see if I could get her to admit it to me first. My pulse was racing. I couldn’t even imagine what she must’ve been going through. After the shit I pulled on her, to then catch her husband cheating… I knew I needed to tread lightly.



F: Hey, how are you doing?



E: Great! Thanks for asking.



I let out a frustrated growl. Stubborn woman! I needed to change tactics. How could I get her to tell me what was going on?



F: Anything new going on? I still think we should talk instead of txts.



E: Nope. Nothing new. Sorry not a good time Finn. I’ll let u know when.



F: I’m getting impatient Em. Not going to wait 2 much longer.



E: Pls Finn not now. What’s new with you?



Oh sure, change the subject. She really was going to make this difficult.



F: Just work. Home. Work. Home. Chicago nice? Maybe I should plan a trip. We can meet up and u can introduce me to West.



E: NO! That’s not a good idea Finn. I told u I’ll tell u when I can talk. Listen I got 2 go. TTYL.



F*ck! She wasn’t going to give. I knew she’d always been a private person, but this was me. Why wouldn’t she just talk to me? But as much as I would go out of my mind not going home with Kyler, I knew I needed to stay home and not push her. He could always find out some stuff for me. Let the waiting game begin!





My first few days at Beans went smoothly. I’d thought about waiting to tell Rose that I was pregnant—I didn’t want to drop the news on her right after hiring me—but I also didn’t want to ask for time off for doctor’s appointments without her knowing why. My sense of honesty won out and I pulled Rose aside during my break on my first day. She was surprisingly supportive. She told me to let her know if I needed time off not only for doctor’s appointments, but also if I had any morning sickness or was too tired to work. I still didn’t know how I’d got so lucky finding such an understanding boss. My co-workers were also pretty great.

I was scheduled to see my doctor the next day to get my STD results, find out my due date, and to make sure that the baby was developing well. As the news of my pregnancy settled in, I couldn’t help but feel excited over the prospect of being a Mom. It was what I’d always wanted, and although it may not have happened in the manner that I’d dreamed, I was still having a baby and I loved it already. I’d convinced myself that with the help of Harper and my parents, this child would want for nothing. My parents were shocked for all of two seconds before my Dad hugged me and my Mom burst out in tears, squeezing me so tight that my Dad had to pry her off of me. I’ll admit I had been nervous about telling them the news. I’d felt like a pregnant teen telling her parents that she was knocked up by her high school boyfriend.

I had yet to call West and tell him the news. He obviously had a right to know, but I was nervous that he would want custody. After the way things ended, I didn’t feel like I knew him anymore and I couldn’t even guess what his reaction would be. What would I do if he wanted to get even with me by fighting for custody? I didn’t know what to expect, and this frightened me.

Harper and I were sitting at the dining room table eating spaghetti, when she brought up Finn. I’d thought about him quite a bit since I’d left West. He’d been calling me sporadically and we’d texted a few times. The other day he really pushed talking to me on the phone but I just couldn’t. I didn’t trust myself not to fall apart on the phone and blurt everything out. It wasn’t his problem to fix. Finn had his own life, and I saw no need to drag him into my drama.

“So, Kyler emailed me at work today. I guess he’s coming back to town in two months and wants to take me out to dinner to talk.”

She had my full attention. “What did you tell him?”

“I said sure. I don’t see any reason why we can’t go eat. But I swear if he mentions the night we had sex, I’m going to rack him in the nuts.” She said too casually twirling her noodles onto her fork.

“Does he know I’m living here?”

“No. I assumed you wanted to keep that on the down-low but it’s possible someone else in town could give him a heads up. But Emilyn you can’t keep all of this a secret forever.” Something didn’t seem quite right when she’d denied that Kyler knew about my breakup with Weston, but I couldn’t pinpoint it and so I decided to let it go.

I set my fork down and leaned back in my chair. “I know… I just don’t want everybody to know.”

“You don’t want everybody to know, or you don’t want Finn to know?” She cocked her eyebrow.

She had me and she knew it. There was no point wasting breath denying it. “Fine, I don’t want Finn to know. After the way I left things, I just think it’s best that everything that has happened stays in the past. I need to move on. Raising this baby and getting my life back on track are my main priorities. I just think it’s time I really let Finn go.”

Harper grabbed her wine glass and chugged what was left. She set it down and pointed her finger at me. “You are absolutely right! And if you don’t want me to tell Kyler, then I won’t.”

I smiled and thanked her, but felt a twinge of pain. Even when I thought I’d given up Finn, I realized that I actually hadn’t. Was I capable of letting him go? Maybe, maybe not, but I knew I needed to try.

“No I don’t want you to tell him. Kyler can come into town, you two can have dinner, and he doesn’t even need to see me. Do you know how long he’s planning on staying?”

“He said he was thinking about buying a house here so he can be closer to his parents. I suppose he’s planning on talking to about me being his realtor, but I have no idea how long that’s going to take.” She shrugged her shoulders like it wasn’t a big deal but it was a very big deal. If Kyler came back—even if it was only on a part time basis—Finn was sure to follow. Great! Just another stressor I didn’t need.

We sat in silence as we finished our dinner. While we did the dishes together we made some small talk, before Harper brought up another subject that I wasn’t prepared to deal with. “After your appointment tomorrow, have you considered contacting West to let him know what’s going on?”

My head was down while I scrubbed sauce off a plate. “I have, I just don’t know what I plan on saying to him. Do I talk about the court proceedings first, or do I just say it? Make it quick like ripping off a band aid? It’s been playing over and over in my head and I don’t see which way is best.”

Harper nodded her head in understanding while she pondered what I said. “I wish I had the answers hon. I guess we’ll cross that bridge tomorrow.”





The next morning I couldn’t help but feel nervous. I had a feeling that actually ‘seeing’ the baby would make everything real and I didn’t know how I would react to that. I was going to see the little person growing inside me. Despite my mixed emotions about the conversation Harper and I had last night at dinner, this morning was about me and my baby.

Harper was coming to my appointment with me for support, and all her excitement was rubbing off on me. We drove to Dr. Monroe’s office and checked in. When I was called back the nurse gave me a gown and put us in an examination room. Dr. Monroe was all smiles when he came in and greeted me. I introduced him to Harper and told him that she would more than likely be attending my appointments with me from now on. He made note of it in my record. I was relieved when he informed me that my STD tests had come back negative. That was one less thing to worry about. Then we went over a ton of questions about my family history, West’s family history, questions about my monthly cycle, my diet, things I could expect during the pregnancy and what my appointments would entail.

“Okay Emilyn, I think we are finally on to the fun stuff. Why don’t you lie back and I’m going to take some measurements and then we’ll do an ultrasound to see if we can find a heartbeat and estimate your due date.”

I could hardly contain my enthusiasm. Harper scooted her chair up to the bed and reached over to hold my hand. First Dr. Monroe put a tape measure on my stomach, and then warned me that he was going to put some cold jelly on me for the ultrasound. He wasn’t lying, it was really cold. But when he put the wand on my stomach I could see a little tiny sac and something moving inside. A few clicks here, and zoom there, and suddenly I could see it… my little baby. Of course it didn’t really look like a baby, and I couldn’t feel the movement inside me that I could clearly see on the screen, but it was there. Tears started flowing down my face and my smile was huge.

Harper blew out a huge breath of air, “Holy shit!”

“Harper!”

Dr. Monroe chuckled and said, “Its fine Emilyn. Pretty amazing isn’t it? No matter how many times I get to do this, this part never gets old.” He leaned over my stomach closer to Harper. “And holy shit is right.” I was shocked to hear the words out of his mouth. “When it was my wife and I in your seats, I believe I said something pretty similar.” We all laughed.

“So these right here,” he said pointing to different spots on the screen, “are the baby’s arms and legs. It’s still quite small so they are more nubs than hands with fingers. This here, is the baby’s spine, and this little fluttering, is the baby’s heartbeat. Let’s take a listen.”

The room filled with a whooshing sound. It sounded so fast but Dr Monroe assured me that it was normal. I was totally overwhelmed and full of excitement. I looked over at my best friend and she sat speechless, with tears streaming down her face. She looked at me and we both smiled. Doctor Monroe did the calculations and estimated that was around ten weeks pregnant, meaning I was due at the end of April. I loved the idea of having a spring time baby.

When my appointment was over, Harper and I went and grabbed some lunch before heading home. We talked about the baby and how cool it was to see it on the screen. We both seemed to be wrapped up in the excitement of it all when I got a text from West.



W: We need to talk



E: K, I can call now if it is a good time.



W: Calling you now.



Harper said she’d give me some privacy but I asked her to stay. When my cell phone rang my heart was racing. I had to tell West about the pregnancy and I had absolutely no idea how he was going to react. Maybe he would be overjoyed and realize this was something he really did want in his life. Not that I would’ve taken him back, but I didn’t know very many people that didn’t like children; especially their own. We didn’t have to be married to co-parent and raise a child successfully. This could totally work out!

“Hello?”

“Hello Emilyn.”

“Hi West, how are you doing?” My little pep talk had calmed me down.

“I’m fine, but the reason I’m calling is because I received a bill in the mail from a Dr. Monroe’s office. My lawyer said that you got a job, so I’d like to know why you aren’t using their insurance now instead of mine? I looked over the paperwork Emilyn, it says that any medical coverage now falls on you. So where would you like me to mail this bill?”

Okay, obviously I was wrong. This was not what I had expected when he said we needed to talk. Well, I’d actually had no idea what he’d want to talk about, but a bill wasn’t it. “Your lawyer was correct, I do have a job. But it isn’t enough to cover my medical expenses.” Harper tapped me on the shoulder and whispered that she wanted to hear the conversation too, so I hit speakerphone.

“I’m not going to support you forever Emilyn. Put yourself on their insurance.” He was getting worked up and I didn’t want him angry when I told him the news.

“I already have West, but the coverage isn’t enough to pay for my appointments. I just need a few months to stay under your plan and then you can remove me.” I was pleading with him but I had no other choice. My insurance wouldn’t cover very much of the pregnancy and I didn’t want to start off my life with a baby and a ton of debt.

“What on earth is going on with you that you need to stay on my plan?”

I paused and looked up at Harper. It was now or never. “West… I’m… I’m…”

“For f*ck sakes Em spit it out!”

“She’s trying to you little prick, but you interrupted her!” Harper shouted at him.

“Oh just f*cking great, you have the Harpy on the phone?” West was really pissed now, and I could see this just wasn’t going to play out the way that I’d hoped it would.

“Yes, I’m sorry West, she’s just trying to be supportive.”

“So then what’s going on? Are you sick or something?”

“I’m pregnant Weston.”

I heard not a single, solitary sound from the other end. I took a hold of Harpers hand, willing myself not to cry. I’d finally told him and he wasn’t saying anything. I was about to check and make sure that he was still on the line when he started laughing. Seriously? How was anything about this funny? I’d just told the man that he was going to be a father. Maybe I’d officially caused him to go off the deep end.

“So you managed to get knocked up, huh?” He was still laughing. “Well good for you Emilyn but that’s not a good enough reason for you to stay on my insurance.”

“What do you mean it isn’t a good enough reason? How in the hell do you expect me to pay for my medical bills West?” Now I’m the one that’s fuming mad!

“That’s someone else’s problem!”

Harper was now standing up, “Why in the hell is it someone else’s problem? It’s your f*cking kid!”

Silence.

I realized then that West hadn’t understood that the baby was his. He actually thought I’d gone and got myself pregnant after I left him. Hell, for all I know he might have assumed I got pregnant by another man before I even left! At that moment though, he wasn’t speaking and my anger was subsiding and hurt was creeping back in.

“Wait, how do you even know this is my kid Emilyn? You left over a month ago. How do I know this isn’t some other guy’s child and you’re trying to get me to pay for all of this?”

Uh oh, “You mother f*cking piece of swine shit. It is your kid. She’s not trying to get you to pay for anything that you aren’t responsible for!” There went Harper’s infamous temper.

He let out a frustrated growl. I could just see him sitting at his desk, running his hands through his hair. “Was this your way of trapping me? Get yourself knocked up and then you’d get more money out of me?” West was shouting through the phone and Harper was off in the corner ranting about how to remove testicles in the most painful way possible. However I may have fantasized he would react was not how it was actually playing out. West really didn’t want the baby. He actually thought I got pregnant on purpose for more money. I was going to be a single parent. I hadn’t felt this crushed when I left West that night. I hadn’t even felt this lonely over the past month being away from him. It was really going to be just me and my little munchkin. The weight of the situation was heavy and tears pooled in my eyes.

“No, of course I didn’t do this to trap you! How could you even think that?” My throat hurt from trying to swallow back my tears. I instinctively held a protective hand over my stomach.

“How long have you known?” His voice dropped an octave and I could tell he was trying to stay calm.

“I found out last week. I went for a check up, they ran some tests and told me that I was expecting”. I decided against the full explanation as to why I’d visited the doctor that day. It just wasn’t worth angering him further. “I was just as shocked as you are West.”

“Shocked? I’m more than shocked Emilyn! I told you that I didn’t want kids. We’re in the middle of a f*cking divorce! How in the hell do you propose we deal with this?”

“I’m not asking you for anything West. I just thought you might want to know that we are having a baby. I’ll take care of her, I just need to stay on your insurance for as long as possible and then I’ll need a little bit of help with the medical bills. But you don’t have to be a part of her life if you don’t want to.” God, it hurt to say that out loud. “I won’t force you to be involved… I just hoped you might want to.”

“Her? You know what it is?”

“No, I just… I guess I just have a feeling that it’s a girl.” I lovingly rubbed my stomach.

Harper walked back over to me and sat beside me on the couch, taking my other hand in hers. She spoke calmly… too calmly, “West, it’s Harper. Nothing is changing. You and Emilyn are still moving forward with the divorce. You will help her and this baby financially because it is your responsibility. She’s not asking you for anything else. Now, I suggest you make this as easy on her as you possibly can because she is pregnant and stress isn’t good for her, or the baby. If you upset her any more than you already have, so help me, your face will become intimate with my lucky softball bat, and you will learn exactly how I made the varsity team as a freshman.”

I seriously had the world’s best friend. Wiping away my tears I smiled at Harper and she held up her fist and we bumped knuckles. West started to tell Harper that it was against the law to threaten someone, but I knew he was scared of her. Shit I was scared of her, and she wasn’t even threatening me.

“How are we going to work around this Emilyn?” West asked.

“Honestly… I don’t know. It’s still so new. I’ve barely wrapped my head around it.”

“When are you due?”

“At the end of April.”

He was quiet for another minute. “Alright, I’ll see what I can do to keep you on my insurance for the time being. I think it would be wise for both of us to speak to our lawyers so we can lay out exactly what we want with this new development.”

“Sounds fair, I guess.” I couldn’t expect anything more from him. I wasn’t happy that he’d accused me of sleeping around right after leaving him, but I knew the truth. At least now he knew he could take some time to get used to the idea.

“Look, I have a meeting I need to go to. I’ll talk to you later.”

I quietly answered okay, and we hung up. I looked over to Harper. “Well that went well.” I said, shrugging my shoulders and gave her a small smile.

“I can’t believe that bastard thought it was someone else’s. He may not have any tact sleeping around, but that’s not something you’ve ever done!”

“It doesn’t matter Harper, let it go. He needs some time to get used to the idea that he’s going to be a father.”

“Em, do you really think he’s going to want anything to do with the baby? You heard how he reacted.”

I was exhausted and I just wanted to take a nap. “I really don’t know. I’m just relieved I told him and I can start to enjoy this pregnancy. I’m still scared he may want to take my baby away just to hurt me or use her as some sort of financial pawn.”

Harper jumped, “No f*cking way Em! That’s never going to happen. If he even tries, he will lose that battle. Don’t even think about that.”

“You don’t understand. I have to. West hasn’t been the same person he used to be for a very long time. He’ll do anything he can to get ahead. Hell he even used me to do it. I can’t not think about the possibility...” My eyes were tearing up again. I shook my head, and wiped my finger under my eyes. I stood up. “I don’t think I can talk about this anymore right now. I’m really tired. I think I’m going to go lay down for a bit. Can you wake me when it gets close to dinner time?”

Harper wrapped her arms around me, bringing her hand up to smooth down my hair. “Sure hon.”

I could see the worry etched on her face. She knew the reality of West being a vindictive person to get what he wanted in life, but she was going to be my rock and I was glad for that. I could—and would—survive this because of the people I had in my corner to support me. I needed to clear my head and calm my nerves. Harper was right. Stress wasn’t good for the baby and I had been under a lot of it lately. No matter how the baby issue with West played out, the divorce would still happen. I didn’t want him anymore—not that he’d ever even wanted me—and that would be a done deal soon enough. My ‘problem’ with Finn was festering in the back of my mind, but for now it would need to stay there.

But damn it was hard to forget about that kiss. That toe curling, melt the socks off you, passionate kiss that I swear I still felt on my lips. He may have said that he missed me—and his mouth may have seconded that notion—but I couldn’t ignore how broken I’d been when he left. The shattered pieces of my heart had never mended because I wasn’t enough for him. Those were the thoughts bouncing around in my head as I lay down for my nap; the very same thoughts that would now take a back seat while I focused on my new priorities. I no longer had the luxury of self-indulgence because I had a brand new human being that was relying on me to give it everything. I may have failed in my relationships, but I was determined to be the best Mother to my child that I could; the Mother that she deserved.





Two more appointments followed the first. One for some blood work, and another just to check my progress and make sure the baby was growing properly. I’d had no further contact with West since that one phone call. I’d come to the decision that whatever was going to happen would be out of my control, and if West wanted to be implacable then I would just deal with it. All I could do was live in the ‘now’.

Speaking of which, I was now at a point where my pre-pregnancy clothes no longer fit. I had grown a small little baby bump that was visible to the rest of the world. People at work noticed and were all supportive, and they loved to rub my tummy. At first I’d thought it was weird that people were touching me, but I’d gradually grown accustomed to it. Generally speaking, people loved baby bellies. Their hands would automatically reach out of their own accord and give my belly a little rub—some speaking to the baby as if it could hear them—and then go about their day. This became part of my new routine. I worked four days a week, and the other three days I stayed at home and cleaned, shopped, or stopped by my Dad’s office to help out with any extra little errands that needed doing. He was worried about me overdoing it and exhausting myself, but frankly I loved being busy. It made me feel like I had a purpose. I didn’t want to sit around and ‘rest’. Resting allowed for too much thinking time, and thinking was something I didn’t feel like doing.

It was a Wednesday afternoon when everything changed. It had started out as a normal day. I’d gone to work, done my usual six hours, and come home to do some laundry and start dinner. Harper called me as soon as I walked in the door and set my keys down.

“Hey, what’s up?” I said picking up a pair of shoes that had been left in the middle of the floor. I forgot all about them when she spoke.

“Don’t panic okay? I just got a phone call from Kyler, and apparently he’s in town for the next couple of days. I wasn’t expecting him until next week. I’m going to show him some places today and go to dinner tonight.” She was right, I was panicking.

“You’re not coming by here are you?” My breathing coming out in short bursts.

“No, don’t worry about that. I figured we could stop by that new Mexican place in town and then I’d drop him back at his parent’s house. Besides, can’t let the bastard think he is going to get laid.” She laughed, probably to try and calm my nerves.

I sat down on the couch, and hugged my growing mid-section. “He can’t find out Harper. I don’t want him running back to Finn, and telling him about this.”

“Sweetie, it’s okay. I’ll keep him away from the house.”

“Promise?”

“Of course I promise! Now don’t get yourself worked up. I’ll be home this evening. Why don’t you order a pizza or something and kick back until I get in.”

“Yeah, that sounds good.” I started to relax. “Text me if you’re going to be in late.”

“I won’t be, but okay.”

We said our goodbyes and I sat on the couch with my face in my hands, the pair of shoes from earlier on the floor beside me. I knew that this wasn’t something I could keep from Kyler and Finn forever, and at this point I wasn’t hoping for much beyond getting through the pregnancy and coming out on the other end with a happy and healthy baby. Once again I was faced with a situation that was out of my control. Harper knew what she had to do in order to keep Kyler from seeing me and I trusted that she would keep her word. I could only control my own actions so for tonight I would sit, relax, and watch one of my favorite movies. Harper was right about something else too… pizza did sound good.

For the next few hours I went about my plans as usual. I did some laundry and vacuumed the floors. I found it odd that the simplest and most mundane of household tasks gave me such pleasure. When I lived with West, we had a housekeeper. He didn’t like me doing the job that could pay someone else to do. No wonder I was always bored. When the house was cleaned, I changed in to an overly large pair of gray sweats and a white camisole and ordered an extra large supreme pizza. I found ‘The Notebook’, popped it in and let it run through the opening credits while I went to the bathroom and put my hair up in a messy ponytail. As I was walking back into the living room the door bell rang. I grabbed my wallet and pulled out a twenty dollar bill. I was starving and ready to gorge myself on wonderfully greasy, boxed food. But when I opened the door I wasn’t greeted by a teenage delivery boy. Instead Kyler was standing in front of me dressed in a pair of rugged jeans, a blue Henley and holding a bouquet of daisies—Harper’s favorite flowers. He was smiling and was about to say hi when his eyes wandered down to my visibly pregnant belly. He was as still and as I was and both of us were unable to speak.

He finally moved, and started to walk into the house towards me. I backed up, giving my head a slight shake back and forth. I was confused as to why he was even there, because he was supposed to be with Harper. How could she ask him to come over to the house knowing that I was here? When I’d backed all the way up into the living room, Kyler spoke.

“What the hell is going on Emilyn?” He rarely ever used my full name when talking to me so I knew he was shocked, and likely didn’t know how to process what he saw.

“I-I thought…” I cleared my throat. “I thought you and Harper were going out to eat?” I knew changing the subject wouldn’t do a damn bit of good but I tried anyway. Kyler’s face had a hard edge to it as he looked from my face to my stomach.

“Huh uh Em, no diverting me like you’ve been avoiding Finn for the past two months.” He was still holding the bouquet as he used it to point at my mid-section. “Is this why you’ve been avoiding him?”

Tears pricked my eyes. “I haven’t been avoiding him. I’ve just been trying to deal with things on my own.”

He set the flowers down on the sofa table behind the couch. After pacing back and forth for a short while, Kyler stilled in front of me and pointed to the couch. “Sit.” A one word command that I obeyed, simply because I didn’t know what else to do with myself. He continued to pace, running his hands through his already unruly hair. He stopped in front of me with an angry look on his face. “I’m assuming that the baby is West’s?”

Jesus! What was it with people assuming it could be anybody else’s? It’s not like he knew that West and I were getting a divorce, so what kind of question was that?

Unless…

I was going to f*cking kill her!

Now it was my turn to be pissed off. “Harper told you, didn’t she?”

“Told me what?”

“Oh cut the crap Ky! She told you about me and West didn’t she?”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Bullshit!” I got up and started pacing in the same tracks that he just walked. “You better tell me right now Kyler Lewis, or so help me I will hurt you!”

That must have amused him because he was clearly trying not to laugh. He had a stupid look on his face that I just wanted to slap right off of him. “What? You don’t think I can?”

“Oh come on Shorty. You’re barely bigger than a five year old, and you’re pregnant. You think you can hurt me?” His shoulders shook with the laughter he was still trying to contain.

“You know what, if I wasn’t so pissed off at Harper, I’d tell her to hurt you, since you think I can’t.”

With that, his face went from trying not to crack a smile, to frowning. “That’s not funny Em. Don’t even joke about that shit.”

“Yeah well lucky for you, I don’t even know if I can talk to her right now.” It should have been funny to see Ky shaking in his boots from the idea of Harper getting her hands on him, but I was too upset to care. She was my best friend and she betrayed me. I had to find out what the hell was going on. I needed to know why she told Kyler about my divorce, and why he was here at the house after we agreed she wouldn’t let him come over. Picking up my cell, I dialed her number.

“What are you doing? Are you calling Harper?” He was scared.

I put my finger to my lips to shush him. She answered, “Hey Em! Enjoying your night alone?”

“I can’t believe you told Kyler about me and West! Seriously Harper?”

“What are you talking about?”

“Oh my god! Would everybody quit lying to me?” My frustration levels hit a new high.

“Okay, I may have told Kyler about the divorce, but I can explain. I promise I’ll tell you all about it when I get home. He is supposed to come and pick me up in a few minutes and I have a contract I have to fax before I leave. But I promise he has no idea about the pregnancy.” I could hear in her voice that she wanted to talk to me about it.

“Don’t worry about it. He already knows.”

“What do you mean he already knows? Wait…how did you know he knew about the divorce?” Her curiosity emanated through the phone.

I glared over at a very silent Kyler sitting on the couch, cupping his balls as if Harper could come through the phone and kick him. “Kyler is here right now Harper. He is sitting on the couch about to divulge everything he knows.” He had his cell phone in his other hand, and I quietly worried if he was texting Finn about what was going on. He glanced up at me with a stern expression.

Talking more to herself than to me, Harper ranted, “Stupid bastard… never listens to instructions. I’m on my way home. I’ll be there in fifteen minutes, and I promise I will explain everything! Just don’t be mad at me!” I sensed that she wanted to stay on the phone to plead with me, but I needed to hang up the phone and deal with Kyler before she got back.

“We’ll be here.”

I hung up and took a seat on the couch. I set my phone down on the coffee table and leaned back, unconsciously putting my hand on my stomach. Ky sat and watched me. Sitting back up I met his eyes and decided it was best I told him everything.

“Alright, listen. Clearly Harper told you I’m in the middle of a divorce. I went home after the reunion and I found West in bed with our interior decorator. I came back home and was served with divorce papers not long after I left Chicago. I went to get tested since I had no clue where that bitch--or West for that matter—had been.” Kyler was listening intently and I felt the sadness creeping back in. “Low and behold…” I looked down at my baby bump.

Kyler leaned forward, placing his elbows on his knees. “This is a whole lotta f*cked up Em.” He turned his head away facing the rest of the living room. “How did West take the news? Is he taking care of you?”

A tear rolled down my cheek and I wiped it away. “He didn’t take it so well. He told me before I left that he didn’t love me and he’d never wanted to have kids with me. Naturally, he believes I did this on purpose to get more from him.” More tears fell. “But I don’t want anything from him. I’m just scared he’s going to try to take my baby away from me.”

His head shot my way, “Not going to happen. I’m not going to let that douchebag take anything, and neither will Finn.”

“No! Oh god… please don’t tell him about this Ky? Please, I’m begging you!”

He exhaled loudly. “Finn already knows about the divorce Em.” Of course he would. If Harper told Kyler, then obviously he would’ve told Finn. God, what a mess! “And I can’t keep this from him. He’s my best friend and he’d want to know. I get that you want to do this on your own, but I think he deserves to know.”

I was exasperated. “What do you mean he deserves to know? He doesn’t deserve to know anything!”

“He still cares about you. You know that right?”

“Listen, I know Finn probably feels guilty for leaving me the way he did and—in some sort of messed up way—he did try to make it up to me at the reunion. He should never have kissed me, but it’s done and I can’t change that. But this is my life and my problem Ky. Finn stopped deserving to know things a long time ago.”

He shook his head at me. “You don’t get it do you Em? Yes, I’m sure he still feels guilty about how things ended between you two, but guilt wasn’t what fueled him to do what he did at the reunion. He misses you. I’ve been living with that bastard for over ten years now and I can tell you he’s been miserable to be around. I think he knows it’s you that’s missing from his life.”

My slightly weepy eyes were quickly becoming full on water works. “Can I tell you something?”

“Always.” He reached over and grabbed my hand.

“I never loved Weston like I did Finn. I think that was a once in a lifetime feeling, you know?” I was looking down at our joined hands.

“I know hon.”

The front door opened and shut and I heard Harper setting her keys on the entry table. “Emilyn?”

“In here!” I yelled back.

She came walking in and a distraught look on her face. Her eyes told me how sorry she was. I stood up from the couch and walked over to her for a hug. “I’m so sorry Em. I didn’t mean to tell your secret. I just wanted to help you.” She was saying into my ear.

I desperately wanted to be mad at her, but the hugging, the look she’d given me when she walked in the door, and the conversation I’d just had with Ky, meant I couldn’t. Harper was my support. She was my best friend and had been my rock through this mess. And mostly, I knew why she’d told Kyler.

I pulled back slightly, “I know. And it’s okay, I forgive you. I guess I couldn’t have kept it all secret forever.” I sniffled, and released her with a small smile.

She smiled back at me then seemed to remember there was someone else in the room. Turning and facing Ky, she pointed her finger at him and her face was livid. “You!”

Kyler’s eyes got wide. “Me?”

“You little bastard, I told you to meet me at the office. What the f*ck are you doing here?” She slowly advanced toward him.

“Now, take it easy Harper, I was just bringing you flowers. I must have forgotten you wanted to meet somewhere else.” He gulped loudly and got up from the couch, only to move gingerly around to the other side of it.

“You forgot?” She laughed like a crazy woman. “You forgot!?” Now up against the front of the couch directly in front of Kyler, all it would take was one quick leap and she’d be on the other side.

I thought about stepping in, but I was ashamed to admit that I found the whole thing entertaining. It reminded me of high school. I snapped out of my daydream when I heard Kyler scream like a girl. “Owwww! Damn it Harper!” She had a hold of his nipples, and it was apparent that she’d given them a really good twist.

“Why do you never listen to me? I was very specific Mr. Lewis. Are you fond of your nipples?” She gave a little more twist.

He whimpered, “Oh Jesus, yes I like them very much.” He was almost on his knees in front of her.

“Harper, let him go. He was just trying to be nice.” I laughed as I said the words. Poor Ky, the nipple pinching looked so painful it made my own hurt.

“Yeah, I was just trying to be nice.” He stammered out. “See, your flowers are over there.” He pointed to the table beside her.

“Fine.” She released him and reached for the bouquet. “These are really pretty. Thank you.”

He knelt on the floor, rubbing his chest trying to relieve the tenderness, but I was sure they wouldn’t feel better for a while. He glared up at her. “Are you bipolar?”

She looked at him confused. “No, why?”

I laughed and Kyler just shook his head, standing back up.

That’s when I realized my pizza still wasn’t there. “When the hell is that delivery boy going to get here? I’m hungry!”

Harper had gone in to the kitchen to get a vase for her flowers and walked back in to the living room holding the pizza box. “Hmmm…wonder if the kid heard the screaming, little girly man over here did,” she was pointed her thumb over to Ky. “This was sitting on the front porch. Awesome, we didn’t even have to pay for it.” She shrugged her shoulders. Kyler mumbled something under his breath about her being psychotic. “Why don’t we just eat here? I can pull up the listings from my computer, and we’ll make a list of the ones you want to see tomorrow.”

“Pizza does sound good.” He came and sat on the couch.

I went into the kitchen to grab some napkins and plates and before sitting down to eat. I handed Harper the phone and picked up the box.

“What’s the phone for?” Her face confused.

“So you can order you two some pizza. This bitch is mine and I’m not sharing.” And with that, I took a big bite out of a slice.





I was fast asleep with music suddenly started playing next to my head. Why the hell was Barbie Girl playing on my phone? I looked at my clock and picked up my phone. It was one in the morning. My screen said it was Kyler calling. Rolling over on my back and answered. “Did you change my ringtone before you left?”

He started laughing hysterically on the other end. “Oh man, I forgot about that. Some funny shit right there!”

“Yeah real funny.” I grunted into the phone. “Why are you calling me? Did you forget what time it was?” If he was drunk dialing me, I was throwing him out.

“I’m calling because I just got home from Harper and Em’s house.”

Now wide awake, he had my full attention. I turned on the bedside light and sat up against the headboard. “How is she? Does she look okay?” Not that I wanted my best friend checking her out but I needed to know how she was.

“Well that’s what I’m calling about, man. I think you need to fly out here as soon as you can.”

Now he had me concerned. “Quit being a f*cking girl and beating around the bush. What’s going on?”

“Listen, I really don’t think it’s something that I should tell you over the phone, plus she begged me to not say anything. Just do yourself a favor and get on the next flight out here. She needs you right now whether she wants to admit it or not.”

“Does this have anything to do with why she’s been avoiding me?” I got out of bed and pulled on a pair of jeans that were lying on the floor. I grabbed a suitcase out of the closet and threw random shit in it. I felt nervous. Was she sick? Had she spiraled back to the same place she’d been in after I’d left her?

“Yeah, it is. Look man, I’m not going to tell you anything else. I’m sorry for being so tight lipped, but I don’t want to betray her, and I really enjoy my nipples. Just come and see her for yourself.” He was really trying to be a good friend but was clearly torn in his loyalty. I wasn’t even going to ask about his nipples.

“I’m packing right now.” I went into the bathroom to grab my toiletry bag. “I’ll see you in a few hours.”

“Do you need me to pick you up at the airport?”

“Nah. I’ll get a rental.”

We hung up and I finished packing my bag. I didn’t know what the hell was going on but I guessed I was about to find out. Emilyn had been putting me off for a couple of months now and I would finally get a chance to talk to her. Well, that’s if she let me talk to her. Would I even give her the opportunity to walk away? It’s not like she was with her husband anymore. I could understand her needing time to get passed something like a divorce, but Kyler said she needed me, even if she didn’t know it yet. What the hell was that supposed to mean?

So many different scenarios ran through my head as I made my way to the airport; ranging from the sublime to the ridiculous. What Emilyn obviously hadn’t realized was, no matter what was going on, I was here for her. Nothing could make me walk away again. I was hers. And it was time that I started to show her that.