Ever Enough

Two months later…



“Guys thanks so much for coming out here tonight. Not that listening to the ocean waves ever gets old… it can just get a little lonely sometimes.”

I’d invited Reece and Grant over for a cookout. Over the past couple of months, I’d become friends with Reece. It turned out that he was a single father and the waiter at the café—Grant—was his son. They were both so kind to me. If I ever needed anything, one or both of them would come help me out. I had no doubt it was fate that I met these two. Their company filled some of the many hours that I was alone in this house.

During my first two weeks here, I’d considered getting a part time job just to keep me busy. But I quickly squashed that because that hadn’t been the purpose of me leaving everything behind. I wanted to know what it was like to be on my own and live my life for myself and nobody else. I knew that most would think that would include working, but I needed to force the quiet on myself. I needed to teach myself that I was okay alone, that to do things because I wanted to do them, and not because it was expected of me. I cooked meals that I wanted to eat, cleaned the house when I wanted, read books on my own schedule and I didn’t have to work around whenever other people. It felt very freeing, but deep in my soul I missed taking care of someone. I’d learned quite a bit about myself already. For one thing, I’m definitely a people person. I enjoy cooking for others and I missed looking forward to someone coming home. And those little annoying messes? Well, they were still annoying, but it pleased me to take care of them.

Sitting back in my chair on the patio, it creaked as I relaxed.

Reece smiled at me. “Oh you don’t have to thank us. You’re one of the best cooks we have around here. Maybe you should open your own place?”

Grant rubbed his belly, as if the six-pack I’d seen out on the beach earlier today was protruding.

“No kidding. That was the best steak I’d ever eaten. You could put any man to shame on a grill.”

We all laughed. Making more small talk, the boys started to get up and make their way to the door. Hugging both of them, they got in their car and left while I stood there watching them. Back in the kitchen, I went to the refrigerator and pulled out the single cupcake I’d bought earlier at the store. I didn’t tell Reece and Grant that the reason I’d invited them over was because it was my birthday. I had officially turned thirty. Grabbing a lighter, I sat at the table and lit the solitary candle. Then I closed my eyes and made a wish. I wished for the very first thing that popped into my head…

Finn.

I missed him. The amount of times I’d thought of him while living here could have filled the ocean behind my house. I wanted to know how he was, what he was doing. I wondered if he’d moved on? Did he hate me for leaving? There had been many nights when I’d cried myself to sleep because I longed to be with him. Not that I regretted a single second of my time out here living on this beach. I had let the ocean water wash away the pain of losing my child, and love that was no longer. The truth was that what Finn and I’d had died a long time ago. When he lied to me it sealed our fate and that any chance of us being together was more than dead—it was buried. But I’d also made peace with him. In doing so, I began to love him in a new, deeper way than I had ten years ago.

What helped me wake up every morning was the rising of the sun. It reminded me that each day was a new chance to start over. Opening my eyes I blew out my candle. I was about to take a bite out of my cupcake when someone knocked on the front door. I looked around thinking maybe Reece or Grant had left something, but I couldn’t see anything belonging to them. Another knock came at the door.

“I’m coming!” I said loudly.

When I pulled the door open I wasn’t expecting the person I found on the other side.

“Bitch, you better not be answering the door while you’re coming. That’s something you don’t share with others.” She smiled widely at me.

“Oh my god Harper!” I pushed the screen door open and flung myself at her.

We hugged and held each other tightly. I cried and sobbed, and she did the same.

“What are you doing here?” I said sniffling and pulling back to look at her.

“You didn’t actually think I was going to let you spend your birthday alone did you?”

I cried a bit more, hugging her again. “I’ve missed you so much! Oh god, I’m being rude. Come in!”

I let her go and we both walked inside.

“Wow, look at this place. No wonder you haven’t come home!”

I smiled at her. “Yeah, it’s pretty nice. You want to sit down?”

“I do, but only if you quit being so formal with me.”

“Done.”

She smirked. “Are you going to offer me anything to drink?”

“Get it yourself, kitchens behind you.”

Harper burst out laughing. She got up and grabbed a glass of water and came to sit back down.

“So, how’s my birthday girl?”

“Good. I went for a jog this morning down the beach, read a book earlier, and just had a cookout with some friends.” I replied.

“Any of these friends male?”

“As a matter of fact both of them are, but it isn’t like that at all.”

She raised her eyebrow. “Em, have I taught you nothing? If they have a penis and they are good to you it is more than certainly like that.”

I shook my head grinning. “Not unless one other is old enough to be your Dad, and the other is his son.”

Her face dropped. “Who in the hell have you been hanging out with Em?”

This made me giggle. “They’re good people. Reece owns the house, and Grant is his son.”

She nodded.

“So how are you?” I asked her.

“Pretty good. Business is booming right now since summer is around the corner. Everybody wants to sell their house.”

“That’s great! But what about Ky? Are you able to spend any time with him?”

“Ky’s been distracted with work and he’s been flying back and forth a lot. Even when he’s actually in Idaho, I don’t get to see him much.” She said.

I was confused. “Why is he flying back and forth?”

She looked down at her hands. “That’s part of the reason I came out here Em. Finn’s selling the house. He moved back to California.”

My stomach sank. “I guess that’s a good thing.” I shrugged my shoulders. “It’s not like I could expect him to stay in that little town waiting for me for figure my shit out. He has a life to live too.”

I put on a brave face but deep down I was hurt. If he had moved back to California, did that mean he’d given up on me? I was being selfish. I didn’t want him to wait for me, but I didn’t want him to move on either.

“He’s miserable Em. He’s been miserable since the day you left, and we tried everything to get him to snap out of it. Ky figured that not being in that house and some California sun might cheer him up. The guy even grew a beard and he started to smell funky.” She made a face. “Anyway, he left town a few weeks ago and asked me to list the house.”

“Does he seem to be doing better in California?” I felt terrible for hoping he wasn’t.

“Other than finally showering everyday, Ky said he’s about the same.”

My eyes welled up with tears.

“It’s my fault.”

“No, it isn’t. You had to take care of yourself before you could take care of anyone else.”

“I can’t stand the idea of him being miserable Harper.” The first of my tears hit my cheeks.

“What about you? Are you miserable?”

I had to think about that. Everything that I’d wanted to learn living on my own had happened, but when she asked me like that, I realized I was miserable. I missed Finn so much that I could hardly think of anything else during the day.

“Yes.” I sobbed.

She came over and put her hand on my back, rubbing it back and forth.

“Then go to him Em. Why are you sitting here in this beautiful beach house, unable to really enjoy it because the love of your life is clear across the country?”

“You are such a closet romantic Harper.”

“Don’t tell anyone. It’ll ruin my reputation.” We sat there for a moment in silence. “Well…”

“Well what?” I was wiping my eyes.

“What are you waiting for? Go pack a bag and get the hell out of here. Lover boy will probably keel over when he sees you!”

“But you just got here.”

“Pshh… I’m going to stay here if you don’t mind. I could take a couple of vacation days. Besides, if your pale ass can get a tan like that, I’m not going anywhere!”

“Wait! What if he doesn’t want to see me anymore? I don’t know if I could stomach it if he slammed the door in my face.” Just thinking about it made me want to be sick.

“Em, the guy loves you. He’s going to be so happy to see you that I wouldn’t be surprised if he strips you naked right then and there.”

Maybe she was right? I had to take a chance. It was Finn. And even if he loved me only a fraction of what he used to, I’d take it. I laughed and hugged her again. Kissing her on the cheek I jumped up and headed to my room yelling down the hall at her.

“You are seriously the greatest friend anybody could ask for.”

“I know!” she yelled back.





Belch!

I burped and Ky started waving his hand in front of his face.

“Oh my god that stinks. What did you eat, a baby diaper?”

I would have normally laughed but I couldn’t. “I’m a guy, you live with me… get over it.”

“Listen douchebag, you’re going to have to snap out of this…” He waved his hands in the air, “well whatever it is, soon because it’s getting old fast. Maybe we should have a party here or something. I could get a keg and invite a bunch of girls over.”

I really didn’t want a party. It wasn’t like we were still college kids, but maybe he was right. Being around people might help me get my mind off of the girl that walked away from me. I’d put everything off, including work. If I didn’t get my shit together soon, the record label would release me from my contract. The songs I’d been writing were terrible.

“Fine. But give me an hour to get ready, would ya?” I said getting up from the couch.

“No problem. I’m going to run into town and get the keg.”

“Hey wait a second! What about Harper? Won’t she be pissed at you for inviting chicks over?”

He turned, his eyes looking a bit lost.

“Yeah, about that… I’m not sure that’s going to work out. She’s too busy with work.”

I looked at him a second longer. “Sorry man. You two seemed good together.”

He shrugged, turned and walked out; essentially ending our conversation. Not that guys sit around talking about their emotions, but Kyler was my best friend and it didn’t take a genius to figure out that he was madly in love with Harper. She’d always had commitment issues, but hopefully she hadn’t royally f*cked this one up.

I ended up taking a long hot shower, my muscles relaxing under the water. Em had been gone for a few months now and I still didn’t know what to do with myself. When she came back into my life, it had just confirmed that she was the only woman I’d ever love. I knew that there were a lot of people out there who were capable of loving more than one person, but I also knew that I wasn’t one of them. I was either going to be with her, or I’d be alone forever. A depressing thought considering I didn’t even know where she was.

I’d begged Harper and Em’s parents to tell me where I could find her but none of them would budge. I’d even hoped that Harper might spill the beans to Ky, but she was too smart for that. My best friend would crack with very little pressure and a bucket of KFC and being well aware of this fact, Harper had chosen to keep him out of the loop as well as me.

Getting out of the shower, I stood in front of the mirror and smeared on the shaving cream. I had grown a beard but ended up shaving it off after a month. Ky was scared I was harboring bugs in there and he refused to let me in the house unless I got rid of it. He’s such a p-ssy. One small spider and he was on top of the kitchen table.

Shaved clean and a towel still around my hips, I walked back to my bedroom. The doorbell rang before I had a chance to put my shirt on. I got my wallet off the side table in the living room and headed for the door. I didn’t think Ky had ordered the keg just yet, but there was always the chance it could be some overzealous delivery boy, hoping for a bigger tip.

When I opened the door, my mind went blank. I couldn’t understand why my eyes were seeing Em standing in front of me. I reached up and rubbed my eyes. Nope, still there. What the hell? I wasn’t even drunk yet.

“Hi Finn.” She spoke so softly, and her voice was sweeter than in my dreams.

Jesus, she really was here. But why? Did it even matter why? She looked like a blonde goddess. Her hair had grown even longer, and the blonde waves cascaded over her shoulder. Her skin was golden and the darker tone made her eyes appear a brilliant blue. Even so she still looked like my Tiny Girl. I realized that she was still standing there in front of me and I had yet to say a single word to her. Talk to her you a*shole.

“Emilyn,” My voice came out shocked. “What are you doing here?”

She didn’t answer me right away. Her eyes traveled the length of my body and back up again. She seemed to be thinking something over and then she gulped.

“Ask me again.” she whispered.

I was confused. Ask her what again?

“What?”

She took a deep breath and repeated herself. “The question you asked me before I left… ask me again.”

I searched through my fogged brain and then it hit me. I’d proposed to her. She’d said no, so why would she want me to ask… oh my god.

Her eyes lit up, sparkling as she saw the realization on my face. She smiled at me and gave me a slight head nod.

I stepped forward and took a hold of her waist, bringing her body flush with mine. Brushing her hair back from her shoulder I cleared my throat.

“Marry me Em? I’m a worthless man without you in my life. I love you, so marry me.”

Her smile got even wider and I saw her pulse thrum in her throat. “Oh thank god. I was worried you were going to close the door in my face.”

“Em.” I kissed the tip of her nose.

“Hmmm?”

“Are you going to answer me?”

“Oh shit, I’m sorry! I totally forgot with my nerves and all. Yes! Yes! Yes! Of course I’ll marry you Finn!”

I picked her up and swung her around, her feet dangling behind her. She giggled.

“Pinch me because this has got to be a dream! Where have you been the past two months?”

She nipped at my ear and it turned me on.

“Florida.”

“Well that explains the tan. But why Florida?”

“Because it’s warm.”

“Is that the only reason?”

“Yep, pretty much!” She said laughing. I chuckled and reveled in the sound.

Then she murmured, “Can we talk later? I need you… like now!”

More than happy to oblige, I wrapped her legs around my waist and carried my Tiny Girl—my fiancée—inside and took her to bed.





One year later…



Finn moaned in my ear as he pushed inside of me. Sweet Jesus I was never going to get over this delicious feeling. I ground my ass back against him. He reached forward and splayed his hand on my stomach, while the other one went a little further and began flicking across my *.

“Oh god… that’s the ticket.”

He chuckled. I was in front of him on my hands and knees about to collapse in a fit of convulsions.

“Serious, your ass looks great from this angle.”

I rolled my eyes. “Shut up and keep f*cking me.”

He laughed and began moving even faster. I was building higher and higher, and when he suddenly did a little extra upward thrust. I was done for. My orgasm hit me so fast and so hard that I gripped on to the bed sheets and screamed into my pillow. He continued to slam into the back of me, still working my bundle of nerves. It was almost too much. I knew he was close because he began to shutter and his strokes became more irregular. He groaned deeply and I was lost to him again.

Finn carefully pulled me to the side and lay behind me. We had thrown all of the covers off the bed earlier because I was too hot. I was always too hot. Being almost nine months pregnant and as big as a house will do that to a woman. Seriously, the sweating made me cranky. I was going to beg my husband to install a second air conditioner so I could keep the house at sub-freezing temperatures. Poor guy. He had to wear sweaters in the middle of the summer when he was home. He swore he didn’t mind though.

“You’re going to be the death of me woman.” He mumbled behind me.

I giggled. “Whatever, you love it!” My hormones made me insanely horny all of the time. I’d barely been awake this morning when I’d rolled over and starting giving Finn a blowjob. He had been sleeping but when he woke he was definitely ready to satisfy my needs.

“Yeah, I’ll love it until you break my poor member, then what are you going to do?”

“Find that vibrator you took from me.” I said in all seriousness.

He kissed my shoulder. “What am I going to do with you Tiny Girl?”

“Love me.”

“Obviously.” He kissed me again.

“Can you just imagine what it’s going to be like if our daughter is just like me?”

He went as still as a statue and my shoulders started to shake from laughter.

“That’s not funny. No guy is going to be good enough for my Allie girl.” He was serious. “Now would you like some breakfast before Harper comes over?”

“Oh yes! Can you make me some bacon and eggs. Oh and some pancakes. And could you add some chocolate chips?” He got up and started to move slowly towards the bedroom door. “And maybe a bowl of fruit? The baby seems to really be craving strawberries.”

“Uh huh… the baby.” He grinned and walked out the door.

I lay in bed a little while longer thinking about my life. I didn’t think I could be any happier if I tried. Finn and I had married a month after I’d flown to California. I never expected him to propose to me again. I’d put the poor man through the wringer. I suspected that very few men would have dealt with the crap that put Finn through, but that just showed me how much he really did love me. He’d never stopped loving me, and I couldn’t imagine loving anybody else. He was the one true great love of my life and my best friend. Although I’d never tell Harper that or else she’d boob slap me.

Finn and I decided to stay in California. Ky ended up moving out and left me living in a bachelor pad. I added a few female touches here and there and I really loved it. I loved being by the beach, and I loved being somewhere that Finn and I could create new memories and build our lives with a fresh start. As far as Weston was concerned, I continued to get alimony as per the court order. Normally that would have ended after I got married, but due to the circumstances surrounding the divorce the money continues to be deposited in my account. I allow myself to go out and spend that money frivolously with Harper on any kind of stupid shit. It almost made it all worth it.

Ky and Harper were still our best friends outside of each other. Despite their short lived romance, they’d ended on pretty bad terms. Harper tried her hardest not to yell ‘asshat’ whenever we mention Ky’s name, and Kyler ignores any conversation that involves Harper. If I could beat the shit out of both of them for not seeing what was right in front of them, I would. I’d never met a better suited pair, but Harper has serious commitment issues. I think that goes back to her absent father, but she won’t talk to me about it much. After Ky moved out here, he was handed the opportunity of a lifetime. The bass player from band Down Glory Road suddenly walked out, and they offered Ky the chance to come play with them on tour. He said yes, and began touring all over the world. He still makes time to visit though.

This life has been one wild ride of ups and downs. If you would’ve asked me over a year ago if I’d change anything, I would have said yes.

Now? No way.

I’d done a lot of growing up and learning in my short thirty-one years. I’d loved and lost, married and divorced, lost a child, and now I was married again with a baby due any day. I’d learned that I wouldn’t be where I was without going through everything that I had. I’d learned that even though I didn’t ever feel like I was worthy of Finn, I was. The same went for being a mother. I’d begun to believe that I wouldn’t ever be enough; that I didn’t deserve those titles. I couldn’t have been more wrong. Finn taught me that I was more than worthy of his love. In fact, he was lucky to have me. I would always mourn the loss of my baby boy, but he wasn’t taken away from me because I wasn’t capable of being a good mother. I chose to believe that I was given him so I could learn to love and have hope again. I knew now that I was meant to be a mother to our little girl, and Finn was meant to be her father.

I sighed and closed my eyes, wanting to fall back asleep.

“Get your cute little ass outta bed Tiny Girl, before I eat your pancakes!” Finn hollered from the kitchen.

“You do and you’ll lose your fingers.” I called back.

I got up, and slowly waddled my happily pregnant butt out of my room and into the kitchen to have breakfast with the love of my life.





To my always handsome and loving husband, I love you more than life itself. Without your help and support, I know for a fact I wouldn’t have finished this book. You’ve been the biggest pain the ass, but you’ve pushed me to keep going when I wanted to give up. You took the kids out of the house when I needed silence and time to be in my own head. And now that I’m done, you’ve told everybody you know that your wife wrote a book and are the first person to share with total strangers. It warms my heart that you feel so proud of me. I’ve never met anybody that makes me laugh, cry, angry, feel adored, special, beautiful, and whatever other adjective I can think of for you. You’re my whole world, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

To my beautiful and very rotten kids, mommy loves you! Savannah and Hunter, you are the reason I get up every day. And I mean that in a way more than just because you’re in my face every morning asking for cereal and chocolate milk. My life revolves around you two, and you both are the shining beacon that makes me want more out of my own life, so that I may give it to you!

My amazing editor, Ryn Hughes, I know for a fact this book would have gone nowhere without you! The amount of time, effort, and work you’ve put into my manuscript shows me how much you care about me, and what you do. I hope everyone will see what you’re capable of, and start filling your calendar to the brim with new and existing clients. (I have first dibs!) I have nothing but great things to say about you. From the bottom of my heart, thank you! You made Ever Enough pretty. Can’t wait to meet you in person!

To my parents and sister, you three have been the best! Mom, you did the best with what you had, raising Aleah and me. Your strong ethics and work has made me who I am and I’ve always strived to be like you. Jim, you’ve been the very best dad a girl could ask for. You came into our lives after a rough start, and you really saved us. I have no idea where my life would be without you there teaching me how to be a loving parent, and how to want more for myself. Because of you, I’ve been able to see how a real man is, and how he should treat his family. In my childhood I know I always referred to you as my step-dad, but just so you know, that was wrong. You are my dad, and I love you very much! And of course my lovely big sister, you sure made life fun growing up! I love you Aleah. You’re not only my sister but you are my friend. By the way, I forgive you for breaking my arm when I was four, for slapping me around when I snuck into your room and ‘borrowed’ your clothes, for not killing me when I would hide somewhere and jump out at the perfect moment to scare you… oh! And I totally love you for always brining over the cute boys so I could drool over them as only a little annoying sister could. *smiles*

My crazy, fun, gorgeous best friend in the whole wide world, Lea Gandy, without a doubt, you are stuck with me for life lady! Nobody understands me quite like you do! You are a true best friend and I love you like crazy! I hope to never lose touch after this military life moves me away from you. And if it does… well, I’ll always have you as my Harper. Thank you for being real to me as you read my manuscript, and thank you for being the inspiration for Harper. She’s going to be hard to write in the next book without you by my side. Now that I’m officially crying while writing this, I have two things to say. You’re one hog momma (no that’s not a typo for those that are reading), and I yuv you bye!

My lovely and very loyal beta readers, you all are the bees knees! Andrenella Dielengen, Bobbie Jo Kirby, Lisa Sharley Serpa, Nicki Becker Destasi, and Ana Zuan. I think I got you all in there. You all helped this book through some major hurdles. I’ve enjoyed every single one of your opinions as you read for me, chapter by chapter. The comments without a doubt helped me create a better Finn and Em. I hope I’m lucky enough to use you all for future novels as well!

Liz Aguilar, I’m totally giving you your own paragraph. I have had the pleasure of getting to know you when I was at the very start of my writing journey. A casual “Hey would you like to read what I have so far?” has turned into a great friendship! I love that you are opinionated and told me like it is while reading my chapters. Some ideas we may have butted heads on, and others I felt you pushed me to a whole other level with my book. You are an invaluable friend to me on a personal and ‘professional’ level. I can’t wait to actually meet you in person!

Kelly Elliott, my book truly wouldn’t be complete without me reaching out and thanking you from the bottom of my heart for all of your kindness and help. When I started writing Ever Enough, I had reached out to many, asking questions about writing, editing, covers, Amazon, etc. You were hands down, the most helpful and open to me about your experiences. I know without a doubt you are going to be a forever friend! I love you for all that you’ve done for me, and I love you for how you treat people equally in this business! You care about your fans like they are your family members, and you speak to everyone like we are all your best friends. That’s a quality that warms me. I hope nothing but the very best for you in the future! And I also can’t wait to finally meet you in person and hug the crap out of you!

Sarah Hansen, my cover is more than I could have ever imagined. When we started communicating ideas and you asked what I was envisioning, I told you I didn’t have a clue but I thought I might want a couple on the front. It was as if you dug around in my head and plucked out something that I didn’t even know was there. There is a reason you are one of the best in this business. You are creatively a genius, and you are able to read your clients very well. I look forward to working with you on the second book, and possible future books!

Bayli Lane, I don’t even know where to start with you! Ha! First you became my friend on Kindle Buddies, then you created a group for those of us that were writing to talk each other through spots we found difficult, and times for us to uplift each other and offer support. That alone has been invaluable. I am so happy I get to call you my friend! For those in our little writing group: Jake Bonsignore, Ashely, Cirone, Stacey Bentley, Laura Howard, Megan Hand, Lisa Harley, Ana Zuan, Mel Ballew, Lynda Ybarra, Laura Benson, Jamie Guerard, Alicia Huff, Tina Klinesmith, Antoinette Candela, and Cadison (aka Alison Bailey)… You all are fantastic people! I mean, what a great group that we have put together. You each have helped me along the way. I have something I could say to each and every single one of you, but for now I’ll just say ‘thank you’. You all are very talented. There is nothing stopping us from writing a number one best seller. I have seen it in each and every single one of you! Keep dreaming big y’all! I have faith in you!

To all of my other online friends that I have had the pleasure to get to know over the past year, thank you for being there for me. Thank you for talking to me in private messages when I’ve needed a break from writing, or just to chat. Bayli Lane, Stacey Bentley, Teresa Hill, Ashley Cirone, Jake Bonsignore, Nina Kneblik, Ryn Hughes, Liz Aguilar, and Kelly Elliott, your kindness emanates even through a computer.

All of the blogs out there, and there are a lot of them, that has helped me get the word out about my book, whether that was sharing the cover, a teaser, or possible future reviews… thank you. Really, from the bottom of my heart, thank you! All of you that put hard work in reading and then the nearly impossible job of reviewing it, I find you all amazing!

And lastly, to my readers, I want to shout from the rooftops a huge thank you for purchasing my book, liking my author page, and supporting me. There is no way I would have done this without you all! Ever Enough was a labor of love for me. Although the story itself is completely fictional, the emotions and feelings in it are not. It was very cathartic for me to write this story. I look forward to sharing more of myself with you all in Harper and Kylers book, and I hope you all stick with me for it!!!





Stacy currently lives in Downeast, Maine. She has been a military wife for the past ten years and loves it. She has a loving husband and two beautiful children, and let’s not forget the two fur babies. When Stacy isn’t writing, she is online talking and meeting new people, or out with her friends. She loves fishing, cooking, and traveling all over the US. Her favorite place she’s lived was Hawaii, where she graduated high school and met and married her husband.