Brain freeze. Slow down, Macie.
Just then a group of young teenage girls walked in front of me giggling and pointing at something on one of their phones. Probably that stupid Pokémon Go game. God, life was so much easier back then. I felt so melancholy and down on myself. Yogurt was the only thing giving me some ease. Busy mind and upset stomach. I looked down as if to see something budding there. I didn’t have a little bump, and I wasn’t feeling any flutters. I pushed my spoon into the soft dessert, and let my hand drop. Spreading my fingers, I gently placed my palm on my stomach. It was still as flat as it was three months ago before the wedding. Whatever was growing inside me was making no rush of showing itself.
Sitting back, I exhaled and closed my eyes. If was living on my own, and in a stable relationship, this would have been the happiest news. Why did I go fucking up my life like this over and over again? I certainly was no prude when it came to the physical side of dating, but I was always careful. Always. It was never a question that condoms were number one for me when having sex, while birth control was a close second. So what was it that fucked up that night for me? Why did I have the most epic screw up of screw ups?
Simple . . . it was Dodger.
Sure, I’d been safe with him when we first started dating almost two years ago, but as we grew into our relationship, we started skipping the condoms and we relied on my birth control. We were exclusive with each other. Both of us were clean. We had no reason to believe that anything would happen. I trusted him. That is, until we broke up.
The break up wasn’t mutual. Not in the least. I wanted it, Dodger didn’t. He asked me over and over again what my reasons were for walking away, and to be honest, I never gave him a solid one. I didn’t have any. Not one that made sense. The relationship was just too serious. It was going somewhere. It had the potential to be forever. Macie doesn’t do forever. I knew if I had stayed with him to much longer, Dodger would be talking about getting engaged. That was the natural progression of things, right? I wasn’t ready. The thought of forever terrified me. Being married terrified me. Buying a house terrified me. Having a baby terrified me. Every girl in the female population I’ve ever come across loved to talk about it, dreaming of their futures. I just wanted to be me. No attachments. Hell, I didn’t even want a dog, cat, or fish. I’d probably kill it.
This was stupid. I stood up, frustrated and needing to shake this bad mood. Only way to do that was to make a decision. I just needed to do it and stick to it. Time that I didn’t seem to have enough of was passing at a faster rate than I cared for, and I needed to simply make a choice and run with it. I knew what I needed to do, it just wasn’t going to be a pretty thing to witness.
I needed to find Dodger and speak to him. He ultimately had a right to know what was going on inside of my body, consequences be damned. I’d deal with whatever he wanted to say in the aftermath. Only half of this little human was me. Therefore, the choice was only half mine.
Resigned, I scooted the metal chair under the table, and threw away my empty yogurt cup. A chill ran up my spine. It wasn’t from the cold. I was finally taking steps toward something for the first time in weeks. I was going to see the one man that had gotten under my skin. I was going to look him in his baby blue eyes and say, “We screwed up, now what are we going to do about it?”
I knew I’d likely find him at the gym where he worked as a physical therapist. Climbing in my car, I started the engine and put the car in reverse. The Dugout was only a few miles from here. Certainly not far enough for me to change my mind and drive out of town. I’d get there, find him in the back room that was designated for his clients, and I’d speak to him in private. Everything was going to be okay. And maybe I’d be able to breathe again. At least this is what I was telling myself.
The few miles went quickly. Dodger’s car was parked in its usual spot, but it didn’t take long for me to put my car in park and see him standing in the front window. I couldn’t help the way my heart fluttered when I saw his handsome face. Dodger was tall with medium brown hair, and light blue eyes. His build was more lean, athletic, but still very muscular. He took extremely good care of himself. He had a rich deep voice, with a slight Georgia accent. All of these things made the girls flock to him. But what really melted those panties off the ladies was his signature smile. It was a smile that was so big you could see it from a distance. It was slightly crooked and gave him the advantage over me every time he flashed it. The bastard knew it too.
As quickly as my heart started its gallop, it came to an abrupt halt when I saw the bitch he was standing next too. Her name was Dana. She was the front desk attendant at the gym. Her job was greeting patrons, handing out towels, and answering the phone. But if you asked me, she was there to be a worthless waste of space. My first encounter with Dana was two years ago when Dodger had brought Keegan and me to workout. Much to Keegan’s dismay, Dodger was trying to prove to Keegan that she was better than she thought of herself. Just so happened that evening, Dana was sitting at the front desk, picking her nails, and looking like she had a tree branch shoved up her ass. I’ll never forget the look on her face when she saw me standing next to Dodger. Pure jealousy. That night she watched me like a hawk.