Thoughtless

Chapter 6

Coming Together, Breaking Apart

After that day, I was more aware of Kellan. I couldn't help but notice how sweet he was. His cute little nods "hello" when he entered the bar, how he would look at me and smile sometimes when he sang, how we chatted every morning over our coffees, how much I loved it when he would sing just for me at home. Every day I felt closer to him, which delighted me and worried me. But, wrong as it may be, noticing him distracted me from missing Denny. I still craved his phone calls, but if we went a day or two without one, I could satisfy my loneliness by spending time with Kellan. Kellan never seemed to mind me hanging around him. In fact, he seemed to encourage it.

We continued our friendly flirting that had started at Bumbershoot. On nice days, we would sit outside in his backyard and lay down on the grass to read and enjoy the sunshine. He would usually take his shirt off to sunbathe and lying close beside him, my heartbeat usually spiked a bit. He would eventually fall asleep and I'd roll on my side to watch his perfect face in slumber. Once, when I'd been doing that, he hadn't been asleep yet, and he'd smiled and cracked an eye open, making me blush furiously and roll onto my stomach to hide my head while he softly laughed at me.

On nights that I had off, he would sometimes come back home after rehearsal instead of going to Pete's with the guys, and we'd have dinner together and then snuggle close to watch a movie. Sometimes he'd put his arm around me and lightly rub mine with his fingertips. Sometimes he would hold my hand, playing with my fingers and smiling that amazingly sexy half-smile.

We'd sit together and cuddle on the couch, reading or watching TV before work, on the nights I did have to go in. He would always let me relax into him and put my head on his shoulder. Once, when I'd been exhausted after a sleepless night of missing Denny, we'd snuggled on the couch and he'd pulled me gently down, to rest my head on his lap. I had fallen asleep that way, turned slightly into him, with his arm over me protectively and his other hand running through my hair. Somewhere in the back of my head, I knew it was probably more than Denny would be okay with, but it was comforting, it was nice. It concerned me a little, how much I enjoyed being close to him...and yet, I couldn't seem to stop doing it.

One weeknight, someone put a particularly dancey song on the jukebox and Griffin (proudly wearing his Douchebags t-shirt) felt the need to grab every available girl, at every nearby table and pull her to the dance floor. Of course, they all went willingly. But then he spotted me and started moving suggestively in my direction. Not relishing his roaming hands anywhere near my body, I put my hands out in front of me and started backing up. Evan laughed and grabbed Jenny for a quick dip, making her giggle. Matt sat on the table, chuckling at everyone.

Griffin was almost within my reach, when I was suddenly pulled away and twirled a few times on the floor. Laughing at Griffin's disappointed face, Kellan spun me a few more times to the other side of the room. I smiled at him as he twirled me out and, kissing my hand, released me. Within seconds he was surrounded by a half-dozen women wanting to dance with their rock-god. He spent the remainder of the night dancing rather sexily with a rotating group of females. He moved effortlessly to the music and was exceedingly enticing to watch. I found my eyes roaming to him more than a few times during my shift.

I was still thinking of Kellan's body moving to the music when I opened our front door after work. I was greeted by a ringing phone. Smiling, and thinking it could only be Denny calling me this late at night, I received a small shock when I recognized the voice on the other line.

"Hey, sis"

"Anna! Long time no hear...what are you up too? Why are you calling so late?"

"Well, I received your care package today..." I had sent my parents and Anna some pictures of the city - my school, the bar and a picture of Kellan, Denny and me. "Oh my god...who is the hottie and why didn't you tell me about him the minute you got there?"

I should have realized earlier that Kellan would pique my sister's interest. "That's my roommate, Kellan."

"Damn! Now I'm coming to visit for sure."

My sister and Kellan in the same room together, now that would be interesting. I suddenly did not want my sister anywhere near him. "Well, now really isn't...wait, what about Phil?"

"Pfffttt....Phil, please. Compared with your hottie roommate? Sorry, no contest." Mom had told me that Anna had known Phil for a whole two weeks before moving in with him...apparently the honeymoon was over.

"Well, now really isn't a good time. School's about to start and Denny's still away..."

"Denny's gone?"

"Geeze, Anna, don't you ever talk to Mom and Dad?" I sighed, not really wanting to have that conversation with another family member.

"Not if I can help it...what happened?"

"It's a work thing...he had to go to Tucson for awhile." An "awhile" that was feeling like an eternity, and he hadn't called again today...

"Ahhh, so he's traipsing about the desert and he left you home alone with hot-bod?" I could hear the smirk through the phone line.

"God, Anna...it's not like that." I sighed. We were a little more...friendly with each other than before, but it most definitely, was not what my sister was thinking.

She laughed. "So, fill me in...it was Kellan, right? What's he like?"

"He's, well..." How did one sum up Kellan? "He's...nice." I glanced upstairs hoping that "he" was also asleep. He had ducked out of Pete's a few hours ago, after yawning three times in a row while talking to Jenny. I guess being an early bird and a night owl eventually catches up with you.

"Oh god...he's gay, isn't he? All the really hot ones are." She sighed, rather dramatically.

I laughed. No, from all I'd seen and heard so far, Kellan was most definitely straight. "No, I'm pretty sure he's not."

"Good! So when can I come up?" Her voice brightened at the prospect.

Mentally I sighed. She wasn't going to let this one go. "Okay, how about during winter break? We could all go clubbing or something?" I guess the image of Kellan dancing was still in my head. It was a good activity for all of us to go do though.


"Ohhh...I love that. All hot and sweaty on the dance floor with him. Of course, I could rip off his shirt, just to help him out, you know. Then later, we could snuggle in his bed to keep warm during the long, hard winter night."

"Jesus, Anna! I do have to live with the guy." I really didn't like the picture she had just put in my head. Mentally laughing, a different version came to mind. "You know, if you think he's hot, you should see his friend Griffin."

"Reeeally?"

"Oh yeah!"

I spent the remainder of our conversation convincing her of Griffin's many virtues. I have never lied so much in my life.

The next afternoon, Denny finally called me after a two day absence. I felt like I hadn't talked to him, really talked to him in forever. I ached to actually see him, hold him. The conversation was brief, he seemed distracted - like the call was an obligation, and not something he really wanted to be doing. He excused himself a few minutes into the conversation, saying he was getting called away for a meeting. Ice flooded my stomach and my heart sank as I said goodbye and hung up the phone. I stared at it for twenty minutes, wondering if he would call back...wondering why he was talking to me less and less.

Later that same night, I woke up in a panic, heart fluttering wildly. I had been having a nightmare, I was sure of it. I couldn't remember the dream, just the underlying terror behind it. I wanted to cry. I wanted to scream, and I had no idea why. I sat up in bed and clutched my knees, trying to stabilize my breathing and my heart rate. I didn't want to close my eyes again. I looked around the darkened room, trying to get a bearing on what was real. Dresser, TV, nightstand, Denny's empty side of the bed...yep, all real, painfully real.

I had an overwhelming urge to talk to Denny. I wasn't sure, but I felt like my dream had been about him. I wondered if it was too late to call his hotel room. I sat on the edge of the bed and looked at the clock - 3:30. Ugh, that was too late to call, too early to wake him up. I'd have to wait a few more hours and see if I could catch him before work.

Oddly, I could hear sounds coming from downstairs and the television, flicking between channels. Thinking Kellan was awake and maybe I could talk to him instead, I got up and made my way down the stairs. Rounding the corner, the living room coming into view, I wanted to turn around and head right back to my room, but it was too late.

"Kiera! Hey, sex kitty! Griffin was standing in the living room sipping a beer, TV remote in hand. "Nice PJs." He winked at me and I blushed deeply.

Kellan looked over from the couch apologetically, as I finished walking down the steps. "Hey, sorry. We didn't mean to wake you." Matt looked over from the comfortable chair and smiled at me. I didn't see Evan anywhere.

"You didn't...bad dream." I shrugged my shoulders.

He half-smiled at me. "Beer?" he asked, holding up his own a little.

"Sure." I didn't want to go back to sleep for awhile anyway.

He left to get me one from the kitchen, while I stood awkwardly behind Matt in the chair. Griffin went back to flipping channels on the TV. Matt turned to watch as well. Kellan reappeared a minute later and handing me a beer, nodded over to the couch. I followed him.

Griffin sat on the end of the couch, near the table, and set his beer down, frowning slightly. He didn't seem to be finding whatever he was looking for. I quickly passed Kellan and sat on the opposite side of the couch. Smiling at me and shaking his head, Kellan took the middle, sitting close to me, which made me grin. I scooted over to him and pressed against his side, pulling my feet up to the couch, my knees angled in, towards him. I had gotten so used to snuggling with him, that it was just a habit now. He smiled down at me, putting an arm around my thighs and nudging me playfully with his shoulder. I rested my head against it and smiled back.

Still looking frustrated, Griffin said, "You know, I've been thinking." Matt groaned loudly and I laughed at him. Griffin ignored us both. "When this band breaks up..." I raised my head and my eyebrows at that and Kellan grinned at me. "I think I'll do God-rock."

Involuntarily, I spat back up the beer I had just taken a sip of. Luckily, most made it back in the bottle...the rest I started coughing on. Kellan smiled at me around his mouthful of beer and shaking his head at Griffin, rolled his eyes.

Matt turned his spiky, blonde head to stare at Griffin incredulously. "God-rock...you? Reeeally."

Griffin smiled, still flipping through channels. "Yeah! All those hot, horny virgins. Are you kidding me!" He grinned devilishly while I continued choking on my beer.

Finally, he smiled and stopped flipping through channels, apparently finding whatever it was he was looking for. I swallowed a few times and took a long draw of beer to soothe my throat. Griffin said the oddest things sometimes. He really was kind of perfect for Anna. Sighing at that thought, I looked over at the television and finally noticed what he had stopped on. It looked like porn...or some cable show that was close enough to it. I could feel my cheeks flushing and I stared down at my bottle. Matt and Griffin settled back to watch while Kellan looked over at me curiously.

I tried to stay composed. If I got up and left, Griffin would have a field day the next time I saw him at the bar. If I just sat here and pretended to watch with them for awhile, he would probably just let it go. The noises from the TV weren't helping with my blush however. Really, why did guys watch this stuff? Why was Kellan watching me?

Eventually, he leaned over and whispered in my ear, "Are you uncomfortable?"

I shook my head no. I didn't want him thinking me any more prudish than he probably already did. In fact, if he could just ignore me and watch his smut, that would be great. I wondered how long I would need to sit here, until I could slip out unnoticed by the guys. Accepting my answer, Kellan leaned forward slightly, blocking my view of Griffin and Griffin's view of me. Grateful, I smiled and looked up at his face. He was intently watching the television set and I found the look on his face interesting. I had no desire to watch the movie, but watching Kellan watch it was fascinating.

At first he simply watched, but after awhile his eyes started changing, started burning with an alluring intenseness. He took a sip of his beer and swallowed, his mouth lingering on the bottle for an extra few seconds. His lips parted slightly, his breath seemed to just fractionally increase. Still intently watching the screen, he brought his tongue slowly over his lower lip and then dragged his teeth even more slowly across them.

The move was so distractingly sexy that a soft noise escaped my throat and my breath caught. The sound of the TV drowned me out, but Kellan, being so close to me, noticed. His smoldering blue eyes slid to mine. I could see why no woman resisted him with a gaze like that. I could feel my breath quicken in response. I couldn't imagine anyone telling that look no. Would I if he did anything? What was he thinking right now? I had no idea...

His breath noticeably quickened in response to mine. Suddenly his gaze flicked down to my lips and I knew. I knew exactly what he was thinking. He shouldn't be thinking that. I shouldn't want him to think that. He touched his bottom lip with his tongue again and his gaze flicked back up to mine for a second. His eyes burned even deeper. He looked back down to my lips and started moving towards me. My heart raced. I knew I needed to push him back, I just couldn't think straight enough to remember why? I couldn't move.

I closed my eyes as I felt him draw even nearer. I was hyperaware of how close his body was to mine - his side pressing against me, his arm still across my thighs, his hand upon my leg. That knowledge, and the passionate noises from the TV, sent chills down my spine. After what felt like an eternity, he finally touched me, but not how I had been expecting him to. His forehead touched mine and he rested his nose against mine. I could feel him breathing softly, but intensely, against me. Instinctually, I raised my chin to find his lips, a low noise escaping my throat again.


A micro-second before our mouths fully touched, when I could feel the heat of his skin, the barest brush of a lip, he glided his nose down along my cheek. I gasped at the close, but no-contact. He exhaled heavily down my throat, an enticing noise escaping his lips, making me shudder. He stayed there, taking two ragged breaths, while I unconsciously melted even more against his body, my knees turning even more into him, the hand on my lap dropping onto his thigh. I started to turn my head back towards his mouth. He smelled so good...

Suddenly he grabbed my hand on his thigh and almost painfully squeezed it. He ran his lips up to my ear and whispered roughly, "Come with me."

Not sure what he was going to do, not sure what I was going to do, I stood and followed him out of the room. Matt and Griffin, who I had forgotten were even here, didn't look our way as we passed by. Surprisingly, he led me to the kitchen. I wasn't sure what he would do when we got there. I pictured him, once out of view of the guys, pulling me into him for a long, hot passionate kiss. I pictured his hands tangling in my hair, pulling me tight to him. I pictured his entire body pressed against mine. By the time we were in the kitchen, I was breathing a little raggedly.

Kellan, however...was perfectly fine. He let go of my hand as we got to the kitchen and poured a glass of water, setting his beer down on the counter. Confused, and a little annoyed at his quick change of emotion, I wondered if I had just imagined that little almost-incident in the living room. It had seemed like there was this electricity between us. He had been about to kiss me, I was pretty sure of that. Disturbingly enough, I had been about to kiss him as well. It was...confusing.

He smiled warmly, like nothing weird had just happened. Handing me the glass of water, he took my beer and set it on the counter near his. I took a deep breath, calming my body, as I suddenly felt very, very stupid. Of course nothing had almost happened. He was a regular guy, who got turned on watching some stupid, sexy movie, like any guy would, and I had somehow turned that into him wanting me specifically. God, I must have looked like such an idiot with my eyes closed, waiting for him to kiss me. Embarrassment flashed through me and I gulped down my water, thankful for a reason to not look at him.

I peered back up when he spoke. "Sorry about the movie choice..." He smiled and laughed a little. "Griffin is, well...Griffin." He shrugged. Completely changing the subject, he said, "You seemed upset earlier on the stairs. You want to talk about your dream?" He leaned back against the counter near the fridge, crossing his arms against his chest, looking perfectly composed and relaxed.

Still feeling foolish, I muttered, "I don't remember it...just that it was bad."

"Oh," he said quietly, suddenly looking thoughtful.

Wishing I had just stayed in bed, I set down my nearly empty glass and started to walk past him. "I'm tired...good night, Kellan."

He smiled at me as I walked past. "Good night, Kiera," he nearly whispered.

Avoiding watching Matt, Griffin or the seemingly endless erotic movie they were watching, I instead looked back through the living room to the rear window in the kitchen. There was enough reflection in the glass for me to clearly see Kellan, still leaning against the counter, but now he was slumped against it, pinching the bridge of his nose with his fingers. He looked to have a headache. I wondered about that, but hurried up the stairs, not wanting him to notice me in the reflection watching him. And I really wanted to shut out the noise of that stupid, stupid movie.

I blushed slightly when I saw him the next morning, but he only smiled and offered me a cup of coffee. He made no mention of my embarrassing gaffe and I wasn't about to bring it up. Sitting across from him at the table, I noticed that he was wearing his Douchebags shirt again. I frowned over at him and he paled slightly.

"What?" he asked quietly, looking a little nervous.

Not understanding his reaction, I pointed to his shirt. "You never did get me one, you know," I said, as lightly as I could manage.

He visibly relaxed. "Oh...you're right." He nodded at me.

Then he shrugged and standing up, slipped the shirt off. I openly gaped at him as he flipped it right side out and slipped it over me. I couldn't even speak. His body drew all of my attention as he fixed the shirt around me. I couldn't even help him. He had to put my arms through the holes like I was two.

"There. You can have mine." He smiled warmly, still standing in front of me, not bothered in the slightest that he was now half-dressed.

My face was heating up and I was pretty sure I was blushing deeply. "I didn't mean...you didn't have to..." I couldn't even form a complete sentence.

He laughed softly. "Don't worry about it. I can get more. You wouldn't believe how many of those damn things Griffin made." He laughed again then turned to leave the room. I couldn't help but gape at his muscular back as he left, the broad muscular shoulders narrowing slightly at his chest then more at the waist, naturally forcing the eye line down. He looked back at the entryway and caught me staring at him. He looked down and half-smiled. "I'll be right back." He looked back up at me, still smiling adorably and I blushed deeply, yet again.

Then the smell caught me. I actually closed my eyes it was so powerfully wonderful. I grabbed the bottom of the shirt and inhaled deeply. I don't know if it was his soap, his expensive shampoo, his laundry detergent, some cologne or just his natural scent, but he always smelled so incredibly good and now I was saturated in his smell. I was sitting there, inhaling his shirt like an idiot when he came back into the room.

He cocked his head to the side and smiled at me curiously, as I blushed deeply again and dropped his shirt. I suddenly wished I had never woken up this morning. How many ways could I look like an idiot in twenty-four hours? He sat back down in his chair and finished his coffee, his shirt now a striking blue that made his eyes seem even more intensely blue. I swallowed and concentrated on drinking my coffee.

We went about our day normally. I did laundry, he did the dishes. I vacuumed, he played his guitar. But I felt embarrassed all day. Last night had been mortifying. I was planning on staying far away from him. I was planning that, but, of course, when he went to watch TV for a little bit before leaving to meet with the guys, I looked at the couch longingly. He noticed and held his arm out, patting the cushion beside his hip with his other hand. I couldn't help it. I smiled and instantly cuddled into his side, resting my head on his shoulder. I was kind of addicted to it.

The weekend went by with plenty of handholding, cuddling on the couch, lingering hugs in the kitchen, resting on his lap, and lying in the backyard, but no more embarrassing near-kiss incidents. Before I knew it, it was Monday morning, and school was starting the very next day.

A phone call that afternoon incited my irritation...and my nerves.

"Hey, babe." Hearing Denny's accent usually made me smile, but I frowned, still frustrated at his more-often-than-not short, and seemingly uninterested, phone calls. "Kiera?"

I realized I hadn't answered him yet. "Hi," I mumbled.

He sighed. "You're mad aren't you."

"Maybe..." Yes...yes I was.

"I'm sorry...I know I've been, distracted lately. It's nothing against you, I promise. I'm just so busy."

His excuses weren't helping my irritation. "Whatever, Denny."

He sighed again. "I've got time...want to tell me about school tomorrow?"

I smiled a little that he remembered, and then frowned when I remembered. I was getting anxious for the morning. "I wish you were here...I'm really nervous."


He chuckled, probably remembering how I usually helped him...calm his nerves. "Ah, babe...you have no idea how much I wish I was with you right now. I miss you."

I smiled widely at that. "I miss you too...goofball."

He laughed genuinely. "Now tell me what you've been doing. I want to hear your voice..."

I laughed and spent the next hour telling him everything I could think of...well, I may have left out a few minor details about how close Kellan and I had become (and a certain nearly-intimate moment on the couch), but I told him everything else. It wasn't as effective as how I preferred to calm his nerves, but it did calm mine...a bit. I was able to get through work and get to sleep afterwards, with only the tiniest knot in my stomach.

I came down to the kitchen for my coffee the next morning with a slightly larger knot in my stomach. School started in a few hours and I hated the first day of a new school more than I hated the first day of a new job. I was frowning when I saw Kellan pouring his coffee. He was lightly singing one of his songs while he did it, a small smile on his lips. When the band played the song it was fast, but he was singing it slowly and softly, turning it into a ballad...it was beautiful.

I stopped a few steps into the kitchen and leaned against the counter to listen to him. He looked over at me, still singing, and smiled wider. Maybe he noticed my melancholy, maybe he just knew me well enough now, to know that I wasn't looking forward to today, or maybe he was just bored. For whatever reason, he reached out to me, and grabbing my hand, pulled me to him. I gasped in surprise then laughed as he put his other hand around my waist and started slow dancing with me.

He started singing the song louder and exaggerated our movements, eventually spinning me away from him then back to him. He playfully dipped me and I laughed again, my anxiety over today momentarily forgotten. He straightened me and slipped both arms around my waist. I sighed happily and slipped my arms around his neck, listening to the beautiful song he was softly singing again.

Abruptly, he stopped singing and gazed at me. I realized I had started running my hands through the back of his hair, twirling it around my fingers. It was incredibly pleasant, but I forcefully pulled my hands down and rested them on his shoulders.

Still holding me, he quietly said, "I know you'd rather have Denny here..." I stiffened fractionally at the mention of Denny's name, "but, could I take you to school on your first day?" He smiled sweetly at the end.

My heart sped a little, at his attractiveness and our closeness. Trying to look unaffected by him, I muttered, "I guess you'll do."

He laughed and squeezed me once before letting me go. "That's not something I'm used to women saying," he muttered, as he grabbed a mug for me from the cupboard.

Thinking I offended him, I quickly blurted out, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean-"

He laughed again and looked over at me while he poured my coffee. "I'm just kidding, Kiera." He watched the coffee filling in my cup. "Well, kind of." He chuckled.

I blushed. "Oh...um...thank you...yes." I stumbled over my words and he chuckled again.

I anxiously got dressed for school and spent an inordinately long time brushing my hair and putting on my makeup. Not that I looked any better for all the effort, but it made me feel a little more put together and, hopefully, that would help me get through all the embarrassing introductions today. Maybe I'd just hide quietly in the back this week, until I got more comfortable in my classes.

I grabbed my bag, tossing my required books, tons of pencils and a couple notepads inside. Today was just one class (which I was grateful for), Microeconomics. I frowned as I thought of the class...that one would be Denny's favorite to talk about. In fact, I probably wouldn't be able to get him to shut up about it. I smiled. Maybe he'd call later and we could discuss it for hours...anything to hear his voice.

I came down when it was close enough to leave, and Kellan smiled softly when he saw me from the couch. "Ready?"

I sighed unhappily as he walked over to me. "No."

He grabbed my hand and smiling crookedly, in a way that made me nervous for a completely different reason, led me to the door. We drove there in silence while my stomach unnecessarily churned. Really, this wasn't that big of a deal, I kept repeating to my body...it refused to listen though.

Kellan's house was close to the University, so the drive didn't take long. Before I knew it, he was pulling into a parking space. My heart beat was irrationally fast. I must have looked pale...or ill...when Kellan parked the car. He looked over at me, concerned, and then opened his door and got out. Confused, I watched him walk over to me and open my door.

I smirked at him. "I think I can handle that." I nodded at the door as I stood up.

He chuckled and grabbed my hand again. Loving the comforting warmth, I squeezed it tightly and he smiled warmly at me. "Come on." He indicated the intimidating brick building where my class was.

We started walking towards it, as I looked up at him curiously. "And where are you going?"

He chuckled again as he looked down at me. "I'm walking you to class...obviously."

I rolled my eyes, feeling stupid that he felt the need to. Really, I could handle this... embarrassment. "You don't have to do that. I can manage."

He squeezed my hand encouragingly. "Maybe I want to." I looked away as we approached the building and he held the door open for me. "It's not like my mornings are earth-shatteringly busy or anything. I'd probably just be napping." He grinned wryly at me as I looked back at him and laughed.

"Why do you get up so early then?"

He laughed too as we walked down the hall - more than a few women were watching this model-worthy man walk past them. "It's not by choice...trust me. I would rather sleep-in, then function on four or five hours a night."

"Oh...you should go home and nap then," I said, as we approached my classroom.

"I will." He smiled as he opened the classroom door and I wondered if he was going to walk me to my seat too. He seemed to notice my odd look and grinned. "Would you like me to walk you in?"

Releasing his hand, I pushed him back a smidge. "No," I said playfully. Walking with him did help. I was a little more relaxed. Tilting my head to the side, I watched him thoughtfully at the door for a moment. "Thank you, Kellan." I leaned in and gave him a soft kiss on the cheek.

He looked down and glanced up at me from under his eyebrows, a small smile curving his lips. "You're welcome. I'll pick you up later."

I started to protest, "You don't have to..." He cut me off with a wry look and I closed my mouth and smiled. "Fine...I'll see you later."

His eyes roamed the room once before returning to me. "Have fun." Then he turned and left, and I couldn't help but watch his backside leave for a few moments. Unfortunately, he looked back and caught me watching him, again. He smiled and waved, but I blushed horribly, feeling moronic.

Seriously, sometimes his looks were just too much. As I fully entered the room, I realized that I wasn't the only one who felt that way about Kellan. Most of the girls nearby were still watching the door, maybe wondering if he would return and join the class. Some of the girls were giggling and chatting with each other, pointing down the hallway, others were pointing at me. If I wasn't already blushing from being caught ogling Kellan, I would have blushed at their attention. One unfortunate side effect of hanging around him, it made people wonder about me when he was gone. So much for being a wall-flower in the back of the room. I hurriedly walked past the group as a couple of them were eyeing me, like they were going to ask me to join them...most likely to gossip about Kellan. I wasn't in the mood for awkward small talk with people I didn't know, so I found a seat near the back with only a couple of people around. A few women watched where I went, but none of them followed me.


The class was absorbing and before I knew it, it was also over. I smiled at how pleasant the experience had been and how I really hadn't needed to worry at all. I was good at school. My sister always told me that I was book-smart, not street-smart. I wasn't quite sure if that was an insult or not, but she was right, I was much better at dealing with assignments and tests, than people. I wasn't sure what career options that left me with. I was still debating a major, but I was leaning towards English. Again, I wasn't sure what career options that left me. Sometimes I was jealous of how certain Denny was of his life. He had always known what he wanted to do, and he went out and did it. I still had no clue.

True to his word, Kellan was waiting for me outside the door. I smiled when I saw him, even though the attention wasn't necessary. He grabbed my hand as I walked over to him. A couple of the women that had noticed him earlier were exiting the classroom as he glanced at the door. He smiled crookedly at them and they actually giggled. I rolled my eyes and shook my head at his unending flirtatiousness.

"Come on, Casanova," I muttered, pulling him away from the still giggling girls.

He frowned then laughed. "How was class?"

"Wonderful!" He shook his head at my enthusiasm. Apparently he wouldn't find a lecture on economics as interesting as I did. I smiled at the thought of him sitting through the class, bored stiff. "So...did you nap?"

He grinned and nodded. "Yeah, a good hour. I'm solid 'til three."

I shook my head at him. "How do you do that?"

He laughed as we exited the building. "It's a gift...it's a curse."

He drove me to and from school for the rest of the week, which was unnecessary, since Denny had left his beloved Honda for me, but nice, since I hated driving a stick. We chatted and laughed easily. He asked about all of my classes and what I liked the best and least about each one. He insisted on walking me to my first class every morning, which was also unnecessary, but sweet. The girls would quiet at his approach and watch him, practically with drool on their chins, as he said goodbye to me every morning. And he, of course, was only too aware of their attention and would oblige them with a wink or two. He would wait for me outside of class or in the parking lot after school, once with an espresso, making me gleefully happy.

Kellan made that first week of school a pleasant transition for me, when I had been expecting the worst. I was exceedingly grateful to him for that. In fact, there was only one thing that whole week that did not make me happy...and it was kind of a big one. Denny.

By that weekend, my irritation at him had grown exponentially. When he'd first left, he had called me every day. Then slowly, it had turned to every couple of days. But this week, I hadn't heard from him in five days - nothing! The last conversation we'd had was the day before my school started. I really thought he would call to see how it went, but he hadn't. I left messages at his hotel, but he was rarely ever there, his new job kept him so busy. So late Sunday night, after throwing on my pajamas and getting all ready for bed, I decided to try calling him one last time. When I finally got through to him in his room, I was ecstatic...at first.

"Hey, babe." His familiar warm accent filled my heart, but he did sound very tired.

"Hey! You okay, you sound exhausted. I could call back tomorrow?" I bit my lip, hoping he wouldn't ask me to do that. I leaned back against the kitchen counter and crossed my fingers.

"No, I'm glad you called. I need to talk to you." I suddenly wished he had asked me to call him back. Panicky ice filled my stomach.

"Oh?" I tried to keep my voice casual. "About what?"

He paused and my heart unexpectedly started pounding. "I did something. I don't think you're going to like it."

My mind instantly went through a horrible list of things that he could have possibly done that I wouldn't like. My thoughts flew once again to Kellan, and what could have happened while watching that stupid movie that Denny would not have liked. My throat tightened, but I managed to squeak out, "What?"

He paused for a long time and I suddenly wanted to scream at him to just tell me already! "Tuesday night, after work..." He paused again and my panicked mind started filling out my worst nightmare. "Mark offered me a permanent job here..."

Relief washed through me; my mind had come up with something much more horrifying. "Oh, Denny, you scared-"

He cut me off. "I took it."

My mind seemed sluggish. It took me a second to comprehend what that meant. When I did, my breath stopped. "You're not coming back...are you?"

"It's an offer of a lifetime, Kiera. They don't offer lead positions to interns - ever." Denny's voice quavered on the phone. This was a hard thing for him to say, he so hated doing anything that might cause me pain. "Please, try and understand."

"Understand? I left everything to come here for you! Now you're going to leave me here?" Tears were starting to well up in my eyes, but I swallowed them back. Now was not the time to lose it.

"It's just for two years...when your schooling is finished, you can come join me here," he begged. "We'll be back together soon. You'll love it here too."

My heart sank farther. Two years? A few weeks without him had been brutal, how would I ever make it through two long years...longer than we had even been together?

"No, Denny."

He didn't respond to that right away, the silence was deafening. "What do you mean?"

"No! I want you to come back! Stay with me, take another job. You're brilliant, you'll find something!" Now I was begging him.

"This is what I want, Kiera..." he whispered.

"More than me?" I knew it wasn't a fair question the moment it left my lips, but rage was building inside me.

"Kiera..." He said my name brokenly. "You know that's not it..."

"Really!" My anger was truly flaring now. "It sure feels like you're choosing your job over me, like you're leaving me." Some tiny part of my brain wanted to stop this horrid conversation, stop hurting him, but I just couldn't.

"Baby, it's just two years. I can visit every chance I get..." he tried again feebly, his accent thick with emotion.

My mind fumed. Two years...two freaking years! Without thinking, he had accepted a career in a city thousands of miles away, without even bothering to talk to me about it first and then he had sat on that information for days! I was stuck here in Seattle. My parents had been lenient, sort of, about the transfer, mainly because of the scholarship. They wouldn't let me transfer to yet another school in yet another state! They wouldn't pay for it anyway, and I couldn't afford two years of school on my own. The scholarship that I had won was my once in a lifetime. I didn't see fate lining up for me like that again.

I was stuck here until school ended...and he knew that.

He knew that! In my rage, my mind leapt to the first likeliest conclusion - he wanted me to stay. He wanted us to be apart. He wanted to leave me. He was breaking up with me. Fire burned in my belly. Well, I wasn't about to let him do it first.

"Don't bother, Denny! You've made your choice! I hope you enjoy your job!" I stressed the word harshly. "I'm staying here and you're staying there. We're done...goodbye."

After slamming the phone down on Denny, I unplugged it. I didn't want him to call back. I was so angry I didn't want to speak to him ever again. The thought of never seeing him again brought despair so quickly behind it, I couldn't breathe. I was gasping and my head was starting to spin. I sank to the floor as tears flowed freely and I could no longer hold back the sobs.


After what seemed like hours of gut-wrenching grief, I stood. I went to the fridge for water, but an open bottle of wine that we had never gotten around to drinking was right there in the door. I grabbed it instead and took a swig directly from the bottle. I knew it was a stupid way to cope with my despair, but I needed something. I needed a break from feelings. I would deal with them later.

Grabbing a water glass, instead of a fragile wine glass, I poured as much of the wine in it as possible and started chugging. It burned. Wine definitely wasn't meant to be drunk that way, but I was desperate for some relief from the pain.

It only took a few moments to empty the glass and I immediately refilled it. The sobs had finally stopped, although tears still fell. I could still see Denny's face in my mind - his beautiful, warm, brown eyes, his goofy grin, his alluring accent, the way he was always quick to laugh, his body, his heart. My own heart squeezed painfully and I pulled another long drink.

This wasn't real, I kept telling myself. There was no way things had just ended, no way we were now apart. He said I was his heart, and you don't leave your heart behind. You can't live without your heart.

I was just finishing the second glass and filling the third, and unfortunately the last, when I heard the front door open.

It must have been very late, or very early, depending on how you looked at it, and Kellan was home from a night with the guys at Pete's. He strolled into the kitchen and casually tossed his keys on the counter. He paused when he noticed me standing in the room. I wasn't usually awake this late on nights I didn't work.

"Hey."

I turned towards him but never stopped drinking my glass to answer. At the movement, I noticed that my head was starting to swim. Good.

I studied him silently. His blue eyes had a slightly glazed look. He must have had a couple, or more than a couple, with the band. His clothes were the basic look he preferred wearing - a just tight enough t-shirt, faded blue jeans and black work boots. Maybe it was the wine, maybe it was my grief, but tonight, he just looked extra-incredible. His hair, tousled and messy, was sexy as hell. Wow, I thought, with the part of my brain that still could, drinking him in was more of a distraction for me than the wine.

"You okay?" He cocked his head to the side a little while he looked at me quizzically. It was unbelievably attractive and I stopped drinking for a moment.

"No." The word sounded slow to me, the wine working fast in my body. I felt steady enough to quickly add, "Denny isn't coming back...we're done."

Instantly, his gorgeous face filled with sympathy and he walked over to me. For a second, I thought he was going to put his arms around me. My heart started beating faster at the thought. But he leaned back against the counter instead, resting his hands behind him. I continued drinking my wine and watched him, watch me.

"You want to talk about it?"

I paused. "No."

He glanced over at the empty wine bottle on the counter and up again, at the glass I was just finishing. "You want some tequila?"

For the first time in what felt like years, I smiled. "Absolutely."

He reached to open the cupboard above the fridge, to rummage through a stash of alcohol bottles that I didn't even know were in there. Reaching up like that caused his shirt to stretch in delightful ways, showing just a hint of the skin at his waist. The painful thoughts of Denny were slowly fading, watching this absurdly attractive man. Damn, he was sexy.

He found what he wanted and twisted back around to me. I sighed as his shirt lowered. Sudden loneliness washed through my alcohol-soaked brain. I was alone now. I had moved all the way out here to be with Denny and now I was completely alone. I watched Kellan's body move enticingly under his clothes as he grabbed us glasses, salt and limes. My loneliness faded and started transforming into something else entirely.

He finished pouring and with an alluring half-smile, he handed me my drink. "Cure for heartache, I'm told."

I reached for the glass and my fingers brushed his. That slight touch caused heat to rise up my hand and I idly thought he might be the better cure.

I had seen numerous people at the bar do shooters. I had done them before. But the way Kellan did it was so downright sexy, I felt a little dirty watching him. The wine surging through my system turned every move he made erotic, apparently. He used a finger dipped in alcohol to wet the back of his hand, then mine. He shook a little salt over them while I wondered at how my hand suddenly felt warm where his touch lingered. I watched his tongue lick his salt away, his strong jaw line move, as he quickly tilted back the shot of tequila, and his lips curl as he sucked on the lime. It took my breath away.

Gathering myself, I took my shot and then the tequila hit me. Where the wine had burned, this scorched. I made a face and Kellan chuckled at me; it did delightful things to his smile.

He immediately poured another. We didn't talk. I really didn't need conversation right now anyway and he seemed to sense that. We silently did our second shooter and I managed to not make a face this time.

On our third shooter, my body was warm and tingly. I had trouble keeping my eyes focused, but I still watched every move Kellan made as closely as I could. If I were in his position, I would have been very uncomfortable being relentlessly stared at like that, but he acted like he didn't even notice. I remembered his "adoring" fans at the bar and thought maybe he was just used to it.

On the fourth shooter, I could tell that Kellan's eyes were even more glazed-looking. His smile was loose and easy. He slightly spilled the tequila, filling our shot glasses, and he laughed when he took his lime. I watched him sucking on it and had the craziest, most intense need to suck on it with him.

By the fifth shooter, all the despair, loneliness and pain from earlier in the evening had completely changed into something else...desire. More specifically, desire for this god-like man in front of me. I remembered the electricity between us a few nights ago and, real or not, I wanted to feel that passion again.

Without thinking, I did what I had wanted to do on that very first shot. I grabbed his hand, just as he bent down to lick the salt away. I lightly pressed my tongue against the back of it, the salt pleasantly mixing with the taste of his skin. His breath caught while he watched me down my shot of tequila. I quickly set the glass down and placed the lime wedge in his partly opened mouth. I brought my lips to his. I half sucked on the lime, half pressed against his lips. Fire burned though me.

I pulled away from him slowly, taking the lime with me. His breathing was faster and a little ragged. I carefully took the lime out and set it on the counter, licking my fingers in the process. Kellan took his shot of tequila straight, his eyes never leaving mine. He roughly set down his own glass, licked his lower lip once, and grabbed my neck, pulling me back to his mouth.