Chapter 5
Lonely
That first week was the longest of my life. With school not started yet and me still not having anything to do all day, I had started to dwell. I felt every single second of every single minute of every single hour of every single day, tick slowly by.
Kellan did his part to try and entertain me. He chatted with me over coffee, he tried to teach me to play the guitar (which I was astoundingly bad at) and he eventually did drag me out on one of his runs. I quickly developed a dislike for Seattle; a beautiful city - yes, but friendly to runners who prefer a flat oval track to leg-cramping hills - no. I had to stop halfway through the run and turn around to walk home. Kellan laughed a little, but offered to walk with me. Feeling weak and rather stupid, I shooed him off to finish his run and went back home to wallow.
Kellan went with me to the grocery store when my supplies started running dangerously low, which was a fun, but completely embarrassing outing. Thankfully, I was fully stocked on feminine products - that would have been way too blush-inducing to buy with him there. Although, he made me blush anyway, by casually tossing a box of condoms in the cart. Grabbing the box while I looked around discretely (with I'm sure, a horrified look on my face), I gingerly handed it back to him like it was partially on fire. At first he wouldn't take it, and he only looked at me with a wry grin on his lips. But as my face and gestures became more frantic, he finally took the box from me and slipped it back on the shelf, all the while laughing at my embarrassment.
Quickly getting over the incident, I pushed the cart down the aisle while Kellan, softly singing along to the cheesy background songs (he knew every single one), tossed things in - and only things I approved first. I smiled as I watched his attractive, grinning face. We were halfway through the store and entering the cereal aisle, when suddenly the song he was singing along to, became a duet. He looked over at me expectantly on the girl part and I could feel the heat creep up my face - I was not a singer.
He laughed, amused at my unwilling expression and sang his next part louder, walking backwards and gesturing like he was serenading me. It was highly embarrassing, and a few people who walked by us, smiled and laughed at him. He ignored them and continued singing to me, watching my face turn a bright red as my blush deepened. His eyes practically sparkled with enjoyment over my discomfort.
He again waited for me to sing the girl part, with his hands splayed out in a "go ahead" gesture and an eyebrow cocked. I stubbornly shook my head and smacked him on the arm, hoping he would stop mortifying me. He laughed and grabbed my hand, spinning me around right there in the middle of the aisle. He whirled me away and then back to him and then he even dipped me, never once stopping his serenade. An older couple smiled at us as they scooted around him.
Laughing as he stood me back up, I finally, and very softly, sang the girl part for him. He smiled charmingly at me and then chuckling, released me and we finished our shopping...and the song. After that, I just sang back whatever he wanted me to. Defying him was just too darn embarrassing.
More to pass the time than anything, I grudgingly called my parents. I'd had no intention of telling them that Denny had left their baby girl all alone in a strange city, but somehow it slipped out, and I had to endure an hour-long 'I knew he was no good, get your butt back here' speech. For the millionth time, I told them that I was staying here, that I was happy here. At least, I would be when Denny came back. I repeatedly assured them that they didn't need to worry so much.
Denny did call me two to three times a day, which was the highlight of my day, and I found myself hanging around the kitchen, waiting for the phone to ring so I could talk to him. Eventually, that really started to irritate me. I was my own person. I could get through the day without talking to him, if I happened to miss a call. Well, I could make it a few hours at least. I tried not to obsess so much after that...but of course, I still did, and I cherished every phone call that I did get.
"Hey, babe."
I knew I was grinning like an idiot into the phone, but I couldn't help it. I missed his voice. "Hi..." I practically sighed the word. "How are you doing...ready to come home yet?" I cringed, knowing I sounded exactly like my parents.
Denny chuckled into the phone, like he realized that too. "I'm great, tired...but great. We're not nearly done yet though...sorry." His voice reflected true remorse and I couldn't help but smile.
"It's alright...I guess. I miss you like crazy though."
He chuckled again. "I miss you too." This was practically our daily routine. Are you coming home? No. I miss you. I miss you too. I smiled at how much I loved that goofy boy.
"I was just about to grab something to eat and then crash. What are you up to on your night off?" He grunted softly like he had sat down, completely exhausted.
I sighed. "Absolutely nothing, and Kellan's band is playing at Razors tonight, so I'm going to be completely alone here..." I said that last part quietly as I looked around the suddenly huge seeming house.
"Why don't you go?" he said, yawning a little.
I looked at the phone, confused. "Huh?"
"With Kellan...why don't you go listen to the band? It will at least give you something to do..." He yawned again softly, and made a sound like he had flopped onto his bed or something.
"You're really tired, aren't you?" I asked, feeling bad for keeping him awake, but not wanting to get off the phone yet.
"Yeah...it's alright though." I could hear his smile through the phone. "I'll stay up to talk to you."
I felt stubborn tears brewing. I missed him so achingly bad. "I don't want to wear you out even more. I can talk to you in the morning, before your work. We'll have breakfast together." I tried to make my voice happy at that prospect when, really, I just wanted to sob at him to come home already.
He yawned again. "Are you sure? I really don't mind..."
No, I wanted to talk to him all night. "Yes... eat, get some sleep, and hurry home to me."
"I love you, Kiera," he said warmly.
"I love you too...goodnight."
"Goodnight." He yawned a final time as he hung up the phone.
I stared at the receiver for a full minute while the stubborn tear dripped down my cheek. It had only been nine days and, here I was, already crying with loneliness. That didn't sit well with me. Maybe he was right and I should go out? It would, at the very least make the evening go by faster - breakfast would be here before I knew it. That thought perking me up, I brushed aside my tear and walked upstairs to Kellan's room.
I knocked on his closed door and he immediately said, "Come on in." I immediately blushed upon entering; he hadn't exactly been decent yet. He was standing by the bed, facing the door and buttoning his jeans. His fresh t-shirt was still lying on the bed and his absurdly defined body was still slightly damp from the shower he had just gotten out of.
He looked up at me curiously. "What's up?"
I realized I was standing in the doorway, gaping at him stupidly, and made myself close my mouth. "Um...I was wondering...if I could go with you...to Razors...listen to the band..." I was feeling more and more like an idiot with every word escaping my lips. I suddenly wished I had opened my door, for a night of sulking, instead of his door.
Grinning broadly, he grabbed his shirt from the bed. "Really? You're not sick of listening to me yet?" He winked as he pulled the t-shirt over his fabulous body.
I swallowed a little, openly watching him, and made myself shut my mouth again. "No...not yet. It will give me something to do, anyway." I immediately regretted saying that, as it probably sounded horribly rude.
He chuckled delightfully as he ran his fingers through his thick, damp hair and then, grabbing something from his dresser, tousled it up into a wonderfully shaggy mess. I watched him curiously. I'd never seen anyone style their hair that way before. He never even looked in a mirror; he just instinctively knew how to make it look perfectly styled in a completely un-styled way - fabulously sexy.
I blinked when he spoke to me. "Sure, I'm almost ready to go." He sat on the bed to put his work boots on, and patted the space beside him. I sat and watched him, feeling silly for even coming in here. "Was that Denny on the phone?"
"Yeah..." I said sadly, and he paused and watched me for a moment.
"Any idea when he'll come home?" he asked, grabbing for his other boot.
"No," I sighed.
He half-grinned at me charmingly. "I'm sure it won't be too much longer." He stood up and grabbed the newer of his two guitars, shoving it in an open case on his bed. "It will fly by...really." He smiled at me so encouragingly that I smiled too. "Ready?" he asked, shutting the case and pulling the strap over his shoulder.
I nodded and we made our way downstairs. He grabbed his keys, and I grabbed my ID and some cash from tips, and we were off.
The night at Razors was surprisingly fun. Razors was a much smaller bar than Pete's. It was a long, narrow rectangle of a building with a small area for the band at the front, a long bar against one wall and tables and chairs occupying the rest of the space. Kellan plopped me down at the closest table, for a front row seat to the almost intimate show.
The band played astoundingly well, of course, but more subdued. It was almost like a private performance for me and twenty of my closest friends. Kellan sat on a stool while he sang and strummed his guitar, his flirty behavior nearly cut in half with his adoring flock of females all but gone. Not that the girls here weren't shouting for him, and the rest of the guys, but these people were mainly bar patrons who happened to come in tonight, not the zealous stalkers that seemed to hang out at Pete's, where the band was based.
I found myself absorbed in Kellan's performance, really listening to the lyrics and the timbre of his voice, and even softly singing along to a few songs, which made him smile gloriously when he noticed. Denny's suggestion was brilliant, and the night did fly by. Before I knew it, the guys were packing up their stuff and Kellan was saying goodbye to a few people that he knew there...and obliging a few forward women with kisses on their cheeks. Then we were back in his car and heading home.
On the ride back, Kellan smiled, and softly sang the last song the band had played, thumping a rhythm with his thumbs on the steering wheel. It happened to be the song that had moved me so much, my very first night in Seattle. The song that had really made me notice Kellan, the inner Kellan. I leaned my head back on the seat and turned to watch him. He looked over at my rapt attention and smiled wider through his words.
"I love that one." I smiled back widely and he nodded, still singing it. "It seems important to you. Does it mean something?" I hadn't meant to ask that. Oh well, too late now.
He stopped singing and looked at me curiously. "Huh," he said, pausing his fingers and returning his attention to the road.
"What?" I asked timidly, hoping I hadn't somehow offended him.
He only half-grinned at me though, not at all looking slighted. "No one's ever asked me that before. Well, no one outside the band that is." He shrugged as he looked over my face. I blushed and looked away, wondering if he thought I was an idiot for asking. "Yes..." he said softly.
I blinked and turned back to look at him, thinking maybe, once again, I had spoken my thoughts out loud and he had just agreed that I was an idiot. But smiling warmly at me, he only added, "It means a lot to me..."
He gave me an odd look, and then turned his attention back to the road and said nothing further. I bit my lip, and made the conscious decision to not ask him anymore about it, even though I desperately wanted to. I could tell from the way he too carefully watched the road, and from the way he occasionally flicked me quick glances from the corner of his eye, that he didn't want to elaborate on it. It took great effort on my part, but I was respectful, and didn't ask him anything else.
I relayed my evening to Denny over our phone-breakfast the next morning, and he seemed pleased that I had been able to have a fun night without him. I wasn't too pleased at that thought - I wanted to be having fun with him, but I suppose he was right. I did need to get out more and enjoy myself while he was gone. Dwelling was getting me nowhere.
So I started hanging out with Jenny more. In fact, the very next Sunday afternoon, she came over to our dreary house and was as shocked as I had been that it was so barren. We spent the entire afternoon hitting every consignment shop or thrift store in town, looking for the cheapest, yet nicest, stuff we could find to spruce up the place.
We managed to find a couple of nice art-deco pieces for the living room, a couple scenic prints for my room, some coffee themed pictures (and, of course, one tea themed picture) for the kitchen, and an interesting water drop photo for the bathroom. I even happened across on old Ramones poster that I thought Kellan would like, since his room was as barren as the rest of the house.
I scooped up a whole bunch of empty photo frames and got some pictures developed that we'd taken with Denny's camera that first week we'd moved in. Some were of Denny and I, a couple were just of the boys, and a few, including my very favorite one that I planned on sharing with my family, had all three of us together. And of course, we found a whole bunch of girlier items: baskets, decorative plants, nice towels for the bathroom. I even managed to find a cheap answering machine, so I wouldn't have to stress quite so much about missing a phone call.
I wasn't sure how thrilled Kellan was going to be about us girlifying his house, but he wasn't home when we got back from our trip, so we hurried, giggling the entire time, to get everything up before he got back. We were just finishing up in the kitchen when he finally did get home.
He looked over at Jenny and me putting up the last coffee print in the kitchen and, smiling, shook his head a little. Laughing softly, he turned and headed upstairs to his room. Jenny and I figured that was as much of a "looks good" as we were going to get, so laughing a little ourselves, we quickly finished the decor project.
I thanked Jenny, for occupying my mind and beautifying our house, when she had to leave shortly after, to start her shift. She shouted a goodbye up the stairs to Kellan and upon his "bye" response, waved to me and headed out the door. Thinking that maybe Kellan secretly wasn't thrilled about the new look, I quietly made my way upstairs.
His door was cracked, and I could just make him out, sitting on the edge of his bed, staring at the floor with a strange expression on his face. Curious, I knocked on his door. He looked up as I opened the door wider and waved me in.
"Hey...sorry about the stuff. If you don't like it, I can take it down." I smiled at him apologetically and sat on the edge of the bed beside him.
He smiled and shook his head. "No, its fine. I guess it was a little...empty." He pointed over his shoulder, to the poster I had hung on his wall. "I do like that...thanks."
I smiled back at him. "Yeah, I thought you might...you're welcome." Wondering what he had been thinking about earlier, I blurted out, "You okay?"
He looked at me, confused. "Yeah, I'm fine...why?"
Suddenly embarrassed, I wasn't sure what to say. "Nothing, you just looked...nothing, sorry."
He looked at me thoughtfully for a moment, and I thought he was deciding whether or not to tell me something. I started holding my breath under the intensity of his deep blue eyes. Suddenly, he smiled at me, and shaking his head a little, asked instead, "Hungry? How about Pete's?" He smiled brilliantly. "It's been so long since we've been there."
The bar was pretty packed, even though it was early. Kellan and I sat at his usual table and Jenny smiled at us again as she came over to take our orders. We picked out a couple burgers and a couple beers, and I watched the crowd while we waited for our drinks. It felt a little odd to sit alone in public with Kellan, especially at the place I worked. Rita watched us curiously and I tried to avoid eye contact with her; she tended to think the worst about us.
Kellan seemed completely comfortable, however. He sat laid back in his chair, foot propped up on his knee, watching me. It suddenly occurred to me that I had spent the whole day out with Jenny, and then I'd been busy decorating, and now I was out at Pete's - I hadn't talked to Denny today. That thought made me frown. We hadn't gone a whole day without talking to each other. It bothered me enough that I almost asked Kellan to take me home.
He noticed. "You okay?"
Realizing I was being silly, and I could listen to his voice on our new machine over and over, if he did call while I was gone, I smiled and shrugged. "Yeah, just Denny-sick. I'm fine though."
He seemed to consider that for a minute, then nodded.
Jenny brought us our beers and he sipped his in silence, still watching me intently. Starting to feel slightly uncomfortable, I relaxed visibly when she brought our food out a few minutes later. The weirdness between us quickly passed, and we ate and talked companionably. We sat and ate and talked and drank our beers for, well, I'm not sure how long, but, eventually, we weren't alone at the table.
The rest of the D-Bags finally made their almost nightly appearance at Pete's. They joined our table without even considering that they may not be invited to. I didn't mind. The guys were entertaining to hang out with. Well, maybe not so much Griffin, but as long as he kept his hands off of me, I could tolerate him.
Luckily, he sat over by Kellan, on the far side of the table from me. Of course, he had to smack Kellan on the shoulder and say, "Nice, man" while leering at me suggestively. I rolled my eyes while Kellan chuckled at him. Matt sat next to me, while Evan pulled a chair up to the end and sat down.
Jenny quickly brought everybody beers and just like that, I was the fifth member of the band for the night. They were interesting to watch in action this close, and with the bar so busy, there were plenty of opportunities to watch them interact with people. Okay, mostly with women. I found the differences in how the guys "interacted" with their fans interesting. Of course, they all did it, even quiet Matt and sweet Evan. They all seemed to enjoy their pseudo-stardom, just in different ways, to different degrees.
On the extreme end, was Griffin, who, I think if he ever had the idea, would keep a running tally of his conquests on his arms. He ceaselessly reiterated his adventures to anyone who would stop and listen. I found it disgusting, and tuned out as much as I possibly could. Being typical guys, the rest of the band seemed to find it all amusing. Even some women stopped and practically drooled on themselves over his crude stories. I could almost see them mentally replacing themselves with the random woman in his tale.
Griffin also seemed to be in some weird competition with Kellan. He was always asking him if he'd been with this or that girl. To his credit, Kellan was surprisingly quiet about his dalliances. He never answered Griffin directly. He tactfully changed Griffin's line of questioning, without ever actually saying if he did or didn't "do" said girl. In fact, thinking back over our time here, if he'd been with someone, or someones, I suppose, I had never seen it. Nothing beyond flirting. Tons of flirting actually; the boy did enjoy a good snuggle. I had heard plenty about his conquests though, but mostly from the women around the bar, or the guys in the band, or, ugh, the bathroom walls. Finding it hard to believe that someone as good-looking as him wasn't "getting some" regularly, I wondered where he went.
I tore my eyes away from where Kellan was chatting with some brunette, brushing her hair away from her shoulder and leaning in to whisper in her ear, while she giggled and ran a hand down his chest. Turning my head, I watched Evan sitting on the edge of the stage.
Evan was boisterous and fun...and a flirt. From what I'd heard, he tended to focus on one woman for a short period of time, and then, when it was almost beginning to get serious, he would shift focus to someone else. When he was in love, he was deeply in love, but it never held his interest for long; he was "in love" a lot. Currently, he was pledging devotion to some buxom blonde in hot pants.
I smiled and turned to look over at Matt, the only band member just people watching, like me. He smiled back at me and sipped his beer in comfortable silence.
Matt was almost shy around girls. I never saw him approach anyone, they always approached him first. And he usually let them do most, if not all, of the talking and flirting. I could completely understand Matt and his shyness. In some ways, we were a lot alike. But before the end of the night, even Matt had caught the interest of a pretty girl, who brought over a chair to sit beside him.
I rolled my eyes and continued my people, well, band watching, sipping on my beer. The superfluous flirting going on around me suddenly made me miss Denny very, very much. I was sadly staring at my beer bottle when I felt someone approach. I looked up at Kellan smiling at me and holding his hand out. Confused, I took it and he stood me up.
"We're going to play some pool...join us?" He motioned back at Griffin who was downing the rest of his beer.
I wasn't eager to hang out closer to Griffin, but Kellan was smiling warmly at me, and I found myself nodding. He put his hand on my back and we made our way to the pool room. I noticed the woman he'd been flirting with earlier, following us with a couple of her friends, Griffin following them, with a highly inappropriate look in his light blue eyes.
Griffin shot first, while Kellan stood over by me, a stick upright in his hands. He grinned at me when Griffin didn't make anything on the break. Then he leaned over the pool table and, watching me with a cocky, half-smile on his lips, he made his shot. I laughed softly when his ball completely missed every other ball. He looked back at the table and frowned, then looked back up at me and laughed, shrugging his shoulders as he straightened back up. His woman put a hand over his stomach consolingly, but he didn't look over at her.
Griffin smacked him on the back as he walked by. "Nice! Thanks."
Griffin sank the next two balls while Kellan sat on a stool beside me, his flirty friend standing close beside him, looking down at him like she was considering plopping onto his lap. He unconsciously rubbed the skin behind her knee with his thumb, his fingers drifting up her short skirt a little, while he watched Griffin shoot.
Ignoring the flirting, that was making me slightly uncomfortable, I commentated on his playing instead. "You really aren't good at pool, are you?" I smiled widely at the thought.
Laughing, he looked over at me. "No, thanks for noticing." He looked back at Griffin while the brunette ran a hand through his hair above his ear. "I think that's why Griffin likes to play me." He laughed again and smiled up at the girl, making her giggle.
I rolled my eyes at him. "Maybe if you concentrated more..." He looked back at me, mock-offended and I laughed.
He looked at me silently for a second, his eyes oddly serious, and then laughed as well, shaking his head. "Yeah...maybe."
I looked away from him and watched Griffin make another two shots. He actually wasn't bad. Kellan started chuckling, highly amused at something, and I peered over at him. He was watching me watch Griffin play, a wry smile on his lips. "You get to play the winner," he said, touching my knee lightly with the hand holding his pool stick.
My eyes widened at that. I really was not good at pool...and apparently he wasn't either. Even more alarmed, I looked over at Griffin, who, in-between his shots, was attempting to lift up some girl's skirt with his stick. There was no way in hell I was playing pool with him! Kellan laughed harder as my face apparently made that clear to him.
Kellan finished up his game (okay, he lost terribly to Griffin and then called it quits) and gave his suddenly very sad brunette a kiss on the cheek. Then we said our goodbyes to Jenny, the rest of the band, and an amused Rita, and he took me home. Even with my loneliness, the evening was surprisingly a lot of fun. But fun or not, the first thing I did when Kellan and I got home, was immediately check the answering machine for a missed message from Denny.
Nothing...nothing at all. I sighed brokenly and then shuffled off to bed.
After not hearing from him at all the evening I went to Pete's with Kellan, Denny's phone call the next night sparked my irritation. He apologized profusely, swearing up and down that work was crazy-busy, and he hadn't had a chance to stop and eat, much less call me. He invented a couple of creative ways to make it up to me, which eventually made me laugh and cooled my anger, somewhat. But a few nights later it happened again, and then a few nights later, again.
On top of worrying and wondering about that, the time was up for me to register for school. Denny had been the one who was going to show me around the new campus. Not that he knew it any better than I did, he didn't, but we'd planned on making a day of it - going on a Sunday and registering for my classes (he was a pro at creating the perfect schedule), checking out the bookstore, taking the self-guided campus tour and laughingly figuring it all out...together. But now he was away, indefinitely, and I was going to have to figure it out on my own.
I was scowling at brochures, course catalogs, and a map of the massive campus when Kellan came into the kitchen one Wednesday afternoon. Angry again at Denny's absence, I finally swept my arm across the table and, cursing rather dramatically, knocked everything to the floor. Of course, I hadn't realized that he was standing right behind me, or I wouldn't have been so theatrical. I just really wasn't looking forward to walking aimlessly around the school alone, looking like a lost idiot.
He laughed at my outburst and startled, I spun to face him. "I can't wait to tell Griff about that one." He smiled broadly, enjoying the moment a little too much. Blushing furiously, I groaned at the pictured amusement on Griffin's face. Great. "School starting, huh?" He nodded over to the brochures on the floor.
Sighing, I bent over to pick them up. "Yeah, and I still haven't really been on the campus. I have no idea where everything is." I straightened to look at him. "I just....Denny was supposed to be here for this." I hated how that sounded, like I couldn't function like a normal human being with him away. It was going to be embarrassing, figuring all this out on my own...but I should be able to do stuff on my own. I frowned at my dark thoughts. "He's been gone almost a month."
Kellan watched me intently, too intently, and I looked away. "The D-Bags play the campus every once and awhile." I looked back and he smiled oddly. "I actually know it pretty well. I can show you around if you like?"
Relief washed through me at the idea of having a guide. "Oh, please, yes." Struggling to regain my composure, I added, "I mean, if you don't mind."
He half-smiled adorably at me. "No, Kiera, I don't mind..."
Ignoring the oddity in his voice at the tail end of that sentence, I added, "There is a registration thing tomorrow. Could you take me, and then Sunday we could look around?"
He smiled broadly again. "Sounds great."
The next day, Kellan, rather cheerily, took me to school and walked me to the admissions office, since he seemed to know exactly where it was. I thanked him repeatedly, which he brushed it off with his hand, insisting it was no big deal. I told him that I had no idea how long I'd have to wait for my turn, so I would take the bus back home. He looked at me funny and then smiled and wished me luck before he left.
I waited with other nervous-looking students in the waiting area. I stared at my hands, mentally going over what classes I should take, until a woman came up to me and motioned me to an open door leading to the registration office.
The office was warm and inviting, which actually did relax me a little bit. Two incredibly large bookcases (crammed full of thick, hardbound books), multiple file cabinets and a large, clean desk in front of the window overlooking the quad, were all in a deep, dark cherry color that coordinated with the beige walls perfectly. Plants were everywhere around the room. The person who occupied this office must have a green thumb; I couldn't keep anything alive for more than three days.
That woman was currently sitting at the desk, and looked up at me as her college-aged assistant motioned me through the open door. The woman was very professional looking, and I suddenly felt very dowdy and uncomfortable. I had an odd desire for Kellan to still be here. I knew that he would be completely comfortable walking up to this woman, giving her a sly half-smile and getting whatever he wanted from her, since she would be putty in his hands. A twinge of jealousy passed through me. Life must be so much easier, when you know that you're absurdly attractive.
I sighed internally and straightened myself as I approached her. I may not be anything special to look at, but I was smart, and in a place such as this, that counted more. I held out my hand, trying to picture what Denny would do in this situation. "Hello. I'm Kiera Allen. I'm transferring in this year and need to register." I smiled, thinking that came out okay.
She smiled and took my hand. "Nice to meet you, Kiera, welcome to U-Dub. What can I help you with?"
I smiled and sat down. That went much better than I thought it would. We sat and talked about what I had already taken at Ohio U, and what I would still need to graduate. We debated my schedule and went over the still open classes, finding a few that fit together perfectly. I only needed three this semester, which worked out great, leaving me time to study...and quite frankly sleep, since I was working so late most nights.
By the end of the meeting, I had my three classes lined up. European Lit, with all the great classics: the Bronte sisters, Austen, Dickens. I was really looking forward to that class. Microeconomics, which Denny had suggested I take, insisting that he could help me study. I'd told him that I could handle it, but he had been so excited to teach me. And lastly, Psychology. I had really wanted a psych class, but the only open one that fit into my schedule was Human Sexuality. Blushing deeply, I signed up for it. I could take a seat in the very back of the room and not say a word. Besides, when Denny got home, he could help me study for that one too...
When I left the admissions office, quite a bit later, I blinked in surprise at seeing Kellan leaning against the wall across from the door, one foot propped up, and an espresso in each hand. Upon seeing me, he lifted one up and raised an eyebrow. I couldn't help the huge smile as I walked over to him.
"What are you doing here?" I asked, gleefully taking the coffee he offered me.
"Well, I thought you might want a ride home...and a pick me up." He lifted his own coffee and took a sip.
I could only stare at him, dumbfounded for a second, before I finally gave him a kiss on the cheek. "Thank you, Kellan...for everything."
He looked down and, smiling, shook his head. "Come on," he said softly. "Let's go home. You can tell me all about your classes." He looked back at me and grinned. Thinking of my psych class, I blushed deeply again and he chuckled adorably.
That Sunday, Kellan took me for a tour around the campus. There were a surprising amount of people walking around, either getting ready to reenter the school, or, like me, checking it out for the first time. The campus was massive, more like a small city. Of course, the first place Kellan showed me was a small bar across the way from the University bookstore. Smiling at him, and shaking my head a little, we went inside for a quick lunch and a beer before our little adventure. Next, we went to the bookstore, where I found all the books I would need. I got most of them used, which saved me a bundle - books are dang expensive. I had to smile at Kellan while I was in line; he was flipping through a thick one on Human Anatomy, while talking to two giggling, college-age girls nearby... always the flirt.
Then we crossed the street to enter the campus. It was breathtakingly beautiful. Expertly landscaped and maintained lawns had crisscrossing paths that led to several imposing brick buildings. Dormant cherry blossoms were everywhere in the quad; the campus would be truly stunning in the spring. People of various ages and ethnicities were lounging around the grass, enjoying the sunny day.
Smiling at me, Kellan led me past the stately buildings, knowing the name of each one and what was taught there. Gowen Hall - Asian literature and political science. Smith Hall - history and geography. Savery Hall - philosophy, sociology and economics (where my micro-economics class would be). Miller Hall - the admin hall, which was the only place on campus I'd been. Raitt Hall - speech communications and nutritional sciences...
He went on and on with the detailed explanations of what and where everything was. I had brochures, but he barely looked at them. He just seemed to know most everything by heart. He was the best guide I could have asked for, and I found myself more and more appreciative of him, and his kind offer. And not entirely for the fact that he seemed to know every nook and cranny of the campus, which seemed really odd to me, since he'd made it sound like he'd only visited a of couple times for some shows (I was beginning to have some suspicions about the true source of his knowledge).
No, mostly I was grateful for the fact that walking beside him down the paths and the halls of the school, caused me to be practically invisible. He drew almost every eye to him like a flame. Women openly stared (even a few men did too) while the rest of the guys watched the women with puzzled looks on their faces, like they didn't get it. Either way was fine with me, as long as he was the one being looked at. Since Denny's departure, I'd been feeling really lonely, and more than a little depressed. We were walking through swarms of people I didn't know, that I didn't feel like getting to know today, and I was more than happy to disappear.
Kellan was pleasant company and chatted politely with me. He made eye contact with several of the girls in the hall, and surprisingly, avoided eye contact with others (I had suspicions about that too). We walked through a lot of the campus and through some of the various buildings and hallways. He made sure to go through the buildings where my classes were and pointed out which rooms were mine and what routes would be the best to take.
The afternoon had been pretty uneventful, aside from the stares he drew, when suddenly we came across someone that surprised us both. We were walking down the hallway to where my European Lit class would be, when from behind us we heard -
"Oh! My! God! Kellan Kyle!"
He turned and looked behind him instinctually to his name being called. He looked puzzled, as a petite redhead with springy hair and a face full of freckles, bounded down the hall towards us. Panic crossed his features and I thought for a second he might try and run for it. Before he could do anything though, the tiny girl had flung her arms around his neck and was kissing him voraciously.
I blinked in shock and sudden discomfort. Taking a break from his lips, she sighed ecstatically. "I can't believe you're visiting me at school."
Kellan blinked, his mouth open in surprise, but remained quiet.
The girl glanced over at me and frowned. "Oh, I can see you're busy." She reached in her small purse for a piece of paper and a pen, scribbled something on it, and shoved it, rather seductively, in Kellan's front pocket. He fidgeted slightly, an odd look on his face.
"Call me," she breathed, kissing him passionately again before taking off, back down the hall.
And just like that she was gone.
He started walking again, like nothing even remotely weird had just happened, and I hurried to catch up with him. I couldn't help but stare at him in disbelief. He was sort of acting like being mauled was commonplace. Eventually, he turned to look over at me. "Who was that?" I asked curiously.
He scrunched his face adorably, in confusion and concentration. "I really have no idea." He reached in his pocket and took out the note. "Hmmm...that was, Candy." His eyes snapped up as recognition flared. He grinned and looked back to where she had disappeared. I rolled my eyes, suddenly and surprisingly, a little irritated. My earlier suspicions were pretty much confirmed at that point.
He surprised me by crumpling the note and tossing it into a wastebasket we walked by. I wondered about that, my irritation cooling. I'd kind of figured...Candy, had been about to get a phone call later. I couldn't hold back the smile. Poor girl. And she had been so excited too.
*******************
A week later, on a bright and cheery Sunday morning, I was aimlessly flipping through channels on the television. I wasn't really watching anything, too lost in thought. Denny hadn't called again last night. It was starting to become a more frequent thing, and I was really starting to lose patience. I tried to remind myself over and over that he would be home in a few weeks, that this purgatory would eventually end. But nothing was lifting my mood, not today. Today I was wallowing in pity. That was my plan anyway. I was on my thousandth sigh when Kellan abruptly appeared in the living room and stepped between me and the TV.
"Come on." He held his hand out to me.
I looked up at him, confused. "Huh?"
"You're not spending, yet another day, moping on the couch." He smiled. "You're coming with me."
Not moving, and frowning at his cheeriness, I sullenly asked, "And where are we going?"
He smiled his charming half-smile. "Bumbershoot."
"Bumper-what?"
He laughed a little and smiled wider. "Bumbershoot. Don't worry, you'll love it."
I had no idea what that was and I smiled mockingly. "But that will ruin a perfectly good day of wallowing. "
"Exactly." He beamed at me and his sudden handsomeness caught my breath. Hmmm, this could be interesting... "Fine," I sighed, and ignoring his still outstretched hand, I stood myself up and, overly exaggerating my irritation, headed upstairs to change, while he laughed at me.
He was dressed warmly and casually in shorts and a t-shirt, so I copied him and picked out my shorty-shorts and a tight tank top. He watched me as I came down the stairs, and then looked away, smiling to himself.
"Ready?" he asked, grabbing his keys and wallet.
"Sure." I still had no idea what I'd just gotten myself into.
Surprisingly, Kellan drove us to Pete's. "Bumbershoot is at Pete's?" I asked mockingly.
Kellan smiled at me and rolled his eyes. "No, the guys are at Pete's."
My heart unexpectedly dropped a little. "Oh, they're coming too?"
He put the car in park and frowned at me, noticing my disappointment. "Yeah...is that okay?"
Wondering why that had bothered me, I shook my head. "No, of course that's fine. I'm intruding on your day anyway."
He cocked his head in the cutest way. "You're not intruding on anything, Kiera."
I smiled and looked out the window and my heart sank again. There was one thing that hanging out with the guys entailed that I wasn't all too fond of, and it was currently walking right towards me. Griffin. I sighed and Kellan noticed what had my attention. He chuckled softly and leaned over to whisper in my ear, "Don't worry. I'll protect you from Griffin."
I blushed a little at his unexpected nearness, but threw him a smile in response. Griffin banged on the window, startling me, and then pressed his lips against the glass, making obscene movements with his tongue, his piercing clicking on the glass. I grimaced and looked away.
Matt opened the rear door from Kellan's side and smiled over at me, his pale blue eyes looking genuinely pleased to see me. "Hey, Kiera, coming with us, huh? Cool." He hopped in and shut the door behind him while I nodded.
"Hi, Matt."
Evan opened the rear door on my side and waved for Griffin to get into the middle seat. "Uh-uh. No, I'm not taking the bitch seat. You take it." Griffin stated indignantly, shaking his head at Evan.
"No way, man. I have to sit by a window or I'll get carsick." Evan sighed, giving him a 'just do it' face, and indicated the seat again. Griffin rolled his eyes and looked over at Matt. Matt smiled back, clearly not going to move. Griffin put his arms across his chest, clearly not moving either. Evan and Kellan both sighed.
"Oh for Pete's sake," I muttered, then carefully crawled over the front seat to sit in the "bitch seat", as Griffin so charmingly put it.
"Sweet!" Griffin quickly slid in the seat next to me and shut the door in Evan's face. I immediately regretted my decision and looked over at Kellan, who shrugged at me. I sighed again and scooted over towards Matt while Griffin got as close to me as physically possible in the big back seat.
Evan got in the front seat, waved hello at me, and we took off for wherever we were going. Luckily, the trip didn't take too long. I only had to smack Griffin's hand from my thigh three times and only once, had to push him away from licking my neck. Kellan watched us periodically from the rear view mirror, but I couldn't quite see enough of his face to know if he was irritated, or amused.
Bumbershoot turned out to be a music and art festival at the Seattle Center. Kellan parked us in the lot across the street and waited to take my hand, which I thought was very sweet of him. As we entered the Center, it was also very practical, since the place was packed. Kellan bought my ticket, insisting that he had invited me along, so he would pay, and we made our way inside the massive campus.
It was amazing. There were art exhibits and performers everywhere. We walked near the Space Needle on the way in, and Kellan pulled me close, telling me we could go up later if I wanted. As we got further inside, the place was overwhelming. There were a dozen or so stages outside, and almost another dozen enclosed theaters, all with different types of bands. Every music style was accounted for, from Reggae to Rock. Even some comedy shows were going on as well. There were a ton of food and merchandise booths, and even an amusement park. I had no idea where to go first.
Luckily, Griffin and Matt seemed to know exactly where they wanted to go, so we followed them through the mob of people. As we got closer to one of the outdoor stages, the crowds got even thicker. I squeezed Kellan's hand and he smiled and pulled me close to him. I was still missing Denny, but hanging onto Kellan was nice. It made me feel kind of...content.
Griffin, Matt and Evan, were moving towards the front of a particularly rowdy group of fans, listening to some rock group that I hadn't ever heard of before. It looked a little violent for me, so I was relieved when Kellan stopped a distance from the chaos. We listened, and Kellan sang along to some of the songs, never dropping my hand. I pressed into his side as people behind us roughly pushed into me, trying to get by. Sensing my jostling, he slipped his arms around my waist, pulling me safely in front of him. Unlike with Griffin, I didn't smack him away. His arms were warm, comforting.
I watched the band for awhile (personally, I thought Kellan's group was better) and then I watched the rowdy crowd. I didn't see the other D-Bags (the band's name still made me chuckle). I looked around and finally found them off to the side, standing with a small circle of people all passing around cigarettes. Only, I had the feeling that wasn't really what they were. Kellan noticed my attention and looked over. I looked up and watched him watch his friends, curious if he would go over there or not. His blue eyes sparkled as the sunlight hit them and after a moment, he looked back down to my curious eyes and shrugged, smiling a little at me. Then he turned his attention back to the show.
I was relieved that he was happy to stay over by me. I started to wonder over that, but then decided he was pleasant to be around (and not too bad to look at), and that was a good enough answer for right now. Besides, I had been so lonely lately and, right or wrong, his closeness was making that feeling fade. Relaxing for the first time in what felt like weeks, I turned and slipped my arms around his waist, resting my head against his chest. I felt him stiffen a little at how closely we were connected, and then relax too, his thumb lightly stroking my back. I wasn't sure why I did that, but I sighed contently at the warmth of his embrace.
We spent the majority of the day that way, making our way to all the different styles of music on all the different stages. Griffin and Matt would lead us through the crowd - Griffin hooting at cute girls that would pass by (some responded, some looked affronted). Matt would occasionally smack him to get his attention and change what direction we were going. Evan strolled alongside Kellan and I, watching the crowds, but eyeing Kellan, who was still holding my hand, curiously. Once up to a stage, the guys would disappear, getting as close as possible to the front, with the more aggressive people, while Kellan would stay by me, seemingly happy and content farther back. I felt a little guilty that he was missing out on what guys considered "fun", but I liked having him near, so I didn't say anything.
Around mid-day we stopped at one of the numerous food stands and got some burgers and fries. Kellan grabbed my food and smiling, nodded over to an empty spot on a nearby lawn. Matt and Evan sat down and Matt grabbed a water bottle and started pouring something into their sodas. Griffin squatted down in front of him and handed him his drink for a fill up. I wasn't sure exactly what it was, but I was pretty sure it was alcoholic, and probably frowned upon here. I sighed, boys will be boys. Matt held the bottle up to me politely. I sat down next to him and shook my head no. He shrugged and looked up at Kellan, who also surprisingly shook his head no. I smiled into my straw as I took a sip of pure soda, happy that Kellan didn't feel the need to "enhance" his fun. Matt shrugged again and taking a quick swig, put the bottle back in his bag.
Griffin stood up from in front of Matt and made a move, like he was going to sit next to me, but Kellan sat down right beside me before he could, sitting close enough that we were touching. I nestled gratefully into Kellan's side and he nudged me playfully with his shoulder. Throwing Kellan a look, Griffin stalked off to sit over by Evan, on the far side of Matt. I laughed at his frustration, and at the fact that we were all sitting in a line on the lawn, instead of bunched together. But as words from the story Griffin started telling Evan drifted down to me, I was mostly grateful. Matt turned to listen to him, but on the words "freaky" and "un-f*cking-believable", I quickly turned my head to Kellan, who grinned and rolled his eyes. I concentrated on having a conversation with him, and tuning Griffin out.
Of course, the women here were no different than everywhere else I went with Kellan. Even just sitting on the lawn, eating and chatting with me, he attracted them. But for the first time that I had ever seen, Kellan ignored them. Usually he would, at the very least, smile and make eye contact, but today he just seemed to be happy to sit by my side and talk with me. The guys were more than happy to make up for his lack of attention to the females, and several women were only too eager to move their affections over to the other boys when Kellan appeared indifferent, making our straight line into a strange, lopsided oval of flirty girls. It made me feel oddly wonderful that, at least for today, I seemed to have his full attention.
After lunch, the guys decided to hit the small amusement park. Evan, Matt and Griffin, all obviously feeling no pain, decided to go on this ride that looked terrifying to me. It wasn't just the fact that the ride swung rapidly back and forth, while rising higher and higher into the air, it was the fact that once it reached the top, it held you upside down. I didn't like that at all. I clenched Kellan's hand as we approached it and he looked down at me thoughtfully. He stopped a ways away, as the guys got in line. I looked up at him questioningly, but he only smiled calmly back at me. I nestled close to his arm and put my head on his shoulder, grateful that we were, apparently, not going anywhere near the ride.
The other three guys, all with girls scrunched close to their sides, thoroughly enjoyed the crazy thing. I had to look away as they reached the very top. Kellan chuckled at me, then turned and pulled me towards some less terrifying entertainment. Smiling and laughing with him, we attempted some of the carnival games. Eventually, he won me a stuffed animal at a ball toss game, and I gave him a swift kiss on the cheek in thanks.
As we were leaving the games section, a little girl in front of us started crying as her ice cream cone hit the hot pavement. Her mother tried consoling her, but the girl was having none of it. Kellan watched the exasperated mom and her red-faced child as we walked around them. He looked back once at them behind us and then over to me. I eyed him curiously as he glanced down to the bear he had won for me. "Do you mind?" he asked, nodding his head at the child, still crying over her puddle of ice cream.
I smiled warmly at his thoughtfulness, and handed the bear to him. "No. Go ahead."
He excused himself and walked over to the little girl. With an 'is this okay' glance at her mother, who smiled warmly and nodded, he squatted to the girl's level and handed her the stuffed animal. She immediately hugged it and stopped crying. Clutching her mother's leg shyly with one arm, and her new prize with the other, she thanked Kellan quietly and started giggling. Kellan rustled her hair and stood to face the mother, who sincerely thanked him. Kellan nodded and, smiling warmly at them, said it was no problem. My heart warmed as I watched him walk back to me.
Reaching out for his hand, I smiled a half-grin as he took it and interlaced our fingers. "You're just a big softy, aren't you?"
He looked around discreetly. "Shhh, don't tell anyone." Then he grinned and laughed. Looking down on me he said, "Do you want me to win you another one?"
Thinking that no toy could replace the sweet memory that had just imprinted on my brain, I smiled and shook my head. "No, I'm fine." He smiled sweetly at me and then led me back to where we had left the guys.
When it started getting dark, and I could barely keep walking I was so exhausted, we headed back to the car. Deciding I was not going to put up with Griffin again, I crawled into the middle of the front seat, between Kellan and Evan. I couldn't help but smile as Griffin pouted in the back seat.
The rocking of the car was slowly pulling my body towards sleep, and I laid my head on Kellan's shoulder. A full day of holding hands and having his arms around me had made me feel really comfortable around him. And it was oddly appealing to me to touch him. I was nearly asleep when I felt the car stop and heard the doors open. I wanted to open my eyes and say goodnight to the guys, I just couldn't get my body to respond.
"Hey, Kellan, we're gonna stay at Pete's. You comin'?" I couldn't tell which one had asked it...maybe Evan.
I felt Kellan move a little, like he had looked down at me, nearly asleep on his shoulder. "No, I'll pass tonight. I think I'll get her to bed."
There was a long pause from the still open door. "Be careful, Kellan. You don't need another Joey and...Denny is a friend, man." I wanted to say something to that, my irritation tried to rise, but my tired brain couldn't focus long enough to be able to respond.
An even longer pause came from Kellan. "Evan, it's not like that. I wouldn't..." He didn't finish that thought, and I was really curious where it had been going. "Don't worry. Yeah, maybe I'll drop in later."
"Alright, see ya." The door closed softly.
Kellan sighed deeply and then drove the car out of the parking lot. I faded in and out of consciousness as we drove home. I really wanted to lie down in his lap, but thought that might be pushing the limits of our friendship. Feeling like we had only driven for a few seconds, the car stopped again.
He waited in the dark, silent car for a moment, and I could feel his eyes on me. I wondered if I should get up now and go inside, so he could leave for Pete's, but I was really curious as to what he would do, and honestly, quite relaxed. The silence grew while we sat in the car. It started to make my heart beat faster, which started to make me uncomfortable, so I yawned and stretched a little.
I lifted my head to find his beautiful blue eyes watching me. "Hey, sleepy," he whispered. "I was beginning to think I'd have to carry you."
"Oh...sorry." I blushed at the thought.
He laughed a little. "It's alright. I wouldn't have minded." He paused for a second. "Did you have fun?"
I thought back over the day and realized that I had. "Yes, a lot. Thank you for inviting me."
He half-smiled and looked away, almost shyly. "You're welcome."
"Sorry you had to hang back with me and miss all the moshing," I laughed.
He laughed once and then looked back over at me. "Don't be. I'd rather hold a beautiful girl than be all bruised tomorrow." He smiled, looking a little embarrassed. I blushed and looked down. Someone as good-looking as him calling me beautiful, was beyond ridiculous, but, sweet anyway. "Well, come on. I'll get you inside."
I shook my head at him. "No, you don't have to do that. I can manage. You can go on to Pete's."
He looked over at me, suddenly alarmed. I realized then, that he'd assumed I was sleeping through that whole conversation with Evan. I tried to cover with, "I'm guessing that's where the other D-Bags went off to?"
He visibly relaxed. "Yeah, I don't have to go though. I mean, if you don't want to be alone. We could order pizza, watch a movie or something."
Suddenly starving, that sounded like a great idea. My stomach noisily agreed. I laughed, slightly embarrassed. "Okay, apparently my stomach votes for option two."
"All right then." He smiled.
We ordered our large, pepperoni pizza and ate it standing in the kitchen, laughing over some of the absurdly goofy things Griffin and the guys had done throughout the day. Afterwards, I snuggled up on the chair while he sprawled across the couch and turned on 'The Princess Bride'. I vaguely remembered the little boy talking to his grandfather, before I was sound asleep. I woke up when Kellan laid me down on my bed and started pulling the covers over me.
"Kellan..." I whispered.
His hands stopped moving. "Yeah?"
I looked over to what little of him I could see in the darkness. "We forgot the Space Needle."
He smiled at me and finished tucking me in. "Next time."
When he was done he paused, still leaning over me. His eyes were unreadable in the darkness, but, weirdly enough, he was giving me butterflies, looking at me like he was. After another second, he smiled, then whispered good night and left. My stomach settling, I smiled at remembering the day and how, for almost the entirety of it, I hadn't missed Denny...too much.