Thoughtless

Chapter 4

Changes

Denny quickly impressed the people at his work, just like I knew he would, and we didn't have nearly as much time together as I would have liked. I tried to still see him off every morning, but as I started getting into the routine of going to bed later and later, it became harder and harder to wake up with him. Eventually, he got a "see-ya" kiss out of me in bed, and that was about it. Wanting to make a good impression with his bosses, he usually stayed past the time I had to leave for work as well. That made it pretty evident early on, that the only time we'd have together was the weekend afternoons before my shift, and the night or two I had off during the week.

He did what he could to still spend time with me though. He'd come into the bar after work to see me, sometimes staying for dinner or a drink with Kellan and the guys. We would hug and kiss tenderly and the regulars at the bar would groan in mock-exasperation. Someone even threw a crumpled up napkin at us once. I had a sneaking suspicion that had been Griffin. I was glad it had only been a napkin.

The month of June sped by in our easy routine and before I knew it, it was July. Denny had to go into the office on Fourth of July afternoon - I had been a bit perturbed over that, since we had planned on spending the day at Denny's favorite beach here, Alki Point (a little sun and water for my water-loving boy), but he promised he would come into Pete's that night and spend the entire evening there, even though I'd be working, and that cooled my ire a bit. I ended up spending most of the day reading a book in the small, sunny backyard and tanning. Well, tanning implies that my skin was the type that would darken into a beautiful sun-kissed color like Denny's. My alabaster skin did not. My skin went bright pink then right back to pale white. So, I popped on a two piece swimsuit, slathered on the sunscreen, to at least avoid the bright pink part, and enjoyed the warmth of the sun, if not the color-changing side effects.

I read my book and basked in the warmth tickling my thighs and lower back. I looked up and spotted a dainty dragonfly just inches in front of my face, resting on a long blade of grass. Its body and the very tip of its tail were the same bright turquoise as some of the Native American jewelry I'd seen displayed in some of the local shops. It seemed completely happy, resting on its little perch and enjoying the perfectly sunny day, just like me. I smiled at it and then went back to my book. It was nice to not be completely alone back here.

Eventually my body had absorbed its daily quota of vitamin D, and I stumbled into the house in a sun-drunken state, almost instantly falling asleep on the couch. I awoke a half hour before my shift was to start and hurried to change and get ready. I made it to the bus and to the bar, just in the nick of time. Well, at least I wouldn't be tired during my shift.

True to his word (as he always was), Denny came into the bar that evening, when he was done with work. It was oddly packed, considering it was a holiday, and he had to sit on a stool at the bar. Rita's appealing glances at him were starting to really irritate me, when suddenly, Kellan and the band appeared. They confiscated their usual table when they came in and happily squeezed in an extra chair for Denny. Even in the packed bar, the laughter at that table was loud the whole night.

A bit before the band's evening performance, Denny and Kellan went over to shoot some pool. I stopped and leaned against the archway on my way to the kitchen, and couldn't help the smile on my face as I watched their easy friendship. They joked around and talked while they played, like they'd been best friends for years, never having spent any time apart. I also couldn't help the smile on my face at how bad at pool Kellan was. Denny would chuckle at his missed shots and try and teach him how to do it properly, only making Kellan laugh and shrug his shoulders, like he knew he was never going to get it. I wasn't that great either, and Denny, who was actually really good, had tried to teach me a time or two. He had patiently told me on several occasions, "It's just physics, Kiera", as if just by knowing that, somehow the shot would magically become easier. Denny noticed me watching the two of them play and gave me a wink as I sighed happily and went back to my work.


They had just finished their game, Kellan starting to make his way over to the stage, when we heard the city's fireworks display from outside. Matt and Griffin got goofy grins on their faces and ducked out the front door - a half dozen girls following them. Grinning, Evan and Jenny followed a moment later, with another half dozen people. Kellan approached Denny and me with a short blonde girl, her hair an interesting mix of bright red and bright blue streaks. He threw his arm around the girl's shoulders and smiling, motioned for us to follow him. We shrugged at each other and left the bar with about a dozen people following us.

About half the people from the bar were in the parking lot, looking up at the sky over Lake union    , where the city was lighting off explosion after explosion. Fireworks in breathtaking colors and beautiful designs lit the city skyline. Griffin and Matt were off to one side, watching the display. Well, Matt was watching. Griffin had grabbed a girl inappropriately and was being assaulted - and loving every minute of it. Jenny had her arms around Evan's waist and, leaning against him cozily, was watching the show on the other side of the lot.

Denny slipped his arms around me, hugging me tight to his chest, and I relaxed back into him laying my head against his shoulder. Kellan was in front of us, one arm slung casually around the girl, his hand in her back pocket. He had brought his beer out with him, and turning his head away from the girl to take a swig, he noticed Denny and I behind him. He swallowed his drink then smiled warmly at us, when he caught my eye. I blushed lightly and Denny sighed contently, kissing my head.

The woman with Kellan must have spoken to him, for he turned back around to her and said something quietly. She leaned up and kissed his neck, slipping her hand into his jeans pocket. He smiled and hugged her tight and I wondered if I would see her in the morning.

I was turning my attention back up to the show, when I heard, quite loudly, from behind us, "Hey! I don't pay you guys to star-gaze."

Turning, I saw Pete standing near the front doors, eyeing Kellan with an unhappy expression; they were already supposed to be onstage. "Go play," he muttered, indicating inside the bar. He looked up at the display for a brief moment while Kellan chuckled, and then he brought his attention down to Jenny and me. "And you two. Go...waitress. There are still thirsty people in there."

Jenny released herself from Evan and gingerly bounced over to Pete. "Sorry, Pete," she said brightly, as she kissed him on the cheek and then darted into the bar.

Kellan followed immediately after her, his red and blue striped girl in hand. "Yeah...sorry, Pete." Then grinning crookedly, he gave Pete a quick peck on the cheek as well. He quickly darted back as Pete made a move to smack him, the girl at his side giggling uncontrollably, and then he ducked back into the bar after Jenny.

Denny and I lingered for a second in each other's arms, watching the dazzling display, and then followed the rest of the crowd back into the bar. The band was particularly good that night and Denny stayed for the entire show; we even snuck in a couple dances together. By the end of my shift, I was ready to go home and snuggle in bed with him. As I was finishing up my duties, I happened to catch sight of Kellan as he left the bar and, surprisingly enough, he was alone. Denny grabbed my hand as I came out of the backroom a few moments later, and smiling at each other, we went home.

I sighed as I snuggled in bed with him later, happy, and loving my little life here, finding enormous contentment in the fact that nothing about it would be changing again, for at least the next two years. It was nearly two weeks later, on a Friday evening at work, when something unexpectedly did change...

The guys were at their regular table in the back, relaxing before their show. To the delight of several nearby females, Griffin was shirtless. He was showing Sam a new tattoo on his shoulder that he had gotten sometime last week. It was a snake wrapping itself seductively around a naked woman. Sam was grinning; he seemed to really like it. I thought it was a little tasteless. The snake was just a bit too sensual and the woman was outrageously un-proportioned. Seriously, a real woman shaped like that would not be able to stand straight. I had to smile though; the tasteless tattoo did match its owner perfectly.

Matt was also showing Sam his new tattoo, a symbol on his inner wrist. I didn't know what it was, or what it meant, but I highly preferred it to Griffin's. Sam nodded at him then looked back at the naked woman tattoo. I was ready for Griffin to put his shirt back on. Evan, who had tattoos all up and down his arms, was ignoring the show-and-tell - too busy sitting on the edge of the stage, flirting with a group of girls.

Kellan was sitting backwards on his chair, watching me. When he caught my eye, he motioned me over.

"Hey. Beer?" I asked.

He smiled warmly and nodded. "Yeah, thanks, Kiera." I suddenly wondered if Kellan had any tattoos, like the rest of them. Realizing I had seen him nearly naked before, I blushed. If he did have one, it was well hidden. He noticed my blush. "What?"

Knowing it would just be easier to ask him, I said, "Do you have one?" and pointed at Griffin's shoulder.

He looked over at a still half-naked Griffin. "Tattoo?" he asked, shifting back around to face me. He shook his head as he said, "No, I can't think of anything I'd want permanently etched on my skin." He smiled crookedly at me. "You?"

I blushed again at his charming smile. "Nope...virgin skin here." I instantly regretted saying that, as my face surely went bright red. He chuckled, enjoying my reaction, and I muttered, "I'll be right back with your beer..."

I hurried away as quickly as I could, murmuring softly about how I really needed to think before I speak, and almost collided into Denny as he was entering the bar. "Oh, hey! Guess what?" Denny grabbed my shoulders, beaming.

Smiling at his enthusiasm, I said, "I have no idea."

"Mark from the office pulled me aside today. They want me to go with them to set up the new office in Tucson!" He seemed really excited at this prospect...my heart sank.

"Tucson? Really...for how long?" I tried not to deflate his excitement, but I was already not thrilled over this idea.

"I don't know...couple months maybe?" He shrugged his shoulders.

My mouth dropped open. "A couple months! But, we just got here? I start school in a little over a month! I need to get registered, get my schedule, books...I can't go to Tucson right now?"

He looked at me, a little confused. "You wouldn't need to come. It's just for a couple months, Kiera."

Now I didn't care about his enthusiasm. Now I was mad. "What!" I said that rather loudly, and people around us turned to look. Denny looked around, then gently grabbed my arm and pulled me outside.

Once in the cooler air of the parking lot, he grabbed both of my shoulders again and forced me to look at him. "It's my job, Kiera...our future. I need to do this."His accent was thick over the words, as concern filled him.

I could feel tears welling. "Two months, Denny...that's so long." In all our time together, the longest we had ever been apart, was the two weeks when he had gone home to visit his parents after his grandfather had died. I had hated every minute of those two weeks.

He brushed aside a tear that had fallen. "Hey...it's okay. Maybe it won't be that long? I'm not really sure." He pulled me in for a hug. "This is for us, Kiera. Okay?"

"No," I said brokenly. Two months sounded like an eternity. "When would you leave?" I whispered.


"Monday," he whispered back. I couldn't stop the tears then. After awhile, Denny released me. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. I thought you'd be happy for me?" He frowned a little. "Sorry, I should have waited until after work to tell you."

Sniffling a little, I felt the guilt coming on. "No, its fine. You just surprised me, that's all. I'm overreacting. It will be fine, really."

He hugged me again for a few minutes. "I'm sorry...I can't stay." He looked at me sheepishly. "They want me to come back to the office, get some details hammered out. I have to go, I'm sorry. I just really wanted to tell you."

I blinked back tears. "Go, its fine. I have to get back to work anyway..."

He held my cheeks in his hands. "I love you."

"I love you too," I muttered back.

He kissed my forehead and sprinted back to his car. He sure seemed peppy to ditch me. I sighed and waved as he drove away. Sullenly, I walked back into the bar. The first thing I noticed, was Kellan leaning against the counter, talking to Rita and sipping on a beer. Oh, yeah. He'd wanted a beer before...Denny. The thought brought fresh tears to my eyes and I quickly swiped them away, but not before Kellan noticed.

He frowned at me and walked over to where I was still standing by the door. "Are you okay?"

I stared over his shoulder, knowing that if I saw the concern in his eyes, the tears would start in full force. "Yep."

"Kiera..." He lightly put his hand on my arm and I instinctually looked up at his face.

The concern in his eyes and the unexpected tender touch set me right off, and the tears started streaming. Without hesitation, he pulled me to him in a tight embrace. He lightly rubbed my back and rested his cheek on my head. It was very comforting, but I sobbed anyway, while the people around us stared. He ignored the stares and questioning looks (he did have quite a reputation after all) and held me until my tears stopped, all without comment or complaint.

At some point Sam came up to him, probably to let him know they were up, but before he could say anything, I felt Kellan shake his head at him. I pulled back from him a little and wiped some tears from my cheeks. "I'm fine. Thank you. Go, go be a rock star."

He looked at me, concerned. "Are you sure? These guys can wait a few more minutes."

Touched by his offer, I shook my head. "No, really, I'm fine. I should get back to work anyway. I missed getting you your beer again."

He released me and chuckled a little bit. "Next time." He rubbed my arm and with a half-grin, turned to join his band mates who were already starting to take the stage.

Kellan's band was amazing, of course, but I couldn't help but notice that his eyes drifted to mine more than usual. Sometimes he frowned a little at me and I found myself smiling back reassuringly. Honestly, I was fine. He didn't need to worry over me, sweet as that was.

I hung out later than usual after the bar closed, refusing Jenny's polite offer of a ride home. I just wasn't ready to go there yet. The thought of talking to Denny again, about him leaving, hurt. The thought of Denny not being home yet from work, hurt too. I wasn't sure which one would hurt worse, and I didn't want to find out just yet.

I sat backwards in a chair near the bar and rested my chin on my arms over the back. Monday. Everything had been going so smoothly and now I only had one weekend. I pondered what I was going to do while he was gone? It all felt too soon to think about. We would have tomorrow afternoon, then all day Sunday...then I really wasn't sure when I'd see him again.

I could feel the tears start again and I angrily wiped them away. Seriously, it was probably just a month or two, nothing to get so worked up over. Calm down, I ordered my body.

I felt Kellan sit beside me before I saw him. "Hey." He smiled softly at me. "Want to talk about it?"

I looked over to the stage, where the band was still hanging out. Evan was preoccupied with Sam, but Griffin and Matt were staring at Kellan and me, Griffin muttering something to Matt with a twisted grin on lips. Matt rolled his eyes and laughed, and I could only imagine what they were talking about. No, I did not want to talk here. I'd surely break out into embarrassing blubbering, and I didn't need the D-Bags to see that. They teased me enough already. I shook my head.

Kellan noticed my eyes glued to the band and seemed to understand. "Want a ride home?"

I looked back at him gratefully and nodded. My options for getting back home this late were quickly dwindling. "Yes, thank you."

"Sure, just let me get my stuff and we'll head out." He smiled charmingly at me and for some reason, I blushed. He walked over to the guys, who were indulging in an afterhours drink with Sam, and said a couple words while they nodded, Griffin poking Matt in the ribs and smirking. Kellan shook his head at them and grabbed his guitar. He was turning to head back to me when Evan grabbed his arm. He said something to Kellan and looking a little irritated, Kellan shook his head. Evan seemed satisfied with his answer and let go of his arm. Kellan walked back over to me and smiled warmly. "Ready?"

Nodding and standing, I sighed and mentally prepared myself to either see or not see Denny. I waved sheepishly at Rita as we left the bar. She raised her eyebrow at me and then smiled knowingly, winking in a way that made me blush again. She seemed to think I was going to jump Kellan every time we were alone together. Her provocative nature made me very uneasy.

The car ride home was comfortably silent; Kellan never once pressed me to speak. His kindness, and the memory of his sweet embrace earlier, made me want to open up to him though. "Denny is leaving..." I said quietly.

He looked over at me shocked. "But...?"

I stopped his train of thought, once I realized how ominous that statement sounded. "No, just for a few months...just for his job."

He relaxed and smiled a little. "Oh, I thought maybe..."

I sighed. "No, I'm just overreacting. Everything is fine. It's just..."

"You've never been apart," he said softly.

I smiled, relieved that on some level he understood. "Yeah. I mean we have, but not for that long. I guess I'm just used to seeing him every day, and, well...we waited so long to live together, and things have been going so perfectly and now..."

"Now he's leaving..."

"Yeah." I turned my head to gaze at Kellan. He had turned back to the road and seemed deep in thought. The street lamps splashed light across his face at regular intervals. The effect heightened his attractiveness. The contrast between his lightened and darkened face was hypnotic and I couldn't look away. I wondered what he was thinking.

"Nothing..." He turned to look over at me. I startled a bit, not realizing I had said that last part out loud. He smiled at me. "I was just hoping things work out for you guys. You're both..." He didn't finish that thought, just smiled and looked back to the road.

I blushed and thought, once again, that I needed to be more carefully about what I said around him...and apparently, I also needed to watch what I thought around him as well, since even my thoughts seemed to slip out without permission.

Shortly after that, we pulled up to the drive. I sighed and relaxed a little. Denny's battered old Honda was already parked there. I guess I had been hoping he would be home. Twisting to face Kellan, I warmly said, "Thank you...for everything."

He looked down, almost shyly. "Not a problem, Kiera."

We got out and made our way inside and up the stairs. I paused at my door, hand on the doorknob, suddenly too nervous to go inside. "It will be fine, Kiera," Kellan said from where he was similarly paused at his door, watching me.


I smiled and whispered good night, then steeled myself and entered the dark room. It took a few moments for my eyes to adjust after I closed the door. I could hear Denny stirring in bed before I could finally see him. He was propped up on his elbows, watching me. "Hi...you're late." His accent curled thickly on the word in his sleepiness.

I didn't say anything. I still wasn't sure how I felt about this new situation, other than sad, anyways. I sat on the end of the bed and changed into my pajamas while he silently watched me. When I finished, he finally broke the silence.

"Kiera..." he said softly. "Talk to me."

I sighed and crawled under the covers with him, watching as he rolled over onto his side to face me. He ran his fingers though my hair then stroked my cheek. "What's going on up there, huh?" He lightly tapped my temple.

I smiled over at him. "Just wondering what I'll do without you..." My smile faltered.

He kissed my forehead. "Home...work...home...work... Probably the same stuff that you would do if I were here."

"Yes, but now I won't enjoy any of it," I muttered sullenly and stared at his pillow.

He laughed softly. "I'll miss you too."

I looked back up to his eyes. "Really?"

He blinked at me, surprised. "Of course. Wait...do you think I want to leave? That this is easy for me? That I won't miss you terribly, every day?"

"Yes." Those exact thoughts had crossed my mind once or twice this evening.

Now he sighed. "Kiera, that is absurd, really." He grinned at me with my favorite goofy grin. "You are going to get sick of how often I call you."

I managed a smile. "Not a chance." My tone turned serious on me. "You really have to go...you really have to do this?"

Recognizing my tone, he stopped smiling. "Yes." He nodded once.

I cocked my head at him. "And you'll be back when you're done?"

He smiled again. "The instant I'm done."

"Well," I paused for a moment. "I guess there is only one thing left to talk about..."

He looked at me curiously. "What's that?"

I put my hand on his cheek and kissed him tenderly. "How are we going to spend your last two days?"

He smiled and leaned over, to whisper in my ear everything we could do in the next two days. I smiled, I laughed, I smacked him on the shoulder, I laughed again, I blushed and finally, I kissed him very deeply. And for just a moment I forgot that things were about to change...

Monday morning came faster than I could have possibly imagined. We had spent every minute of the last two days together that we could. Denny was excruciatingly patient with my clinginess. He knew how hard this was going to be for me. I silently hoped that it was going to be equally difficult for him. A part of me, wanted him to do great, to impress his bosses and have a marvelous time. The majority of me wanted the whole experience to suck so much, that he wouldn't ever leave me again. I may have been a little bitter.

Kellan graciously offered to drive us to the airport to see Denny off. I was so grateful to him for that. I knew I was too anxious to drive, and I didn't think I could do a cab-goodbye. I needed every last possible second with him, and I needed to see the plane take off, needed the closure of that. But, when the plane finally did, and Kellan and I were standing alone in the airport, I suddenly wished I was back at home, sobbing into my pillow. Kellan, seeing the tears start to form, put his arm sweetly around my shoulders and silently herded me back to his car.

I was only vaguely aware of walking with him, of getting back in the car and driving home. My mind was busy dreaming up a host of horrible situations, all the bad things that could happen so that I would never see my beautiful boy again. The sobs finally hit on the freeway.

Being very sweet, and surprisingly, not negatively affected by my tears, as most guys would be, Kellan sat me on the couch and then brought me some water and tissues. He plopped down in the chair beside me and found some stupid comedy for us both to watch. It worked; halfway through the mindless show we were both laughing. Somewhere near the end, I started falling asleep and felt Kellan wrap a light blanket around me before I succumbed to it.

I awoke alone in the living room, hours later, and replayed the last few moments that Denny and I'd had together in the airport; hating and savoring the tender exchange...

Denny had pulled me in for a tight goodbye hug. I had grabbed his face and kissed him as deeply and as passionately as I could - let him think about that while he was gone. He had finally pulled away from me, breathless, but smiling softly.

"I love you...I'll be back soon, okay. No worries." He had kissed me on the cheek as I could only nod, having lost the ability to speak over the lump in my throat.

He had then walked over to Kellan, who had been standing a respectable distance away, watching our exchange. Denny looked back at me oddly, and then leaned over to whisper something to Kellan. Kellan had blanched and flicked a glance at my direction. Denny had pulled away from him, a serious look on his face, and extended his hand to Kellan. Face pale and slightly confused, Kellan had taken his hand, mumbled something back to Denny, and nodding once, shook it. I had watched them, wondering what Denny said, and then Denny turned back to me a final time, blew me a kiss, and boarded the plane, leaving me.

I sighed miserably as I replayed the memory, yet again, when suddenly the phone rang, and I rushed to answer it. Denny's sweet voice filled my mind and my heart. I was only apart from him for half a day and already his absence was excruciating. He filled me in on how his trip was so far, and where he was staying, and I made him stay on the phone with me for much longer than he had time for. Finally, he told me he really had to go, but he would call me that evening before bed. Grudgingly, I agreed.

I had to go into work that night and I hated every second of it. Knowing that I could be missing Denny's phone call was physically painful. He hadn't clarified exactly when he would call, just that it would be before bed. But was that his bedtime, or mine? I was irritated all night. I ended up snapping at Rita, who made an exceedingly inappropriate remark about me being alone with Kellan now. I messed up a few customers' orders, and didn't even bother apologizing. I even ended up smacking Griffin across the head when he grabbed my ass. Actually, that part of the evening I enjoyed.

Kellan stayed late at the bar that night and very sweetly gave me a ride home again. I was an anxious mess the whole car ride, hoping that I hadn't missed Denny's call, that he was still awake and I could talk to him, hopefully for hours. Maybe I'd just lie down on the counter in the kitchen and sleep there, so I could talk with him until I passed out. I sighed. I really needed to get control over myself.

Kellan smiled over at my sigh and assured me that Denny would be awake, if I wanted to call him. I smiled back and thanked him for driving me all over today. He laughed softly and said it wasn't a problem. I watched him for a second then let my mind drift back to Denny's last sweet embrace again.

The phone rang just moments after we got home and, grinning like a schoolgirl, I answered it on the first ring. Denny had known I was working, and had timed his call perfectly. I relaxed, realizing I hadn't needed to be so anxious all night. Denny wanted to talk to me too. He would make it happen, one way or another. Kellan came in and smiling, grabbed the phone and said goodnight to Denny, then winked at me and headed off to bed.

Denny and I talked and laughed...for hours.