Chapter 19
You're Mine
The Thanksgiving holiday came and went, with Denny making a truly fabulous meal and Kellan ducking out with a, "Have a nice dinner," not even bothering to join us for it. We didn't see him again for the rest of the evening. Denny had made a small turkey for us, with some glaze he saw on a cooking show, cranberry stuffing, and mashed potatoes. I made the salad...which was all he would let me help with. I sat on the counter and kept him company throughout the day while he cooked though. He smiled a lot and kissed me a lot, and seemed genuinely happy. I tried to match his good spirits. I tried to not worry about where Kellan had taken off to...and who he might possibly be with.
While Denny cleaned up after dinner (really, how great of a boyfriend was he?), I called my family, wishing them lots of love...and avoiding any direct conversation with my sister, I still couldn't deal with that yet. I knew it was ridiculous, and eventually I would have to speak to her again, but not now, when things were so odd between Kellan and me. My parents wanted to know if I was coming up for Christmas. They had already bought our tickets (hint, hint) and had my room all ready for the both of us. That surprised me a lot. They had never let us both stay under their roof before, they must really miss me. With a heavy heart, I told them that Denny wanted me to go home with him, and I hadn't decided yet. And knowing Denny, he had probably already bought those tickets as well...just in case.
They were clearly upset at hearing that, and although the conversation drifted to other things, I knew what they would all be discussing over the next several days. It hurt my heart as I hung up the phone with them. I hadn't answered Denny either on what I wanted to do, and he had asked me again on several occasions. I still didn't know. I didn't know which path to choose, who to hurt...I hated these kinds of decisions. There was no winning, someone would be hurt, either my parents or Denny. And then Kellan...although his latest cruelty towards me was sure making the thought of leaving him easier, that still hurt my heart too.
My irritation towards him was escalating just as surely as our flirting had been escalating none too long ago. Just a few weeks ago, Kellan and I had been nearly inseparable, but now, he was "inseparable" with nearly half of Seattle...and Candy. She had taken me up on my stupid suggestion, and shortly after Thanksgiving she showed up at Pete's. Recognizing her, and throwing me a look that clearly said, 'I know you recognize her too', they were attached at the hip all evening. And by all evening...I mean allllll evening. I had to listen to her "appreciation" of Kellan's talent over and over through our agonizingly thin walls.
Her smug look, when I ran into her in the halls Monday morning, was what finally broke me, I think. That one look screamed at me, 'I just took what I know you secretly want - and I loved every damn second of it'.
I was done. That very evening, I finally snapped.
Pete, and I'm assuming either Griffin or Kellan had a hand in this, had decided to make Monday night ladies' night, with $2 shots 'til midnight. As a result, the bar was jam-packed full of college-age women, getting drunker by the minute. The band was there, of course, and having a wondrous time with their expanded, inebriated, harem.
Kellan was being...blatant. Some pixie haired harlot was nestled provocatively in his lap, sucking on his neck. He was immensely enjoying it, stroking her thigh. None of the other guys paid them any attention; they all had women of their own. She pointed suggestively to the backroom. He smiled and shook his head at her. Well, of course not. Why would he want the hussy now, when he could take her home and march her upstairs later, driving me crazy, all night long? The thought incensed me. Why did this bother me so much?
I was angrily scrubbing a clean table, when I noticed him walking by me. Too late, the words slipped out. "Wanna try keeping it in your pants, Kyle."
He had walked a few steps past me, before what I had just stupidly said registered in his mind. He turned around, his eyes suddenly intensely angry. "That's rich." He laughed once, rather haughtily, I thought.
"What," I said flatly.
He walked over to where I was standing at the empty table and leaned in close, pressing his body against mine. He grabbed my arm and pulled me tight against him. My heart sped at his touch. It had been a long time since he had actually touched me, and the unexpectedness caught my breath.
He leaned even closer, to whisper angrily in my ear. "Is the woman with the live-in boyfriend, that I've had sex with on not less than two occasions, really lecturing me on abstinence?"
My face heated in anger. I glared daggers at him and tried to pull away, but he held my arm firmly and the table behind me allowed no escape. His sudden anger not quite finished, he put his lips directly on my ear. "If you actually marry him, will I still get to f*ck you?"
The following incident became known as, 'The slap heard around the bar'.
Acting on its own, my hand came around and smacked his face shockingly hard, ten times harder than I had ever hit him. He staggered back slightly and inhaled a sharp breath. Red marks appeared on his skin instantly where my hand had connected with him. He looked completely stunned.
"You stupid, son of a bitch!" I yelled at him, momentarily forgetting that we were in a jam-packed bar full of witnesses.
Despite how badly my hand was stinging, it felt good to release my long pent-up frustrations. I brought my hand around for another hit, but he caught my wrist in his hand and twisted it painfully. His eyes snapped to mine and were filled with an anger to match my own. I struggled in his painful, tight grasp, desperate to hit him again...wanting so much to hurt him.
"What the hell, Kiera? What the f*cking hell!" he yelled back.
He grabbed my other hand so I couldn't hit him, so I made a move with my knee, hoping to drop him. He saw it coming though and shoved me to the side, away from him. My hand throbbed as blood finally rushed back into it. My pent up anger beyond reasoning, I immediately sprang back and leapt at him again. A strong set of arms around my waist held me back and, irritated and confused, I struggled against them.
"Calm down, Kiera." Evan's gentle voice broke through my fog of anger.
He was holding me from behind and pulling me away from Kellan. Sam had his hand on Kellan's chest. Kellan was seething in anger, glaring viciously at me. Matt and Griffin had moved behind Kellan. Matt looked concerned, Griffin looked wildly amused. Jenny was in-between Kellan and me, both arms outstretched like somehow her tiny body could keep us apart if we were going to attack each other again. Aside from Griffin's chuckling, the entire bar was deathly quiet, watching us fight. Sam looked unsure what to do. Normally he would just kick the troublemakers out, but we both kind of worked here...and were friends.
Eventually, it was Jenny who, looking around at the bar full of bystanders, grabbed Kellan's hand and then mine. Furrowing her brow and not directly looking at either of us, she muttered, "Come on," and drug us to the backroom. Kellan and I studiously ignored each other, and the mass of people, as we allowed Jenny to pull us along. I noticed Evan nod his head at Matt, who nodded back, and forcibly made a very disgruntled Griffin stay where he was, then Evan followed closely behind us.
Once in the hallway, Evan passed our unhappy trio and opened the door to the backroom to usher us all inside. Taking a final look up and down the hallway, he closed the door behind us and stood in front of it, keeping us in the room and also keeping any curious bar patrons out. He crossed his tattooed arms across his chest as he barred the door, with the still broken lock, and a pair of flames lined up perfectly on his forearms. My mood matched those flames.
"Okay," Jenny said, releasing our hands. "What's up?"
"She-"
"He-"
Kellan and I both started speaking at the same time and Jenny, still standing between us, held up her hands. "One at a time."
"We don't need a mediator, Jenny," Kellan snapped, turning his glare to her.
Not intimidated by his fierce look, she calmly said, "No? Well, I think you do." She pointed back to the bar. "Half the people in there think you do." She eyed him up and down warily. "I happen to know a thing or two about your fights. I'm not leaving you alone with her."
Kellan gaped at her, then looked over her shoulder to glare at me. "You told her...she knows?" I shrugged and cast a glance at Evan. He still looked confused, and concerned. "Everything?" Kellan asked, still stunned.
I shrugged again.
Kellan grunted and ran a hand through his hair. "Well...isn't that interesting. And here, I thought we weren't talking about it." He looked over at Evan. "Well, since the cats out of the bag, why don't we all get on the same page." He flung his hands out to me dramatically, while keeping his focus on Evan. "I f*cked Kiera...even though you warned me not to. Then, for good measure, I did it again!"
Everyone said something at once. Jenny scolded Kellan for his language, Evan cursed at him, and I yelled at him to shut up! Kellan glared at everyone and added, "Oh...and I called her a whore!"
"You're such a prick!" I said, looking away from him. Tears of rage stung my eyes and my face heated from embarrassment. Evan hadn't known any of that. He really didn't need to know either.
Kellan looked incredulous as I glanced back at him. "A prick? I'm a prick?" He took a step towards me angrily, and Jenny put a hand on his chest. "You're the one that hit me!" He gestured to his face, where red streaks were still visible. "Again!"
Evan butted in, looking peeved at Kellan. "Jesus, man. What were you thinking...or were you?"
Kellan's angry eyes snapped to him. "She begged me, I'm only human."
I made an affronted noise, unable to speak coherently. Did the whole room need to know such intimate details? I was astonished at how he was making me sound...like he was some innocent and I had seduced him. Yeah, right!
His eyes flashed back to me. "You begged me, Kiera! Both times, remember?" He gestured at me irritably, and Jenny lightly pushed him back. "All I did was what you asked. That's all I've ever done - what you've asked!" He held his hands out to the side, looking exasperated.
That loosened my tongue, as anger and embarrassment shot through me. He rarely did anything I "asked". I had a long list in my head, but forefront in my mind was the word he had spoken, just moments ago. "I didn't ask to be called a whore!"
He stepped towards me and Jenny put two hands on his chest. "And I didn't ask to be hit again! Quit f*cking hitting me!" Jenny muttered, "Watch your language," which Kellan ignored, while Evan told him to, "Calm down," which Kellan also ignored.
"You did ask for it, prick!" No woman would have let the things he had spat at me slide. He had practically engraved me an invitation. "Since we're sharing," I angrily emphasized the word, "why don't you tell them what you said to me!" I stepped towards him and Jenny put one of her hands on my shoulder. The only thing keeping our anger apart was this pretty little blonde girl.
"If you'd given me two seconds, I was going to apologize for that. But you know what...now I don't!" He shrugged and shook his head. "I'm not sorry I said it." He angrily pointed at me. "You were out of line! You just don't like that I'm dating!"
My eyes blazed with fury. "Dating? Screwing everything that walks - isn't dating, Kellan! You don't even bother learning their names. That's not okay!" I shook my head angrily. "You are a dog!" I growled.
Evan butted in again before Kellan could respond. "She has a point, Kellan."
"What?" Kellan and I both gaped at him. "You got something else to say to me, Evan?" Kellan snapped at him, backing away from Jenny, who lowered her hand from his chest.
Evan's normally jovial face looked angry at this point. "Maybe I do. Maybe she's right. And maybe, just maybe, you know it too." Kellan blanched, but said nothing. "Why don't you tell her why you're so...free...with yourself? She might understand."
Kellan got really pissed and took a step towards Evan. "What the f*ck do you know about it!"
Evan suddenly looked sympathetic, and quietly replied, "More than you think I do, Kellan."
Kellan stopped moving, his face paled. "Back off, Evan...I'm not asking. Back the f*ck off." His voice was low and icy cold, he really wasn't joking.
"Kellan....language," Jenny scolded him again.
At the same time, I snapped, "What are you talking about?" I was highly irritated at their confusing exchange.
Kellan ignored both of us and glared at Evan icily. Evan stared back, then resignedly sighed, "Whatever, man...your call."
Kellan sniffed. "Damn right it is." He pointed at all of us. "How I date, is none of your concern. If I want to screw this whole bar, you all-"
"You practically have!" I shouted, cutting him off.
"No! I screwed you!" he shouted back, and in the sudden quiet that followed the statement, I heard Evan curse again and Jenny softly sigh. "And you feel bad about cheating on Denny." He leaned in over Jenny's head, and she brought her hand back to his chest and pushed against him. "You feel guilty about having an affair, but you-"
I interrupted him. "We are not having an affair! We made a mistake, twice - that's it!"
He exhaled angrily. "Oh come on, Kiera! God, you are naive. We may have only had sex twice, but we've most definitely been having an affair, the entire time!"
"That makes no sense!" I yelled back at him.
"Really? Then why did you so desperately want to hide it from Denny, huh? If it really was all so harmless and innocent, then why weren't we open about our...relationship...to anyone?" He raised his arm to the door, to indicate the outside world.
He was right. We only let others see a fraction of how close we really were with each other. I couldn't answer him. "I...I..."
"Why can't we even touch anymore?" My breath stopped. I didn't like his question or the huskiness of his voice. "What happens to you when I touch you, Kiera?" His tone, almost a low growl, was getting as suggestive as his words, and Jenny took a step away from him, dropping her hand from his chest again.
He ran a hand down his shirt, as he answered his own question. "Your pulse races, your breath quickens," he bit his lip and started simulated heavy breathing, keeping his eyes locked on mine, "your body trembles, your lips part, your eyes burn." He closed his eyes and exhaled with a soft groan, then reopened his eyes and inhaled through his teeth suggestively. With a purposely strained voice, he continued antagonizing me, "Your body aches...everywhere."
He closed his eyes again and exactly mimicked a low moan that I had made with him on several occasions. He tangled a hand back through his own hair, in a way that I had done time and again, and ran his other hand back up his chest, in a way only too familiar to me. He had a decidedly intimate look on his face, and the overall effect was so shockingly erotic, and familiar, that I blushed deeply. He swallowed and made a horribly enticing noise as he let his mouth fall open in a pant. "Oh...god...please..." He mimicked in a low groan, as his hands started running down his body, towards his jeans...
"Enough!" I spat out. Thoroughly embarrassed, I glanced at Jenny. She looked as pale as I was red. She glanced back at me and her hand on my shoulder became sympathetic, rather than restraining. From the door, I heard Evan mutter, "Jesus, Kellan."
Kellan's angry eyes flashed open and he snapped, "That's what I thought! Does that sound innocent to you?" He looked around the room. "To any of you?" He glared at me again. "You made your choice, remember? Denny. We ended...this." He indicated himself and me. "You had no feelings for me. You didn't want to be with me, but now, you don't want anyone else to be with me, right?" He shook his head angrily. "Is that what you want? For me to be completely alone?" His voice broke on the end of that sentence in his anger.
My face, still red in embarrassment, heated in anger. "I never said that. I said if you were to see someone, I would understand...but god, Kellan, Evan's right, show some restraint!" Silence filled the room, with everyone glaring at everyone else until finally, I couldn't take it anymore. "Are you trying to hurt me? Do you have something to prove?"
He eyed me up and down. "To you...? No...nothing!"
He backed away from Jenny a little and I pushed into her. She brought both her hands to my shoulders, to hold me back. "You're not trying to purposely hurt me?" I snarled at him.
"No." He ran his hand through his hair again, and angrily shook his head.
I actually saw red I was so infuriated with him. Of course he was trying to hurt me! Why else would he be whoring himself all over town? Why else would he have broken his promise? "Then what about my sister?"
He groaned and looked up at the ceiling. "God, not that again."
Evan took a step to help Jenny, who was beginning to struggle with me, as I was really pissed off and pushing against her. Jenny looked over at Evan and not saying anything, shook her head lightly and he stayed where he was by the door.
"Yes! That! Again! You promised!" I yelled, pointing at him.
"Obviously, I lied, Kiera!" he yelled back. "If you haven't noticed, I do that! And what does it matter anyway...she wanted me, you didn't. What do you care if I-"
"Because, you're mine!" I yelled back at him, quite unintentionally. Of course, he wasn't actually mine...
The immediate silence after that was deafening. Kellan's face paled and then slowly, got very, very angry. "No, no I'm not! THAT'S THE WHOLE F*ckING POINT!"
"Kellan!" Jenny scolded him again, and he finally glared at her.
My face heated in embarrassment at my unthinking declaration. "Is that why you did it? Is that why you slept with her, you son of a bitch! To prove a point?" My voice cracked in my anger.
Jenny finally interrupted. "He didn't, Kiera," she stated calmly.
Kellan glared at her icily. "Jenny!"
"What?" I asked her, and she dropped her hands from my shoulders.
Ignoring Kellan's icy glare, she again, very calmly said, "Kellan wasn't the one who slept with her."
Kellan took a menacing step towards Jenny and Evan took a step towards Kellan. Glancing up at Evan, Kellan stopped. "This doesn't concern you, Jenny, butt out!" he snapped.
Slightly irritated with him now, she icily met his gaze. "Now it does! Why are you lying to her, Kellan? Tell her the truth! For once, tell her the truth."
He shut his mouth and clenched his jaw. Evan scowled at him and Jenny frowned. Not able to stand it any longer, I shouted, "Will someone please tell me...something?"
Jenny looked back at me. "Don't you ever listen to Griffin?" she asked softly.
Irritated, Kellan said, "No, she avoids conversations with him, if she can help it." Quieter, he added, "I counted on that."
I furrowed my brow, confused. "Wait...Griffin? My sister slept with Griffin?"
Jenny nodded, rolling her eyes. "He hasn't shut up about it, Kiera. He keeps telling everyone - 'Best 'O' of my life!'" She made a disgusted face.
Kellan clenched his jaw again. "That's enough, Jenny."
I stared at her, disbelieving, and then looked over at Evan. He shrugged and nodded then looked curiously at Kellan. So did Jenny. And then, so did I.
"You lied to me?" I whispered.
He shrugged noncommittally. "You assumed. I simply...encouraged that thought."
Anger flashed through me. "You lied to me!" I yelled.
"I told you, I do that!" he snapped back.
"Why?" I demanded.
Kellan looked away from all of us, and didn't answer.
"Answer her, Kellan," Jenny said calmly. He looked back to her and she raised an eyebrow at him. Kellan frowned, but remained silent.
Memories flooded me. "The whole fight in the car...the rain...all of that started, because I was so angry about you and her. Why would you let me think-"
He glared over at me. "Why did you automatically assume-"
"She told me. Well, she made it sound like..." I closed my eyes. I hadn't wanted to hear it. I had never let her fully explain what had happened that night. All she had said about Kellan, was that she wanted me to thank him for her. I had assumed she wanted me to thank him for...that. Maybe she had just meant for showing her a good time, for dancing with her all night, for taking her to Griffin's house, for giving her a ride home, or...god, it could have been anything really.
Reopening my eyes, I looked at him and softened my gaze, and my voice. "I'm sorry I assumed...but, why would you let me think that for so long?"
His gaze and voice softened too. "I wanted to hurt you..."
"Why?" I whispered and took a step towards him. Jenny seeing us both calmer, let me pass. Kellan looked away, and didn't answer. I walked over to him and put a hand on his cheek, he closed his eyes at my touch. "Why, Kellan?"
Without opening his eyes, he whispered, "Because you hurt me...so many times. I wanted to hurt you back."
My anger extinguished. Kellan, his anger sapped as well, slowly opened his eyes, pain clearly visible in his features. He stared back at me silently. Somewhere in the back of my head, I heard Jenny walk over to Evan and tell him that they should give us a moment. Then I heard the door open and close, and Kellan and I were alone.
"I never wanted to hurt you, Kellan...either of you." The silence of the space reverberated back to me and I sank to my knees, right there in the middle of the room. The roller coaster of emotions was wearing me down - the guilt, the excitement, the pain, the thrill, and the anger. I could barely remember how perfect I had thought things were in the beginning, before I had ruined everything.
Kellan knelt down on the ground across from me and took my hands in his. "It doesn't matter now, Kiera. Things are how they're supposed to be. You're with Denny and I'm... I'm..." He swallowed.
I just so missed how things used to be, how sweet our relationship used to be, before Kellan got cold, then hot, then...whatever it was he was being now. It slipped out before I could think about it, "I miss you," I whispered to him.
His breath caught and I heard him swallow loudly. "Kiera..."
The tears started coming and I just wanted my friend back. Surprisingly, he pulled me into an embrace, like he used to so long ago. I clutched him tight, needing his nearness. He stroked my back while I started sobbing into his shoulder. I just wanted to stop feeling so much. My head was spinning with guilt and anger and heat and pain.
He mumbled something into my shoulder that almost sounded like, "I'm sorry, baby." My heart sped at the thought of those tender words coming from him.
He sat back on his heels, keeping me tight to him, so that I was sitting on his lap, my knees on either side of him. He started stroking my hair and I started relaxing into him. He held me that way for a long time. My tears slowly stopped, and I turned my head to look at him.
Surprisingly, his eyes were closed and his head was down. He looked sad. I tried to move off of him, but keeping his eyes closed, he pulled me tighter to him. "No, please...stay," he whispered.
Instantly, I was aware of how dangerous our position was. But for our breathing, how silent the room was, how tight he embraced me, how long it had been since we had really held each other. He opened his eyes slowly and turned to look at me, and I could see that he was aware of the danger too. His lips parted, his breath quickened. I could see the wistful pain of wanting me in his eyes. Kellan was right...there was a reason we should never touch.
Thinking only of telling him that I couldn't do this anymore to Denny, I whispered, "I miss you, so much." That wasn't what I had been going to say at all. What was wrong with me?
He closed his eyes and lowered his forehead to rest on mine. I could clearly see how difficult I was making this for him, and I really didn't mean to...
"Kiera, I can't..." He swallowed again. "This is wrong, you're not mine."
I thrilled at the word mine coming from his lips, and hated myself for it. Mentally agreeing with him, I whispered, "I am yours." Wait, no that's not what I meant to say either...
He made an odd noise and drew a ragged breath. "Are you...?" He whispered so softly, I barely heard him. He looked up at me and the passion was burning in his eyes again. "I want you so much..."
I felt such sorrow for the loss of the easy friendship we once had, such guilt over what I constantly did to betray Denny, and such a painful need being in Kellan's arms...and the latter was winning. I had missed him so much, and now that he was with me, I suddenly didn't want him to leave me, ever again.
"I want you too," I whispered and for the first time, it was what I meant to say.
He rolled then, so that I was lying on the floor and he was pressing into me. Breathing softly, he paused, almost touching my lips. He held himself there and I could see the struggle in his eyes. He wasn't sure if I really wanted this.
Before I knew what I was saying, it all spilled out in a rush. "I've missed you so much. I've wanted to touch you for so long. I've wanted to hold you for so long. I've wanted you for so long. I do need you, Kellan...I always have."
He still held himself, hovering over my lips, his eyes frantically searching my face, looking for a lie in my words. "I won't... I won't be led on again, Kiera. I would rather end this, than be hurt by you again. I can't..."
I searched myself, for what my truth was...but all I could find in my body was an aching loneliness for him. I couldn't take another day of him being with another woman. I couldn't handle another second of his lips on anyone's, but mine. I wasn't even thinking about what that meant for Denny and me. I was only thinking that I needed Kellan to be mine...only mine.
I grabbed his face gently with my hands. "Don't leave me. You are mine...and I'm yours. I want you...and you can have me. Just stop being with all those-"
He pulled away from me. "No, I won't be with you, because you're jealous."
I brought his face close to mine again, and borrowed one of his moves that so long ago had driven me mad. I lightly slid my tongue under and along his upper lip. It had the same effect on him that it had on me. He closed his eyes and shuddered, inhaling quickly.
"Kiera...no. Don't do this to me again..."
I paused. "I'm not, Kellan. I'm sorry I pushed you away before, but I'm not saying no anymore."
I brought my tongue back to his intoxicatingly delicious skin. I only made it halfway along his lip, when he brought his mouth down to mine. He paused while kissing me and pulled back, his breath shallow and fast. He stared at me, suddenly looking very nervous.
"I'm in love with you," he whispered, searching my eyes. He looked very pale and very scared, and a little...hopeful.
"Kellan, I..." I didn't know what to say, my eyes were starting to tear up again.
He didn't let me even attempt to finish. He brought a hand up to stroke my cheek and kissed me again, but tenderly, sweetly, the kiss was full of emotion. "I'm so in love with you, Kiera. I've missed you so much. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry I say awful things to you. I'm sorry I lied about your sister...I never touched her. I promised you I wouldn't. I couldn't let you know...how much I adore you...how much you hurt me." It was as if finally telling me what he really felt, released all the rest of his bottled up emotions, and he couldn't stop himself.
He spoke rapidly in-between his tender kisses. "I love you. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. The women... I was so scared to touch you. You didn't want me...I couldn't take the pain. I tried to get over you. Every time with them, I was with you. I'm so sorry...I love you."
Tears flowed freely down my cheeks as I listened in shocked silence. His heartfelt words, his tender lips, it made me even weaker, made my heart race.
His lips never stopped moving over mine, his words never stopped flowing between them. "Forgive me...please. I tried to forget you. It didn't work...I just want you more. God, I've missed you. I'm sorry I hurt you. I've never wanted anyone, like I want you. Every girl is you to me. You're all I see...you're all I want. I want you so much. I want you forever. Forgive me... I love you so much."
I still couldn't process what he was saying, the look of fear and hope in his eyes. It made me want him even more though. It made my breath heavy and ragged. His kiss picked up intensity in response. "God, I love you. I need you. Forgive me...stay with me. Say you need me too...say you want me too. Please...be mine."
He instantly stopped kissing me and froze, staring at me terrified again, like he finally just realized exactly what he had been saying. "Kiera...?" His voice was shaky. His eyes glistened while he searched mine.
I realized that I hadn't said anything in a really long time. He had been pouring his heart out to me, and I hadn't said a word. Of course, he really hadn't left me an opportunity to speak, but from the terror in his eyes, I don't think he realized that. All he could see looking at me, were my tears and my silence.
Emotion locked up my throat and I closed my eyes, giving myself a minute to absorb everything. He loved me? He adored me? He loved me? He wanted me...forever? He loved me? He wanted me to be with him? He loved me? Feelings for him that I had struggled so hard to push back, flooded through me. Everything we had gone through - every tear, every joy, every jealousy - had he loved me the whole time?
I felt him pull away from me, and I realized I was still lying silent with my eyes closed. I opened them and looked up to his sad, terrified face. I grabbed his arm and stopped him from moving away from me. He met my gaze, the tear in his eye finally rolling down his cheek. I brushed it away with my thumb and cupped his cheek. I pulled him closer and kissed him tenderly.
"Kiera..." he muttered between my lips, pulling away slightly.
I swallowed the lump in my throat. "You were always right...we're not friends. We're so much more. I want to be with you, Kellan. I want to be yours. I am yours." It was all I felt in that moment, all I could think to say. In that instant, he was my entire world. Nothing else even existed to me besides him, and I didn't want to resist him anymore. I was tired of fighting this. I wanted to be his...in every way.
He rolled back on top of me and brought his mouth back to mine. He exhaled softly and he kissed me deeply, like we hadn't kissed in years. The passion I felt coming from him was almost overwhelming, his whole body trembled with it. He shifted his weight and pushed against me, making a noise deep in his throat that thrilled me.
I ran my hands down his back and he shuddered. I felt the edge of his shirt and grabbing it, ran my fingers up his bare skin, taking the shirt with me. Gently I pulled it off of him, gazing at his amazing perfection for a second, before his lips came back down to mine.
He shifted his weight again and brought his hands slowly down my neck, across my chest and up under my shirt. His hands were shaking as he pushed my shirt up and pulled it off me. His body was still shaking lightly as he kissed me. He was holding back, I realized. Forcing himself to go slowly, forcing himself to remain in control, in case I changed my mind. The thought of how much he wanted me, and how unsure he was of me, filled my body with fire.
I ran my hands back down his bare back, feeling every muscle, every defined line. He groaned lightly as I brought my hands around to his chest and ran my fingers along the faint scar on his ribs, the scar he had gotten because of me...because he loved me. His lips never leaving mine, his hands brushed over my shoulders, down my arms, over my bra, down to my waist. I sighed happily at how good it felt to feel his touch again; it had been so achingly long. He shifted again and his shaking hands lowered to my jeans. His fingers played with the waistband on them, almost considering if he should...
I pulled away from his lips and whispered in his ear, "I'm yours...don't stop." I shifted my weight under him suggestively. Exhaling and relaxing, Kellan listened to me, he didn't stop. He started unbuttoning my jeans and biting my lip, I moved to unbutton his. He pulled back to watch me intently. He stopped shaking. He seemed to finally believe that I wasn't going to stop this. I finished undoing his jeans, as he was starting to pull mine down. Gazing at me with such love in his face, he softly said my name, and that he loved me again, and started kissing my neck.
His face, his words, hit me with such intensity, that I stopped breathing. Suddenly this felt wrong, dirty. It didn't match his tender words, and I couldn't go through with it. "Kellan, wait...just a min-" I said tentatively.
"Kiera..." He stopped tugging at my jeans and groaned heavily. He sagged his entire body against mine, his head resting on my shoulder. "Oh...my...god. Are you serious?" He rocked his head back and forth on my shoulder. "Please don't do this again. I can't take it."
"No, I'm not...but-"
"But?" He pulled back to look at me breathlessly, his blue eyes blazing with desire and now, irritation. "You do realize, that if you keep doing this to my body, I will never be able to have children?" he snipped.
I laughed at his unintentionally amusing remark. He pulled back more and frowned at me. "I'm glad you find that funny..."
Still chuckling, I ran a finger down his cheek, eventually making him smile. "If we are going to do this...if I'm going to be with you," I looked around at the dirty floor we were lying on, "it's not going to be on the floor in the backroom of Pete's."
He frowned, then immediately reversed it and kissed me softly. "Now you object to being with me on a dirty floor?" he whispered.
I laughed again at his reference to our tryst in the coffee stand, and at hearing his humor return. It had been a long time since I had heard that too.
He kissed me again then pulling back, forced a frown on his face. "Did you...did you just get me to pour my heart out to you...so you could get me naked again?" He raised an eyebrow at me charmingly.
I laughed again and gently grabbed his face in my hands. "God, I missed you. I missed that."
"Missed what?" he asked quietly, gazing back at me and softly stroking my bare stomach.
"You...your humor, your smile, your touch, your...everything." I gazed back at him warmly.
His face got serious. "I missed you so much, Kiera."
I nodded, swallowing the emotion in my throat, and he kissed me softly again. Suddenly, he pulled back and eyeing me half naked beneath him, bit his lip and raised an eyebrow. "You know...there are other options for this room besides the floor."
"Really?" I asked, enjoying his playfulness.
"Yeah..." He looked around the room, smiling. "Table...chair...shelf..." he looked down at me, his grin suddenly devilish, "wall?"
I laughed and stroked my hand down his chest, marveling at how quickly my emotions around Kellan could change. Hadn't we just been at each other's throats, and now we were intimately joking around. "Just kiss me." I shook my head at him.
"Yes, ma'am." He smiled and started kissing me deeply. "Tease," he muttered, moving his lips to my neck.
"Whore," I muttered back, grinning and kissing the cheek I had ruthlessly slapped earlier. He laughed huskily in response and moved his lips to the base of my throat.
A persistent soft knock drifted through the room, but Kellan and I both ignored it.
"Hmmm..." I closed my eyes as he lightly ran his tongue up my throat. God, I loved that.
He was bringing his tongue up and over my chin when the annoying knocking that we had both been ignoring, suddenly became a door swinging open. I gasped and tilted my head up, my heart racing. Kellan raised his head to look at the door.
"Jesus, Evan...you scared the shit out of me!" Kellan said, laughing.
I didn't feel like laughing, this was not how I wanted someone to walk in on me. To his credit, Evan was covering his eyes. He immediately closed the door behind him and looked away. "Uh, sorry, man. I know you two are...uh, I need to talk to you, Kellan."
Evan seemed really embarrassed, but he couldn't be any more embarrassed than me. Kellan laid over me, protectively shielding me from his view, not that he was looking in our direction. "Your timing kind of stinks, man." He frowned at him.
Unintentionally, Evan flicked a glance at us and immediately looked away again. I clutched Kellan tighter, wanting to be anywhere but here. "Sorry...but you're going to thank my timing in about ten seconds."
Kellan smiled widely. "Really, Evan, can't this wait, like ten-" I nudged his ribs and he looked down at me, then back up at him, "twenty minutes?" I unintentionally giggled.
"Denny's here," Evan stated.
I stopped giggling. "What?" I asked quietly.
Kellan sat up, straddling me. "Shit," he said quietly. He handed me my shirt and I quickly slipped it on. He stayed on my lap, thinking.
Evan finally looked over at us without looking away. "Unless you want tonight to get...even more interesting, Kiera needs to leave, and you need to stay and talk to me."
Kellan started nodding and finding his shirt, slipped it back on. "Thank you...." he said, looking back up at Evan.
Evan half-smiled. "See...I knew you'd thank me."
I felt ice cold as Kellan finally got off my lap and helped me get up. We adjusted our clothes and I started having trouble breathing. Kellan put a hand on my shoulder. "It's fine...it will be fine."
Panic flared through me. "But the whole bar...they all saw that, they'll be talking. He'll know something."
Kellan shook his head. "He'll know we had a fight...that's it." He looked over at Evan, who looked impatient for me to leave. "You should go, before he comes back here looking for you."
"Okay..."
"Kiera..." He grabbed my arm as I turned to leave, then he pulled me in for one long, last kiss.
I was breathless when I went out into the hallway.