Chapter 16
Rain
I heard Kellan's car in the driveway around lunchtime. It didn't turn off, and after a door opening and closing, he sped off again. A few moments later, Anna entered through the front door, dressed in her clothes from last night, looking happy and extremely satisfied.
I bit back my anger as she sat down on the couch beside me. It wasn't her fault that she had fallen for Kellan's allure. No, all of my anger was reserved for him...he had promised. "Good night last night?" I asked flatly.
She flopped back on the couch and smiling widely, laid her head back on the cushions. "Oh...god, you have no idea."
Actually, I did.
"Kellan took us to Matt and Griffin's place and-"
I really didn't want to hear about it. "Ugh, please don't tell me."
She frowned and looked over at me; she did enjoy a good sex story. "Fine." She grinned again and leaned over at me. "You and Denny took off in a hurry." She raised an eyebrow suggestively. "Kellan said you guys needed alone time." She giggled. "How was your night?"
Guilt, anger and embarrassment coursed through me. Kellan told her we needed 'alone time'? "I don't want to talk about that either, Anna," I said quietly.
She flopped back on the couch and sulked. "Fine." She looked over at me. "Can I just tell you this one thing-"
"No!"
She sighed loudly. "Fine." We were both silent for awhile. "You okay, sis?" She frowned at me.
I laid my head back on the cushion and tried to ease my expression. "Yeah...just tired, didn't sleep much." I instantly regretted saying that.
She grinned knowingly. "Ahhh yeah! That's my girl!"
Denny made the three of us lunch, and Anna looked at him approvingly. I guess being handy in the kitchen bought Denny bonus points with her. She bit her lip several times during our meal, and I knew she was holding back her little story that she was dying to tell me. I prayed she would keep her mouth firmly shut - I didn't want to hear it. I was pretty positive it would kill me if I did hear about it. The mental play-by-play that I had supplied myself with was bad enough.
I kept my eyes on Denny instead as I ate the cashew chicken salad he'd made for us. It was incredibly good; he really was quite handy in the kitchen. He smiled warmly at me, his deep brown eyes calm and peaceful. Last night had been...intense between us. I cringed mentally, knowing that it was a different memory for me than for him. For him, it had probably just been us reconnecting after a too-long separation. For me, it was...not that simple.
Anna and Denny supplied ninety percent of the conversation as I quietly watched them. My own thoughts were too conflicted to speak in coherent sentences. After a long afternoon of watching the two of them have the breezy conversations that I wished I could have with my charming sister, it was time to pack up her things and get her to the airport.
Anna gave me a warm goodbye hug. "Thanks for letting me finally visit." She smiled coyly. "It was...fun." I cringed mentally, but outwardly smiled. "Next time we'll do more together, just the two of us...okay?" She smiled sweetly at me and I hugged her again.
"Yeah, okay, Anna."
She pulled back and looked at me intently. Speaking quickly, she added, "Please tell Kellan thank you for me." She grabbed my arm and still speaking fast, so that I wouldn't stop her, she excitedly said, "I know you don't want to hear about it, but, god, last night was so unexpectedly amazing! Like, the best night of my life amazing." She smiled brilliantly.
"Oh," was all I could squeak out.
"Oh...yeah." She giggled and bit her lip. "The best...multiples...if you know what I mean."
I did...and I really wished I didn't.
She sighed. "Oh god, I wish I could stay..."
God, I wished she would hurry and leave.
They announced that her flight was boarding and she looked over at the gate, then back to me. "I'll miss you." She hugged me again then pulled back, smiling. "I'll come back soon." She kissed my cheek. "Love you."
"Love you too..."
She walked over to Denny, who was standing a little ways away from us, giving us space, and threw her arms around his neck, kissing his cheek. "I'll miss you too." She grabbed his bottom before she walked away. "Stud," she muttered, making Denny...and me, blush.
Then my crazy, impulsive sister boarded her plane and went back home to Ohio, unknowingly leaving my world a little more tangled than she had found it.
Kellan still wasn't home when we got back from the airport. In fact, I didn't see Kellan at all that night. I didn't see him until late in the evening the following night, when he and the D-Bags strolled into Pete's while I was working. I glanced over at him cautiously as he entered. I had no idea what to expect from him. He was wearing different clothes than the night of the club, a thin, gray t-shirt that hugged his muscles distractingly under his black leather jacket, and his favorite faded jeans. He looked freshly showered, his chunky, alluring spikes gone, so he had gone home at some point. He looked over my way and gave me a tiny smile and a nod. Well, he wasn't ignoring me then.
I wasn't sure if I wasn't ignoring him however - the jerk had promised! The more I thought about that, and the more vivid the horrid pictures became in my mind, the more I ignored him. I rarely went to the guys table. Evan eventually flagged me down and without asking what they wanted, I just brought them beers - it was all they ever ordered anyway. I said nothing as I set the beers down. I listened to nothing as I set the beers down. I did my best to mentally escape my body. I didn't want to deal with him.
He apparently, did not feel the same. Awhile after my silent waitressing, he cornered me in the hallway when I was coming back from the bathrooms. Seeing him at the end of the hall, I considered hiding out in the backroom. I quickly dismissed that thought though, since the lock on the door was broken and if he really wanted to talk to me, and he appeared to want to do just that, then he would simply follow me. And being alone in a room with him was something I wanted to avoid. I tried to brush past him, but he roughly grabbed my elbow as I walked by.
"Kiera..."
With narrowed eyes, I looked up at his handsome face. That made my eyes narrow even more. That stupidly perfect face, with those startlingly-inhuman, deep blue eyes, that dropped panties everywhere... including mine. It pissed me off! I jerked my arm away from him and said nothing.
"We should talk..."
"Nothing to talk about, Kellan!" I snipped.
"I disagree," he said quietly, a slight frown on his lips.
"Well...you can apparently do whatever you want." I didn't even try to keep the sneer from my voice.
"What's that supposed to mean?" His eyes narrowed as his tone sharpened.
"It means, we have nothing to talk about," I said, finally brushing past him and storming off.
I ended up working later than I had expected to, and with my head in an angry, distracted fog all night, I hadn't bothered to line up a ride home. In fact, by the time I started thinking about it, almost everyone was already gone. Jenny had the night off. Kate got a ride with her boyfriend. Sam and Rita left not long after her, while I was distracted with calling a taxi for a drunken customer. Evan was currently strolling out with a cute blonde. Matt had left hours ago. And Kellan, not that I would allow him to be an option, was leaning against a table with an amused grin on his face, watching me look for a ride home. I could see the light rain splashing on the sidewalk when Evan walked out the door. This was not good. Maybe I should call Denny. It was so late though. Maybe one of the regulars?
I noticed Griffin was still here, and happened to be alone tonight. Maybe...ugh, that option really wasn't great either...but he was better than Kellan, and better than walking in the rain. Hopeful, I approached him. I could see Kellan's grin widen at my choice.
"Hi, Griffin," I tried casually.
He was suspicious. I usually was not nice or casual with him. "Yeah? What do you want?" Getting an idea that I probably didn't want to hear, he raised a pale eyebrow at me and smiled in a way that made my skin crawl.
Ignoring my instincts, I nicely said, "I was hoping, maybe you could give me a ride home."
He grinned. "Well, Kiera...I'd never thought you'd ask." He eyed me up and down. "I'd love to give you a ride...all the way home."
Smirking, I flatly said, "I literally meant a car ride to my house, Griffin."
He frowned. "No sex?"
Shaking my head vigorously, I said, "No."
He sniffed. "Well then...no. Get your no-sex ride with Kyle." And with that, he turned and left. Kellan was laughing softly now. I looked around, but everyone else had gone. Pete was still in his office, maybe he would...
"Would you like me to give you a ride?" Kellan asked softly.
Angrily shaking my head at his perfect face, I hurried to the front doors. I crossed my arms over my chest, bracing myself for the rain, and walked outside. He didn't follow me, which gave me an odd sort of angry-sad-relieved feeling. The rain wasn't heavy, but it was cold. In my hurry to get away from Kellan, I had forgotten to grab my bag and my jacket. I regretted that haste now, as a few steps through the empty parking lot found me shivering, droplets running down my face. I sighed and considered going back for my stuff, but then stubbornly decided I did not want to see Kellan anymore tonight. I was achingly furious over him and my sister - the bastard had promised!
I made it one block from the bar when mentally I was done with the rain that was starting to take a turn for the worst. I started wondering just how many blocks away our house was? It wasn't long in the car...but walking? Shivering uncontrollably, I thought maybe I should find a phone and call Denny. I was looking around for a phone booth or an open store, when I noticed a slow moving car approaching me. Panic flared slightly. This really wasn't the greatest neighborhood. Being alone out here in the middle of the night, getting soaked, I suddenly felt very vulnerable.
The car pulled up beside where I was walking on the sidewalk and matched my pace. I suddenly felt even more vulnerable, staring over at the familiar black Chevelle. Of course he would come find me. He leaned across his seat and rolled down the window. Looking at me incredulously, he shook his head.
"Get in the car, Kiera."
I glared over at him. "No, Kellan." Being alone in a small space was not a good idea after our intense moment at the club, especially with how angry I currently was with him.
He sighed and looked up at the ceiling of his car. Bringing his eyes to mine again, he said with forced patience, "It's pouring, get in the car."
Feeling stubborn, I glared at him again. "No."
"I'm just going to follow you like this all the way home." He raised his eyebrows and smirked at me.
I stopped walking. "Go home, Kellan. I'll be fine."
He stopped the car too. "You're not walking all the way home by yourself. It's not safe."
It's safer than a car ride with you, I thought irritably. "I'll be fine." I started walking again.
With an exasperated sigh, he took off and peeled around the corner. I thought that was the end of it, but he stopped right around the corner and I saw him getting out of the car. I stopped walking again. Damn it...why doesn't he just leave me alone?
He had his leather jacket on, but by the time he made it over to where I was still standing, he was quite wet. The rain was dripping through his hair, hanging down over his face and around his eyes, darkening the exposed portion of his light shirt. It suddenly reminded me of the fully clothed shower he had taken so long ago. My breath quickened at his attractiveness. This was definitely not good. My irritation grew. I did not need this right now.
"Get in the damn car, Kiera." He was getting irritated too.
"No!" I pushed him back, away from me.
He grabbed my arm and started dragging me to the car. "No, Kellan...stop it!" I tried to pull my arm free, but he was stronger. He pulled me over to the passenger's side. Watching the rain running down the back of his neck made me shiver more than the cold...which made me mad. I did not need this - I did not want to want him! Becoming enraged, I yanked my arm away, right as he opened the door. I started to walk off, but he reached around behind me and picked me up. I tried kicking and squirming, but he had me tight. He set me next to the opened door, trapping me there with his body.
"Stop it, Kiera - just get in the God damn car!"
His body, wet and pressing against mine, drove me over the edge. I was so angry at him for the club, for my sister, for Denny, for everything he made me feel - for simply existing at all. However, I was also more turned on than I had ever been in my life. I angrily threw both my hands into his wet hair and yanked him close to me, my lips stopping a hairsbreadth from his. My eyes glared daggers, my breath came in angry pants as I held our faces close together. Hungrily, I pressed against his lips, cool from the rain. Then angrily...I slapped him.
He roughly pushed me back onto the cold car; I barely felt the chill in my rage. Shock passed over his face for a second, then he matched my glare with his own. Good, he was mad too. I could hear the rain pound around us, splashing on the metal roof, the leather seats. I could feel him grab my waist and bending, force me into the seat. But all I could see were his angry, passionate eyes, so dark blue, they were almost black.
I felt the edge of the seat beneath me, but he scooted me up towards the middle, getting in behind me. He released his grip on my waist so he could turn around and slam the door. Freed from his intense glare, I started to scoot up the bench seat away from him, thinking I could get out the other side, wanting to flee again. He turned back around to me and pulling my legs, dragged me closer. Then he moved over me, forcing me to lie down on the seat. Angrily, I pushed against his chest, but he didn't move away.
"Get off me," I panted, while he stared down at me intently.
"No." His eyes looked furious, and confused.
I grabbed his neck and forcefully pulled him closer instead. "I hate you..." I seethed.
His hands forced my legs on either side of his hips and he pressed himself against me hard, before I could even react. Even through jeans, the intensity of the move, the feel of him, of how turned on he was as well, made me gasp, made my breath heavier.
"That's not hate you feel..." His voice had a hard edge to it. Enraged, I stared at him icily. He smiled wickedly, breathing heavier as well, his eyes showing no humor. "And that's not friendship either."
"Stop it..." I squirmed under him, trying to move away, but he grabbed my hips and held me in place. He did it again, pulling against my body for leverage. I groaned and started to drop my head back. He grabbed my cheek roughly and made me look back into his eyes.
"This was supposed to be innocent, Kellan!" I spat at him angrily.
"We were never innocent, Kiera. How naive are you?" he said in the same tone, moving against me again.
"God, I hate you..." I whispered, tears of rage stinging my eyes.
Equally enraged, he stared right back at me. "No, you don't..."
He did it again, not quite as slow this time, biting his lip and making a noise that sent electricity through me. I could barely catch my breath. Water was dripping from his hair onto my wet cheeks, the smell of the rain mixing with his scent intoxicatingly. A tear rolled down my cheek, merging with the rain dropping from his hair. "Yes I do...I hate you..." I whispered again between pants.
He pushed against me again and he groaned, cringing a bit at the intensity of it. Fire burned in his eyes. "No...you want me..." he panted back at me, his eyes narrowing. "I saw you. I felt you...at the club, you wanted me." He brought his mouth right over mine, almost touching, breathing heavy into me - it was maddening. All I could see, all I could feel, and now all I could breathe, was him. It excited me, it angered me.
"God, Kiera...you were undressing me." He smiled wickedly. "You wanted me, right there in front of everyone." He ran his tongue along my jaw to my ear. "God, I wanted you too..."
I tangled my fingers in his wet hair, yanking him away. He inhaled sharply, but only moved against me again. "No, I chose Denny." My eyes rolled back as he did it again. "I went home with him..." I snapped my eyes back to his, anger flashing through me. "Who did you choose?"
He stopped moving his hips for a moment and stared cruelly at me. "What," he said flatly.
"My sister, you a*shole! How could you sleep with her? You promised me!" I smacked him in the chest, hard.
His eyes narrowed dangerously. "You can't be mad at me for that. You left to go screw him! You left me there...ready, wanting you...with her." He smirked and ran his hands along my hips suggestively. "And she was all too willing. It was so easy to take her...to slip inside her," he whispered intensely.
I bristled at that and tried to smack him away, but he held me down tight. "You son of a bitch."
He grinned wickedly at me. "I know who I screwed, but tell me..." barely able to keep speaking through his anger, he lowered his head to my ear and panted breathlessly, "who did you f*ck that night?" He pushed hard against me as he said that. The intensity of the movement, the crudeness of his question, electrified me, made me groan, suck in a quick breath through my teeth.
"Was he better...as me?" He looked back into my eyes, dropped his lips to just touching mine, and flicked his tongue along my lip. "There is no substitute for the real thing. I'll be even better..."
"I hate what you do to me." I hated that he knew what I had done to Denny. I hated that he was right - it had been the best I'd ever had with Denny. I really hated that I knew he was right - he would be so much better...
He watched my eyes intensely. "You love what I do to you." He ran his tongue up my throat, licking the rain from my still damp skin. I shivered. "You ache for it," he whispered. "It's me you want, not him," he persisted.
I ran my fingers through his hair, as he moved against me again. I started bringing my hips up to meet his. It intensified it for both of us and he groaned at the exact same time, and in the exact same way that I did. The windows steamed up with our heavy breathing. God, I hated him. God, I wanted him.
I pulled his jacket off his shoulders, telling myself that I only wanted him to be as cold and miserable as I was. He tore it the rest of the way off, an eager look in his eyes, and tossed it in the back seat. Fire burned through me at the feel of his perfect chest so close to mine. An angry fire, like molten lava.
I tried to bring him to my lips, he pulled back. That made me mad. I tried to touch his open mouth with my tongue, he pulled back. That pissed me off, and I ran my nails down his back, hard. He made an odd aroused-pained sound and dropped his head to my shoulder, digging his hips into me even harder. I cried out and grabbed his back jeans pockets, pulling him tighter to me, curling my legs around his hips.
"No, I want him..." I moaned, as I clutched him to me.
"No, you want me..." he muttered into my neck.
"No, he would never touch my sister," I spat angrily. "You promised, you promised, Kellan!" My anger at that resurfaced, and I tried to push him away again, tried to squirm out from under him.
"That's already done with. I can't change it." He grabbed my hands and pinned them on either side of my head, digging his hips into me again. I gasped and made a noise deep in my throat. "But this... Stop fighting, Kiera. Just say you want this. Tell me you want me...like I want you." He brought his mouth to hover over mine again, his eyes blazed. "I already know you do..."
He kissed me then, finally...
I groaned in his mouth and took him eagerly. He released my hands and I tangled them back in his hair. He kissed me deeply, passionately. His hands twisted back in my wet hair, pulling the elastic band out. His hips continued rocking into mine.
"No..." I ran my hands down his back, "I hate..." I grabbed his hips and pulled him into me, "...you." We kissed hard and heavy for an eternity. Between pants, I continued spewing how much I hated him. Around my lips, he kept telling me I didn't.
"This is wrong," I moaned, my hands running up under his shirt to feel his fabulously hard body.
His hands ran everywhere along mine - my hair, my face, my breasts, my hips. "I know..." he breathed, "but, god, you feel so good."
The continuous grinding motion was escalating, I either needed something more...or I needed it to stop. Then, as if reading my thoughts, he stopped kissing me and pulled back. Panting with need, he dropped his hands to my jeans. No...yes...no, I thought frantically, not able to decipher my own rapidly swinging emotions. He began to unbutton them, staring at me intently, angrily - just as I was staring at him. There was so much heat between us, I thought for sure we would both ignite.
On the last of the four buttons, I grabbed his wrists and brought his hands up over my head and against the door, holding him against me. I wrapped my fingers around his tightly and he groaned intensely as our bodies pressed together again. "Stop it, Kiera," he snarled. "I need you. Let me do this. I can make you forget him. I can make you forget you."
I shuddered, knowing he was absolutely right.
He pulled a hand free from my weaker grasp and trailed it down my chest, back to my jeans, his lips on my neck with an intense fervor. "God, I want inside you..." he growled intensely in my ear.
Electricity shot through me as my entire body reacted to his words; my body desperately wanted that too. My head however could not get the image of him being this intimate with my sister out of it. "Stop it, Kellan!" I hissed at him.
"Why?" he hissed back, his lips brushing my neck giving me chills. "It's what you want...what you beg for!" he growled, slipping his hand into my jeans, on the outside of my underwear.
The closeness was too much - his touch promising me unimaginable pleasure. I moaned loudly and closed my eyes. Quickly reopening them, I grabbed his neck and brought his face right to mine. I was so angry.... His heavy breath was ragged, and he inhaled through his teeth and groaned. God, he was just as turned on as I was.
"No...I don't want you to." I was saying no, but his finger was tracing the edge of my underwear along my thigh, and my voice broke halfway through. It sounded like anything but a refusal. I moved my hand from his neck, to try and move his fingers away from me, knowing that if he actually touched me - well, game over - but he was stronger, and his fingers stayed temptingly close.
"I can feel how much you do want me to, Kiera." His eyes burned with a deep, smoldering desire as he watched me. I could see how difficult this was for him, how much more he wanted. He groaned heavily, his face a mixture of painful need and lingering anger - it was the hottest thing I'd ever seen. "I want you...now. I can't take any more," he said breathlessly, and ripped free his other hand that I was still holding, bringing them both to my jeans. He quickly started tugging the wet fabric down. "God, Kiera. I need this..."
"Wait! Kellan...stop! I...I need a minute. Please...I just need a minute..."
Our old code phrase for, "I'm way too riled up, please step back," seemed to penetrate through his passion. He stopped his hands. He stared at me with those intensely smoldering eyes and my breath caught at his gorgeousness. I made myself say it again, with great effort.
"I need a minute," I panted the words.
He stared at me for a second longer. "Shit!" he exclaimed suddenly. I flinched, but said nothing. I couldn't get another word out anyway.
He sat up, his eyes still wild with passion, and ran his hand through his damp hair. He swallowed roughly and glared over at me, his breath heavy and ragged. "Shit!" he said again, hitting the door behind him angrily.
Watching him warily, I buttoned my jeans and slowly sat up, trying to slow my breathing and my heartbeat.
"You...are..." He immediately shut his mouth and angrily shook his head. Before I could respond, he opened the door and stepped out into the freezing, pouring rain. I peered out the open car door to watch him, feeling really stupid and quite unsure what to do.
"F*ck!" he yelled as he kicked the car tire. The rain was sheeting now, and it ran down him, quickly re-soaking his hair and soaking his body. He kicked the tire a few more times, shouting other obscenities. I gaped at his tantrum. Finally he walked away from the car and clenching his fists, yelled loudly to the empty street, "FUUUUCK!!"
Panting in a mix of passion and rage, he put his hands over his face, and then ran them back through his hair. He left them tangled there and tilted his head up to the sky, closing his eyes and letting the rain completely soak him, cool him. Slowly, his breath became more even, and he let his arms fall to his sides, palms slightly up, welcoming the rain.
He stayed that way for an achingly long time. I watched him from the relative warmth and dryness of the car. He was breathtakingly handsome - his wet hair slicked back from his fingers, his face relaxed and tilted up to the sky, his eyes closed, his lips parted, his even breath sending droplets of water away from him, rain streaming down his face, water running down his bare arms to his upturned hands, his light shirt clinging to every muscle of his unbelievable body, his jeans soaked and clinging to his legs. He was beyond perfection. He was also starting to shake from the cold.
"Kellan?" I called out over the sound of the rain.
He didn't answer me. He didn't move other than to raise a hand towards me, one finger up - he was taking a minute.
"It's freezing...please come back to the car," I pleaded.
He slowly shook his head, no.
I wasn't sure what he was doing, but I was sure he was going to freeze to death out there. "I'm sorry, please come back."
He clenched his jaw, still angry apparently. He shook his head no again.
I sighed. "Damn it," I muttered and bracing myself, I went back out into the downpour.
He opened his eyes and looked at me with a furrowed brow as I approached. Still very angry then. "Get back in the car, Kiera." He bit off each word, the passion in his eyes replaced with coldness as icy as the rain.
I swallowed under his intense gaze. "Not without you." He couldn't just stay out here in this. His whole body was shaking uncontrollably from the cold now.
"Get in the damn car! For once, just listen to me!" he yelled at me.
I took a step back from his outburst, and then my temper flared. "No! Talk to me. Don't hide out here, talk to me!" I was getting soaked now too in the freezing rain, but I didn't care.
He took an angry step towards me. "What do you want me to say?" he yelled.
"Why won't you leave me alone? Tell me that! I told you before that it was over, that I wanted Denny. But you still torment me..." My voice cracked with my anger.
"Torment you? You're the one who..." He stopped talking and looked away from me.
"The one who what?" I yelled back angrily.
I should have left him alone. I never should have pushed his buttons...
Abruptly, he snapped his eyes back to mine. They blazed furiously and he smiled coldly. "Do you really want to know what I'm thinking right now?" He took another step, and I involuntarily took a step back. "I'm thinking...that you...are a f*cking tease, and I should have just f*cked you anyway!" I gaped at him, my face pale, as he took another angry step to stand right in front of me. "I should f*ck you right now, like the whore you really-"
He didn't finish saying the words before I slapped him hard across the face. Any sympathy I ever felt for him immediately vanished. Any tender emotion that I ever felt for him immediately vanished. Any friendship I felt for him immediately vanished. I wanted him to vanish. Tears sprang to my eyes.
Really pissed off now, he pushed me roughly back into the car. "You started this. All of this! Where did you think our 'innocent' flirting was heading? How long did you think you could lead me on?" Roughly, he grabbed my arm. "Do I still...torment you? Do you still want me?"
The tears streaming down my face were lost in the downpour of rain. I yelled, "No...now I really do hate you!"
"Good! Then get in the f*cking car!" he yelled and shoved me into the open door.
I fumbled my way into the seat, starting to cry, and he slammed the door shut behind me. I flinched at the angry noise. I wanted to go home. I wanted the safety and comfort of Denny. I never wanted to see Kellan again.
He paced for a long time outside, probably trying to calm down, while I cried on the inside, watching him and wanting to be far away from him. Then he stalked over to the driver's side and slid in the seat, slamming his door behind him. "Damn it!" he said suddenly, slamming his hand on the steering wheel. "Damn it, damn it, damn it, Kiera." He slammed his hands repeatedly on the wheel and I flinched away from him.
He sunk his head down to the wheel and left it there. "Damn it, I never should have stayed here..." he muttered. He raised his head and pinched the bridge of his nose with his fingers. I was extremely wet, but he was drenched, water dripped off him everywhere. He sniffed and shook with the cold, his lips were nearly blue and his face was very pale.
I turned away from him, still crying miserably, as he finally started the car. We waited in awkward silence as he blasted the heat. We sat in that silence for a second, then he sniffed and quietly said, "I'm sorry, Kiera. I shouldn't have said that to you. None of that should have happened."
I could only cry in response.
He sighed, then reached behind him and grabbed my jacket from the back seat. I took a look and saw my bag back there too; he had picked them up for me. I swallowed a lump in my throat as he handed me the jacket in silence. I slipped it on, grateful, but equally silent. Without either of us saying another word, he drove us home.
Pulling up to the driveway and shutting off the car, he immediately exited into the still pouring rain and went inside the house, leaving me alone staring after him. Swallowing again, I went inside and up the stairs. I stopped at his door. He was in there - I could see the wet footprints in the carpet. I hated him. I looked over at my door, where Denny was waiting for me, most likely asleep, then back to Kellan's door. I wished Denny and I were back in Ohio, back safely with my parents. Then in the silence, I heard a sound I never expected to hear - ever. I took a deep breath and opened Kellan's door without knocking first, closing it soundlessly behind me.
He was sitting in the middle of his bed, getting water everywhere, his shoes getting the sheets filthy. His arms were locked firmly around his legs and his head was slung down between his knees. His whole body shook...but not from the cold. He shook, because he was softly crying.
He said nothing as I sat down next to his dripping body, he didn't look at me, and he didn't stop crying either. Emotions flooded through me - hate, guilt, grief...even desire. I settled on sympathy, and put an arm around his shoulders. A sob escaped him and turning into me, he slipped his arms around my waist and laid his head on my lap. He completely lost it. He clutched at me like I might vanish at any moment. He sobbed so hard he could barely breathe.
I leaned over him, stroking his hair and rubbing his back, as new tears sprang to my eyes. The hurt of his words evaporated in my mind at his pain. Guilt at what I had driven him to flooded through me. He was right...in a crude, vulgar way. I was a tease. I did lead him on. I continually brought him to the brink, then left him for another. It obviously had hurt him. I was obviously hurting him. He blew up at me, and I had kind of deserved it...and he hated himself for it.
He was shaking uncontrollably. His chill was seeping into me, so some of his trembling must be because he was soaked through. I reached behind me, and he clutched me tighter, like he was afraid I was leaving. Grabbing the edge of a blanket nearly falling off his messy bed, I pulled it up and wrapped it around the both of us. I laid myself over his back, slipping my arms around him. My body eventually started to warm, in turn warming his body, and his shaking slowed.
After what felt like an eternity, his sobs eased to gentle crying, and then those eased as well. I continued to silently hold him to me, surprised to realize that I was lightly rocking him, like he was a child. After a moment, his arms around me loosened, his breath became smooth and regular, and I realized that, also like a child, he had cried himself to sleep on my legs.
My heart ached with so many emotions, I couldn't keep track of them all. I tried to forget our horrid night, but it started replaying itself in my mind. I shook my head to clear the bad memories, and softly kissed his hair, running my hand down his back. Gently, I shifted out from under him. He stirred, but didn't wake up. As I pulled away from him, he instinctively reached out for me, grabbing my legs again and holding me tight, still asleep. That stirred my heart again, and swallowing, I gently released his hold on me. He cringed and said "no" and for a moment, I thought he was awake, but after another minute of watching him, he didn't move again or speak again.
I sighed and ran a hand through his hair. Tears sprang, yet again, and I desperately needed out of that room. I fixed the blanket around him so he would stay warm, and then slipped from his room and into mine.