Thoughtless

Chapter 13

A Bad Idea

The following evening was busy for a week night, and Griffin was again apparently...bored. He had climbed on top of his usual table and was singing along loudly to the jukebox, more specifically, to Sir Mix-A-Lot's 'Baby Got Back'. He was making rather obscene gestures, and gyrating his hips about in a way that was sure to give me nightmares tonight, and a few women around the table were laughing and holding dollar bills out to him. He took them gleefully and shoved them places I did not want to think about.

Evan, Matt and Kellan had backed away from the table and were laughing hysterically at the idiot. Kellan looked over to where I was standing in the middle of the aisle watching the crude show and winked at me, still laughing. I laughed and smiled back at him.

"Get off the damn table, Griffin!" Pete had come out of the kitchen, where his office was tucked away in an old storage closet, and was scowling at the bassist.

Immediately, Griffin jumped down to his adoring harem, hovering close to his side. "Sorry, Pete," he smiled, not looking sorry at all. Shaking his head and muttering to himself, Pete walked back into the kitchen.

I laughed even harder, until I felt something behind me. A hand had reached up the loose skirt I was wearing tonight and was grabbing my upper thigh. I squeaked and moved away. A dirty looking, middle-aged man leered at me with beady little brown eyes and grinned, showing a mouthful of yellowed teeth. He winked one of those tiny little eyes in a not at all charming way, while his equally scummy looking friend laughed. I quickly darted off to the safety of the bar.

I didn't recognize the men, they were not regulars and they were not pleasant. They were also seated in such a way in my section that I had to pass by them every time I went up to the bar, and every time, the lewd man made a grab for my legs, no matter how far away I scooted. I put it off as long as I could, but inevitably the time came for me to hand them their bill. The larger man, who had felt my leg before, stood up and grabbed my ass roughly, pulling me tight against him while his other hand grabbed my breast.

Angrily, I smacked his hand away from my chest and tried to push him off of me, only succeeding in making him laugh. He reeked of an odor I could only classify as "eau de poor life". It was an unappealing mix of stale cigarettes, three day old whiskey, and I swear - manure. And that mix didn't include his breath, which made the rest of him smell downright delectable in comparison. I looked around for Sam, but then I remembered that he was off today and Pete hadn't thought the bar was busy enough to staff another full time bouncer. At the moment, I was disagreeing with him. I wasn't sure what to do, and I didn't think I could take the guy, when abruptly he was pulled away from me.

Evan stood behind him, with the man's arms held down to his sides. Kellan was instantly in the man's face. He looked livid. "Not a good idea." His voice was low and ice cold.

Matt stepped up to the smaller man, who was standing now to defend his friend. Griffin came up to me casually and threw an arm around my shoulders. "Yeah, this ass is ours," he said, with a big smile on his face.

The big guy angrily shook off Evan and roughly pushed Kellan back a step. "Piss off, pretty boy."

Kellan grabbed his shirt in both hands and got right back in his face. "Try it...please..."

The man stared at Kellan, looking like he wanted to pound him into the ground. Kellan stared right back, not afraid in the least. The whole bar was quiet, watching the stare down. Kellan finally released the big man, his hands shaking a little with restraint. "I suggest you leave now. I wouldn't come back if I were you." His voice was scarily cold.

The smaller guy grabbed his friend's shoulder. "Come on, man. She's not worth it."

Sniffing and looking Kellan up and down once, the man winked at me again, then turned to leave. Kellan relaxed and looked over at me, concern on his face. The man had almost fully turned from Kellan, when he suddenly reached into his jacket. I only saw a glint of metal and heard a flicking sound, before the man was turning swiftly around and lunging towards Kellan.


I yelled his name and looking back to the man, he spun away from him. The knife the man had brought around just barely missed Kellan's body. Griffin immediately pulled me back from the both of them, just as I lurched forward to help. Matt pushed the smaller man away from his friend as he looked about to join the fight. Evan made a move for the bigger man's knife hand, but Kellan was faster - he landed a hard punch along the man's jaw, sending him sprawling to the ground with a grunt, the knife clattering under a nearby table.

Kellan moved to pick the man up, but he scrambled away from him and turning, stood and fled the bar, his friend quickly following. Everyone in the bar was silent for a good minute, then buzzing noises returned and people started going back to their own business.

Taking a big breath and slightly flexing his hand, Kellan looked over to me. "You okay?" He frowned.

I sighed, relaxing for the first time since the confrontation. "Yeah, thank you, Kellan...guys." I smiled and looked at Kellan, then Evan, and then Matt. Lastly, I looked over to Griffin beside me. "You can get your hand off my butt now, Griffin."

Kellan, looking pale, laughed softly while Griffin pulled his hand back and held it up in the air. "Sorry," he pointed to his hand, "mind of its own." He winked at me, and then he and a chuckling Matt went back to whatever they had been doing before the little showdown.

Evan and Kellan stayed near me, and Evan gave Kellan a once over, his face serious. "You okay, Kel? Did he get you?" I startled and looked more closely at him. Was he hurt?

Kellan cringed, and finally turning to face me, put a hand under his shirt. Pulling it back, his fingers were smeared with blood.

"Oh god..." I grabbed his hand and then lifted up his shirt. A good three-inch long slice along his ribs showed just how close the fight had been. The cut didn't look too deep, but it was bleeding pretty well. "Kellan, you should go to the hospital."

He looked down cursorily and smirked. "He barely got me. I'm fine." He half-smiled and raised an eyebrow at me still holding his shirt up.

I dropped it and grabbed his hand. "Come on."

Evan clapped him on the back as I led him away. Smiling and looking satisfied with himself, we worked our way to the back hallway while people occasionally stopped him, wanting to talk about it. Men, I thought, as I pulled him past the curious guys and practically drooling girls. I drug him into the backroom with me and grabbed a clean towel and an extra large Band-Aid from the first aid kit in one of the never used lockers. I hoped it was enough, and the cut wasn't deep enough that he needed stitches. Dragging him back into the hallway, I stopped outside the women's bathroom.

"You stay here." I pointed to his chest while he grinned adorably and made an X over his heart. Opening the door, I took a quick look into the stalls and, not seeing anyone, came back out into the hallway where Kellan was patiently leaning against the wall, waiting for me. I could see the red blood stain on his shirt now as it stuck to his wet skin. I swallowed roughly.

"This isn't necessary," he said as I grabbed his hand and led him inside the bathroom. "I'm fine," he insisted.

I scowled at his stubbornness. "Shirt off."

He grinned wickedly. "Yes, ma'am."

I rolled my eyes and tried not to notice how fabulous his body was, as he stretched up to remove his shirt. He held it in one hand and waited patiently by the sink, a slight smile on his face. His cut wasn't bleeding as badly, but it still oozed a bit down his side. Butterflies danced in my stomach as I thought of what might have happened if he hadn't turned out of the way.

I turned on some cold water and soaked the towel. He inhaled a bit as I started to wipe clean the wound, which made me grin. "You're such a sadist," he muttered and I threw him a dirty look. He chuckled at me delightfully.

"What were you thinking, going up against a guy with a knife?" I asked, trying to be gentler as I cleaned the gash. It was deeper than I'd originally thought and had started to bleed a little more when I touched it.

"Well," he inhaled again, "obviously, I didn't know he had a knife." I finished cleaning the wound on his side and pressed the towel firmly against it making him grunt. "I wasn't about to let him keep touching you like that," he said softly, and I looked up to gaze into his sparkling blue eyes. I held the towel there for a moment while I locked gazes with him. Finally, I pulled the towel away and saw that the wound was no longer bleeding. I opened the large bandage and frowned, worried that it would bleed again the moment he moved. He grinned and said, "He can't touch you like that, if I don't get to. It's against the rules." He chuckled and I slapped on the bandage, none too gently, making him groan and flinch. Instantly I felt bad, as I had probably just made it bleed again.

More gently, I stroked my fingers over the bandage, flattening it out over his muscled side. "Well, it was stupid...you could have been seriously hurt, Kellan." I had to swallow the lump in my throat over that thought.

He grabbed my fingers and held my hand to his chest. "Better me than you, Kiera," he whispered. We stared into each other's eyes for a moment then he softly said, "Thank you...for watching out for me." He stroked my fingers with his thumb. My breath caught at the look in his eye, at his bare skin under my fingertips.

I blushed and looked away. "You can put your shirt back on now."

He smiled and slid it back on. I cringed at the bloody stain in the side, the tear in the fabric; that had been much too close. Tears stung my eyes and he noticed, pulling me in for a tight embrace. He inhaled a little and I relaxed my grip, realizing that I was hurting him.

"Sorry," I whispered. "You really should get that looked at."

He nodded and pulled me tighter. I sighed and relaxed into him. We were embracing like that when Jenny opened the door. "Oops...just checking to see how your patient was doing."

I pulled away from him and blushed. "We were just...he's fine," I mumbled.

He laughed softly and walked past Jenny to the hallway. Stopping just past the door, he turned and looked back to me. "Thank you again, Kiera." My heart stubbornly skipped a beat. He nodded politely at Jenny. "I should probably get that knife from Griffin now."

She looked at him, puzzled. "Griffin has it?" He raised an eyebrow at her. She rolled her eyes and sighed. "Griffin...yeah, you should go get it." He looked back at me one last time, then chuckling, he walked down the hall.

She looked back at me through the still open door. "Coming?"

I sighed, willing my suddenly shaky hands and surging heartbeat to calm down. "Yeah...I just need a minute."

I ended up taking ten.

I playfully smacked Kellan's stomach as I came up to him in the kitchen the next morning. He grunted and bent over a bit and, too late, I remembered his injury.

"Oh...sorry..." I said, a look of horror surely on my face.

He chuckled and pulled me in for a hug. "I'm just messing with you. It doesn't hurt that bad."

I laced my arms around his neck and frowned at him. "That's not very nice."

He grinned devilishly at me. "No...but I did get you to put your arms around me," he finished with a wink.

I rolled my eyes and smiled at him. "You're impossible."

"True, but you like me anyway." He pulled me tighter.

I sighed dramatically. "I have no idea why."

He grinned and cocked his head to the side, momentarily taking my breath. "So you do like me. I was curious..."


Carefully smacking his chest, I pulled away from his embrace. "Let me see." I motioned for him to lift up his shirt.

He smirked and lifted it up. "Trying to get me naked, yet again?"

I laughed in spite of myself and examined his bandage. There was some red that had seeped through; he had bled more. I frowned at him. "You were supposed to get this looked at last night." I had even made him leave the bar shortly after the incident, but apparently, he hadn't felt the need for professional help.

He shrugged.

"Well, you need a new bandage. Do you have any?" He nodded and left to go get one while I made my coffee. Just as I was taking a sip, he returned with one.

Leaning against the counter, he handed it to me. "Would you like the honors, since you seem to enjoy hurting me so much?"

I grinned and he shook his head, smiling. He lifted up his shirt again and made a go-ahead motion with his hand. I carefully pulled back a corner and looked to make sure that nothing was sticking to the Band-Aid. Seeing that it was clear, I peeked up at his eyes and abruptly ripped it off him.

"Shit!" he exclaimed loudly, pulling his body away from me. Laughing, I shushed him, pointing upstairs to where Denny was still sleeping. Grimacing, he looked up then back down to me. "Sorry, but damn it, woman."

Still laughing, I smiled and shook my head. "Big baby..." I inspected the wound. I was no nurse, but it looked okay, not inflamed or anything. I carefully cleaned it off and smiled when no blood came out, it must have closed sometime last night. Good, he probably didn't need stitches then.

I opened the bandage slowly, enjoying the long sigh he gave me, since he knew that that one would have to come off too. I gently pressed it against his side, laughing softly to myself. My fingers started drifting a bit from the wounded area and he chuckled quietly.

"Dang, man!" I spun towards the entryway where Denny was standing there, yawning and looking at Kellan's side. "What happened to you?"

Smoothly, Kellan dropped his shirt and leaned back against the counter. He looked casual and perfect, not in the least ruffled that Denny had just walked in on me practically stroking his chest. I backed away from him, trying to mimic his casualness.

"Some fan...she went nuts, wanted a piece of me...literally." He smiled. "Luckily, Kiera here is a good nurse." He nodded over to me.

Denny smiled too. "Yeah, not the gentlest though." He smiled wider as I scowled and Kellan laughed. He walked into the kitchen, frowning at Kellan. "Is that really what happened?"

Kellan chuckled and shook his head. I watched him, amazed that he could joke and be so casual with Denny, when we were being...well, not casual. "No, I'm kidding. Some stupid drunk last night pulled a knife on me."

"Damn." Denny walked over to me and slipped his arms around my waist, oddly making me blush. "You do his girl or something?"

I looked back at Denny, he was smiling, so I knew he was joking, but Kellan gave him an odd look before bringing back his casual smile. "Maybe. Sometimes it's hard to tell, who belongs to whom." He flicked his eyes down to mine when he said that, but Denny didn't notice, he was too busy kissing my neck.

Laughing softly, he looked back up to Kellan and clapped him on the shoulder. "Well, I hope you got him back good." Kellan gave him a quick grin and nodded. "Good on-ya. Glad you're all right, mate." Denny gave me a quick kiss on the cheek and asked me, "I've got time. Are you hungry?"

"Sure." He turned in for a kiss and I gave him a quick peck, sneaking a peek at Kellan, staring at the floor.

Denny moved to the fridge and leaned in, searching for something in the back. Kellan came up behind me, grasping my fingers with his and pulling my hand behind me. I looked over at him, but his face was unreadable, his eyes watched Denny intently. He stroked my fingers for a second, then clenched my hand in his. He dropped my hand just as Denny popped up from the fridge.

"Aaahh, good...strawberry pancakes?" he asked sweetly, showing me the carton of berries he had found in the fridge.

I nodded and looked down while Kellan quietly left the kitchen. Waves of guilt washed through me and I had no idea who I felt it for...Denny or Kellan?

Jenny and Kate both approached me once I got to work that night. They wanted to hear about the knife fight yesterday, as they had both been too far away to really see it. They asked how Kellan was doing and I blushed lightly when I told them he was fine, even a little proud of his war wound. They both shared my concern over how close that had been, and how much worse it could have been for Kellan. My heart squeezed at that and I glanced back to his table, where he was eating and waiting for the rest of his band to show up. A few girls across from him were looking like they were going to join him, but he was ignoring them, talking to Sam instead. Yeah, that had been much too close.

The three of us went back to our customers and I smiled as I glanced at Kellan again. He noticed my gaze and smiled back. My heart stuttered and I had to look away. Eventually the evening progressed, and Kellan was no longer the only D-Bag at his table. Pete caught me on my way out of the kitchen and asked me to tell Kellan they were up. Smiling, I nodded and made my way over to his table.

He smiled widely at my approach. He was sitting laid back in his chair and slightly away from the table, making his lap an almost irresistible draw. For a moment, I wanted to be like his more forward fans and plop right down for a snuggle. I imagined his arms wrapping around me. I imagined being enveloped in the smell of him. I imagined the warmth of his skin as I kissed his neck...

"Kiera?" He cocked his head and looked at me curiously, and I realized my inappropriate thoughts had caused me to stare at him without saying a word.

I blushed and looked away. "You guys are up," I said to the general vicinity of the band's table.

I heard chairs squeak as the guys stood up. Matt and Evan thanked me and hopped on stage to loud fanfare. Griffin just hopped on stage, sometimes basic niceties escaped him. I turned to watch Kellan finish his beer and then slowly stand. He stood at the table for a second, smiling at me and looking like he was waiting for something. I frowned and looked at him quizzically.

"So...aren't you going to wish me good luck?" he said, coming over to stand close beside me. He leaned back against the table as he waited.

I relaxed my face and then grinned at him. "You don't need my luck to do great up there."

He smiled widely and I felt a little dizzy. "True, but I like it."

I laughed and gave him a swift hug. "Well, good luck then."

He pouted charmingly. "I generally get more than a grandmotherly hug from girls when they wish me luck." He raised an eyebrow at me suggestively.

I laughed again and smacked his shoulder. "Well, I'm not just any girl."

He smiled adoringly and shook his head. "No...no you're not." He turned and hopped up on the stage and I had to lean against the table for a second, as I felt dizzy again.

As per usual, the band was amazing. The bar seemed to double in size as the band played on, and I didn't have as much time as I would have liked to watch Kellan play. But in-between orders, I did steal a glance or two. It thrilled me when I caught him watching me. It also concerned me a little, but I quickly pushed that to the back of my mind. I had to admit to myself, I liked his attention.

I sang along softly to the songs that I knew, as I helped the many thirsty people in the bar. Near the end of their set, a song the band was playing caught my attention. I hadn't heard the intense song before, but the crowd was singing along so it must have been an old one. I glanced over at Jenny and she was singing along too. The lyrics were intensely serious and so was Kellan's face. He almost looked mad.


''I've seen what you've done to her...I know your secret. You may break her, but it won't last, you won't last. She holds herself tight, waits for the pain to be over. It won't be long now, until the angels hover."

He concentrated more on his guitar than the crowd while he played, and I couldn't help but shake the feeling that the song had nothing to do with a woman.

"You took everything, left her with nothing. She was supposed to be loved. What's wrong with you? She'll find strength, she'll be free. It won't be long...for her...for me..."

I felt the sudden inexplicable need to hold him, comfort him. I watched him from the corner of my eye as I tended to my customers. Eventually the song ended, and he switched to a happy, upbeat one. All trace of the emotion in the previous song evaporated from his face, but I couldn't shake the image of his ire.

*******************

"I'm sorry, babe." Denny was looking at me dejectedly as he sat on the edge of the bed. He was removing his shoes and rubbing his feet.

"It's fine, Denny. It's just one weekend. Really, I can handle that."

"It's really just one night apart. I'll be back late the next night, probably before you get home from work." He sighed and put his feet on the carpet. "I am sorry though." He rolled his eyes. "It's ridiculous, the only reason Max is making me go to this conference instead of him, is because he's flying to Vegas for a bachelor party." He shook his head, irritated. "If his Uncle knew, he'd be racked off."

I shrugged. "Why don't you tell him?"

He looked at me with a wry smile and shook his head. "I really don't need to make my job any worse." I cringed a bit, remembering why he had this job in the first place and noticing, he immediately said, "Sorry."

I shook my head, clearing away the memory. "So you're leaving Friday morning and you'll be back late Saturday, right?"

He came over to sit beside me on the bed. "Yeah. I'll miss you." He smiled at me and leaned over to kiss my neck.

My thoughts started drifting as his lips ran down my skin. I'd have an entire afternoon alone with Kellan. Maybe we could go somewhere...take a drive somewhere people didn't know us, where our flirting didn't have to be quite so contained behind closed doors. He had spent nearly all last weekend with Denny and I. The three of us had gone exploring downtown, Kellan showing us all of his favorite places. Kellan would sneak my hand when Denny wasn't looking, or hold me close in a quick embrace. We would gaze at each other discreetly and we smiled...a lot.

Denny's lips were trailing down past my neck. It was jarring me from my pleasant memories and I pushed him away a little. "Are you hungry? I could make dinner this time?" I had a feeling that wasn't what he was "hungry" for, but I really wasn't in the mood.

He frowned slightly, but pulled away. "Yeah...sure."

"Okay," I said cheerily, as I hopped up and kissed his forehead quickly.

I glanced at Kellan's room as I exited our room, but he wasn't there. His band was playing tonight at a small club in Pioneer Square. I had racked my brain, wondering how I could go without making Denny suspicious. It was my night off, and I rarely got to see Kellan play anywhere but Pete's. I remembered the one time I had watched him at Razors. He was amazing in a smaller, more intimate setting like that...not that he wasn't always amazing when he sang.

I sighed as I stepped off the last stair and walked through the empty living room. The house was so quiet without him. He was constantly playing or humming or singing. He filled our home with music, with his presence. It felt a little empty here with him gone. I had considered telling Denny that I was spending the evening with Jenny...but that would require a lot of lying. For one, Jenny was actually at work, and if Denny got bored and went to Pete's...well, that wouldn't be good.

I sighed again as I entered the kitchen and started rummaging for food. I didn't want to be a liar anyway. That wasn't me. I could wait. I would see Kellan soon. We'd have almost all this coming weekend together. I frowned a bit, as I realized that we'd also have a whole evening alone together too. I shook my head. That didn't matter. We were just friends. We weren't going any further than that.

My smile returned as I thought back over the last few days with Kellan. I found something intricate to make for dinner and let my mind wander back through the memories, as I started the process of preparing our meal. Not only had our weekend been great, he had been sweet and charming this whole week too. He always took me to school and walked me to class. Women now looked at the door expectantly to see him enter with me, which now made me laugh a little. He usually picked me up too, and either took me home, or to Pete's if I wanted to go in early to study. I usually didn't, I preferred to study with him on the couch, although, sometimes it was just too distracting to lie on his lap and try and read Pride and Prejudice while he stroked my hair. I usually found myself staring into his eyes instead, making him laugh and point at the book. Then I'd hand the novel over to him and make him read it to me. He'd happily do it, his voice nearly lulling me to sleep it was so smooth, and at times, I swear, purposely husky.

Denny joined me downstairs right as I finished, and we ate our dinner together at the table. He told me some more details about this conference he had to go to and I told him about my classes. We talked about my Econ class for an absurdly long amount of time (I really never needed to study for that class, since I learned more just talking it over with Denny, than from reading the books or my notes). After dinner, he cleaned up while I answered the ringing phone. It was my sister, and we talked long into the night. She was excited to come up and wanted to make sure Kellan was still coming when we all went out together. I sighed and swallowed my frustrations at that -it would be fine - and then we moved on to her current flings.

I was still chatting with her on the phone when Denny came up and kissed my cheek to say goodnight. I don't know if I was waiting for Kellan to come home from the bar or not, but I stayed on the phone with my sister for hours after Denny went to bed. Kellan did finally come home, and I finally hung up with her, melting into his warm embrace.

*******************

"So, Denny's gone tonight?" Kellan asked, holding my hand over the kitchen table while we drank our coffee.

I eyed him suspiciously. "Yes...he's in Portland until tomorrow night. Why?"

He looked down, considering something, then spoke without looking back up at me. "Stay with me tonight."

"I stay here with you every night?" I asked, confused. We did share a house after all.

He looked up at me, amused. "No...sleep with me tonight."

"Kellan! That is not going to-"

He interrupted me. "I meant literally...fall asleep with me on my bed." He laughed at my assumption.

I blushed and looked away, making him laugh some more. Finally my embarrassment cooled, and I looked back over to him. "I don't think that's such a good idea, Kellan."

He cocked his head and smiled brilliantly. "Why not? Completely innocent, I won't even get under the covers."

I raised an eyebrow. "Completely dressed too?" Why was I even considering this? It was not a good idea.

"Sure." He laughed again. "If that is what you'd prefer." He stroked my hand with his thumb.

I laughed, and then smiled at the thought of falling asleep in his arms. "It is." I frowned, it really wasn't a good idea though...too many things could go horribly wrong. "You'll let me know the moment it gets too hard."


He chuckled and looked away, barely containing his laughter. Immediately, I realized how that sounded and blushed deeply. "You know what I mean." I whispered, mortified.

Laughing softly, he said, "Yes, I know what you mean...and yes, I will." He sighed. "You really are adorable...do you know that?" His face seemed sincere when he said that, so I smiled and looked away.

"Okay...we'll try it." I whispered, thinking this was a really bad idea.

Denny came downstairs awhile later, looking freshly showered and holding one of our duffel bags. His normally warm brown eyes looked flat with sadness. He seemed reluctant to leave and I gave him a long kiss goodbye, hoping to cheer him up a bit. He did give me a half-smile when he finally left the house. Oddly, my stomach was fine as I watched him drive off at the window near the kitchen. I decided it was because he was only going to be gone for one night. It was a finite period, unlike the last time he'd left me. But then Kellan came up behind me, putting his arms around my waist as he stared out the kitchen window with me. I melted back into his embrace and wondered why I was really okay with Denny being gone?

Later at Pete's, I stopped wiping down a table and listened without looking to a song I'd never heard the guys play before. It was the closest thing to a love song I'd ever heard from the band. It was catchy and upbeat, with lyrics about 'not being alone now' and 'feeling happy when you're around'. I wondered if the song was new, and my heart raced a little at the thought of Kellan writing something just for me. I was smiling contently as I continued wiping down the table, lost in dreamy thoughts.

"Huh." Jenny came up beside me and I startled as I looked over at her. She was watching the band curiously. I glanced over at them too, worried that maybe Kellan had looked at me inappropriately and she was suspicious. Kellan flicked a glance in our direction, but was mainly smiling at the crowd of girls near him, like he usually did.

I relaxed. "What?"

Jenny turned and smiled at me. "Evan must be in love again."

"Oh...why?" I asked curiously.

She laughed a little and nodded her head towards the stage. "This song, they always play it whenever he's swooning over some girl." She looked over the crowd. "I wonder which lucky lady it is?"

My spirit deflated a bit. "Hmmm...don't know." Okay, so Kellan didn't write it for me. That's probably for the best anyway. I really don't need him gushing over me. He had a hard enough time with just being attracted to me (for some odd reason), no need to throw love on top of that. We're just friends anyway. Flirty friends, who were snuggling in bed later tonight. I frowned. It really was not a good idea.

"Do you need a ride home tonight?" Jenny asked politely.

"No, Kellan's giving me a ride back." I smiled and tried hard to not look overly excited about that. "Thank you though."

"No problem." Someone paged Jenny on the other side of the bar and she politely excused herself.

I took a few more orders. A nearby couple, obviously on a first date, the man horribly nervous, the woman cutely shy, made me smile. While I was waiting at the bar for their drinks, Kellan's song ended and upon hearing his speaking voice, I glanced up at the stage.

"Ladies..." The crowd went wild and he smiled. "And you guys, of course." A few ruckus cheers in the back at that. "Thank you for coming out tonight." Kellan grinned and held up a finger. "We got one more for you, then we're baggin'." He flicked a glance at me discreetly. "Plans and all." He laughed and some girls in the front screamed loudly.

He winked at them and taking his shirt, used the bottom to wipe some sweat off his face; it was rather warm in the packed bar. The move exposed a good chunk of his excessively defined abs and the girls around him went - nuts! The scream was so loud, I actually flinched.

From directly behind me, Rita yelled through cupped hands, "Take it off! Woooooo!"

He stopped and grinned widely at her, then over to me. The crowd screamed even louder at that prospect and Kellan laughed. He looked over at the guys beside him for a second. Griffin grinned, Matt frowned, and Evan laughed. Kellan shrugged and actually took his shirt off! I gaped at him as he casually stretched it over his head, like he was in his room alone, not up on stage, in front of a packed crowd.

The sound in the bar was deafening! The earlier loud scream paled in comparison. Rita was hollering loudly behind me, and I was a little surprised to find that Jenny and Kate had come up to the bar and were leaning back on either side of me, hollering and whistling with her.

I was still gaping open-mouthed at the whole thing, when Jenny laughed at me. She nudged my shoulder. "Oh, come on. Even you have to admit he's hot! You're with Denny, but you're not dead." She grinned and went back to screaming.

I looked back up to the stage. Kellan had casually tucked his light t-shirt into the back of his jeans. He had his back to the crowd, his broad shoulders gleaming in the stage lights; I thanked the fates that the scratches I had left down his back were completely healed, and not noticeable. I blushed at that memory.

He was talking to Evan, who laughed then nodded. Then Kellan spun his finger in the air twice and pointed at him and Evan started to play. I flicked a glance at Matt, who was shaking his head and smiling. He waited a few more beats, then joined in with Evan.

Kellan turned back to the mic, the crowd losing it again at his spectacularly defined chest. He took the mic in one hand and ran his other hand through his hair, the movement twisting his muscles pleasantly. Griffin started playing and I automatically flicked a glance at him. I couldn't stop the laugh; he hadn't hesitated in taking his shirt off too. Anything Griffin could do to get naked. Griffin's body was decent, his tattoos intriguing to look at, but he came nowhere near Kellan's perfection.

Rita, Kate and Jenny were all watching Kellan intently, and momentarily ignoring every customer, so I relaxed and decided it wouldn't look odd for me to watch him either. Kellan started the song low and husky. His voice sent a shiver down my back...well, I'm pretty sure it was his voice. The song quickly picked up intensity. The crowd loved this song, and their half-naked rock-god, and were quickly all dancing and singing along. On the chorus, Kellan would lean with the microphone over to one side and stretch out to the crowd, the move doing amazing things to his body, making the crowd scream even more.

Occasionally, Kate or Jenny would holler and they were both dancing at the bar, so I joined them and we all laughed. Pete ducked his head out from the kitchen and I thought he might get mad at Kellan for being shirtless, but he looked around the crazy-excited bar and back up to Kellan and smiling, went back to the kitchen.

Kellan got to a section in the song where the lyrics ask the question, "Is this all you want?" He put a hand playfully up to his ear and the crowd went nuts again in answer. Kellan laughed through the next couple lyrics; he was having an exceptionally good time. I laughed at his enjoyment.

My eyes naturally drifted down to the injury at his side. Even from this distance, I could see the pink line across his ribs; he would probably always have a scar there. His hand suddenly running across his lower abs and down the front of his jeans completely distracted me from that thought. It was a casual move, one he probably hadn't even thought about, but...damn, that was hot. He was so hot. I blushed again as more intimate memories of that fabulous body popped into my head.

He got to the last section and Matt and Griffin dropped out, so it was only Kellan and Evan. Kellan's voice was lower, the words more intense, and he locked eyes with me. "I know there's something here...I know you want more. Tell me...and it's yours."


He only sang it once in that low intense voice, then Matt and Griffin joined back in and he picked up the volume, sweeping his eyes back over his adoring crowd. I sneaked a glance at Kate and Jenny, but they were laughing and dancing, and hadn't noticed that part directed solely at me. I thought for a moment on the lyrics. Maybe I should cancel tonight? It really wasn't a good idea, especially after watching his incredible body moving on stage. I laughed and bit my lip. My sister should have come out this weekend; she would have loved this. Then I was suddenly very glad she hadn't.

Finally the song ended, and Kellan took a small bow to very loud fanfare. He laughed and slipped his shirt back on - Griffin left his off. The crowd booed at their rock star covered up again, especially Rita right behind me, and Kellan laughed again and shook his head. Kate and Jenny giggled and went back to their customers. I watched Kellan for a moment longer, long enough for him to look back at me and smile breathtakingly, before jumping off the stage and instantly being swarmed by fans. My heart beat double-time as I finally brought my first-daters their drinks.

At the end of my shift, I grabbed my bag from the backroom and said goodbye to Kate and Jenny, who were just entering. As I walked into the main bar, I spotted Kellan sitting at a chair backwards, talking to Sam. My heart flew up into my throat; I was suddenly very nervous to be alone with this stunning man. He looked over when he noticed me and smiled warmly. His smile relaxed me enough that I was able to calmly walk to his table.

"Ready?" he asked casually, but with a huge grin on his face.

"Yep," I managed to squeak out.

He stood up, chuckling slightly, and turning said goodbye to Sam. Placing a hand on the small of my back, he led me to the front doors, waving goodbye to a smirking Rita.

"Good show tonight, Kellan," she said suggestively. He nodded his thanks to her and I swear I heard her mutter, "I'll think about you later."

I blushed, but Kellan either didn't hear her or was ignoring her. He grabbed my fingers once we were alone outside and led me to his car, lightly singing the last song he'd just done. His a capella version was beautiful to listen to, but I frowned at him.

He looked over at me and stopped singing, a charming smile on his face. "What?"

I put on my best pout. "Didn't we have a conversation once, about the nature of your singing?"

He laughed and tried to look innocent. "What was wrong with that?" He pointed back to the bar. "I was fully dressed for nearly all of the set." He scooted away as I tried to elbow him. Still laughing, he ran up to me and picked me up. I squeaked and squirmed, but he had me tight. He set me down, but kept his arms firmly around mine as we walked, locked together, over to his car across the lot. "I did that for Pete," he laughed into my ear.

I stopped walking and he ran into me. I turned my head to look at him, surprised. "Oh......OH!" I hadn't realized Pete would...enjoy seeing Kellan that way.

He looked confused for a second, then the look on my face registered with him and dropping his arms, he backed away, clutching his stomach he was laughing so hard. "Oh my god, Kiera! No, that's not what I meant." He wiped a tear away from his eye and sighed. "God, I can't wait to tell Griffin about that." He started laughing again.

I blushed furiously, feeling rather stupid, and getting a little irritated at his enjoyment of my misunderstanding. He noticed my expression and tried to compose himself, but then giggled again, not able to do it. "Ahhh...and you think I have a dirty mind." He chuckled as he slipped his arms around me. I frowned and he puffed out his cheeks and blew out steadily, trying to stop his laughter.

Finally able to speak normally, he said, "Didn't you hear the response when I did that? You watch, tomorrow the bar will be twice as full. He'll have to turn people away. I did it to help him, Kiera." He shrugged and rocked back and forth with me in his arms.

"Oh...well, I guess that makes sense. You bring in more people, he makes more money, you get more exposure, and I'm assuming more money as well..."

He grinned. "Something like that."

I half-grinned at him and his breath actually caught. "I guess I'll just have to allow it then." Not thinking, I kissed his cheek and he immediately kissed mine back.

I blinked in surprise, but he only smirked at me. "If you get to break a rule...so do I." Then he winked and pushed me towards the car.

"You're awful perky tonight," I said, as we got in the car.

He grinned widely at me. "It's not every night that I get to sleep with a beautiful woman."

I blushed, both at him calling me beautiful again, and knowing that he could pretty much have his pick of a half-dozen actually-beautiful women, who were probably more available than I was. What was he doing, wasting his time with me anyway?

He started the car and then noticed my odd expression as I puzzled that out. "Hey, I said sleep, not fu-"

"Kellan!" I interrupted him, staring at him severely.

He stumbled over the word, quickly thinking up a new one. "Fu...or...ni... cate?" He shrugged with an 'I'm innocent, don't hate me' look.

I laughed and scooted over to sit against his side in the car, putting my head on his shoulder. We were silent for a moment, while he pulled out of the parking lot. Finally, I asked him a question rattling in my brain from earlier. "So...who is Evan in love with?"

He laughed, his face breaking into a breathtaking grin. "God, who knows, could be anybody." He looked down at me. "Why? Who told you he was?"

I frowned at his seeming lack of knowledge on the subject. "Jenny mentioned it earlier."

"Oh, I'll have to ask him." He turned and looked back at the road. "I haven't heard anything about it." I frowned as I considered that, all the way home.

I crawled into his bed fully dressed. I actually put on an extra sweater, just in case, which he found greatly amusing. Then he laid his fully dressed body down on top of the covers next to me. I felt a little stupid about the whole thing. It was odd to lie in a bed fully clothed, and even odder for him to be on the outside. I considered telling him to just get underneath as well, when he suddenly rolled to face me, putting a leg casually over mine and an arm over my stomach. I decided then, that the more layers that were between us, the better. This really was not a good idea.

He reached across me and turned the lamp on his nightstand off. The instant darkness was overwhelming, and the sudden electricity in the air was immediate. All I could hear was our soft breath, and my obnoxiously loud sounding heart. I could feel him settle down in the pillows next to me, close, his arm and leg pulling me in tight, his head right beside mine, breathing softly in my ear. In was too much...too intimate. I needed a minute.

"Kellan..."

"Yeah?" His voice was low and husky in my ear. It sent shivers down my spine.

I resisted the urge to turn into him, to find his lips. No, not a good idea at all. "Could you please turn the light back on?"

I could feel him chuckle, but I still couldn't see him yet. I felt him reach across me again, and then the room was suddenly too bright, and I was blinking. Normalcy returned, and I no longer felt the overwhelming electricity between us that had been there, just a pleasant warmth at his nearness.

"Better?" he asked, almost playfully, as he settled back down on his pillows, snuggling up close to me again.

I stayed on my back and looked over at him, as he propped himself up on an elbow to gaze at me. His eyes were a warm, tranquil deep-blue, the kind of eyes you could get lost in for hours. I forced myself to focus on something else, and blurted out the first thing that popped into my head. "Who was your first time?"


He looked at me quizzically. "What? Why?"

I swallowed my embarrassment at asking him that, and as calmly as I could manage, said, "Well, you asked about Denny and me. It's only fair."

He smiled and looked down at the sheets. "I guess I did, didn't I." He looked back up at me. "Sorry about that...that really wasn't any of my business."

I smiled back. "Just answer the question." I was so glad he had used that line on me now, since I was getting so much use out of it.

He laughed and thought for a moment. I raised my eyebrow; he had to think about it? He laughed again at my expression. "Well...she was a girl from the neighborhood, sixteen, I think...very pretty. She seemed to like me..." He smiled and shrugged. "It was just a couple times one summer."

"Oh...why, what happened?" I asked quietly.

He brought his hand up, to run his fingers through my hair. "I got her pregnant and she had to move in with her Aunt to have the baby."

I flipped over on my side to face him. "What!"

He laughed and touched his finger to my nose. "I'm just kidding, Kiera."

I pushed him back on the pillows and grunted at him. "That's not nice."

He sat back up on his elbow. "You bought it though. You must think the worst of me." He sighed softly and looked sad for half a second. "I'm not a monster, Kiera." His tone was serious.

I propped myself up on an elbow as well. "You're no angel either, Kyle." I smiled at him wryly, which made his smile return. "So, what really did happen to the girl?"

"Nothing so dramatic. She went to her school, I went to mine." He shrugged. "Different paths..."

I looked at him, confused. "I thought you said she was a neighbor. Why were you in different schools?"

He looked at me blankly. "We weren't in the same grade."

I tried to comprehend what that meant. "But, she was sixteen...how old were you?"

He looked at me oddly. "Not sixteen..." he whispered.

"But..."

"You should get some sleep, Kiera...it's late." I could literally hear the door closing on that conversation. I was still trying to figure out the math in my head. If he wasn't in high school with her, then that put him at the very oldest, fourteen. It hurt my heart a little.

I brought a hand out from the covers and held his with it, and his warm smile eventually returned. We both settled back on the pillows and he reached out for me, pulling me to his chest. I sighed with contentment as I listened to his steady, slow heartbeat. He really was fine with this, maybe it wasn't such a bad idea after all.

He brought both arms around me, one hand stroking my hair, the other rubbing my back. It felt warm and nice. I smiled and nestled more into his chest. I felt him kiss the top of my head. Well, I guess that was okay, relatively safe...still pretty innocent. I ran my fingers along where he had been hurt on his side, and then lightly trailed them up his chest. Even with his shirt on, I could feel the lines of his defined muscles. I could also feel his heartbeat increase and he sighed softly as he pulled me tighter to him.

I pushed up to look at him; his face was still serene, and he was watching me adoringly. "Kellan, maybe we shouldn't..."

"I'm fine, Kiera...get some sleep," he whispered, still smiling softly.

I lay back down, but nestled into his shoulder, instead of his chest. I grabbed the hand that had been stroking my back and laced my fingers through his, then brought our entwined hands up to my cheek and laid my head on them. He sighed happily and kissed my head again.

"Kellan...?"

"Really, I'm fine, Kiera..."

I looked up at his face. "No, I was just wondering...why do you want to do this with me? I mean, you know it's not going anywhere...why waste your time?"

He shifted to look at me better. "No time with you is wasted, Kiera." His voice was soft, the way he said my name, like a caress. "If this is all..." He smiled sadly and left it at that.

I couldn't stop gazing at his achingly perfect face. I started remembering every touch, every word... If this is all he had with me, then he would take it. Is that what he meant? It broke my heart. He had wondered if he was hurting me...was I hurting him? Did he just want me, or did he care for me? I released our hands and reached up to stroke his cheek. He looked so sad. I hated it when he looked so sad...

He suddenly leaned over and kissed the very corner of my mouth, barely brushing my bottom lip. He left his head there and breathed lightly down my neck. I was too shocked to react; my thumb was still stroking his cheek. I held my breath. He lowered his lips to my jaw and kissed me softly, then he kissed under my jaw. His hand slipped under the covers and moved to my waist, pulling me closer to him. His breathing increased, as he made a noise in his throat and trailed his lips down my neck. His hand clenched and unclenched my skin and he stopped kissing my throat, pulling back to rest his forehead against mine. His breaths were shallow, his face looked torn; this was clearly against my rules.

"Kiera...?" He struggled for control.

The look on his face, the lingering feeling of his lips on my skin, froze me. He was giving me a chance, right now, but all I could stare at were his eyes, quickly filling with passion, his lips coming closer to mine. His gaze flicked to my eyes, my lips, then back to my eyes. He was so torn, I was mesmerized by it.

My hand still on his cheek moved over, so I could run my fingers across his amazingly soft, partially opened lips. He made a noise and closed his eyes, his breath shallow and fast. I left my fingers there across his lips and he pressed our lips together, my fingers in-between, like we were kissing, without actually kissing. We were going way beyond innocent now. I needed to end this. I needed to get up and go to my room. This was a horrible idea...

I couldn't move though. My breath sped up in response to his. He kissed my fingers softly, his eyes still closed, his breath intense. Just a few more seconds couldn't hurt anything, I convinced myself. We weren't really doing anything that wrong. His hand from my waist came up to my wrist. He started to pull my fingers down from his lips.

"I want to feel you..."

He got them partway down, and fully pressed against my upper lip. That's when I woke up. I pushed him as far away from me as possible and scrambled out of the bed. He sat up, breathless, and I was startled to realize I was breathless as well.

"Kiera, I'm so sorry. I won't..." He swallowed a couple times to try and control his breathing.

"No, Kellan...this was a really bad idea. I'm going to go to my room." I pointed at him. "Alone."

He started to get up. "Wait...I'm fine, just give me a minute. It will pass..."

I put both arms up. "No...please stay here. I can't...I can't do this. That was too close, Kellan. This is too hard." I backed up to the door.

"Wait, Kiera...I'll do better. Don't...don't end this..." His eyes were instantly so sad, that I paused.

"I need to be alone tonight. We'll talk tomorrow, okay?"

He nodded and said nothing further, so I turned and left. Mentally I berated myself. What did I think was going to happen? That was a really stupid idea...this whole thing is a bad idea. As nice as it might feel, it's not fair to all three of us.

I stared at my ceiling for most of the night, wondering what he was thinking about, what he was doing, if he was sleeping, if I could just crawl back into bed with him, if I should... When I did fall asleep, I dreamed about him in vivid, glorious detail. In my dream, I did not get out of his bed. In my dream, we did very little actual sleeping.


He knocked on my door early the next morning and opened it when I answered him. He walked into my room and sat on the edge of the bed. He was in different clothes, dressed and perfect for the day already. "Mornin'," he said quietly. "Are you still mad at me?"

"No..." Having him on my bed was too much. The memory of last night, and my vivid dream, still had me weak in the knees. "You shouldn't be in here, Kellan. It's disrespectful to Denny."

He chuckled and looked away. "You think, of all the things we've done together, that me sitting on his bed is what he would find the most offensive?" He looked back to me as I glared icily at him. "Sorry...okay." He backed off with his hands held up and stopped in the doorway. "Better?"

I sat up on the bed, feeling stupid. He was right of course, but still... "Yes, thank you."

He sighed and I looked up at him, still standing in the doorway. "I can't talk to you from here," he quietly said, holding his hand out for me.

Sighing, I walked over and took it. He smiled and led me downstairs. On the way, he spoke softly. "I am sorry about last night. You were right, that wasn't a good idea. I did try though." He looked over at me hopefully, like he should get a reward for at least trying.

I sighed again as I looked over at him. "This isn't a game, Kellan," I said quietly.

He stopped on the bottom step and turned to face me on the step above. "I know that, Kiera." His tone and look were more serious.

I laced my arms around his neck and he relaxed. "Then don't take it that far again." I wasn't ready for this to end either. "Innocent, remember."

He smiled and lifted me down to the bottom of the stairs, to stand beside him. "Innocent, right. I can do that."

Still smiling, he grabbed my hand and led me to the kitchen. Mentally I sighed, this wasn't a good plan. I was being an idiot.