Thoughtless

Chapter 11

The Rules

I slept soundly that night, once I finally fell back asleep after my multiple naps throughout the day. Apparently the stress of never knowing what Kellan was going to do to me, and the guilt that came with it, had been the cause of my insomnia. Now that I knew how he was going to touch me and how he was not going to touch me, I felt good again. Maybe we could reclaim our friendship? Maybe I could stop betraying Denny? I could never undo what we had already done to him, and I would forever carry the guilt of that, but knowing that I wouldn't be adding any more guilt, made me practically giddy as I came down the stairs very early the next morning.

And of course, being free again with Kellan made me smile delightfully as I watched his aching perfection turn to greet me in the kitchen. His hair loose and easy seemed to exactly match his smile.

"Mornin'...coffee?" He pointed at the finished pot.

Smiling widely, I went over to him and put my arms around his waist. He startled for a second and then slipped his arms around mine. He was warm and smelled amazing. Relief washed through me; it was easy to touch him like this, especially knowing that it would go no farther.

"Good morning. Yes, please." I nodded over to the coffee pot. This would be the first cup of coffee I'd had since our tryst. I finally felt well enough to drink it again...and I had really missed it.

He smiled as he gazed down at me, his perfect blue eyes calm and peaceful. "You aren't going to fight me on this?" he asked, pulling me closer.

I returned his warm smile. "No...I missed this." He leaned in like he was going to kiss my neck and I pushed him back, frowning. "We do need ground rules though..."

He chuckled. "Okay...fire away."

"Well, besides the obvious one, that you and I aren't ever..." I blushed deeply at the thought I couldn't even say and he laughed.

"Having...hot...sweaty...sex?" he finished for me, raising a perfect eyebrow and saying each word slowly. "Are you sure you don't want to rethink that? We're pretty amazin-"

I looked at him sharply and cut him off, smacking him in the chest for his question. "Besides that obvious one, no more kissing...ever."

He frowned. "What if I just stay away from your lips? Friends kiss."

I frowned too, a sudden memory of his tongue running up my throat making me shiver. "Not like you do."

He sighed. "Fine...anything else?"

I smiled and stepped away from his embrace, miming a bikini top and bottom. "Off limits...don't touch."

He frowned again. "God, you're sucking all the fun out of our friendship." He quickly smiled after he said that. "Okay...any other rules I should know about?"

I stepped back into his embrace as he held his arms out to me. "This stays innocent, Kellan. If you can't do that, we end this." I searched his eyes, but he brought my head to his shoulder and hugged me.

"Okay, Kiera." He sighed then pushing back, he laughed. "That goes for you too, you know." He pointed to his lips then down to his pants. "Don't touch," he mocked. I lightly smacked his chest. "Unless you really, really want to..." he added with a chuckle. I smacked his chest even harder and he laughed again and pulled me tight.

Sighing, I relaxed into his embrace, thinking I could stay all morning in his comforting arms, but then I started at the sound of the telephone ringing. It was still awfully early. I glanced up to where Denny was still sleeping and then hurried over to the phone, not wanting the sound to wake him up yet. A small river of guilt flooded through me that the reason I didn't want him awake, was because I wanted to be alone with Kellan longer.

"Hello?" I answered as I bent over the counter. An amused chuckle behind me spun me around. Kellan was grinning most inappropriately at the sight of me bending over the counter. I stood up straight and put a hand on my hip, frowning at him.

"Hey, sis!" Anna's perky voice came through the phone, but I continued to frown at Kellan. He made a swift halo motion above his head - I'll be good - and I finally smiled.

"Hi, Anna." I leaned back on the counter, watching Kellan pour his coffee and then prepare some for me. "Isn't it a little early for phone calls?" My sister was kind of a night owl and she usually didn't rise before noon.

"Oh, I'm just getting home and thought I'd give you a jingle before school. Did I wake you?" I frowned and looked up at the clock - 7:05 here, so Ohio would be 10:05. She just got home?

"No, I'm up." I stared at the clock, wondering what my sister had been up to.

"Good...did I wake up hot-bod?" I could hear the amusement in her voice at her nickname for Kellan.

I laughed once. "No, hot-bod is awake too." I cringed when I remembered that "hot-bod" was listening to the conversation and I looked over at his highly amused face. He raised an eyebrow and mouthed the word 'hot-bod', pointing to himself. I nodded and rolled my eyes as he laughed softly.

"Oooooohhh...and what were you two doing so early this morning?" she teased.

Curious what Kellan's reaction would be, I decided to play with him and my sister a little bit. "We were screwing on the table, waiting for the coffee to brew." His facial reaction matched my sister's verbal reaction so perfectly, that I laughed.

"Oh my god, Kiera!" she exclaimed, while Kellan spat back up his coffee and coughing a bit, looked at me incredulously. I laughed again and had to turn away from Kellan's face when he started to grin indecently.

"Geeze, Anna, I'm just joking. I would never touch him like that. You should hear about all the girls he's been with. Ugh, he's disgusting...and Denny is asleep upstairs, you know." I glanced up to where Denny was sleeping, hoping my laughing hadn't awoken him, and then I brought my gaze back down to Kellan. He was holding his coffee cup and staring oddly at the floor.

"Really? I like disgusting. Wait...he's back?" Anna was asking about Denny, but my focus was on Kellan and his strange expression.

"You know, a phone call to Mom or Dad here and there really won't kill you." I frowned as Kellan set down his full coffee mug and started to move towards me, towards the entryway, like he was leaving. Instantly, I realized what I, in my haste to cover with Anna, had snottily said - 'he's disgusting'.

Anna sighed. "Yeah, yeah it might. So you and Denny are okay after your extended absence from each other?"

I caught Kellan's arm as he walked by me. I had offended him with my words; surely he knew I was covering? "Everything is fine." I was speaking to both him and Anna. He looked back at me sadly, as I pulled his arm around my waist. Slowly his smile returned and he held me tight, leaning us both back against the counter.

"Good...if it were me, I probably would have jumped in the sack with hot-bod while he was gone. Good thing you're not me, huh?"

I blushed at how accurate her flippant comment actually was and Kellan eyed me curiously. "Yeah, it's a good thing you and I are nothing alike, Anna." I gazed up at his amazing blue eyes while he held me close.


"So...how about I come up this weekend?"

Startled, I stiffened and stared straight ahead of me. "No!" Kellan tried to catch my eye, whispering, "what"?

"Oh, come on, Kiera. I'm dying to meet hot-bod." I avoided meeting Kellan's gaze. Things were finally comfortable between us, I didn't need my sister messing that up...or trying to get in his pants. I wasn't all that sure he wouldn't let her.

"He has a name, Anna," I snapped, more irritated at my last thought than my sister's pet-name.

"Fine, Kellan. God, even his name is hot." She exhaled loudly. "You can't keep him all to yourself, you know."

"I'm not!" I was really getting steamed. I finally met Kellan's worried eyes and forced myself to calm down, to relax in his embrace. I smiled and shook my head at him, trying to ease him and myself.

"Winter break, Anna...remember? You can come up then. I'm just too busy right now." I gazed at his calm eyes as he smiled at me. I couldn't bear the thought of them together.

"Winter break...but it's October?" She still sounded miffed.

"I'm busy, Anna..." I said it softly, trying to pacify her.

"Ppfftt...one weekend won't kill you, Kiera."

I sighed, knowing that if I fought this any longer, she would get suspicious. "Fine." I frantically racked my brain, trying to think of a way to at least postpone the trip a little. Searching Kellan's achingly perfect face, the answer struck me so fast I actually said, "Oh."

"What?" my sister and Kellan asked at the same time.

I grinned and Kellan grinned with me, raising his eyebrows curiously. "Well, Anna...Kellan has gigs every Friday and Saturday night. He's not free until..." I raised my eyebrow at him and he thought for a split-second then mouthed 'seventh', "...until the seventh. So, if you want him to come with us, you should wait to come out then."

She sighed. "Of November? That's three weeks away, Kiera..."

I grinned, wanting to giggle. "I know. You're welcome to come out earlier. Kellan won't really be around, but you can hang out with Denny and me. We can go to a movie or some-"

"No, no...fine, I'll come out on the seventh." Then she brightened. "We'll have so much fun, Kiera!" She giggled and I wasn't sure who she was excited to see more, me or my roommate. "Can I sleep in Kellan's room?" she asked and then giggled again.

Okay...roommate then. I sighed loudly. "I have to get ready for school. I'll talk to you later, Anna. Get some sleep! And take a cold shower."

She giggled again. "Bye, Kiera. See you soon!"

"Bye." I hung up the phone. "Shit."

Kellan chuckled at me and I glanced up at him. "Don't tell Griffin about that...please."

He shrugged and laughed some more. "What's wrong?" He smiled softly at me, still containing chuckles.

"My sister, she wants to visit." My tone was not happy.

He looked at me, confused. "Okay...and, you don't like her?"

I shook my head and lightly rubbed his arm. "No, no I do. I love her, dearly, but..." I blushed deeply and looked away.

"But what?" He tried to meet my eyes.

I looked back at him and sighed. "You're kind of man-flavored candy to my sister," I said glumly.

He laughed. "Ahhh...so I'm pretty much going to be attacked, right?" He seemed really amused by that prospect. I was not.

"It's not funny, Kellan." I pouted.

He stopped laughing and smiled warmly at me. "It kind of is, Kiera."

I looked away, feeling tears start to form and not wanting him to see. He wouldn't understand. I didn't understand. I just knew how Anna would be with him, and how he would probably be with her...it made me feel ill. I didn't want him touching her, but I knew I didn't have the right to ask him not to. He wasn't mine.

He hooked some hair behind my ear. "Hey..." He gently moved my chin to make me look at him. "What do you want me to do?" he asked softly.

I wasn't going to ask him, but it slipped out anyway. "I want you to not 'do' her. I don't want you to even touch her." I said it rather harshly and threw him a glare.

"Okay, Kiera," he said after a minute, lightly rubbing my cheek.

"Promise me, Kellan." I stopped glaring, but gazed at him intently, my eyes brimming.

"I promise, Kiera. I won't sleep with her, okay?" He smiled at me reassuringly and I finally nodded and let him pull me in for a tight hug.

Kellan and I said our goodbyes to Denny when he left for work. Kellan was in a surprisingly good mood and clapped Denny on the back, wishing him luck with his dick of a boss. Denny said thanks back and gave me a swift kiss on the cheek before heading out. He seemed in a better mood too, and I was momentarily thrilled that everything between the three of us was just a bit easier. After Denny left, Kellan grabbed my hand and we cuddled on the couch to watch TV. I nearly sighed with relief, it was so wonderful to sit next to him on the couch and rest my head on his shoulder, just like I used to before things got intense between us. He put his arm around me and we enjoyed the warmth of each other for most of the morning.

I only had one class today and then I was going to study a bit before work. Kellan drove me to school, which gave me a small thrill - my old addiction was coming back full force. I thanked him, but made him stay in the car and not walk me to class. I didn't need another fifty question session if someone else saw me with the rock star. He frowned, but stayed where I asked, and I smiled as I watched him drive away.

I never saw Tina and Genevieve in my Psych class after their grilling session that one afternoon (apparently they were not in that class), so I figured they had ruled me out as a potential rival for Candy. That made me smile a little, when I thought about how much of Kellan's attention I actually did have. Then I immediately frowned. Why was he so interested in plain little me? Anyway, not wanting to run into any of the three again, I tried to avoid the Harry Potter library after that. Not too long ago, I'd found a cute little park nearby that was perfect for stretching out with some books. After class, I decided today was just enough of a beautiful day to study there.

I breathed in the crisp autumn air as I looked around the quaint little area. The leaves of the trees were a brilliant orange and red, and quivered slightly in the soft breeze. It wouldn't be too much longer before they started to fall. I unzipped my light jacket. The weather was still unseasonably warm for this time of year, I was starting to become a believer in global warming, but there was a purity and a cleanliness to the cooler air that was refreshing and cleared my head. It really was the perfect place to study a bit before work. I laid myself out on the grass and rifling through my bag, found a baggy of grapes and started popping a few.

Several groups of people were clumped around the park, enjoying the perfectly sunny day, as it may be one of the last for awhile. Some were playing catch with their dogs, some, like me, were studying, and others were enjoying a late picnic.

I noticed a group of teenage girls giggling not far from me and I turned to look at what had their attention. A man had his back to us, his shirt off, doing push-ups against a park bench. I watched him idly for a minute while the girls continued murmuring. He finished and grabbed a full water bottle from the bench. Turning a little towards me, he took a drink from his bottle. His body was unbelievably perfect...and all too familiar. I laughed and rolled my eyes.

Of course, I thought. Of course I would pick the park Kellan used to work out at on his runs. Of course he would be here now, while I was trying to study. He turned and instantly spotted me on the grass, still openly staring at his body. A slow, sexy smile spread on his face and he cocked his head to the side adorably as he started walking over to me, water bottle in one hand, shirt in the other. The girls he passed on the way over giggled louder at his alluring smile and turned to watch me curiously. I sat back in the grass and watched him come over, my heart beating a little faster.


He sat down in the grass next to me as I sighed loudly. "Can't I go anywhere without running into you?" I teased.

He laughed and extended his legs out straight, leaning back on his hands. "This is my park...you're the one stalking me." He half-smiled over at me.

I smiled and popped another grape, gazing at him. My focus started on his impossibly sexy hair, slightly damp around the edges from his workout, but eventually my gaze drifted down his perfect cheekbones, strong, smooth jaw, and down his neck to his bare, lightly damp chest. I lingered there, following every line, starting at the top and slowly mentally tracing them all the way down to the deep lines of his lower abdomen disappearing pleasantly into his track pants. I couldn't stop the intimate knowledge I had of touching that body, from leaping into my head. I bit my lip.

"Hey." Kellan's voice snapped me out of my near trance and I glanced back up at his amused eyes. Raising an eyebrow, he asked, "Are you objectifying me?" I blushed and looked away as he chuckled. "It's okay if you are. I was just wondering if maybe you were thinking about renegotiating our rules?" He met my eye and grinned. "Can I kiss you yet?"

I smirked back at him and he laughed more. Grabbing the shirt out of his hands, I threw it back at him. "Put some clothes on..."

He frowned at me. "I'm hot..."

I smiled back. "You're indecent...and people are staring." I pointed over to the young girls still gawking at him.

He looked over at them, making them giggle, then shook his head as he looked down at his half-naked body, muttering, "Indecent?" He sighed. "Fine." Then he grabbed his water bottle and dumped it on his shirt before putting put his wet shirt back on. "There...better?"

I looked at him with my mouth open, until I got back my control and shut it. "Yes, thank you." No, it wasn't any better. The wet shirt clung to every delightful muscle, so he may as well have left it off. I didn't want to give him the satisfaction of knowing how good he looked though. I was pretty sure he was well aware anyway.

Sitting up, he reached into my baggy and grabbed a couple of grapes. I smiled at him wryly. "Go ahead...help yourself."

He smiled as he popped them in his mouth. "I frequently do," he said, raising an eyebrow and grinning mischievously.

I sighed and rolled my eyes at him while he came over to sit right beside me. "And what are we studying?"

I smiled and blushed deeply as I looked over at him. "Human Sexuality."

"Ahhh...really?" He nudged my shoulder playfully. "One of my best subjects." I cringed away from his wet, cold shirt. He laughed at my reaction, then, without warning, he tackled me, pressing his wet shirt firmly against me and laughing.

"Oh my god, Kellan! You are so cold! Get off me!" I screamed at him, and tried pushing him away, laughing so much my eyes were watering. He kept on laughing and didn't move away. Grabbing my wrists so I couldn't push him off, he held me down on the grass.

Eventually our laughing slowed as we gazed at each other. He eventually smiled adoringly at me and lowered his forehead down to mine. I suppose that wasn't specifically against my rules. We breathed softly on each other for a minute and he moved his hands so our fingers were interlaced.

I felt like we were starting to cross a line and was about to say something, when the girls a short distance away yelled, "Kiss her!"

He pulled back and swallowing, laughed a little. "See," he nodded his head over to the group of teenagers, "they want us to renegotiate." He grinned wickedly and I pushed him off of me.

"You," I pointed to his chest, "go finish your run." I pointed vaguely to the direction of our house. "I do need to study...and you're far too distracting." I blushed and looked down.

He laughed and stood up. "Okay, have it your way then." He smiled, and turning back to the girls, shrugged at them and winked. They giggled and then groaned as he turned to leave the park.

I rolled my eyes again and brushed off my now-dampened shirt. I zipped back up my jacket as the dampness made me shiver a bit. Well, I'm pretty sure it was the dampness.

My head drifted in and out of pleasant thoughts of Kellan's body for the rest of my study session. I found myself daydreaming and staring blankly at the same paragraph for a good ten minutes. I sighed; he was distracting even when he wasn't there. I shivered a bit, remembering his body pressed against mine, his forehead against mine, his breath against my skin...

I shivered yet again and stood up. This wasn't the sort of studying I needed to be doing. I may as well go in to work. At least the bustle of activity would change the direction of my thoughts.

Being at work didn't change my thoughts at all. In fact, I found myself glancing over at the doors, waiting for the band to arrive for their performance tonight. It seemed a little silly to me, that I was actually anxious to see him when I saw him all the time - I couldn't seem to get away from him. That thought made me smile. I think I had a goofy grin plastered on my face all night as I slyly watched the doors.

"Okay, what did he do?" Kate asked, coming up behind me awhile later.

"Who?" I asked uncertainly.

"Denny - you've been grinning all night. That usually means the boyfriend did something good." She and Rita leaned across the bar expectantly. "So spill - flowers, jewelry? Oh my god, did he propose?" Kate's light brown eyes sparkled at the idea. She put her head in her hands as she leaned against the bar, looking lost in that dreamy thought for a second.

I blushed deeply. Denny and I hadn't even talked about marriage yet. He was the practical type who wouldn't even bring it up until he was set in his career. And he wasn't the one who was making me grin. "No, no proposals. Nothing special, I'm just happy."

Rita and Kate exchanged disappointed looks then Kate tossed her long hair over her other shoulder. "Fine, keep your secrets." She winked as she stood lithely and went back to work.

After she left, Rita looked at me conspiratorially. "Okay...she's gone, you can tell me."

I blushed again. "There's really nothing to tell, Rita. Sorry, my life is pretty boring." I smiled inwardly at how untrue that was.

It wasn't too much longer that the band did filter in, and I swear my heart skipped a beat when I saw him. You would think I hadn't seen him in days by my body's reaction, not just the few hours it had been since the park. He came up to me, looking all too sexy in his black long-sleeve shirt, layered under a light gray shirt, and asked how the rest of my studying went. I blushed and told him it went much better once he had left...which of course, it hadn't. He smirked at me and then laughed. Ordering his beer, he headed over to his table, where the rest of the guys were discussing something apparently really funny; I could hear their laughter from the bar. He clapped Sam on the shoulder as he walked by and I noticed that my shoulder was pleasantly warm. And then I realized that that was because he had put his hand there when he'd ordered his beer. My goofy grin stayed with me the rest of the night.

Actually, my grin stayed with me for the rest of the weekend.

Thinking about how wonderful the weekend had been, had me ducking out of class a half hour early on Monday afternoon. I couldn't seem to help it. I was anxious and wanted to see him. And knowing he was just sitting home alone, maybe bored, maybe thinking of me... Ugh, it drove me crazy all throughout the lecture. Our weekend had been fun and a little torturous. We had hugged in the morning over coffee and held hands when Denny was in the shower. We had all lounged around the house for most of the weekend and whenever Denny had fallen asleep while watching TV, Kellan and I would go in the kitchen and hold each other while we talked. Denny got called out early Sunday morning by Max and we had taken that time to snuggle on the couch. I loved it...I loved being near him. It was fun and flirty and as innocent as I could keep it, even though my heart usually started beating just a smidge faster when he was touching me.


I came into the living room and smiled at Kellan stretched out on the couch watching television, one arm on his chest, the other extended over his head. He turned to look at me when I entered the room and my breath caught as he grinned adorably at me.

"Hey, you're back early," he said sleepily. "I was going to pick you up."

I walked over to him as he sat up and scooted back on the couch, patting the cushion between his legs. "You look tired...everything okay?" I asked, as I sat in-between his legs and lay back on his chest. He played with my hair and held me tight. Flirting did have its perks.

"I'm fine...just a late night, didn't sleep well."

"Oh." I turned my head around to look at him with a wry grin. "Feeling guilty about something?"

He laughed a little and pulled me tighter. "About you? Every day." He sighed, and then pushed me forward, away from him. I started to turn and protest, but he put his hands on my shoulders and made me face front. Then he started massaging them.

"Hmmmm....I could get used to this flirting thing." I relaxed into his strong hands as he moved along my shoulder blades. He laughed softly. "Did you have a bad dream?" I asked, my own head feeling dreamy.

"No..." he murmured. "I had a good one actually." His voice was low and soft; I could have wrapped it around me like a blanket.

"Hmmmm...what about." His fingers moved along my spine and I made a soft noise in my throat.

"You," he said idly. His fingers stayed where they were when I made the noise. He pressed slightly harder and I made a deeper noise.

"Hmmmm...nothing naughty, I hope. We are keeping this innocent, right?" His fingers moved down to my low back, pressing deep and I exhaled loudly at the ache being released from me.

He laughed softly again. "No...nothing even remotely scandalous, I promise." He started bringing his hands up my back and I made another deep noise as even more tension drained from my body; his fingers were magic.

"Hmmm....good, I don't need you thinking about me that way," I mumbled.

He didn't say anything to that, just continued working his way up my pleasantly tingling back. I sighed deeply and relaxed even more into him, making even more satisfied noises. He shifted slightly behind me but said nothing further. Too relaxed to maintain a conversation, I enjoyed the comfortable silence. His fingers started back down again, reaching farther out to my ribcage. It was heaven. I practically growled in pleasure. He stopped for an extra minute anywhere I made a noise, so I started making the noises more frequently.

Eventually he made it back down to my low back, working out more towards my hips. He shifted his weight behind me again and then pulled me closer to him. Thinking he was uncomfortable, sitting sideways on the couch with me between him, I let him adjust me however he needed to, but he only pulled my hips back into him again. Assuming he was done, I sighed and relaxed back into his chest. I was surprised at how rigid he was. I was starting to turn to face him, when his hands that were still on my hips slipped around in front to my thighs. He reached both of his hands down my legs and up my inner thighs, pulling tight against me at the same time. That was when I noticed that his breathing was not slow and regular like mine...

I spun to face him. He was sitting very tense and straight on the couch, his eyes were closed and his lips were partly open. His breath was noticeably faster. He swallowed and slowly opened his eyes to look at me. His gaze on mine made the tension immediately come back to my body; they burned with desire. His gaze smoldered as he watched me. He brought a hand up to my cheek and with the other one, pulled me tight to him.

I swallowed and made myself shake my head. "No...Kellan," I whispered, slightly alarmed at the look on his face and slightly proud of myself for uttering the word "no" at the look on his face.

He closed his eyes again and gently pushed me away from him. "I'm sorry...just, give me a minute..."

I moved to the other end of the couch and watched him, wondering what in the world I had done. He pulled his legs up, locking his elbows around them and taking three calming breaths. Then he slowly opened his eyes to me again. He still looked odd, but more controlled. He smiled, just a little.

"Sorry...I am trying. But, maybe next time, you could not...uh, make those noises?"

I blushed deeply and looked away, making him chuckle. I hadn't realized... Maybe this wasn't such a good idea. Maybe there was no such thing as innocent flirting.