Great Aunties
February, 2003
Once we’re back at my house, Barbara scurries to the kitchen to make some tea. Sassy clothes and chic hair aside, she still hates big commotions and will avoid them at all costs. And it’s not hard to tell by my pacing in the living room that there’s about to be a lot of commotion. Suddenly stopping dead in my tracks, I ask Megan to tell me everything she knows, and Slutty Co-worker isn’t happy about it one bit.
“Hunny, this can’t be good for the baby. C’mon…I’ll make us some food and we’ll wait for another kick.”
Ignoring her, I glare at Megan and demand, “Tell me. I have to know.”
My over-protective old friend disapprovingly nods her head at Megan, giving her permission to break my heart.
“He met her in Texas.”
“When?”
“I think it was in November.”
“Is it serious?”
“Chrissy, don’t make me do this.”
“Just tell me.”
“Aside from bringing her here to meet his mom…they’ve flown back and forth between New York and Texas quite a bit.”
“Do they work together?”
“I think she has something to do with the new office in Texas. But, Chrissy, if he knew about the baby…”
“Do you know if he’s happy?”
“Chrissy, c’mon…how would I know for sure?”
“I know you know, Megan. Just tell me…is he happy?”
Clearly not relishing in my self-affliction, she hangs her head and speaks softly.
“All I know is he’s enjoying his success.”
He’s enjoying his success. He’s enjoying his success. It’s all I could hear as my friends tucked me in. Then, when they turned out the lights, all I could see was Leo making love to that woman. I could feel his hands on her back and his lips all over her body. I could smell him and I could feel her quiver with every gasp of air she took as he had his way with her. I could see him burying his face in her hair and doing with his body all of the delightful things he used to do to me. I saw his eyes look passionately into hers, and I could feel her knees go weak as his deep voice whispered over and over again, “I’m never letting you go,” and then I heard hers say back to him, “I’m never letting you.” But mostly, I could hear him ask her about her dreams and how they magically aligned with his. To stop the frenzied visions, I snap the lights back on and reach for the glass of water on my nightstand and that’s when I see it, the stupid happy list I made just last night.
1) Pick up Kendall on Sunday night and show Kurt I’m pregnant. Ending all mystery about who the father is…because I know.
2) Call Leo and tell him the news and that I waited this long because I wasn’t sure if he’d be glad.
3) Let Leo decide what’s best for him and stay calm.
4) Live happily ever after because Leo will decide YOU are what’s best for him.
None of this can happen now because of that woman. He’s done. It’s over. I believe it this time. I solemnly rip the stupid happy list into a million little pieces, vowing it’ll be the last one I ever make. And then, clutching the towel he left behind, I quietly cry myself to sleep as I damn my truly, madly, deeply existence.
I wake in the morning, face swollen from torturing myself last night. I’m instantly hit with the foreign movement in my stomach.
“Morning, little one. Is someone hungry?”
Rounding the corner to my kitchen that I’m still petrified I can’t afford, I’m not sure who was more surprised, my yoga friends at the hideous swollen sight of me, or me, to find Larry, Curly and Moe attempting to cook pancakes.
“What are you guys still doing here?”
Slutty Co-worker barrels toward me and boasts, “We have a surprise for you!”
Scared that I’ll never feel excitement and happiness ever again, I place my hands over my trembling lips to try and keep my emotions under control. She immediately wraps one arm around me and places the other one on my stomach.
“We’re your family, hunny, and we’ll never abandon you, okay?”
Megan then comes up behind me and does the same.
“We’re gonna help you through this, Chrissy. You’ll never be alone.”
Barbara stands in the background with a huge smile on her face and holds up the thirty-third pair of booties she’s made.
After pretending to feel better, I chew on a rubber pancake and let them guide me to the surprise. They take me to the room I designated a long time ago as the baby’s.
Slutty Co-worker whispers in my ear, “We thought this would help” and then she opens the door.
At the sight, my hands go once again over my trembling lips. My friends stayed up the entire night quietly painting and putting together furniture. They even found a baby store that was open until midnight (who knew those existed?) and after they were sure I was fast asleep, they snuck out to buy every single thing a newborn baby and a stupid ass mom could ever need.
“And if it’ll help, Chrissy, I can move in once the baby is born to help out.”
“Megan…I’m speechless.”
Throwing her hands in the air, Slutty Co-worker, belts out, “Well, me too! That offer makes all of the shit I’ve done so far seem totally insignificant!”
In barely a whisper, because after what I saw last night it’s all I seem to have left in me, I say, “But I can’t let you do that, Megan. You’re a fashion designer, not a nanny.”
“I’m a fashion designer…and a friend.”
Sitting in the rocking chair, I look all around the room in amazement.
“This is more than I ever could’ve dreamt of. You guys did good.”
“I guess this would be a good time to ask you for a month off then, huh?”
Slutty Co-worker and Barbara quietly back out of the room and close the door, leaving me alone with Megan.
“But don’t worry; I’ll be back before the baby gets here.”
“Where are you going?”
“Nepal. You know…to do my thang.”
“Oh yeah…the charity thing. Of course…of course…but, what about your boyfriend, won’t you miss him?”
“My boyfriend?”
It’s a weird reaction to a completely innocent question, and it makes me forget for a second that Leo’s probably in some expensive hotel room going down on that brown-haired hedge fund bitch.
“Mick…from shipping…at our old company. Remember? The guy you told me might be ‘the one’?”
Clearly relieved, Megan slides down the bedroom wall and lands on the ground.
“Are you okay?”
“Guess I’m just tired from being up all night. Anyway, Mick and I broke up like a year ago, Chrissy.”
“Oh, geez. How did I not know that?”
“You’ve been a little busy.”
Feeling bad for not being there for her, “You’ve become like a little sister to me, Megan. I should never be too busy for you. I’m so, so sorry.”
“It’s not that big of a deal, really.”
“This Nepal thing…is it safe? Did Kurt set you up with the right people and all?”
“Totally safe. And well…Kurt’s actually going with me.”
WHOA…WHAT? Sure, the Kurt I’ve known my whole entire life is like, seventeen-thousand different non-emotional things, but he’d NEVER leave to go to a third world country without talking to me if he knew he knocked me up. Rubbing my stomach, I say to myself, I knew Leo was your daddy.
“I agree with everything you’re thinking right now.”
Surprised that Megan can see right through me, I cock my head up and ask, “What’s that?”
“There’s no way he’d go if there was a chance it was his.”
“I know.”
“I’ve been doing the drop off and pick up of Kendall for what… like four months now?”
“Yeah.”
“He hasn’t asked about it once.”
“I know.”
“Does knowing make all of this better or worse?”
“In light of what I saw last night, I don’t know anything anymore.”
“Should I have told you about her?”
“Now that I think of it…you tried. Last month, in your office when I asked you why you were being so damn secretive lately, you started to tell me I might be able to stop something if I’d just pick up the phone and tell Leo about the baby. But, you stopped short of telling me exactly what it was I’d be stopping.”
“Chrissy, I think I-”
“No, it’s okay Megan. This was bound to happen.” Trying to be strong, “We broke up five months ago.” Rubbing my belly, “Life goes on right?”
“About Nepal, I think you should-”
“Right, Nepal…go and have some good ol’ fashioned third world charity fun.”
Just then the rest of the crew barrels back into the room to ohhhhh and ahhhhhh over its beauty.