Only Love (The Atonement Series)

CHAPTER Eighteen

Colin





Despite all the preparation he had done for the day, Colin still wasn’t ready to face Deirdre. He’d woken in another woman’s arms though it wasn’t Cassie. That affair had ended before he left La Jolla when he told a little white lie that he would be going home for a while and they wouldn’t see much of one another. He wasn’t a believer in long distance relationships and thought they were better as friends.

Cassie took the news a lot better than he thought but then again, he had also given her ten thousand dollars in guilt money since Deirdre refused to hire her back as an employee.

Colin had met Mikayla the same day he’d given Cassie the kiss off and much to his surprise, they’d immediately hit it off. She was a wild one and not easily tamed with her long, bleached blonde hair, most of it extensions, wild talon-length nails and blue eyes but he’d fallen in lust with her almost immediately.

She was about as opposite to Deirdre as one could get. They spoke for a while before he told her about his plan to get his former fiancée back. Mikayla had then told him about how much she missed Drake and perhaps if the relationship between the two ended, she could be a shoulder to cry on and maybe he would think about giving their former relationship another chance.

“I’m not promising anything,” she’d said before she lit a Marlboro Red and blew the smoke in the opposite direction. “I don’t know what went down between you and Deirdre but what ever she and Drake have isn’t a play thing. Believe me, I would know. I have seen the man go through women like tissue paper but this one is different.”

Mikayla’s revelation didn’t exactly please Colin but he smiled and replied, “There is an engagement party in Seattle and I would like you to accompany me. I don’t have a date and my brother has told me Deirdre is bringing Drake. It gives us a chance to at least test our plan out.”

She looked into his eyes intently and had instantly agreed on the plan.

Less than thirty-six hours later, they were inside his high-rise condo and Mikayla fit comfortably indeed within his arms. Not only was she more than met the eye but she was the first woman he’d slept with that he didn’t have to picture Deirdre in order to have an orgasm.

The force of nature known as Mikayla was a complete and utter sexual minx between the sheets and she knew all the tricks of the trade. He loved the way she could just milk orgasms from him like it wasn’t a huge deal and more than that, she wasn’t clingy and that was a definite plus.

Mikayla was a thoroughly modern woman who did what ever she pleased and never had any apologies about the life she lived.

They lay side-by-side in a post-coital bliss while she lazily smoked a cigarette in bed. Although Colin didn’t usually allow smoking in his home, he made an exception for her. Kayla’s father was a powerful criminal after all and he had no wish to wake up in the middle of the night with a bloody horse head in his bed.

“So, you loved Drake and he meant everything to you…why did you cheat?” Colin inquired as he leaned toward her and lay on his side.

Mikayla turned his way and smiled. Her teeth were capped and whiter-than-white. “Simply because the opportunity presented itself to me and I wanted to get off. Drake wasn’t there…he had a run to do in Mexico for my father and I was horny. I went out dancing with some friends, had a few drinks, a few snorts of coke and I wanted to f*ck. His best friend from Le Cordon Bleu was there and he came over to say ‘hello’…we kinda studied one another and decided what the hell not? I mean, what Drake doesn’t know can’t hurt him, right? I go for it and he turns out to be as great in bed as he looked on the dance floor.”

She dragged from her cigarette. “I wasn’t expecting him until the following evening. Drake said he would be too tired from the trip and would spend the night at home and we would see each other the next day. He decided to surprise me and when he crawled in bed nude and caressed his best friend’s nut sack instead of my snatch, well, neither he nor his best friend were exactly amused the situation. He basically told me it was over that night and we could continue to be business partners but he could no longer trust me and without trust, there couldn’t be a relationship between us.”

“That sucks but it is pretty much true,” he replied.

She dragged from her cigarette again before she put it out in the ashtray and set it on the bedside table next to her. “That’s bullshit. It was a mistake and it happened—so what? I wasn’t naïve enough to think he kept it in his pants on every trip to Mexico when Papa was sending him there with some of the most beautiful and expensive call girls in the world. I would have expected him to cheat on me from time to time—what man wouldn’t?

“Besides, I truly believe it is the way he was brought up. That ultra WASPish world where there is a certain sense of decorum and women are supposed to follow rules and regulations. He knew I could never be that kind of person because of the family I come from. I literally grew up with ‘death for breakfast’—Papa murdered our mother after all for being unfaithful. He didn’t raise my brothers and I like that though, unlike Mama, who should have known better because she was from the old country. He always told us, as children, that we could do what ever we wanted and be anyone we wanted to be. I really wanted to be Mrs. Drake O’Connell and I still think it is possible as long as I am in his life.”

Colin breathed hard before he turned to lay flat on his back and tucked his arms beneath his head. “I don’t know whether I would have a chance with Deirdre or not and Drake has little—if anything—to do with it. Even if she was alone, she didn’t set out to find someone new. She just wanted to get away from me and that speaks volumes. I will do everything in my power to convince her we belong together but…that doesn’t mean she’s going to buy what I am selling, know what I mean?”

Mikayla sat up and stretched, the sheet falling away from her perfect, tanned breasts with subtle saline implants. “Well don’t expect any sympathy from me. It’s your own fault—you and your damned conscience. Why would you tell her a secret so explosive anyway? You should have just kept it to yourself and you two could still be happy.”

“Not when she was pregnant with my brother’s baby. I wouldn’t have wanted to raise that bastard’s kid.”

“Well, you could have slipped something in her beverage to make her miscarry once you found out. Google is your friend you know. That is something so small and insignificant to you telling her you and your brother murdered her father. You’re lucky you weren’t dealing with me because I would have dealt you the very same fate as you’d dealt my father. And that brother of yours wouldn’t be upright and breathing either.”

Colin scooted closer to her in bed and touched the side of her breast nearest to him gently with a few selected fingers. “I have no doubt about that. However…I’m not Liam and I don’t have a heart made of stone. I couldn’t live with Deirdre and not tell her the truth because that is not the kind of person I am. Honesty is always the best policy with me and unfortunately, it has cost me the love of my life.”

Mikayla leaned toward him before her lips found his and they kissed passionately. The faint taste of cigarette smoke on her tongue made her appear more dangerous and much more seductive.

“All isn’t lost yet and we still have the engagement party. You have more than enough time to work your magic and believe me, I can keep Drake pre-occupied. All I have to do is start talking about expansion and how I would want him to be head chef here. He’ll be thinking about dollar signs when you are able to get your little tulip alone.”

His hands caressed her breasts fully as he kissed her neck. “But what if it doesn’t work? What makes you think he would even want to settle here and what about his monthly drug runs to Mexico?”

“The arrangement had to end sometime and besides, the only way he can continue to be around is if he agrees to marry me. Papa has disclosed to me that otherwise, he must go. He knows too much about our family and you will never see a Shevchenko locked in an American prison cell.”

Colin’s lips paused in mid-kiss and he pulled away from her. “What do you mean get rid of him? Your father is going to have him murdered?”

Mikayla glared at him with dead blue eyes. “Yes, Einstein, right here in Seattle. If he gets a call from me that Drake won’t go through with the deal and we can’t get back together again then he already has hit men in place. He won’t ever see La Jolla again.”

Her words weren’t what spooked him but the matter of fact way she said them and Colin had never felt so out of his depth before. This was a situation that was quickly beginning to spiral out of control; he could think of nothing to rectify this unfortunate consequence of getting involved with a woman as volatile and unpredictable as Mikayla.





Colin and Mikayla were fashionably late to the engagement party. They’d been too busy devouring each other in bed and later in the shower. He hated to admit it but he would actually miss her and her unrelenting sexual prowess. She was the female equivalent of his brother and that wasn’t a bad thing at all as far as he was concerned.

He always thought women like the Samantha character on Sex & the City were a myth but Mikayla Shevchenko was one in the flesh and he loved every moment he spent with her.

Although his love life was great, he couldn’t deny that nagging feeling gnawing at his stomach. Could he sit by and watch another innocent man die without at least warning said guy what was going on? The situation would be that much simpler if Drake wasn’t f*cking Deirdre. With him out of the way, he could pursue her again and she would be too heartbroken to resist his charms.

Colin tried to avoid running into her although he knew eventually it would happen. Liam and Caitlyn had decided to hold the engagement party at one of the partner’s opulent homes since Liam had an expensive bachelor pad, but had yet to buy an elaborate house in the Seattle suburban area.

The place was immaculate and although the weather was less than ideal, the home was big enough for their relatively small engagement party which consisted of less than fifty of their closest friends and family.

Colin was on his way back to Mikayla after returning from the restroom when he saw the light on in the study and heard Deirdre’s voice.

“Mom, I know it has been difficult for you and I have spoken to Drake. He wants to move here and start a restaurant with his own money. He has enough. You can move in with us because I don’t think you should live alone.”

He peeked in and realized she was on her phone, a Samsung Galaxy Note which looked oversized in the palm of her hand while a Bluetooth was inserted in her right ear. She paced back and forth as she continued to listen to her mother’s conversation on the other end.

“Mom, I understand why you didn’t come but Caitlyn is very hurt you didn’t bother to show up. This is her engagement party and she wanted you to be here. Will you stand up her wedding too?”

Deirdre continued to pace until she looked up, almost by instinct, and they made eye contact. She quickly glanced away and said, “Of course I will come by to see you before Drake and I leave for San Diego. We have decided to move back but there are still some loose ends that need tying up. It will be at least three to six months before we can come back permanently but I will be here for the holidays and you won’t be alone. I love you and will speak to you soon, all right? Good night and bye, Mama.”

She ended the call and ripped the Bluetooth from her ear. “What the hell are you doing, Colin? Stalking me?”

He shook his head in reply. “I knew you were around somewhere and it just so happened I found you here after I used the bathroom. How have you been? You look well,” he said though his fiercely beating heart made his words all the more insincere and hollow to him.

“Thank you, I am well and doing better than ever.”

Her stance was one of defiance but he didn’t buy it for a second. It never occurred to him that she would ever be afraid of being in his presence. Her body language, unfortunately, said otherwise.

“Listen, I came here with Mikayla—”

“Yes, I know that. Congrats from Drake and I. We both hope you will be able to keep up with her and she is a much better adversary than your previous university wallflower. I didn’t take you for the type to get involved with women like her but to each his or her own is what I say,” she replied in an icy tone. “Listen, it’s been fun but I should really get back to the party. The work I came in here to do is done.”

Deirdre attempted to walk past him before he grabbed her arm and turned her around to face him. She had never looked more beautiful with her hair up in a chignon and she wore a beautiful one shoulder bandage dress by Hervé Léger in two different shades of red and a pair of silver high heeled sandals to match the silver clutch purse she gripped in her right hand.

Although she didn’t look frightened of him per se, her expression was one of surprise and slit irritancy that he was touching her at all.

“What do you want, Colin? We have been over this situation more times than I care to count and surely you’re not using Mikayla—of all people—to try to make me jealous? You two make a fabulous couple and I wish you all the happiness in the world.”

“No, that isn’t what I wanted to talk about. I mean…” he trailed off and thought about their situation.

He could come clean and tell her everything or he could keep it to himself. If and when the inevitable happened, it was a win-win situation. Drew was off the market now that he was dating Aubrey exclusively and Deirdre wasn’t the type of person who would go through a bunch of blind dates or “speed dating” to find someone. She’d end up right back in his arms where she belonged.

However, Colin was not a duplicitous person by nature—Liam would have absolutely no compunction with acting this way but he saw a huge problem with his scenario. Yet again, he would get her by default and what would she do if she ever found out he knew though he hadn’t breathed a word to her? The deception would be too much and he would definitely lose her forever. It was best to bide his time and hope she would tire of Drake or the a*shole would make a misstep rather than lie to her yet again.

“I have something important to discuss with you and it directly involves Drake. Can we sit down?”

Deirdre nodded before she walked over and took a seat on an uncomfortable two-seater chaise lounge covered in a silk pale yellow and blue flower pattern that must have cost thousands of dollars per yard of fabric. He sat beside her, albeit reluctantly.

She turned toward him and their knees brushed but she did not attempt to pull away. “What’s going on?”

Colin cleared his throat. “You’re aware of your boyfriend’s activities with the Shevchenko family?”

“Yes, I am well aware what Drake does for them—what’s your point?” she inquired as she crossed her legs and picked invisible lint from her dress.

“Mikayla told me something quite shocking in bed last night but I’m not an idiot. I know she meant it and I worry about the implications it might have for you and him.”

“Can you just stop talking in circles and get to the point, please?”

“Fine!” Colin exclaimed as he stood and found himself pacing. “I don’t know how to tell you this because part of me thinks you’ll just laugh me out of the room and won’t believe a damn thing I say! I am unsure of my words and actions while we continue to have this kind of animosity between the two of us and I suppose I will never get used to it.

“We were once an intimate and I still love you with all my heart. I don’t want you to think I am telling you this because I don’t want you to be happy because I do. It’s all I have ever wanted. I have been over twenty-one for a long time and I am strong enough to realize if you are better off without me then I will let you go. But whatever you think of us, please know I wouldn’t make up lies and half-truths just to get your attention. It isn’t me and it never has been.”

He finally stopped pacing and turned toward her. Deirdre’s intriguing hazel-green eyes softened and she smiled ever so slightly. “I know that, Colin. Part of this anger and bitterness is with me and it has nothing to do with you. I still love you too; you’re well aware of the feelings I have toward you. I can’t just fall out of love with you because we have been through so much and we share so many secrets and thoughts and desires. Yes, we were intimate once and I need to grow the f*ck up and stop behaving so childish about this all. I am sorry.

“I apologize for putting you through so much anger and pain. I feel like shit because I want you to be happy and I really did hope you could find it with someone other than me. We were great together but there comes a time when a situation can change everything and for me, my father’s death and your involvement was the catalyst. I’m a liar and an awful person because I forgave you and then I took it back. I shouldn’t have done that and I can’t tell you how much that will haunt me all the days of my life…no matter how long I live.”

Colin looked at her and she stood slowly before she walked over and embraced him. Her head pressed against his shoulder as he felt her quietly sob. “You were the love of my life and I am not stupid enough to think I will ever feel what I felt for you for anyone else ever again because I cannot trust. My heart will never be that open…ever again.”

He waited until they separated though they held one another’s hands and stood across from each other. “Mikayla came here for one reason and that is to get Drake back. She is still in love with him and I suppose he should have never caught himself in a situation with a Ukrainian mobster’s daughter because if she can’t have him then no one will. She has told me that if Drake refuses to take her back then her father will put a hit out on him. He knows too much about their operation and they are afraid he might turn State’s evidence if they aren’t together,” he explained in a quiet voice.

“I believe you because I don’t trust the woman and from the moment I met her, I knew she was still in love with Drake. What can we do? Is there anything that can be done to stop this? Do we alert the authorities? Leave the party early? What exactly are Drake and I supposed to do?”

Colin stared at her for a long time before he replied, “To be honest, I think this is something you should tell Liam about. I know he is an a*shole but he is also my brother and since this is the engagement party for him and Caitlyn, they should know what may or may not go down tonight.”

“Agreed.” Her hands let go of his but she didn’t turn away immediately. “Colin…thank you. I realize you didn’t have to tell me any of this but you did and you will never know how grateful I am for that.”

He smiled back. “I love you, Deirdre. I only learned too late that when you love someone, you want to see them happy and I am smart enough to know that it can’t be with me, at least not right now.”

“But who knows what the future holds, right?”

“Exactly.”

Colin watched Deirdre as she left the room and knew he’d made the right decision no matter whether he’d blown his chance to be with her again or not. It was simply the right thing to do and he left the study feeling better than he had in a long time. Perhaps he wasn’t such a douchebag after all, and that feeling made his heart swell just a little with pride.